[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"origin-reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son":3,"chapter-reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-chapter-56":6},{"origin":4,"title":5},"english","Reincarnated As The Villainess's Son",{"chapter":7,"nextChapterSlug":19,"prevChapterSlug":20,"totalChapters":21,"novelImage":22},{"id":8,"novel_id":9,"title":10,"slug":11,"index":12,"content":13,"wordcount":14,"created_at":15,"updated_at":15,"volume":16,"translator":17,"content_hash":18},1365799,1806,"Chapter 56: [Weapon Selection] [4] Inder’s thoughts.","reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-chapter-56",56,"\u003Cp>\"It's cold in here.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I mumbled to myself as I sat on the ground with my back against the wall, my eyes closed as I rested my head against the wall.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'El?'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I thought as I called him in my mind.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[...]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Sorry for ignoring your words.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>During my fight with Tristan, he kept trying to stop me before I did something that I would regret, bu—\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....You call that a fight? It didn't take you a minute to bring him to his knees.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Yeah, whatever you call that.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.....Are you... Azariah?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Instead of replying, I opened my eyes as I willed my status screen to come forth.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>===========================\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Name: Azariah Noah Aljanah [25], Inder Sephtis [75]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>===========================\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I...I don't know.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I replied as I closed my eyes again.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I don't know who I am.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Maybe I am Inder, or maybe I am Azariah, or because of this status screen, my brain is confusing me with different personalities.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I could be the same person or I could be entirely different.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'For now, think of me as Inder with Azariah's memories.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.....What happened back then? Why did you get triggered?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I felt anger, Azariah's anger when that guy started to insult and trash talk about them.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Azariah's anger?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Yeah.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....What do you mean?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I don't have many of... My own memories...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>My own emotions are gone... I am blank.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Right now, I don't feel any anger, hatred, love, sadness, joy, ... I don't feel anything.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>It's as if my emotions have numbed down.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Inside me, all that's left is emptiness....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'You know, El, what's the worst part? I can't feel my own emotions, but I can feel Azariah's emotions clearly.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....Is that why you tried to kill that kid?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Yeah, and I'm glad they stopped me, things would have messed up for me if he died.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>If Tristan had died because of me, I would have been kicked out of the academy, leaving me with only one place to stay... Beside Esmeray.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I'm glad he didn't die.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Massaging my temples, I thought again...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Living beside her is worse than living in hell, and the moment she finds something amiss in me, she won't hesitate to kill me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[You are afraid of her as well?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'You don't understand how dangerous she is, El...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>...She is like a puppeteer, controlling everything and everyone from behind.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And like everyone else, I am also one of her puppets.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>A special puppet, which Esmeray took extra care of just to make sure he remained the same for the rest of his life, living like...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Her puppet.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[You don't plan to run away?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Again, you are underestimating her...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>...There is no place in this world where Esmeray can't find me.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Her organization [ECTO] members have spread around the world, working like her eyes and ears.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And they all are extremely loyal to her, to the point of dying without any hesitation if needed.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And if she wants, she can find anyone in this world without much problem.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Sigh... Of all the beings in this world, I had to be her son.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>With a tired sigh, I raised my hand as I gently pressed on the small cut on my throat because of Shyamal's scythe.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....Do you hate Azariah?....Do you hate yourself?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'...How can I possibly hate a mentally broken and physically tortured kid who just wants to keep his loved ones safe.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I replied, opening my eyes as I touched my engagement ring with my finger, while my gaze rested on Shyamal and Arianell.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'.....He is just a broken kid, manipulated to sacrifice his life so they can keep smiling.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.....Do you hate them? Those who are living happily while you is carrying all the burden.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>===========================\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Name: Azariah Noah Aljanah [50], Inder Sephtis [50]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>===========================\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'..... Azari—I did too many things to make them hate me; you can't blame them for everything.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Do I feel anger towards them for leaving me?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Yes, I do.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I mean, I stood by their side during their bad times when they were at their lowest, ignoring my own problems.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>But... in the end, they did leave me alone when I needed them the most.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'At least she tried to help me as much as she could.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>As my gaze rested on Arianell, I thought to myself.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Had it not been me who wanted her to leave me alone,\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Had her situation been a little better...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>She might still not have given up on me...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Just like Christina.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....What about the Vessel?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Shyamal? .....I just hate her.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Why?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'...'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[...So do you hate the situation that you are in? The life you are living right now... Just a suppressed being inside Azariah.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'No, if anything, I am fine with it.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Why?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Unlike Azariah, I don't have any reason to live. I might kill myself, making his efforts worthless.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[..... Because of your mother?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'.... Yeah, I even sympathize with Azariah. Having an emotionless monster as your mother is just...'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[....Was your mother like Esme—.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'No.' Shaking my head softly, I replied, 'In fact, my situation is quite opposite to his.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>From the broken and little memories of Inder's childhood that I have, I know....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I had a loving family....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And a loving and responsible father who helped and taught me a lot of things.....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Even though he wasn't the best, he did try his best to give me everything....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>A doting mother who tried to fulfill my every wish...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I even have a memory of me asking her to make my favorite food, and she complied with a smile.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'You know, El, even though I forgot their faces, I still remember how much they loved and cared for me.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[...]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'And... I killed them with my own hands.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Even though I don't have much memory of that day....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I still remember the cold body of my father lying in a pool of blood....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I still remember my mother cursing me on her last breath...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I still remember her dying in my arms....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I sympathize with Azariah because once I was also afraid of losing someone I loved....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>....There was a time when even I was ready to die for my loved ones.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[You are as mentally unstable as Azariah.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Yeah... I know. I have lost too many loved ones to remain a sane person.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Even though I don't remember....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I still have that feeling....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The feeling that my life wasn't much different from Azariah's....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'You know, El, I don't want anything....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I just don't want my heart to be broken again...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>....I don't want to suffer from that feeling again.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And the way Azariah is behaving right now I am sure he will get his heart broken.....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>.....By making others hate him...he is only increasing his own burden...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>...And in the end he will fall because of his own beliefs.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He will break down again....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'...I just hope she can knock some sense in Azariah.' I thought as I touched my engagement ring.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.... Is there something else that you want?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'..... I also want to see her one last time, my fiancée from my last life.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I thought, looking at the engagement ring that I wore.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I don't remember anything about her; all I remember was the mesmerizing crimson eyes of hers.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'.... I just want to ask why she betrayed me.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[... Betrayed?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'.... I don't remember what happened, but I think she did betray me.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[... And you want to see her even after that?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'...I want to understand her side.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.... Would you still love her?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'.... Until the end of my life.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.....]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Do you think I will see her?'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Maybe...]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I don't have much to live... six months at worst or nine years at best.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[...]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Do you think this much time is enough?'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.... Maybe.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sigh....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>With a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes as I leaned on the wall.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I wish I can see her one day.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I thought to myself as my consciousness started to drift away....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[You will.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'You sound quite confident, El.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I replied with a smile before my consciousness started to drifted away.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Are you going?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'I am a mess right now, El...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I also don't want to live with numb emotions...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I might kill someone close to Azariah....\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>....And for now, let's let him face his own issues.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[.... Fine.]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'El.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[Yeah?]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>'Take care of 'me'.'\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[I will.]\u003C\u002Fp>",1400,"2026-06-05T21:29:08.031Z",1,"novelbin.me","9484c94da65c420d951136638e09420556ec8c53df7c8c6ed31febca5bd38400","reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-chapter-57","reincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-chapter-55",556,"https:\u002F\u002Fnovelzhen.com\u002Fimages\u002Fcovers\u002Freincarnated-as-the-villainess-s-son-cover.jpg"]