Chapter 16: The Old Turtle

The old turtle in the Tongtian He had cultivated diligently for over a thousand years, longing for the day he could shed his original shell and attain a human body. Not long ago, when Tang Seng and his disciples returned from Xitian after fetching the scriptures, the old turtle could not wait to ask Tang Seng how much longer he would need to cultivate a human form. Who would have thought that after all those years, that Tang Sanzang had long forgotten the old turtle's request. The old turtle was instantly enraged and threw the four master and disciples, along with their luggage, into the river — one can see just how obsessed the old turtle was with attaining a human body.

From then on, the old turtle cultivated even more diligently, and finally one night, he dramatically shed his turtle shell and gained a human body. The very next day, he could not wait to go ashore, imitating the way people lived and holding himself to human standards of behavior.

He saw an old man sitting in a rocking chair by the river, sunbathing, so he imitated the elder by lying down on the ground, crossing his legs, and sunbathing as well. Passersby who saw him all began discussing it, saying: "This young man, so young and yet he doesn't go out to some job — how can he just lie here sunbathing? Truly an idle wastrel."

The old turtle heard this, puzzled, and opened his mouth to ask: "Is it not alright for me to lie here?"

Hearing this, the crowd said nothing in reply and all avoided him as they walked away. The old turtle had no choice but to get up and leave, thinking to seek out his old friend the Carp Spirit, who had already cultivated into human form, to ask for an explanation.

The old Carp Spirit said to him: "The human world is just like this. If they see a rich merchant sunbathing by the river, they call it enjoying life. If they see a handsome scholar sunbathing there, they say it shows indifference to fame and fortune. Someone like you, dressed in coarse cloth and lying there, will naturally be called an idle wastrel."

The old turtle said: "How strange! Aren't they all just lying down? How is it that in those people's eyes, so many distinctions spring up out of nothing?"

The Carp Spirit laughed and said: "The human world has its own rules, that's all. People are just like that. Once you've been moving about in the mortal world for a while, you'll naturally understand."

The old turtle said: "Then how can I blend into the human world?"

The Carp Spirit said: "Since you want to blend in with them, you have to do as they say. How about I find you a job, so you can experience it for yourself."

The old turtle said: "Good, good, good! In that case, I'm troubling you, old brother."

What job do you suppose the Carp Spirit found for the old turtle? It turned out to be the work of a waiter, a shop boy running about in a tavern. The old turtle had previously been carefree and unrestrained. Now he had to bow and lower his head with a smiling face every day, calling out to every person: "Honored guest, please come inside!" How could he bear it? After barely two days, he went to the Carp Spirit to complain: "This shop boy's work is truly hard to do. Every day I have to humble myself, read people's faces, and on top of that I'm exhausted to death. Being a person is really hard! How can the human world have such a mess of ridiculous rules? I can't figure it out! I can't figure it out! I can't do this job — better to switch to some other identity."

The Carp Spirit said: "Then what do you want to do?"

The old turtle said: "No matter how you look at it, I've cultivated for over a thousand years. Coming to this human world, I can't lose face, can I? I'm going to the capital to take the imperial examinations and get myself some sort of official position, big or small!"

The Carp Spirit laughed and said: "Others endure ten years of painstaking study by the cold window before earning a single moment of fame on the golden list — who knows how much effort that takes. It's not that I look down on you, but with essays like yours, could you really place high?"

The old turtle said: "What's so hard about that? I don't have to write it myself — I know magic! All I need to do is find someone who writes well, swap the essays, and change it to my own name. Wouldn't that work?"

The Carp Spirit said: "Suit yourself, suit yourself! Only, once you're an official, don't go doing things that harm the people or offend against Heaven, ruining your own virtue!"

The old turtle said: "Listen to you — what kind of person do you take me for? No matter how you look at it, I've cultivated for a thousand years. How could I possibly be the sort of person who craves glory and wealth and does things that offend against Heaven?"

And so the old turtle really did go to the capital to take the examinations. He used his magic to swap his exam paper with another candidate's, and sure enough, he placed first as zhuangyuan. Dressed in a great red robe, riding a tall horse through the streets — how majestic he looked. The court appointed him governor of a province, and he set out at once to take up his post. From the moment the old turtle arrived at his post, he governed with integrity, was diligent and conscientious, cared for the common people, and was greatly loved by the local populace. But he rarely socialized with other officials, which angered his superiors, who often said the old turtle had no sense of propriety and couldn't be persuaded to part with a single hair.

Not long after, the court dispatched a Qinchai to inspect the various provinces and prefectures. Officials everywhere presented the Qinchai with generous gifts, hoping he would put in a few good words for them before His Majesty. The old turtle alone kept his stubborn temper. No matter how his deputy tried to persuade him, he remained unmoved, and even retorted: "So long as I am worthy of the people of this province, why must I collude with those self-serving, opportunistic scoundrels?"

Somehow or other, these words reached the ears of the Qinchai and the officials who had offered bribes. The Qinchai was already displeased with the old turtle — having heard such talk, how could he let it rest? After returning to the capital, he submitted a memorial against the old turtle to the reigning emperor, trumped up a baseless charge, stripped the old turtle of his post, and threw him into the great prison.

Having lost his office, the old turtle lay in the great prison with his legs crossed, humming a little tune, and didn't take the matter to heart at all.

The Carp Spirit came to visit him in prison and teased: "Oh my, Brother Old Turtle, you went to be an official, and ended up in this prison cell! I was afraid that if I came one step later, I'd never see you again, big brother!" he said, while at the corner of his eye he barely managed to squeeze out a few tears — really looking as though he were about to see the old turtle off to the execution ground.

The old turtle laughed and said: "You fellow only cultivated a human body a few years before me, yet you've learned fast indeed. Your act here is truly indistinguishable from that of any mortal in the world."

The Carp Spirit burst out laughing at this and said: "Old brother, I mean no offense. When you first wanted to become an official, you at least knew how to be flexible — you swapped another candidate's paper for your own. How is it that now, after becoming an official, you've become so rigid? All you had to do was use a bit of magic to conjure up some treasure and send that Qinchai on his way. Instead you had to go against everyone head-on! Well, look at you now — reduced to a prisoner."

The old turtle said angrily: "I simply can't stand the faces of those self-serving scoundrels. You want me to give them treasures, to fawn over them — not a chance! I haven't revealed my true form and given them a proper lesson, and that itself is already great mercy on my part. Before, when I thought of that scholar whose exam paper I swapped, I often felt a pang of guilt. But now I see — it wasn't that he helped me, but that I saved him. He ought to be thanking me! Think about it — if he had been granted that official post, what then? If he became an honest, upright official, he would surely have ended up just like me, his life in danger. And if he became a corrupt official like the rest, wouldn't he have wasted over ten years of studying the sages' books, lost his innocent heart, and ruined his virtue?"

While the two were talking, a jailer suddenly ran over and bellowed: "Time's up, out!" So saying, he grabbed the Carp Spirit's sleeve and began dragging him away. The Carp Spirit began displaying his superb acting skills once more, crying and stretching out his hand toward the old turtle, calling out: "Brother Old Turtle! Brother Old Turtle!"

The old turtle truly could not stand that fellow of his. He used the Chuanchang Fa to walk straight out of the prison, pointed at him, and said: "Hey, I say, you fellow — you've really completely taken yourself for a human being."

That jailer's eyes went wide, as if he had seen a ghost. He pointed at the old turtle, stammering, unable to get a word out. Seeing this, the Carp Spirit quickly cast a Body-Fixing Spell on the jailer, and said to the old turtle: "Stop playing around, let's go!"

The old turtle and the Carp Spirit left the great prison and came to a tavern, where they ordered some wine and dishes. The two brothers raised their cups and drank together, celebrating the old turtle's regained freedom. The old turtle sighed: "Being a person doesn't seem to be as good as I imagined. People are always making all sorts of inexplicable ridiculous rules for themselves, drawing lines on the ground as prisons, binding themselves. I used to hear people say that humans are the spirits of all things, the wisest of all. But now I rather feel that humans are simply too foolish. I wonder what you do every day, since you cultivated a human body?"

The Carp Spirit said: "I love acting — playing all kinds of roles and experiencing all sorts of different lives."

The old turtle laughed and said: "So that's how it is — you've gotten too deep into your roles! You start acting every now and then! Still, it does sound rather interesting."

The Carp Spirit said: "Yes, yes! Everyone chooses a role for themselves, and holds themselves to that role's setting, living out their whole life — that's what they call 'life is like a play'!"

(End of chapter)