Chapter 2948

Am I thinking too much?

Zheng Ren smiled; he didn't think so. But from Xiao Shitou's expression, this kid was really trying to stay alive.

Even if it was endless chemotherapy, even if it was a surgery that Zheng Ren himself only had a 50% chance of, even if it was a day of lung secretions of 2500ml watery phlegm.

The road ahead was hard, but he was still striving; it seemed he had never even thought of giving up.

"We had agreed on this before." Xiao Shitou said, "Living has always been exhausting. Have you never seen my dad?"

Zheng Ren nodded, his heart as still as water, without sorrow or sadness, without the annoyance and joy of coaxing a child; he had prepared himself to be a listener.

"My dad is also very tired; even when I mention him, I feel like he shouldn't go on living." Xiao Shitou closed his eyes, speaking in a hoarse voice that only he and Zheng Ren could hear, "He works odd jobs outside to earn money, doing two or three jobs, and whenever we video chat, I can tell he's gotten thinner."

"They also have your doubts, and finally they threw this difficult problem to me. You say you adults, why are you all like this? Don't you think it's too cruel to throw such a difficult problem onto a child?"

Zheng Ren helplessly twitched his mouth; this guy's sharp, sarcastic tone when speaking is no less than Su Yun's.

"Hey." Xiao Shitou opened his eyes; his eyes held no sorrow or difficulty in choosing, but rather a kind of unnamed smile.

Zheng Ren looked at him silently and seriously.

"I've already made up my mind, and you keep asking me over and over—it's really annoying." Xiao Shitou said, "Originally, because of money, I thought I'd just leave it like that. But since you're covering this expense, what else do I have to worry about?"

"Brother, I see you're pretty down; it's not about money, is it? You're beating around the bush telling me, actually it's because you don't have enough money. Living here isn't cheap." Xiao Shitou asked.

"No." Zheng Ren felt a haze in his heart that wouldn't dissipate; he sincerely said, "Money isn't an issue, at least for me. Speaking of which, last year I earned 3000 yuan a month in Hai Cheng."

"How did you manage to survive?"

"I basically didn't spend any money; back then I hadn't even thought about getting married. There was a rented place, and I shared it with Xiao Zhao, who does livestreaming." Zheng Ren said with a smile, recalling last year's events, which were actually quite interesting.

"For me, back then I didn't even dare to think about the future. Is there a future? Everyone says don't let kids lose at the starting line, but I already lost completely and utterly." Zheng Ren said without joy or sorrow.

"Same as me?" Xiao Shitou asked.

"Pretty much, essentially the same as you. Back then I felt wronged; having been angered, I couldn't speak, only could stay silent." Zheng Ren rarely spoke his heart, but today Xiao Shitou touched a soft spot in his heart that he had never shown before.

Words he would never say in a lifetime, he now spoke them all out. Possibly… this is also a side effect of using the True Eye.

"But there's no way around it; for people, wanting to survive is really difficult. So I understand what you said, I understand your parents, and I understand you."

"Tell me about that time." Xiao Shitou again tried to put on a smiling expression.

Zheng Ren's heart warmed slightly; he could feel how hard it was for this guy Xiao Shitou to force a smile. Even in this state, he still wanted to use a smile to comfort himself—this kid is very sensible.

"Well, Hai Cheng is small, basically everyone knows each other. Among the doctors in the department, most parents have connections, so the director… can't really be said to be bullying me, but since I have no connections, all the dirty and tiring work falls to me."

"Doing work isn't a big deal; the important thing is not letting me perform surgery." Zheng Renping said plainly, as if talking about someone else's story, "Those who came with me can all remove gallbladders now, but I can only keep sketching surgeries in my mind, doing virtual surgery."

"How miserable." Xiao Shitou said.

"Yeah, how miserable." Zheng Ren chuckled, "Every day I think, when I one day rise on the wind, I'll make them look good!"

Xiao Shitou became much more spirited, listening attentively to Zheng Ren's story.

"But that 4-5 years of time trained my ability to simulate surgery in my mind. Sometimes when I sleep and dream, I do surgery all night long, exhausting myself to death. Usually the unit is also busy, extra beds full, in short, I'm utterly exhausted."

"Maybe fate felt it was too unfair to me, and one day my luck turned."

"Wow!" Xiao Shitou exclaimed admiringly.

"I performed a very difficult surgery; although Director Liu still looked down on me, I gained Director Pan's appreciation and was transferred to the Emergency Department to set up the Emergency Ward. From then on, I began to be exposed to interventional surgery and various surgeries."

"Looking back now, that 4-5 years, at the time it was painful; before my eyes was total darkness, feeling I would never rise above in this lifetime. But I didn't give up, I kept persisting."

"It's not that I'm particularly noble or brave; what's the alternative if I don't persist? Should I just muddle through life like this?"

"Brother, don't vent to me, I don't want to hear chicken soup either. After you become successful, how will you get revenge?" Xiao Shitou asked eagerly, his voice a bit louder.

"At first, I was a bit full of myself; now thinking back, I feel embarrassed. Later, Director Liu, who used to suppress me, fell ill with liver cancer. I'm quite skilled at treating this; saying I'm the strongest in the country isn't an exaggeration."

"Once I went to Sheng Cheng for surgery; when I came out of the operating room, I happened to see Director Liu lying on a stretcher being pushed out. I had imagined this scene before; I should have stepped forward, lightly asked, 'Director Liu, what happened to you?' then say some things that would make him jump with rage, and then just walk away."

"Then what?"

"At that moment, I suddenly felt it was meaningless, doing that was meaningless." Zheng Ren said, "There's a bowl of chicken soup that says whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"It's pretty cloying, and it lacks logic." Xiao Shitou said.

"Yeah, but it fits my state of mind better. On my way back, I kept thinking that compared to getting revenge on Director Liu, I seemed more interested in healing and saving people."

"Shouldn't you be more interested in making money instead?"

"Sigh, over these many years, medical staff have been put on too high a pedestal; healing and saving lives, plus the benevolent heart of doctors—from the time of school, the Teacher started saying that upon entering society, the surrounding doctors, nurses, and public opinion all say this. Making money is just one aspect… let me put it this way: progress in technique makes me feel more delighted."