Chapter 541: Appendix 8: A Female-Audience Writer's Diary (Part 1) — sduyiyi

Appendix 8: A Female-Audience Writer's Diary (Part 1) — sduyiyi

Appendix 8: A Female-Audience Writer's Diary (Part 1) — sduyiyi

Volume Preface: Leave to my descendants; open in times of crisis.

Part One: The Bygone Days of Arduous Splendor

First year of Yongshou (155), second day of the second month, Lingzhi

After nearly a month of countless confirmations, I've basically settled on this fact: This old lady (&#@%... self-censored expletive) has transmigrated!!!

Although I originally wanted to write one of those female-lead stories set in the late Han (the kind where all the handsome heroes and talented scholars of the Three Kingdoms fall at the protagonist's feet), I'm really just that — "Lord Ye who professed to love dragons"~~~~~

I miss Beijing's central heating! My phone, computer, TV! Takeout, instant noodles, Happy Fat House Water! My readers demanding updates, and my dear mom and dad o(╥﹏╥)o All you lords of hell, immortals, gods, heavenly computers, cult leader Ma, aliens — whatever unknown existence is responsible, please let me go back!!! I really don't want to have transmigrated~~~~~

Even if I have transmigrated, I actually have no cheat! No cheat! NO CHEAT!!! Isn't having a system standard equipment for transmigration these days?! How is a flesh-transmigrated person without a system supposed to get by? At first I couldn't even understand the language! Luckily, having wandered far and wide with my merchant father and mother, I've seen a fair bit of the world, and a clever fairy like me naturally understands a bit of various dialects. And this broken place, Liaoxi, is close to the northern steppe peoples, so the speech is relatively close to Mandarin. By wildly gesturing, half-guessing, and half-deducing, I finally managed to communicate. Otherwise, I'm afraid I would've been sold off as a Sanhan slave girl...

And the timing of this transmigration is way too much of a trap! First year of Yongshou? Most of those handsome young lads of the Three Kingdoms haven't even been born yet, right??? Of course, even if they were in their prime, this forever-single baby here probably couldn't handle them anyway... Oh right, it seems I might, perhaps, probably not be single anymore... Forget it, I won't rant about that. The Liaoxi Gongsun clan is a fairly big family. That young Gongsun lad who just became a minor civil servant — though he's only an unfavored son of a concubine — is truly a good man. Whatever I couldn't handle or explain, I just blamed on amnesia, and he filled in the rest with his imagination! This broken place happens to have plenty of refugees and isn't so strict about rules. Otherwise, with no ID and no relatives, a weak woman like me really couldn't survive in the late Han!

Just one thing — has my memory been enhanced? Before transmigrating, anything I'd ever read, I seem to be able to recall it very clearly with my eyes closed. And coincidentally, since I originally wanted to write about the Three Kingdoms period, I'd read quite a bit of miscellaneous material. It's just a pity that this liberal arts girl still understands too little about science and engineering. Otherwise, heh heh! My physical condition also seems to have improved. I'm adapting well to the environment, and I'm much more energetic than in my previous fat-otaku state (maybe because without readers demanding updates, my sleep has improved?).

Anyway, thinking optimistically, since I've even encountered transmigration, maybe I really do have a protagonist's halo? I've gone back to that well several more times, and obviously failed every time (otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this messy stuff...). Since I can't go back for now, I'll just take it one step at a time. What else can I do?

First year of Yongshou (155), fifteenth day of the seventh month, Lingzhi

The young Gongsun who brought me back is dead.

The clan elders are speaking very harshly. The matter of my unknown origins has been dredged up again, and there are gossips saying I bring misfortune to husbands, that I'm a calamity star!

Sigh, to some extent, I think they have a point — I suspect it was the viruses I carried that caused the trouble! Could it really be that I brought disaster upon this clan that took me in?

You have to understand, although I've always been fairly careful about hygiene, after I came to the clan there was still an outbreak of influenza. Especially those who had more contact with me — more or less, they all fell ill. And that young man who took me in had a weak constitution to begin with... I'm no medical student; besides telling people to wash hands more and drink hot water, I really had no other solutions. It dragged on for many days, and in the end, he still...

Sigh, I miss Mom and Dad. To think I was once the little princess of the family. Wouldn't it have been better to go back to my hometown and inherit a fortune worth tens of millions? Why did I have to be stubborn and stay in Beijing? Why did I have to be some failing author scraping by for a living?? Especially, why did I have a brain fart and go looking for material and inspiration, and then touch that obviously very eerie "Dragon-Locking Well"??!

Actually, thinking back on those things before transmigrating, I always feel a bit dazed. I don't know if it's self-preservation or something else, but unlike the various knowledge that's crystal clear in my memory, the memories about the transmigration process and the friends and family from before are always a bit blurry, a bit distant. If it weren't for the glasses I'm still wearing now, I might even suspect: am I just a Han dynasty person who's been stuffed with strange memories?

Having traveled far and wide since childhood, I've actually always been highly adaptable. No matter how much I rant and complain, over these past six months in the late Han, I've gotten used to it. For instance, I've even made some headway researching heated brick beds, and the bitter cold is no longer so unbearable. It's just that now, I suddenly feel it acutely: I hate the constraints of the clan! I shouldn't have come here!! I want to go home!!!

Perhaps I should go look for that well again?

Second year of Yongshou (156), eighth day of the second month, Lingzhi

Having a child is truly a wondrous experience.

"A woman by nature is weak, but as a mother she is strong." Only now do I truly grasp the essence of this saying.

First, I must thank that youth who happened to be passing through on a study tour last July. Otherwise, I'm afraid I wouldn't have lived to see the child born.

This child came at just the right time! Seeing as it's a male, the clan has finally stopped rushing to remarry me off, and the monthly stipend and supplies are barely enough. At times like this, the clan's safety-net function shows itself — it's not entirely useless after all!

But relying on clan handouts is no long-term solution. I need to think of something... Compared to the ancients, I'm pretty good at arithmetic. Maybe I can help with bookkeeping and managing businesses to earn some money? These ancients, especially the simple-minded, brawny Gongsun clan — sitting on such excellent commercial resources yet having no idea how to manage them! I absolutely must show them the dimensional crushing superiority from my "Hui Merchant" heritage! Anyway, for now, I'll accumulate some resources and experience. Later, I want to go independent, and I've even thought of the name — I'll call it "Amway Shop"!

Haha, a dignified liberal arts student like me, now actually having to rely on the math I used to hate most to survive! It's ridiculous.

PS: Without a shower, I really should have cut my hair for the postpartum confinement month!

First year of Yanxi (158), fifteenth day of the twelfth month, Lingzhi

After much deliberation, I finally wrote a letter to that Lu Zigan, who just recently became a celebrated local scholar.

Actually, I've always had a vague suspicion — was the person that night...? Logically, whether it was or not, reaching out to probe wouldn't be hard, and I should have followed up immediately. But then a whole mess of things happened, and somehow it dragged on until now.

Lately, it's truly been a run of bad luck — even drinking cold water gets stuck in my teeth! First, the clan saw how well my Amway Shop was developing and started using every overt and covert means to snatch it away! Those blockheads think snatching it will do them any good? Not to mention they don't understand the big picture like I do and can't make little inventions like I can — even if you laid it all out for them to copy, they couldn't pull it off! These modern business management systems and operational philosophies, tested by history, aren't so easy to plagiarize. Even clever me had to fumble around for quite a while before barely achieving "localization" and getting some slight results. And these bandits? Ha!

Recently, because I was rushing to expand the business, I caught the eye of that so-called clan chieftain's son from the Guanna tribe of Goguryeo. He's been pestering me nonstop, and the clan has been watching and laughing! Some have even secretly suggested that since my child is older and doesn't need nursing anymore, and widowhood is hard, they might as well just marry me off to him — calling it some "best of both worlds" scheme! Honestly, I already find even Liaoxi quite distasteful, let alone this noble from some even more remote tribe. It sounds prestigious, but with those hygiene habits, ugh～～

The situation is critical now; this is no time to be squeamish. Whatever method there is, I have to try it! No matter what, asking for a name is a small matter that Lu Zhi surely wouldn't refuse... right? The Lu and Gongsun clans have always had some ties. If I can get a name from a Lu clan member who became famous young, my little Dog Egg will presumably gain more regard within the clan, and my own circumstances might improve a bit along with it? Trying costs nothing — even if he refuses, it won't cost me a single coin!

Hmph, these old fogeys in the clan! Do they really think I've been working for free all these years without leaving myself any backup? If the tiger doesn't show its might, they take me for Hello Kitty? As Marx once said: "Practice is the sole criterion for testing truth." Let's just wait and see!

Third year of Yanxi (160), eleventh day of the seventh month, Lulongsai

Business has been booming lately, expanding all the way beyond the frontier. Relying solely on the clan's manpower is no longer enough, and I'm not even sure who all their informants are — it really makes me uneasy! I'll have to purchase some people and train my own trusted aides.

As for candidates, nearby refugees are certainly good, but considering my special circumstances, Sanhan maidservants who don't speak the language are the best choice. I've already picked out a batch of goods — about forty-some people, all little girls from seven or eight to their early teens, obedient and easy to train. I've even thought of the names: I'll pick the nine smartest to be "Girls' Generation" as my personal attendants, and the rest will be called things like "Crown Group" or "Function Group"!

Sigh, actually, as I write this, I feel an inexplicable sense of guilt — clearly, equality for all is what's right, yet I've been corrupted by this damn feudal society into a degenerate slave owner! Using Sanhan people instead of my own Han compatriots can only slightly ease this guilt.

But I'm no engineering dog! I've barely tried to make so many inventions, and they all failed! I can't develop the productive forces, can't hope to transform the world. Besides adapting to it, what else can I do? Besides, I can't afford to be squeamish like before. After all, I'm no longer just one person!

Fifth year of Yanxi (162), eighth day of the eighth month, Lingzhi

Today, after wrangling for an n amount of time, the Gongsun clans of Liaoxi, Liaodong, and Donglai finally reached an agreement to let me serve as the CEO of this Gongsun family enterprise!

Thanks to the preliminary establishment of my Amway Shop system, the effective disaster relief organization after this locust plague, and the many refugees my industries have gathered, my strength and prestige within the clan have grown considerably. Otherwise, I really couldn't have suppressed these old fogeys.

Also, some people actually thought of using seduction on my servants! I directly went back to the clan, called up some wandering swordsmen, and had them chopped up along with those scum!

I know this position isn't easy to sit in. Honestly, I don't think much of the food, clothing, and pleasures of this ancient era. But troubled times are coming, and I cannot yield! Otherwise, how could I face A-Yan, A-Jing, and those sisters who secretly suffered foul play? How could I face the ordinary employees throughout Amway Shop who work so hard? How could I face the many common folk who follow me out of trust?

This time, I also owe much to a certain tsundere comrade's seemingly offhand praise: "None of us are equal to a single woman of Liaoxi." Although I was once harshly mocked by a certain gentleman when I proposed the strategy of capturing and eating locusts (practice has proven it really wasn't much use T﹏T), I never expected he would still help me like this! Honestly, while my Amway Shop did play some role in disaster relief this time, the relatively mild disaster in the Liao region was mainly due to climatic factors. These words truly make me feel unworthy of the praise. Of course, regardless of the actual situation, with one sentence from the celebrated scholar, handsome Lu, and our side's representative casually bringing it up, those lords who were tearing into each other so fiercely actually stopped arguing! And just like that, an agreement was swiftly reached... The halo of a celebrated scholar is terrifying indeed!

Second year of Jianning (169), nineteenth day of the third month, Lingzhi

Done for! Done for! Done for! I've caught a wind-cold!! I'm going to meet Marx!!!

This large-scale influenza is really fierce! A huge swath of Gongsun clan members and Amway Shop employees have fallen ill, and the fatality rate is terrifyingly high, not to mention the ordinary common folk!

I was also too reckless. Relying on the fact that this body hasn't been sick since transmigrating, I kept going in and out of epidemic areas to farm reputation, thinking I had antibodies and was wearing gloves and a mask, so I'd surely be fine. Well, I still caught it, didn't I? Just writing a few words gives me a splitting headache, and I keep breaking out in cold sweats.

Actually, I'm not particularly afraid of death. After all, there's still a bit of hope — maybe I'll just transmigrate back? Or discover that it was all a dream? In the end, no matter how much I fool myself, this ancient life is really **ing hard compared to modern times (here I must utter a few vulgar words)! The hardships probably surpass even the sent-down youth of that era!

It's just that I still can't rest easy about my underage A-Xun. Although over these ten-plus years I've paved plenty of roads for him — building the vast enterprise of Amway Shop and developing many sub-lines I myself can't quite keep straight, while also drawing in outstanding clan members like A-Zan, A-Yue, and A-Fan, befriending the now-famous Dr. Lu, and even recently taking the risk of looking after Comrade Zhang Jian, the "Famous Criminal Within the Seas," who fled beyond the frontier...

In short, though I've made all the preparations I could and taught him everything I could of basic modern knowledge up through middle school, I haven't breathed a word about my greatest trump card — the secrets related to being a transmigrator. But with the times ahead so chaotic, without this ability to "observe the qi of two thousand years," without being able to grasp the pulse of the era and always pick the right side, isn't all this for nothing?

No more hesitating! In these next two days, I must cram everything I still remember into my son! In this era that so emphasizes filial piety, no matter what, he can't very well burn his own mother as a demon, right?

Part Two: My Son Is Growing Up

First year of Xiping (172), fifth day of the fifth month, Lingzhi

A-Xun is truly becoming more and more promising! Today, battle reports came back from the front lines — my boy actually climbed the city walls and cut down enemies, and even earned battle merit!

He just bound his hair and went to Yangyue to serve as a commandery clerk, and he actually ran into a Xianbei siege! Although this is quite common in the border commanderies — I encountered northern barbarians several times myself when doing business abroad in earlier years, and always relied on my dazzling protagonist's halo, conveniently borrowing A-Zan's great fortune, and came through unscathed. By now I'm used to it, and if I ran into it myself I might not even take it seriously. But this is my boy's first time on the front lines, and it still worried this old mother to death～

Sigh, now that we're in the border commanderies and troubled times are coming, these things are unavoidable. Being some peaceful scholar is pure wishful thinking. Some small-scale combat training like this is probably for the best...

But just knowing how to fight battles and kill people is certainly no path to a real future either. After a couple of years of tempering, I’ll still send him to Luoyang to find Lu Zigan. Surely that old friend of mine, with whom I’ve exchanged years of letters full of mutual mockery, wouldn’t refuse to take him in? With an elite academic pedigree, a reputation as a celebrated scholar, and a diligent effort to make his name known among the feudal lords, he can preserve his life through the chaos of the age — wouldn’t that be just delightful?

Twelfth month, eighth day, third year of the Xiping era (174), at Lulong Pass.

You nearly scared this old lady to death! Even a steaming bowl of laba porridge can’t warm this stone-cold, ice-chilled body of mine!

That reckless brat!

How can I, who am so cautious (those careless, death-wish moments don’t count…), have whelped a cub so rash? Thirty riders and he dares to lead a charge and raid a camp? Even Gan Ning wouldn’t dare play like that! If anything were to happen to him…

Ah, it’s my fault too, isn’t it? I told him far too many of those messy, chaotic stories. Who told me to have such strange heroic fixations? I fear the stories were told too vividly and led my son down a crooked path.

Also, how did Cheng Pu and Han Dang, those two founding elders of Eastern Wu, end up in the north? Forget it, that’s a minor matter, I won’t dwell on it. It’s not the first time my historical knowledge reserves have been wrong anyway. I took this chance to meet them — two very strapping young fellows, they seem reliable, and their backgrounds aren’t high. They’d make a fine early core team, quite lovely indeed. But A-Xun has no proper official post right now, so there’s some difficulty after all. I’ll plan for it slowly.

Now my son is grown, his ambition has sprouted, and he can no longer be penned in — the most urgent task is to assemble a luxury bodyguard corps! Zhao Yun, Dian Wei, Xu Chu, Zhou Tai… I want them all!

…Forget it, that’s just wishful thinking. These types seem to depend on luck; money can’t buy them, and I’m so poor that all I have left is money! Better to think of something practical and prepare more pots, pans, maidservants, and attendants… And people gossip behind my back saying I’ve prepared too many things? Heh. I’m rich, and I’m willful! What are you going to do about it? You can you up! Right, I must still send Matron Jin along. She’s always meticulous and considerate, and most reliable and reassuring for delivering messages and such.

A pity I’m not an engineering dog; otherwise, I could improve the carriages and send my son off with my specially crafted, love-filled little inventions. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Sixth month, twentieth day, fourth year of the Xiping era (175), at Lingzhi.

Just received A-Xun’s letter. The advertising slogans I thought up for him earlier have had a pretty good overall effect. Now he’s become one of the leading figures among the second-generation elite in the capital! I hear even Liu Bei, still in his small-time street punk phase, has become his follower! My son truly has promise *^o^*

All kinds of preparations really must be sped up! Recently heard some shocking news: Zhang Jiao staged a rebellion “drill” in the fourth month, and after his group was wiped out, he was actually directly pardoned! This is the first I’ve ever heard of someone being pardoned for rebellion… Sure enough, the Great Han is eating jujubes and it’s about done for!

Comparatively speaking, the Old Text / New Text struggle my son cares about is utterly childish! Why must this matter be fought to the death? As the saying goes: A single flower blooming does not make spring; a hundred flowers in brilliant color fill the garden with spring. Let everyone have a chance to speak. For example, with one stele, carve one side with the front and the other side with the reverse, then each relies on their own ability to recruit students. Whether it’s truth should be handed over to practice to test!

He seems quite worried about his renowned Teacher Lu, haha! Actually, that fellow just has a tsundere temperament; there’s no need to be afraid at all, just fiercely mock him. Besides, Little Lu is no fool. How could he possibly fight to the bitter end in this kind of situation? That man is shrewd as can be. Don’t be fooled by his fierce face; in the end, he’ll surely find a way to step down gracefully.

Spent all day today reading some old pedant’s report on the origins of the Old Text and New Text. So complicated, it’s utterly exhausted this old lady! I’ll write a letter to Comrade Little Lu in a bit, mock him thoroughly to liven things up! Must warn him not to bully my son, or else don’t ever come asking this elder sister questions again, humph~

Second month, eighth day, fifth year of the Xiping era (176), at Lingzhi.

Longing for the stars, longing for the moon, I’ve finally longed A-Xun back home!

Reading ten thousand books is not as good as traveling ten thousand miles. Going out this once has indeed made a huge difference — he’s more mature than before, understands courtesy, and of course, is more “localized.” As his mother, oh, I don’t know whether to be happy or sigh.

Right, he now has a courtesy name, and should be called “Wenqi”! It’s said that a certain comrade argued strongly on solid grounds and overcame all difficulties to decide it. The smugness in that letter, oh… It’s just a courtesy name; why are men all so childish?

Now that my son is sensible, he even knows to bring his mother gifts! First, there’s Cai Yong’s book collection — can be kept as a family heirloom, and also use woodblock printing to produce a batch in bulk (speaking of which, the breakthrough in papermaking technology is also my good son’s merit), to open the eyes of the border commandery bumpkins who’ve hardly seen a few books! This way, in the future, we won’t have to trouble that young lady to copy them all down from memory bit by bit.

Then there’s the “smuggled-in” celebrity Lou Gui. Although I can’t quite recall his deeds clearly either, someone who left a name in history should have some level of ability, right? He just looks a bit young; I still feel he’s not quite reliable yet. Better to have Matron Li train him first, and then let him be my bookkeeper!

Of course, the most wonderful thing is that litter of cats! Without cats, how can one be called a winner in life? From now on, I can inhale cats every day! After longing for two lifetimes, I’ve finally fulfilled this wish! From now on, I’ll raise litter after litter of cats! I can’t, I can’t, just thinking about it makes me melt from the cuteness!

Right, I must hurry and prepare to send those 101 foreign maidservants to my son. After all, mixed-race children are easy to raise! Although I actually support women’s rights and monogamy, the chaotic times are about to come, and my son is naturally wild by nature. If something were to happen to him and he hasn’t left an heir… what have I been bustling about for? (Suddenly understand the feeling my parents had when they urged me to marry and have children T﹏T)

Second month, twenty-eighth day, fifth year of the Xiping era (176), at Lingzhi.

Being Gongsun Xun’s old mother truly requires a strong heart!

He’s gone off on another wild escapade! Last time, charging with thirty riders wasn’t thrilling enough; this time, it’s five men against ten thousand!

I just knew that Lou Zibo was still a half-finished product! Not much real ability, but the troubles he stirs up are not small at all — that name was truly well-chosen! Can’t let him stay by my son’s side; he needs to be properly tempered and polished!

But however you say it, it’s also a blessing in disguise. This kid stumbled into dog-shit luck and actually caught the eye of the Grand Administrator’s old matriarch. Just like that, he was engaged on the street to be their grandson-in-law. It saves me the headache of figuring out how to leverage this favor to demand repayment and desperately hook onto their family.

Speaking of which, my future daughter-in-law’s name is truly domineering — Zhao Yun! I was just thinking of inviting Zhao Yun to be my son’s bodyguard, and then this Zhao Yun shows up! It scared this old lady so much I almost thought Yun-mei really was Yun-mei… But later I inquired, and this Yun is not that Yun. Her hometown has nothing to do with Changshan, and she doesn’t know martial arts at all… Probably just pure coincidence?

This young lady looks soft and gentle, but her grandmother will be a headache for me in the future! That old lady is clearly a formidable character at a glance, just like that “Thorny Queen.” Aiyo, my heart feels a bit weak… Although I used to write palace and household intrigue novels, in actual practice, I’m totally clumsy (this isn’t strange; some big shots in the circle who write harmonious stories actually…). As the only daughter of an ordinary family, what do I know about household intrigue? The reason I’ve managed to get by in the Gongsun clan all these years, aside from having a bit of cleverness and a few small trump cards, is mainly because the opponents’ level is low — after all, the Gongsun clan are just border commandery bumpkins, skilled at fighting and killing, but far inferior when it comes to civil struggles.

Ah, it seems the 101-girl troupe I prepared earlier won’t be of use. These girls were originally intended as a “harem” group for my son, and I put quite a bit of thought into them. It would be a real pity to scatter them all to do manual labor and then casually marry them off to ordinary men. Better to give them to trusted confidants like Han Dang and Cheng Pu? As the saying goes, better to be a hero’s concubine than a mediocre man’s wife. In this chaotic world, this is better for them. Moreover, this way they can also serve as my eyes and ears, hehe.

Seventh month, second day, sixth year of the Xiping era (177), at Pingcheng.

After more than a year apart, I’ve finally seen that reckless brat of my family again!

These past year or so of days… truly hard to describe in a single phrase! I thought my son was just going to Luoyang to get gilded, how could I know there was a grand show like Mount Tanhan waiting for him! The words “official travels” are truly not empty, and a heart of forged iron is probably also a necessity for old mothers of this era…

This time, I truly can’t blame my family’s Wenqi. It’s really that this world is too foul; disaster can fly in out of nowhere with a single misstep, and you can’t stay low-profile even if you want to! I must quickly find a way to maneuver things so my son can become a Commandery Governor as soon as possible, and later carve out his own territory in the Liao region. Only then can we have some control over our own lives…

Forget it, it’s useless to think about this now. Before that, I’ll just pray more for the blessing of the God of Transmigration and the protagonist’s halo! This time can also be considered a blessing in disguise. Relying on the awe-inspiring fame of the “White Horse General” who burned down Mount Tanhan, I’ve finally broken out of this wretched place of the Two Liaos and opened up the trade route to Pingcheng. I’m one step closer to my small goal of opening an Anli Shop branch all the way to Rinan!

But all this property ultimately needs someone to inherit it, right? I must urge him to hurry up and have children! Mm, I’ll go study that “Knight’s Wedding Ceremony” that always makes people faint in a little while…

Seventh month, twentieth day, first year of the Guanghe era (178), at Lingzhi.

This kid’s ability to stir up trouble for me is truly not small — he actually brought that Bian Yu here! How great a grudge or enmity does he have with Cao Aman? He’s directly strangled three of his exceptionally outstanding sons who would have left their names in history!

This child is truly hard to manage now that he’s in his rebellious phase. The Liao region seems unable to satisfy his appetite anymore. Those five commanderies beyond the frontier should be enough, right? I’ve operated in these areas for twenty years and still have some influence, after all. Plus, my son brushed up his reputation nicely during this eunuch-purge campaign, along with his previous awe-inspiring fame from Mount Tanhan. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Originally, to become an official, why be so rash? His Teacher Liu already had great face and could guarantee he wouldn’t capsize no matter how wildly he acted in Luoyang. And Teacher Lu, though he always says strange things like “the style of a harsh official, how can it last?”, still handled the matter properly in the end, didn’t he?

I thought everything was worry-free, but now… A-Yun is about to bring the newly-wedded Little Feng back (that great eunuch Cao Jie is actually so formidable!). If she sees there’s a new addition to the household and goes crying to her father and grandmother, what then? Need advice online, quite urgent! Speaking of which, my Anli Shop’s business in Liaodong relies entirely on her family! Even putting that aside, that old Madam Zhao alone is enough to give me a hard time!

Got it — if I can’t afford to provoke, I can afford to hide! Anyway, the household has long been arranged. As soon as A-Yun returns, I’ll just drag her along directly to go see my son!

Also, that kid Wei Yue who came to deliver the letter seems to have his eyes on the pretty young widow, Lady Cheng, whom he escorted. I’ll ask in a bit. If there’s no problem, I’ll officiate their marriage before leaving, to prevent some hot-headed kid from causing me more trouble!

First month, thirtieth day, second year of the Guanghe era (179), at Goguryeo.

Ah, I’ve been such a failure as an old mother…

At first, I felt angry, but now, thinking carefully, isn’t it because I meddled too much that my son developed a rebellious mentality?

That’s normal. Think back to those years: my parents had everything perfectly arranged back in our hometown, just waiting for me to return and take over the family property, but I insisted on staying in Beijing myself, and even boasted shamelessly that I wouldn’t take a single cent from the family after I started working! And the result? The clerical job I found had a starting salary of only 3000 yuan, not even enough to pay the rent! Helplessly slacking off, I took a side job as a writer on a certain website’s female channel. My work finally got published after much difficulty, but then I lost my inspiration, and then came all this damn mess that followed!

Who hasn’t had a moment of youthful recklessness?

Besides, it’s not like my son lacks the capital to be reckless. Just look at this time: Goguryeo, which historically could have dragged on for many more years, was destroyed just like that. Such a huge operation, and in the early stages, he completely hid it from me! The Gongsun clan’s sons were willing to follow him and take risks; A-Yun also brought reinforcements from Prefect Zhao’s side; even a celebrated scholar like Shen Zhengnan was willing to devote himself wholeheartedly to help; and he even gathered all the troops, horses, provisions, and fodder entirely on his own! So, in truth, Wenqi’s choice was what people’s hearts inclined toward, while my strategy of “sitting and watching the world’s success or failure” was ultimately just self-deception, wasn’t it?

Not to mention, after this matter, Lu Zigan’s side will surely give him a “divine assist.” His recent letter was uncharacteristically polite — but that’s precisely what’s most terrifying! I don’t need to guess to know that our previous agreement is off. In other words, my son’s strategy has been quite successful, and as his old mother, I want to control him but my heart is willing while my strength is lacking~

After experiencing this whole string of events, I, as his mother, have also vaguely come to understand my son’s thoughts. The path he has chosen is certainly fraught with heavy risks; one misstep and it’s death for him and annihilation for the clan. Yet with the chaotic times coming, I’m afraid it’s truly hard to just preserve oneself, right? Once I thought it through, it’s just that — in this age, where is there an absolutely safe path? So, at this point, rather than flying into a rage and forcibly interfering, it’s better to seize the time and think of a fallback plan. Fortunately, there’s been movement on Bian Yu’s side as well, and now the clan’s center of gravity has begun shifting back to Liaodong. If something really happens to him — at worst, it’s just like the main account is scrapped, and I’ll just start a new alt account!!!

(End of Chapter)