Chapter 1814: NO.429: Heart's End

NO. 429: Heart's End

NO. 429: Heart's End

Even if he put on an indifferent attitude in the face of Aomo's doubts, it didn't hinder him from draining himself during the wait for the upcoming action.

The inner drain with a long reflex arc finally reached the heart of the man who once saw himself as a supporting character and didn't want to get involved in typical protagonist events.

You can't say he forgot his original intention, because he indeed often agonized over his attitude when responding to those invitations related to Aomo.

He agonized over his own behavior: "Clearly I've made up my mind to face reality, not to get involved in those dangers, not to fantasize about becoming like a novel protagonist's development, yet whenever Aomo invites me I instantly agree to come."

He could of course justify his decision by saying, "It's just responding to a brother's invitation, what main or side character, free tickets and free travel—why not go?" but this justification couldn't cover all the safety hazards, couldn't cover the fact that crimes sometimes happen nearby in this world, and that monsters sometimes stroll in front of his brother.

—Indeed, that's how it is in his perspective.

Although the crime rate in Jiemen District is quite low, and monster attacks on humans or cities are very rare, it's just that a certain brother is both interested in this and makes a living from it, so he always goes to join the fun, and sometimes even gets dragged in—he also knows this, but his gut feeling sums up as: "So awesome! My daily life is just like an extra in a tokusatsu drama!"

He could also incidentally witness the tokusatsu classic trope of ultra-fast infrastructure construction becoming real.

He is also not incapable of normal thinking.

A bit of normal thinking would reveal that all this is thanks to the brother he himself sought out.

As long as he constantly follows Aomo Lindun, there's an endless supply of tokusatsu to watch—Ultraman, monsters, Kiryu Battle Bunny, Snake-skin Monster, Carrot Hero Squad, and even Ultraman (Gorlitz?).

Uma Musume and Arknights are just the icing on the cake, and he can even get to see the budding of a shuraba scene being quenched by the evil scheming harem man—so not at all light‑novel‑like, when clearly you should play the innocent clueless type, drag it out seven or eight volumes, leave the ending blank or end with everyone sleeping together……and after rereading the toilet paper, he feels refreshed and says so.

But to say that seeing these is worth the ticket price even if it means death—that's not the case.

Since five months ago, relying on his android girlfriend, he has walked out of that "almost like a dream" mental state, no longer lacking a sense of real life because this world is too dreamy and too good, and he has begun to cherish the present, trying to live each day with his feet on the ground.

Logically, he should thus keep an appropriate distance from his brothers.

His classmates this year are fine, except Aomo and David truly should be kept at a distance. He should realize that he and they are not on the same path, not the same class, not even the same world, and not think that just because he can play with a magic staff he can be on par with real mercenaries……

But he still couldn't do it.

Bi Ze isn't Aomo, so he can't give his own psyche a thorough and complete analysis, but he also knows he can't explain his psyche with "How could I possibly drift apart from a good friend!"

It's not that ideal; from the start he hasn't been a pure person.

Rather, selfish thoughts have always existed, always wanting to get close to those beings that originally existed only in the fictional literature he knows, wanting to befriend them for self‑gratification.

But is it too foolish to risk danger for such a thought?

Especially since he already has a girlfriend. Buying her in the form of an android and signing a contract like a marriage means bearing everything for her, i. e., taking responsibility for another person's life, so he should be more mature and steady—this is what he owes Zhuohua……

—He has indeed had such thoughts.

But the result is obvious: he couldn't reproduce the youthful Aomo's firm resolve from back then.

His heart maintains this intersection with a certain complex attitude, which even he himself doesn't know; but most of the time he can still convince himself with, "The brother is looking out for me, he won't let me get involved in anything too dangerous."

He truly does believe in his brother's ability, and this belief, most of the time, can pair with optimism to let his mindset index get through the unstable zone.

But when Aomo proactively warned him to straighten his attitude and value his decisions, things were different.

Even after that warning, he still kept up his usual reassuring "I still have a plan" demeanor, arranging as safe a course of action as possible for him, while he himself steadied that optimistic demeanor——

When the conversation ended and he was left alone waiting, the rationality and instability that inevitably rise in solitude would break through the blockade formed by optimism.

He still believes in Aomo, but he can't quite believe in himself.

Even though he now has someone who loves him as he is, and even though he has accumulated some small achievements to be proud of, he never feels he has any truly outstanding talent, and he sees more clearly that his previous persistence actually involved a bit of misguided blind pursuit.

Blindly pursuing goals like "saving the world" and "being a cool helper partner"—goals that, not only in childhood but even now, he still occasionally fantasizes about.

If it's called a dream, then it ought to be a pure longing to be a dream, right?

He is not pure at all; perhaps even achieving a sense of sync with a fused evolution of the Bar Beast. X is difficult.

Can he really do it?

No, not even speaking of that far—can he truly follow Aomo's plan?

Actually, many times he sees that demon brother's deductions and they really seem like mind‑reading.

As someone who doesn't love mystery‑genre works and also admits his brain can't keep up with that kind of material, in Bi Ze's eyes Aomo's reasoning looks like he's fabricating a story—though the story is completely logical, but what exactly it is… he always holds a different view.

All reality ought to be very complex; people can't be quantified, yet in that brother's mouth these points seem overly definite and practical—even if reality is usually not far off, he always feels there's a sort of fairy‑tale‑like assumption of course.

Like a kind of result that's right, but the process might be wrong, and it doesn't even matter—a seemingly true but actually false truth.

He also knows this should be because he lacks the ability to ask about everything clearly, and indeed he hasn't gone to the root to understand each link, so he lacks trust in the brother's reasoning, leaning more toward "he can read minds" than toward "simple logical deduction".

Anyway, this world does indeed have mind‑reading techniques.

Whether it's source‑energy spells or brain‑wave reading tech, they exist, and they're both things he can't understand.

Too many incomprehensible black boxes, so he can only accept the fact that he can only perform dummy operations, learning bit by bit to directly use the technology's finished products.

But now he himself has to participate in part of his brother's miraculous deduction.

Rather than the optimistic thought that "actually participating might let me understand and grasp some of the brother's ideas," he instead falls into the worry "What if my operation falls outside the brother's prediction range?" and loads the overly common, ordinary "pre‑action anxiety" buff.

The anxiety that had built up for a long time erupts in this way, leaving him without the charm of an extraterrestrial hatchling, a picture of insufficient confidence that anyone can see, so he also completely hides it from anyone, not even telling Zhuohua.

"Are you enjoying your moment of vulnerability?"

Thus, when that mocking voice sounded, he inevitably shuddered, almost cried out, and looked at the brother sitting on the sofa.

"You, when did you arrive?!"

"Just now," Aomo said, raising his hand to manifest the PDF‑format file on the terminal screen, "bringing the plan that gives everyone a headache."

"Big, everyone?" Bi Ze instinctively glanced at the empty space beside the demon, still thinking more people had seen his embarrassing reaction.

"Rudolf, Qianming, Ya… Holhaiya," Aomo said, clasping his fingers together as the light screen instantly shrank and disappeared, "For piecing together the conditions of unknown hazards we need to pool our wisdom, after all you always don't quite trust my reasoning."

"Uh… no, I just said mind‑reading……"

"Does thinking of mind‑reading directly expose a subconscious idea?"

"... Isn't that too messed up? I've helped you so much and I still don't trust you."

"Not really, I also rarely explain my reasoning to others, and I'm not a detective—why rush to convince people?" The person saying he's not a detective sits on the sofa, making the stereotypical detective gesture that Bi Ze imagines, pinching his nose, "I only need everyone to believe the results I put forward; that's enough. This thing—results—don't you believe it?"

"... I believe." Bi Ze's voice was a little hoarse, but that was indeed what he felt in his heart.

"Isn't that enough?" Aomo, having lowered his hands and leaned back against the sofa, flicks his hand again, and Bi Ze feels the phone vibrate as it receives a message.

"Why bother thinking about all that irrelevant stuff? Those are factors only people making plans need to consider; for most of the time, humans don't need to nitpick their breathing rhythm and stride."

"That's how it's said..."

Looking at that gaze not directed at his own brother, Bi Ze muttered under his breath.

"That's how it's said, but once you notice your own breathing you'll subconsciously nitpick. Actually we're all the type who overthink; you just avoid those things, and as long as you avoid them you don't have to take responsibility, so you can flippantly turn those ideas into a messy tangle."

"... Right? It suddenly became clear."

"But I'm saying this isn't a suggestion to confront it directly."

"Huh?"

"Keep running, Bi Ze, be an escape horse of thought; as long as you run faster than those things, you won't be caught by worries, and you can dig up those meaningless motives."

"Motive... how can that be meaningless?" To Bi Ze's ears, this sounded like an outright denial of Aomo's actions.

Obviously this brother has always been obsessed with motive.

"You're not a detective, I'm not a detective, so motive isn't important."

"Then what's important..." Bi Ze felt he could somewhat keep up with his train of thought, but lacked that bit of firm strength.

Thus the brother made up for that strength.

"Fact." Aomo said.

"Much evidence depends on timing. Once missed, trying to find something similar becomes extremely difficult; often we can obtain a theory, realize that an absent perpetrator exists, but hardly have a way to prove it."

"But we can supplement it, supplement with a fact found from another angle."

"What is that?"

"Your courage from a few dozen minutes ago, and those miscellaneous desires."

"That kind of thing..."

"That's not 'that kind of thing'; desire is the core driving action. You can't expect all decisions to rely on some noble and pure motive; rather, the premise of every action stems from individual desire."

"That sounds way too unsophisticated; do you also talk like that to horse girls?"

"Horse racing is an adult's game, Mr. Bi; a trainer's job shouldn't be an obstacle to students growing up, but should help them smoothly become adults."

"That sounds awkward."

"Being able to say such pretentious talk also proves you've forgotten your breathing rhythm."

"Saying that makes it hard for me to control myself again."

"If you can't control it, get lost."

(End of chapter)