Chapter 789

·

·

·

Protagonist:

Li Xiulan

"Let's all go out for a bit."

Zhou Hongwei had everyone go out at this time.

After all, Liu Xiaoli said she wanted to speak a few words with Wang Zhanggen alone.

It was very obvious she didn't want anyone else listening by the side.

Everyone turned around and went out one after another.

Li Xiulan glanced at Liu Xiaoli, her gaze complex, carrying a trace of pity; in the end she didn't say anything and just quietly went out to avoid them.

"Changgen, I'm sorry."

After everyone had gone out, only Liu Xiaoli and Wang Zhanggen remained in the ward; the first sentence Liu Xiaoli spoke was an apology.

"Sigh, why bring these things up?"

Wang Zhanggen sighed; his mood was very complex.

Liu Xiaoli continued:

"Back then I didn't stay with you because I knew you could never divorce your wife; dragging it on like that wasn't a solution either. I just wanted a stable marriage, a man I could rely on, that's all. But going behind your back to be with Guo Zheng'an was indeed wrong of me."

Liu Xiaoli explained her difficulties to Wang Zhanggen.

She knew Wang Zhanggen still harbored resentment toward her in his heart.

And this explanation, she had wanted to tell Wang Zhanggen for a long time, but had never found an appropriate opportunity.

Right now actually isn't an appropriate opportunity either; it's just that if she didn't say it now, she feared there would never be a chance.

"It's all in the past; no need to speak of these things again."

Wang Zhanggen lowered his head, not looking directly at Liu Xiaoli.

He actually didn't want to bring up this past affair; after all, so many years had passed.

"What I want to say is, I really did love you..." Liu Xiaoli suddenly reached out, grabbed Wang Zhanggen's hand, and then asked: "Changgen, did you love me?"

Wang Zhanggen was somewhat panicked; his subconscious reaction was to hurriedly pull his hand back.

Because outside the ward, there were still many people standing.

Especially his wife Li Xiulan.

If Li Xiulan saw, how bad would that be.

Seeing Wang Zhanggen's reaction, Liu Xiaoli couldn't help but give a bitter laugh.

That bitter laugh carried endless sorrow.

Just like her life.

"Give me a straight answer, okay? I'm about to die; I don't want to go down there carrying regret."

Liu Xiaoli was practically begging.

Only then did Wang Zhanggen say:

"Perhaps... perhaps I did love you."

This answer of his carried an evasive nature.

But it was also the truth.

From beginning to end, he was never too sure whether he loved Liu Xiaoli or not.

Being with Liu Xiaoli back then was merely to escape the family conflicts between him and Li Xiulan.

Because of escape, from one harbor to another harbor — does that count as love?

He truly wasn't sure.

"Alright, I know now."

Tears flowed from the corners of Liu Xiaoli's eyes.

She hurriedly wiped away her tears, then said:

"You go out; let Sister-in-law Xiulan come in. I want to say a few words to her alone."

Wang Zhanggen was stunned, somewhat worried:

"Can you not tell her about those old matters between you and me? She's never known."

Liu Xiaoli gave a bitter laugh:

"Rest assured, I won't say."

But Wang Zhanggen wasn't reassured, because he felt that Liu Xiaoli wanting to speak alone with Li Xiulan, aside from those old matters, there was nothing else to say; after all, they weren't very close and didn't usually chat much.

So he turned around to call Li Xiulan in, yet he himself didn't leave, only stood to the side silently watching.

Seeing this, Liu Xiaoli couldn't say anything either.

She just smiled helplessly.

She said to Li Xiulan:

"Sister-in-law Xiulan, thank you."

"Thank me for what?" Li Xiulan was somewhat puzzled.

"Hongwei Ge told me everything. Before, your husband strongly opposed me going to work at your family's construction site; it was you who supported me, so I could get this job. So, really, thank you very much."

Hearing Liu Xiaoli say such words, Wang Zhanggen standing to the side couldn't help but feel somewhat ashamed.

Li Xiulan said:

"These are all small matters, no need to thank me. You take good care of yourself and recover, and once you're better you can still come work at my construction site."

Liu Xiaoli, however, said:

"I'm afraid I won't have that opportunity. I know my own condition very well... Sister-in-law Xiulan, you really are a good woman. No wonder Brother Changgen would stay devoted to you for a lifetime..."

Li Xiulan didn't know how to answer for a moment.

Every family has a sutra that's hard to recite; only she herself knows how much suffering she's endured and how much grievance she's borne in this lifetime.

In this world, being a woman is hard; being a good woman is even harder.

Liu Xiaoli spoke again:

"I truly envy you, unlike me with such a bitter fate — I've found several men, yet not one brought a good outcome. Perhaps this is destiny; Heaven wants me to suffer all my life, and I can only accept it."

Li Xiulan hurriedly comforted her:

"Don't think wild thoughts so much. Take good care of yourself and recover; you must maintain an active, optimistic mindset. With a good mindset, recovery will be faster too."

Liu Xiaoli nodded, and didn't say anything more.

But from her eyes it could be seen that asking her to be active and optimistic was clearly impossible.

She was just an ordinary person; with her condition having developed to this stage, in her heart there was only endless despair, endless pessimism, endless pain — how could she possibly be optimistic?

Li Xiulan, Wang Zhanggen, Zhou Hongwei, and several others stayed in the ward for a while, then said their goodbyes and left.

After everyone left, only Liu Xiaoli remained in the ward.

Actually this ward had four beds total, but these past few days the other three patients had left one after another — some had passed away, some with no hope of cure chose to go home and await death, some were transferred to the ICU — so now only she was left in this ward.

It was precisely because she saw the surrounding patients, those who died died, those who left left, that the pessimism in her heart became even deeper.

A rabbit-dies-fox-grieves sense of fear constantly pervaded her heart.

She worried every moment: when would it be her turn?

She actually hadn't prepared herself psychologically to accept death; she was still so young, only in her forties, not yet fifty — she truly couldn't bear to leave this world, even though her life had been very bitter, very difficult.

After Wang Zhanggen returned from the County Hospital to his hometown Shangou Village, he sat blankly in the living room for several hours.

He didn't even smoke, just sat there dazedly like a block of wood.

Liu Xiaoli's death-shrouded face kept floating up in his mind, impossible to dispel.

He felt he probably didn't have long either.

His whole body felt unwell, yet he couldn't say exactly where it was unwell.

"What's wrong with you?"

Li Xiulan came over to ask.

"Nothing."

Wang Zhanggen replied expressionlessly with two words.

"What did Liu Xiaoli say to you?"

Li Xiulan thought it was something Liu Xiaoli said to Wang Zhanggen that caused him to become so absent-minded now.

But she didn't know that Wang Zhanggen's state was purely fear of death.

"She didn't say anything."

Wang Zhanggen was still expressionless.

"If she didn't say anything, why would you become like this?"

Li Xiulan didn't believe it, and said coldly:

"Did she bring up your old past affairs?"

Wang Zhanggen grew somewhat impatient:

"She didn't. Believe it or not, up to you."

He suddenly asked a sentence:

"You say with me like this now, how much longer can I live?"