Chapter 14: On Thieves

Wei Tu Zhi, one of the Twenty-Eight Mansions, has been staying in the mortal realm for longer and longer periods recently; the gods of Tianting all speculate that he might have been moved by mortal sentiments and become infatuated with some young woman, and that is why he has used the excuse of official business in the mortal realm to remain away from Tianting for so long.

Upon hearing of this matter, Taibai Jinxing found Wei Tu Zhi and asked him why he had been delayed in the mortal realm for so long. Wei Tu Zhi said, "Ensuring the mortal realm's granaries are well-stocked is my duty. I am merely catching thieves in the lower realm; I have done nothing outside of my duties."

Hearing this, Taibai Jinxing laughed and said, "Your lie is too clumsy. Who doesn't know that the lower realm is currently in a golden age of peace? Where would there be so many thieves for you to catch?"

Wei Tu Zhi said, "It seems the senior does not understand what a thief is."

Taibai Jinxing said, "How could I not know? Isn't a thief just someone who steals things? Could there be other kinds of thieves?"

Wei Tu Zhi said, "Stealing someone else's property can only be called a petty thief; naturally, there are many other kinds of thieves."

Hearing this, Taibai Jinxing became interested and asked, "Then tell me, what other kinds of thieves are there?"

Wei Tu Zhi said, "Those who harm others in daily trifles and do not abide by normal order and rules are called pests."

"Those who rack their brains to harm others' interests in order to seek their own are called treacherous thieves."

"Those who forcibly seize others' interests and claim them as their own are called robbers."

"Those who are fierce, cruel, and harm others are called vicious thieves."

"Those who commit all kinds of evil, specialize in wicked deeds, bully the good, and stop at nothing are called evil thieves."

"Those who do evil in the water are called water bandits, and those who occupy the mountains are called mountain bandits."

"Those who do not think of their parents' kindness in raising them, and are unwilling to support and show filial piety to their parents in their old age, are called family thieves."

"Those who harm their home villages and are idle loafers are called village thieves."

"Those who betray the interests of the masses for their own interests are called people's thieves."

"Those who betray their own country and nation for their own interests, collude with foreign powers, and cause harm to the country and people they belong to, are called national thieves. Those who repeatedly harm others' interests and do not know how to repent are called habitual thieves."

"Those who do not know how to think for themselves or distinguish right from wrong, but only parrot others and spread rumors, are called foolish thieves."

"Those whose bellies are full of black water and who often harm others to benefit themselves are called cuttlefish thieves."

"Those who slander and harm the good with fabricated stories are called greedy thieves."

"Those who are addicted to alcohol, become manic when drunk, and cannot discipline themselves are called wine thieves."

"Those who have no real talent or learning and steal others' creative work as their own are called plagiarizing thieves."

"Those who are stingy, selfish, and do not consider others at all are called chicken thieves."

"Those who have no principles in how they conduct themselves, drift with the tide, cannot respect or love themselves, and lack conviction to the point of giving up on themselves are called self-thieves."

"Feeling uneasy and afraid of being discovered after doing something bad is called a guilty conscience."

"Doing evil oneself and framing others to escape responsibility is called a thief crying 'stop thief'."

"Serving those who do evil without feeling ashamed is called recognizing a thief as one's father."

"Wanting to harm others, failing once and wanting to try again and again, is called a thief's heart that will not die."

"No matter where one goes, always thinking about stealing others' things is called a thief never leaving empty-handed..."

Taibai Jinxing listened as Wei Tu Zhi counted the thieves of the world, and by this time, he was already covered in sweat. Gone was his earlier relaxed and teasing expression; he sighed with emotion, "Only today do I know that there are so many thieves in the world! It is hard work for the Star Official to catch thieves. I shall return to Tianting immediately to petition the Jade Emperor to dispatch more men to the Star Official, so that we may catch the ringleader to catch the thieves, wipe out the chief villains of all these thieves in the world, and return the world to a state where there are no thieves!"

(End of chapter)