Chapter 688: I Just Want to Be a Good Official

"Yang Lixin, you are too extreme. What does it matter if one is from a humble background? As long as you are willing to work hard and polish your foundation bit by bit, it is not impossible to turn the tables!"

"Turn the tables? I once thought the same, but reality is always so powerless and desperate. Those so-called turnarounds are just things used to deceive children."

Dropping his head powerlessly, Yang Lixin looked like a failure at this moment, his entire being exuding an aura of decadence.

"Hengzhi, you don't know. Although I have served as County Magistrate in Lujiang City for several years, I actually have no prestige to speak of."

"Those high-ranking families and powerful sects, not one of them takes me seriously! Sometimes I wonder if I am even worse than a Puppet."

"I tried hard to do something for the common people, but I failed again and again, disappointed again and again!"

"I don't even know how many times I have lost, until a few months ago!"

Recalling everything in his mind, everything that happened a few months ago was the fundamental reason he had fallen to his current state.

It was not that he wanted to become like this, only that he had no choice.

"Hengzhi, there are some things you don't know. A few months ago, for some reason, the strength of those Martial Artists suddenly increased greatly. They began to become arrogant and domineering, and even tore off their most basic disguises."

"The increase in strength brought about an expansion of ambition. They no longer cared about anything else, and the struggles that were originally in the shadows were completely brought out into the open."

"At that time, Lujiang City was full of fighting and bloodshed everywhere."

"They acted recklessly, as if they wanted to reveal the most sinister side of their hearts. They committed arson and murder, beginning to act as lawless as bandits."

Clenching his fists tightly, the events of that time were vivid in his mind; they were a nightmare he did not want to recall.

At that time, he was still as weak as a chicken, still only able to be bullied and ravaged by those arrogant experts time and time again.

"At that time, the ordinary people in Lujiang City were even more severely affected. Every household hung white mourning cloth, and every night there were people wailing and crying."

"I watched helplessly as the common people were killed. I couldn't bear it, so I begged them, begged them not to lay hands on the people, not to hurt the innocent anymore."

"But they didn't agree. I begged them, but they just wouldn't agree!"

"They made me kneel, made me bow my head, made me bark like a dog, and even made me lick their shoes. I did all of these. For the sake of the people, I could endure it!"

"I only hoped they would kill fewer people, only hoped they would restrain themselves a little, at least not keep Lujiang City in a state of panic. At the very least, give the people a way to survive!"

"But in the end, I was still played for a fool. Not only did they not restrain themselves, but they became even more rampant."

His eyes were bloodshot. Those humiliating memories carved into his bones made it hard for him to forget. The ordinary people who died tragically before his eyes seemed to be accusing him of his uselessness over and over again.

"Shen Yu, you don't know at all. That day, right in front of me, right in front of me as the County Magistrate, they forcibly seized a woman and a dozen of them defiled a young girl who hadn't even come of age."

"You wouldn't know what kind of scene that was. The girl's legs were soaked in blood in the end, and she couldn't even let out a wail."

"She just looked at me like that. She hoped I would save her, and I desperately wanted to save her, I tried my best to save her."

"But the result was that they stepped on my head, and I couldn't even crawl up. I could only watch helplessly. Do you know how helpless I was then!"

Roaring as he looked at Shen Yu, Yang Lixin was in a near-manic state at this moment, as if he wanted to vent all the fury in his chest.

At that time, he truly had the urge to destroy everything, a feeling that was hard to erase even now.

"Hengzhi, Brother Shen, I am different from you. I am just trash, a piece of trash good for nothing!"

"You tell me, what can I do? What other way do I have? I only wanted the people under my rule to live in peace and work in contentment, I only wanted them to have less slaughter, but I couldn't do it!"

"I could only watch helplessly as the people were harmed, I could only listen to their wailing. Apart from helplessly roaring at those evil thugs, I could do nothing!"

"After they killed people, they would swagger in front of me and show off, as if they were flaunting their battle achievements."

"I, this County Magistrate, was just a clown they used for entertainment!"

Sighing decadently, who could know the bitterness of that time? Those reckless Martial Artists mocked him for his incompetence, and those suffering people cursed him for his uselessness.

And he himself, apart from swallowing all the bitterness into his belly, had no other way.

What could he do at that time? As long as there was even a tiny chance, he had to grasp it firmly.

"That period was my most helpless and painful time. I once wanted to give up."

"I could only get drunk every day to numb myself, even hoping that I could stay drunk forever so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore."

"But just at this time, I met that person. I made a deal with him. He gave me power, and from then on, I gave him everything of mine, including my soul!"

"I had no other choice. I could no longer watch so many innocent people living in such misery, so I had to do this."

"Relying on the power he gave me, I successfully suppressed everyone in the city who was causing trouble. I made them feel what fear was, and from then on, they dared not bully the people at will."

"They all thought I had endured for years and exploded in one day. Little did they know, I had sold myself to exchange for this power!"

"But do you know the price? The price is that I am no longer myself!"

Lifting his head, Yang Lixin's face was full of indifference. Killing intent seemed to have quietly begun to occupy his mind, depriving him of his reason.

"Every time night falls, I start killing. I cannot control myself, and my hands are stained with blood."

"I was helpless, I was lost. I watched helplessly as I killed a whole family, and listening to the wailing baby finally lose its breath in my hands, I completely collapsed!"

"Do you know? I became the person I once hated and loathed the most. This is the price!"

"I cannot accept such a reality, and I cannot bear to see myself become what I am now."

"Gradually, I began to block my own memories. I began to try to forget the fact that I would kill at night, and I began to gradually deceive myself."

"Telling myself that I am a good official, that my power was gained through my own hard cultivation, not through a deal, not through selling myself!"

"But now, you want to pull open my memories and make me recall the past again."

"You don't know what I have experienced at all. Of course you can be high and mighty, of course you can stand on the moral high ground and curse me at will, but does anyone know how I have lived?"

"Kill, kill, I want to kill everything, destroy everything!"

As his memories returned, Yang Lixin became increasingly abnormal. Killing intent began to boil, and his whole person was filled with extreme irritability.

"No, why am I like this? Shouldn't I only lose myself at night? Why is it still like this now?"

Listening to Yang Lixin's words, Shen Yu's gaze swept around, and he couldn't help but whisper to himself, "Perhaps, it is because I appeared!"

"Hengzhi, kill me, kill me!" Grabbing Shen Yu's shoulders with both hands, Yang Lixin's bloodshot eyes seemed to reveal endless blood color; it was a violent rage that seemed ready to erupt at any moment.

"I don't want to be controlled by others, and I don't want to become a sinner with blood-stained hands. I've had enough. While I still have some reason, kill me, and it will count as a release for me!"

Seeing that Shen Yu did not move, Yang Lixin casually drew the sword of a nearby Constable and held it against his own throat.

"Ziheng!"

"Hengzhi, do not come over. Do you still remember what we said before the imperial examinations back then? We encouraged each other, saying that in the future we must become good officials and must bring benefit to the common people."

"But now I have broken my word; not only have I achieved nothing all these years, but today I am going against the dreams we once had."

"Hengzhi, you must become a good official. Do not be like me, you must never be like me!"

He took a sharp, deep breath, and the blade in his hand sliced across his neck, causing a large spray of blood to spurt out.

Immediately after, Yang Lixin collapsed into a pool of blood, his body still twitching uncontrollably. His eyes stared blankly at the sky, as if pouring out his own unwillingness.