Chapter 24: At the Foot of Mount Goushi

In late spring, the third month, the grass grows tall and orioles take wing.

At the foot of Mount Goushi in the southeastern outskirts of Luoyang, this place was originally a… well, all right, it was originally a bustling spot. There was no helping it — although Mount Goushi sounded no different from Mount Dogshit, and Goushi County at the mountain’s base was often mispronounced as Dogshit County, in truth this was the southeastern gateway to Luoyang.

And what lay southeast of Luoyang? The answer: Yingchuan Commandery in Yuzhou and Nanyang Commandery in Jingzhou!

A brief explanation here: at this very moment, Luoyang belonged to the Henan Yin directly administering twenty-one counties, with two hundred Battalion Commander and a population of over a million; Yingchuan governed seventeen counties, with two hundred sixty Battalion Commander and a population of over one million four hundred thousand; Nanyang Commandery governed thirty-seven counties, with five hundred twenty Battalion Commander and a population of over two million four hundred thousand!

And do not forget, Luoyang was the capital, where high officials and nobles were as numerous as dogs; Nanyang Commandery was the imperial hometown of the dynasty’s founding Guangwu Emperor, where hereditary great clans were also as numerous as dogs; Yingchuan Commandery was the seat of the dynasty’s literary spirit, where renowned scholars and great houses were likewise as numerous as dogs… No wonder the junction point of these three places had a Dogshit County!

Of course, those words were spoken by that rascal Liu Bei. Gongsun Xun was refined and courteous, known as the Number One Prodigal Boy of Mount Goushi — how could he ever utter such vulgar speech?

“Brother Xun! Brother Xun!” Liu Bei, who was fond of vulgar speech, lifted his robes and ran in a fluster into a large, airy, sun-facing residence at the foot of Mount Goushi. Before even entering, he started shouting as usual. “Something’s happened, something’s happened — this time you must help me, you must help me!”

Gongsun Xun, lying on a reclining chair “invented” by his own mother and holding a bamboo scroll of the Gongyang Commentary while sunbathing, curled his lip speechlessly without even lifting his eyelids. “Speak — did you lose money gambling this time, or did you get bitten on the backside in a dogfight?”

“Neither!” Liu Bei kept hopping anxiously beside the reclining chair. “Does Brother Xun take me for that kind of person? After I lost that fine horse you gave me last time, I never gambled again. And after the fighting dog Brother Bogui bought me was bitten to death, I stopped dogfighting too…”

“Then what is it?” Gongsun Xun eyed the other with a wary look. “What new stunt are you trying to pull with that bunch of local scholars from Wan and Luo?”

“I won’t hide it from you, elder brother.” Liu Bei carefully leaned close to the other’s face and said, “It’s chariot racing! It concerns the face of us scholars from Hebei. I must trouble you, elder brother, to step in and ask Brother Dayin for that fine chariot of his, and also bring out two of your Liaoxi steeds, so that I can go put down those locals’ arrogance!”

Gongsun Xun was stupefied… Even if you are only fifteen, you are still the legendary Emperor Zhaolie of Han, are you not? How do you seem more and more like a little street ruffian?

Could it be that I have encountered a fake Liu Bei?

“Why is elder brother staring at me?” Liu Bei continued without the slightest self-consciousness. “It’s just a matter of one chariot. If you nod, Brother Dayin won’t refuse to give face. That treasure chariot of his hasn’t moved since we came to Luoyang. Tell me, if you have such a fine chariot and just leave it unused, wouldn’t it be simpler to burn it…”

“Hold on a moment.” Gongsun Xun came back to his senses and hastily cut off the other’s nonsense. “Where do you plan to race chariots with those people? Chariot racing isn’t horse racing — is there even a place to race chariots nearby?”

“Right on the official road outside the gate,” Liu Bei said with an utterly matter-of-fact expression. “That’s probably the only place, isn’t it? Or else go up the mountain?”

Gongsun Xun fixed a dead stare on him.

“What’s the matter?” Liu Bei was baffled.

“Wasn’t it you, Liu Bei of Zhuo Commandery, who said it?” Gongsun Xun suddenly leapt up from the chair and pointed furiously toward the main gate, demanding, “This place has high officials and nobles, hereditary great clans, and renowned scholars as numerous as dogs — that what’s-it-called Goushi… Go out and look for yourself: isn’t this road everywhere filled with tall caps and brocade robes, fragrant chariots and fine steeds? Not to mention the countless official carriages of officials traveling through here, as well as merchants and travelers. You want to race chariots here — could it be that last time you were dogfighting, the dog bit not your backside but your head?”

“Where is elder brother’s mind wandering?” Liu Bei looked at him as if he were an idiot. “This road is thronged with travelers, and moreover the local Village Chief and constables are under the protection of Zhu Ye of Henan Yin — a tough character from a line of famous ministers going back four generations. The hotheads under him even dare to arrest sons of eunuchs… If we got caught, never mind me, even someone of elder brother’s family background would probably end up flogged in the village jail.”

“Then you…”

“Wait for nightfall!” Liu Bei said with utter matter-of-factness. “We can wait until night to go chariot racing! Once it’s fully dark, the city gates of Goushi County will close, the ward gates of each li will close, and the Village Chief and village soldiers won’t dare to move about easily at night for fear of disturbing the sleep of the nobles lodging here. Then we can drive our chariots at full gallop along the official road outside the gate, racing from Mount Goushi all the way to the south gate of Luoyang, obtain a token there, and then race back at top speed — whoever returns first wins! And think about it, elder brother: racing at night, even if we really get caught it’s no problem, just say you were hurrying somewhere. Can there possibly be a speed limit on this official road?”

“Aren’t you afraid of getting into an accident racing at night?” Gongsun Xun was utterly exasperated. “In pitch darkness, you’d be better off racing in the daytime!”

“No need to fear accidents.” Liu Bei continued to enlighten him. “Not only will there be people waiting at the south gate of Luoyang, but every two or three li along the way there will be people holding torches to point the way, and at the bends of the official road they’ll even light fire pits. And it’s not us personally going down to compete — we provide the chariots and horses, then pick experienced drivers from the local strongmen and let them race… The ones organizing the races are all locals who’ve been at it a long time, and the drivers are all regulars who run this route often.”

“The people of Luoyang really know how to have fun,” Gongsun Xun, who came from a border commandery, seemed only able to say this.

“Naturally.” Liu Bei nodded repeatedly. “So what do you say, elder brother — will you help me borrow the chariot from Brother Dayin? Actually, Brother Bogui already got one chariot, but the Goushi County bunch got two, and the Wancheng bunch also got two. We’re afraid of being at a disadvantage, so we thought we’d get one more…”

“Use my name to borrow the chariot,” Gongsun Xun said, feeling as if all his strength were being drained away. “Brother Dayin is fairly easy to talk to. For the horses, go find Brother Yigong… If you can’t find him, go to the back and see my Aunt Jin.”

“Many thanks, elder brother!” Liu Bei cupped his hands repeatedly, then flew off as fast as he could toward the neighboring residence.

“This life has become unbearable!” Gongsun Xun watched him leave, then collapsed limp onto the reclining chair.

The truth was, the reason for the situation before his eyes was exceedingly simple. To lay it out plainly, it was simply that the master of this “Mount Goushi Academy,” the teacher of Gongsun Xun and the others, the great Han renowned Confucian and famous minister Lu Zhi, styled Zigan… well, had recently not been on this Mount Goushi.

You see, Teacher Lu was an acknowledged man of standing — a renowned Confucian of the realm who had long refused summons. The moment he answered a call, he was made an Erudite of the Classics with extremely high emoluments. And before this Erudite of the Classics had served even two years, and Mount Goushi Academy had been running for only a year and a half, the court came back and said: Teacher Lu is accomplished in both civil and military arts — how can he spend all his time studying scholarship? Very well then, lately the Jiujiang Commandery area has been plagued by bandits, making the region north of the river restless. We request Erudite Lu to go serve as Grand Administrator of Jiujiang and take care of suppressing the bandits while he’s at it.

And so, Gongsun Xun and his group, after all that internal strife, killing, and arson, had traveled all the way here only to not even catch a glimpse of Lu Zhi’s hair!

Of course, Teacher Lu had left word: all who come are my students. Whether or not you meet me in person, you will all be entered into the register and become registered disciples. As for teaching, I have also left several mature disciples to take charge on my behalf. Furthermore, if you are eager to learn and find a better teacher in the Luoyang area to study under, I do not mind at all — go right ahead, and your names will still be kept on the register here. In short, do not worry in the slightest about credentials, but as for the actual teaching, no matter how respectable I am, I cannot be in two places at once, and I truly find myself willing but unable.

Truly, when the tiger is away from the mountain, the monkeys proclaim themselves kings. Without a real teacher to keep them in check, how could Mount Goushi, from top to bottom, possibly settle down? Was Gongsun Zan afraid of those senior disciples teaching in the master’s stead up on the mountain, or was Gongsun Xun afraid?

Add to that the genuine bustle of this place — gambling dens, brothels, wine shops, all manner of diversions — and the fact that most of these country noble sons from Hebei were hardly short of money. Tell me, how many of them could settle their hearts and apply themselves to study?

Sure enough, in less than two months since arriving here, only Gongsun Xun and Zhen Yi, whose families were immensely wealthy and who had seen and heard of many such diversions, could endure the tedium and honestly read some books. As for the others — even Gongsun Zan, a capped and married man, and Gongsun Yue, that good kid with the thick brows and big eyes — they had all taken up chariot racing and dogfighting, to say nothing of the rest!

Of course, one person’s name must be mentioned here — it absolutely must be mentioned — and that is Liu Bei from Zhuo Commandery… Among the gallants of the southeastern outskirts of Luoyang today, who did not know, who had not heard, that up on Mount Goushi there had come a big-eared bear of a kid who really knew how to play?!

“In the fourth year of Xiping, the Man barbarians of Jiujiang revolted. The four bureaus selected Zhi, whose talent encompassed both civil and military arts, and appointed him Grand Administrator of Jiujiang. The Man bandits submitted and paid tribute.” — Book of the Later Han, Biography of Lu Zhi

PS: Thanks to the editor-in-chief for the recommendation… I’m thrilled… During the new book period, I’m begging on my knees for recommendations and bookmarks!

Also, there’s a new book group. Fellow students who are interested can join: 684558115.

(This chapter is complete)