Chapter 95: Self-Loathing

Pei Du regained consciousness on the day he opened his eyes in the hospital bed.

He gazed blankly and calmly at the ceiling, his mind a total blank, unable to recall who he was.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye he caught a tiny figure; he turned his gaze and saw a cute, jade‑white child slumped beside the bed, small in stature and face, with a pair of lustrous, beautiful peach‑blossom eyes.

Not knowing what sad thing had happened, she clutched a brown stuffed bear in her arms, her eye sockets red, looking pitiful; upon seeing him awake, her tears sparkled, her mouth pouted as if she wanted to cry, but she immediately held back the urge.

Truly, she was so well‑behaved it made his heart go soft.

Pei Du inexplicably thought he wasn't the type to let emotions run wild, yet he clearly felt that in just a few seconds he couldn't help liking this child, and at the same time felt pity for her.

"Who… whose baby are you?"

The man asked in a low, soft voice, very gently.

But those beautiful little peach‑blossom eyes first blinked in surprise at his question, then were left dazed.

Pei Du wanted to say more, but his injuries from the car crash were too severe, his energy limited; after being awake a short while, he uncontrollably slipped back into sleep.

When he woke again, the person by his bedside had become a strange noblewoman.

She called herself his mother, and from her he learned his own personal information.

Pei Du, twenty‑three years old, the sole son of the Pei family in Jing Shi.

On his way back he got into a car accident, causing a coma and amnesia.

Besides that, there was nothing else.

The noblewoman attended to him with motherly concern, carefully ordering food to be prepared and even peeling an apple herself.

Yet Pei Du felt nothing; compared to that, a man with a cold visage wearing a hospital gown, his exposed skin pallid, neck lines distinct, he scanned the whole ward, searching, and asked in a hoarse voice:

"Um, where's the baby? She was here before."

Hearing that, Ms. Song paused in peeling the apple, met Pei Du's dark, calmly scrutinizing gaze, flashed a hint of unnatural emotion, stumbled, and said: "Oh… that child, I originally wanted to wait until your health improved a bit before telling you."

"Pei Du, you actually have a four‑year‑old daughter."

The clarity in Pei Du's dark pupils flickered, his eyes crinkling with surprise as he exclaimed, overjoyed: "She is… my daughter?"

That lovely baby, whom he had taken a liking to at first sight, turned out to be his daughter.

"Where is she?"

Pei Du could hardly wait, wanting to throw off the covers and get out of bed: "I want to see her."

But Ms. Song stopped him.

Catching the noblewoman's look of wanting to speak but holding back, Pei Du halted his motion, his gaze returning to neutral, waiting quietly for her to continue.

Moments later he heard Ms. Song say: "That child, right now, won't want to see you."

The young man's brows knit slightly; just seeing those words felt like a needle pricking his heart, sending a fine ache, and he asked hoarsely: "How?"

Ms. Song's expression turned grave, as if she were about to speak of something very heavy, and she said: "Pei Du, you almost got that child killed, do you know?"

"You locked her up in a villa, forbidding me and your grandfather from approaching—basically no one but you was allowed near that villa. For all these days since your car accident, the villa has been empty; if I hadn't sent people to painstakingly find it, that child would have nearly starved to death inside."

Pei Du's pupils contracted sharply.

"... I, locked her up?"

"Yes." Ms. Song sighed, carrying a sense of truly having done wrong, and said: "Originally you treated her deceased mother this way, and you wanted to do the same—locking a person in the villa, letting them go nowhere, letting no one see them, otherwise you'd fly into a great rage."

Pei Du's gaze hardened, as if he couldn't believe it—such an obedient child, whom he clearly also liked, how could he have done such an excessive thing to her?

He instinctively wanted to retort, but then stopped.

Because during his second bout of unconsciousness he indeed dreamed some fragments, very disjointed and blurry images.

At times he was kneeling on one knee, his head buried in someone's waist, firmly pinning that person to a single sofa, not letting them leave.

At times he gripped her pale, lonely ankle, the veins on the back of his long hand showing a faint blue, while his other hand took hold of something like a chain, seemingly trying desperately to fasten it.

At times he leaned in to kiss her, only to meet a slap from her slender white palm.

……

All of these, though fleeting, were so vividly real, showing that he was trying every means to confine a person against their will.

These, were all done by him.

Pei Du's breath caught slightly.

So, since he had done those things, he was also capable of locking his daughter in a villa.

Thinking of this, Pei Du's heart grew ever more oppressive.

At this moment the man's eyes turned cold and sharp, a faint hostility spreading; he loathed, loathed himself like this.

He recalled the child he had seen when he opened his eyes—so cute, so lovely—how could he have been so heartless.

"……"

After a long while, Pei Du difficulty opened his mouth: "Can I… see her, just once?"

He wanted to see his daughter, the daughter he had wronged, then apologize to her, hoping to beg for her forgiveness.

Ms. Song remained silent for a long time, then reluctantly said, give her some time, let her try to persuade that child, see whether the child is willing.

Finally.

Pei Du asked again: "What is her name?"

Ms. Song told Pei Du, his daughter is called Pei Muyin.

Pei, Mu, Yin.

Pei Du repeatedly murmured those three characters in his heart, his eyes and heart unconsciously softening.

Muyin.

It's a very nice name.

…

About a week later, Ms. Song finally said they could meet.

That day, the weather was nice, sunlight poured through the windowsill onto the flower petals in the vase that were dotted with dew, full of vitality.

Pei Du paced back and forth in the hospital ward's lounge area, doing many sets of deep breaths without leaving a trace.

Because he was nervous.

At that moment, the ward door opened from outside.

He turned around and saw Ms. Song leading a small figure walking in.

The girl still held the plush teddy bear in her arms, with soft short hair, a small face, beautiful eyes, and obediently being led.

Pei Du paused, then step by step approached, walked up to her, crouched, lowered his voice very softly, as if afraid to scare the daughter, and called out friendly: "Muyin, hello."

He looked at her, and she was also looking at him.

Father and daughter locked eyes.

Pei Du felt that he truly liked this child, and involuntarily reached out his hand toward her.

He wanted to hold her hand.

If permitted, he also wanted to hug her.

However, the little one, like a reflex, shrank back and hid behind Ms. Song.