Chapter 251: You Are My Heart Demon, Yet I Am Forever Myself

Grandmother lay quietly on the bed, so thin she was completely unrecognizable, nothing but skin and bone.

Beside the bed were all the delicious things Tang An had bought for her: durian, ginseng chicken soup, all sorts of supplements, and milk.

Tang An had bought as much as she could for Grandmother, things she was still willing to take a bite of. But Tang An also knew that Grandmother eating like this was purely to keep her from feeling too distressed.

Grandmother's talk of eating expensive things was because she had worked hard her whole life and had never eaten anything good. Tasting a bite at the very end was just to ease her own heavy sense of guilt.

"Grandmother..."

Grandmother opened her clouded eyes; her consciousness was already blurred, yet it seemed she still recognized her.

"Ah..."

"The chicks still need feeding; go, go feed the chickens."

"Feed the chickens, An'an can eat the chicken leg."

Tang An lowered her head and choked back sobs, not daring to let Grandmother see her tears.

"I've fed them, I just fed them; the little chicks are all full, and I'm full too, I didn't go hungry."

Grandmother smiled weakly, "Water, drink water."

"Alright, I'll get it for you."

Tang An knew that on this day, as Grandmother neared the end, she had been asking for water incessantly, almost without stopping.

She had fed her so much water that she couldn't even straighten her back, and she still couldn't keep up with Grandmother's drinking.

But could Grandmother really drink the water?

She couldn't; she just needed the water to soothe her pain, only to spit it out as soon as it entered her mouth.

"Grandmother, are you in pain?"

Grandmother opened her eyes to look at Tang An, and with all her remaining strength, she said a single, extremely faint "No."

Tang An struggled to regulate her emotions, looking at Grandmother, who was thin as a stick, her skin already worn raw by her own bones.

"Grandmother..."

"You should go."

Those who have not experienced it will never know what it feels like to say these words.

"I will take good care of myself, and I can take good care of myself."

"Don't worry, I promise you, from now on no one will be able to bully me."

Grandmother opened her eyes and looked at Tang An. As if in a final flash of clarity, she reached out, wanting to stroke Tang An's cheek.

"Grandmother, I can't bear to let you go."

Tang An lowered her head, struggling to control her emotions, biting her lip to keep the tears from falling.

But how could she possibly control her tears?

"Grandmother, I can't bear to see you suffer like this anymore either..."

She lowered her head and wept bitterly in Grandmother's arms.

Grandmother, just like when she was a child, patted her back gently, coaxing her.

"My child, are you cooking for Grandmother? Grandmother wants to eat."

Tang An nodded, "Alright, I'll go make it, I'll go make it."

Relying on herself alone, she helped Grandmother up and struggled to carry her to the wheelchair.

Then she pushed Grandmother to the kitchen doorway, letting her watch from outside as she cooked.

She knew that Grandmother wanted to see that she could take care of herself so that she could leave in peace.

During this meal, Tang An wiped away her tears and chatted incessantly with Grandmother, smiling.

"I know, these vegetables need to be blanched, right?"

"These green beans, they have to be stewed until soft; they're poisonous if not stewed through."

"I like potatoes when they're soft; didn't you say that even after it boils, it needs to simmer for a while?"

Tang An talked to herself, never daring to glance toward Grandmother.

Grandmother watched Tang An cooking skillfully, finally nodded in relief, and smiled as she leaned back against the wheelchair.

Tang An caught a glimpse of this from the corner of her eye; she pursed her lips to hold back her tears, but why did they only increase the more she tried to control them?

She didn't go to Grandmother, but instead finished cooking the meal on her own.

Only when the food was placed on the table in the courtyard did Tang An push Grandmother over to eat together.

"Grandmother, today's chicken legs, we'll each have one."

"This time, you can't push them off on me anymore."

"Grandmother, I made this dish really well, you should try it too."

"Grandmother, eat."

"Just take one bite, just one..." She pleaded, hoping to get a response from Grandmother.

But this time, the only response she received was silence.

Tang An bit down on her chopsticks, tears streaming down like rain.

Yet she still insisted on finishing the meal, because she knew Grandmother didn't like her wasting food.

In Huanghua Temple.

Pilanpo listened to Tang An's repeated calls of "Grandmother," the complexity in her eyes deepening.

In that moment, the way she looked at Tang An perfectly overlapped with the look in Grandmother's eyes.

"Silly child." Her compassion was without a trace of impurity.

Within the Heart Realm.

Black Shadow Tang An appeared by her side.

"Look, your fate is solitary; those who are close to you will never have a good end."

"Your mother and your grandmother are the best examples."

"One died in difficult labor to give birth to you. The other raised you until you could live independently, then withered away and died."

"One day, you will even cause your disciples to die; you are the jinx they talk about."

"Accept your fate, face reality, Tang An."

Tang An put down her chopsticks and wiped her mouth with a tissue.

Ignoring what the Black Shadow Tang An was saying, she pushed her grandmother back into the room and carried her corpse back onto the bed.

She wanted to wipe her grandmother's body and change her into burial clothes.

Her grandmother had loved being clean and tidy her whole life; even in a dream, she could not let her grandmother leave so sloppily.

Black Shadow Tang An continued to entice her from behind, one sound after another.

Yet it did not notice at all that Tang An's gaze was becoming increasingly cold.

"You are my Heart Demon, right?"

"You want to replace me, right?"

While skillfully dressing her grandmother in burial clothes, she spoke to herself.

"Fine."

Not until Tang An had finished dressing her grandmother did she stand up, turn around, and look at the other version of herself.

"Since the illusion began, you have been using the things I am least willing to accept in my heart to recreate my nightmares over and over again."

"You fed on my Heart Demon, growing from an infant form into the existence that is exactly like me now."

Black Shadow Tang An frowned slightly, "You..."

Tang An's reaction was completely different from what it had expected.

"What about me?"

"I should be weeping bitterly, losing myself, and letting you do as you please, right?"

Tang An wiped away her tears and let out a cold laugh.

"Do you think that someone who lost their parents young and grew up relying on their grandmother, someone who has faced the most injustice and the most malice, could have a heart that is all that clean deep down?"

Black Shadow Tang An re-examined Tang An and also let out a cold laugh.

"You don't need to act profound in front of me; I return those words to you."

"You are me, and I am you. I can feel it; your emotions are all real. You are in pain, and you are about to be driven mad by me."

"Just a little more, just a little more, and you will be completely controlled by me."

"Hehehehe..."

Tang An laughed; her expression at this moment made it seem as if she were the villain.

"Don't you think that sometimes, tormenting the heart is really satisfying?"

"You caught a glimpse of the darkest side of my heart, and I let my darkness grow."

"You are me, but why can't I be you?"

"You use the illusion to influence my emotions, but why can't I use you to take another look at the people I want to see?"

Black Shadow Tang An's smile froze, "You..."

Black Qi also ignited on Tang An's body, "You are my Heart Demon, but I, Tang An, am first and foremost myself."

"The premise for me having a Heart Demon is that I want to have one. I cannot walk out because I do not want to walk out. I just want to see those I care about in my heart one more time when I dream at midnight."

"If I do not want to have one, would you be able to live?"