Chapter 46: Heart Knot

After speaking, she turned and walked to the table, sat down again, quietly drinking tea, as if everything just now had not happened.

Jiang Xiaomu watched her back, his heart filled with mixed feelings.

This woman, like a riddle, left him unable to figure her out.

Jiang Xiaoyu, standing aside, watched the subtle atmosphere between them and secretly covered her mouth while laughing.

She had long seen that Ye Ying liked her brother; now Ye Ying took the initiative, and she naturally welcomed it.

"Brother, Sister Ye Ying is so beautiful and so capable."

"So many men dream of finding someone like her and can't; why are you refusing her?"

Jiang Xiaoyu walked up to Jiang Xiaomu and whispered.

Jiang Xiaomu glared at her and said:

"What does a child know? Don't meddle in adult affairs."

Jiang Xiaoyu stuck out her tongue and said nothing more.

Over the next few days, Ye Ying stayed in Jiang Xiaomu's military camp.

By day she helped train the soldiers; by night she would come to chat with Jiang Xiaomu.

One night, Ye Ying came to find Jiang Xiaomu, but discovered he was not in the tent.

She asked the guards and learned that Jiang Xiaomu had gone to the mountains outside the city.

Arriving at the mountain, she found Jiang Xiaomu standing at the cliff's edge, gazing at the distant starry sky, his back looking somewhat forlorn.

Ye Ying walked to his side and asked softly:

"What are you thinking about?"

Jiang Xiaomu turned his head, looked at Ye Ying, remained silent for a moment, then slowly spoke:

"I'm wondering whether this path of mine is right or wrong."

Ye Ying said nothing, merely standing quietly beside him, accompanying him as they gazed at the starry sky.

"Ye Ying,"

Jiang Xiaomu's voice low and hoarse,

"There are some things I think you should know."

"I am not a person of this world,"

his tone carrying a hint of self-mockery,

"or rather, my soul is not."

Ye Ying raised her eyebrows, showing little surprise.

"I was originally a... refugee,"

Jiang Xiaomu continued, with a hint of bitterness,

"a refugee who would do anything to survive."

He recalled the scene when he first crossed over, starving and freezing, living from day to day.

"My sister, Jiang Xiaoyu,"

Jiang Xiaomu's voice grew gentle,

"she is my only concern in this chaotic world."

To protect Jiang Xiaoyu, he repeatedly had to break his own limits.

The first time he killed, his hands shook like sifting chaff, his stomach churned, and he almost vomited.

"Do you know what that feels like?"

Jiang Xiaomu looked at Ye Ying, his eyes hinting at confusion,

"watching a living life slip away before you, while you are powerless, even… you caused it yourself."

Ye Ying remained silent, merely looking at him quietly.

"I went from a timid, yes-man coward to a decisive… executioner,"

Jiang Xiaomu gave a self-mocking laugh,

"Sometimes I even feel like a monster, a monster that devours people without spitting out their bones."

Those he killed included vicious bandits as well as innocent civilians.

"I don't want to kill, but I must,"

Jiang Xiaomu's voice trembled slightly,

"because in this chaotic world, if you don't kill, others will kill you."

Ye Ying finally spoke, her voice calm and firm:

"I understand."

She understood Jiang Xiaomu's pain and struggle, because she herself had experienced similar things.

"You need not blame yourself,"

Ye Ying walked to Jiang Xiaomu's side and gently took his hand,

"Everything you have done is for survival, to protect your sister. It is not wrong."

Jiang Xiaomu looked at Ye Ying, knowing she understood him, and that she would not judge him like those hypocritical gentlemen who use so-called morality and righteousness to condemn him.

"In this chaotic world, human life is as cheap as grass,"

Ye Ying continued,

"if you don't kill, people will kill you; that is reality."

She paused, then added:

"Your sister is fortunate to have a brother like you protecting her."

Jiang Xiaomu gave a bitter laugh:

"Maybe."

For his sister, he could give everything, even his own life.

"Ye Ying,"

Jiang Xiaomu took a deep breath,

"You know, in these chaotic times, promises are thinner than paper."

Ye Ying's fingers tightened, as if she wanted to firmly grasp his hand.

"I know."

Her voice remained calm, yet carried an indescribable steadiness.

"I…"

Jiang Xiaomu wanted to speak but stopped, not knowing how to begin.

He admired Ye Ying, respected her ability and courage, and even felt toward her an indescribable affection.

"What do you want to say?"

Ye Ying's gaze locked onto him, as if she could see through his inner struggle.

Jiang Xiaomu abruptly pulled his hand back.

"I can't give you a promise, because......"

His tone was resolute, carrying a hint of panic he himself hadn't even noticed.

Ye Ying froze, not understanding why Jiang Xiaomu suddenly changed his attitude.

"Why?"

She asked, her voice tinged with a tremor.

Jiang Xiaomu turned his head away.

"Because…… I can't give you what you want."

"What I want?" Ye Ying repeated his words, a flash of confusion crossing her eyes,

"What do I want?"

Jiang Xiaomu fell silent, not knowing how to explain.

What he wanted was survival, to protect Jiang Xiaoyu.

And those were at odds with romantic love.

"What I want is simply to survive alongside you in this chaotic world."

Ye Ying's voice was low.

Jiang Xiaomu abruptly turned his head to look at her.

But reality does not allow it.

"Do you understand what a promise means in this chaotic world?"

Jiang Xiaomu's voice was hoarse, carrying a hint of suppressed anguish,

"It means a soft spot, it means a weakness, it means death."

Ye Ying fell silent; of course she understood.

In this chaotic world, survival is incredibly difficult.

"So, you're afraid?"

Ye Ying's voice was calm; Jiang Xiaomu didn't answer, just quietly looked at her.

"I, Jiang Xiaomu, have come from a helpless refugee to where I am today not by womanly kindness."

"But by being decisive in slaughter; those who oppose me die!"

His tone was icy, as if he were speaking to himself,

"My hands are stained with blood, my heart filled with hatred."

"For survival, I can use any means, even slaughter the innocent."

"I cannot, and do not deserve, to have so-called love."

"You're wrong."

Ye Ying shook her head,

"You are not cold-blooded and unfeeling; you merely wrap yourself too tightly, afraid to accept any warmth."

"Maybe."

Jiang Xiaomu gave a bitter laugh,

"But this is me, one who will do anything to survive."

Ye Ying reached out to stroke his cheek.

"You're just… afraid of losing."

Jiang Xiaomu closed his eyes, letting her fingers glide over his skin.

"I'm afraid of losing Xiao Yu,"

Jiang Xiaomu's voice trembled slightly,

"She is my everything, the only thing I care about in this world."

Ye Ying's fingers stopped at his lips,

"I know."

Jiang Xiaomu looked at her.

"If I had a wife and a family, could I still protect her as I do now, without reservation?"

Ye Ying fell silent; she knew Jiang Xiaomu's worries were not without reason.

"I will not become your weakness."

Ye Ying's voice was firm, carrying an indisputable resolve,

"I will stand with you and protect your sister."

Jiang Xiaomu looked at her, a flicker of surprise crossing his eyes.

"I can teach you martial arts, I can help you devise plans, I can become your right-hand man."

"I can even charge into battle, rather than be a burden to you."

Ye Ying continued speaking, her eyes flashing with determined light.

Jiang Xiaomu's heart gave a sudden jolt; looking at the woman before him, a feeling beyond words welled up inside him.