Chapter 21: Hell Joke: Why Is Ding Haifeng the Actor Who Plays Wu Song?

Isn’t that obvious? Shared or not shared?

Zhang Jie from Water Margin was about to pull his hand back.

Shared, of course it must be shared!

This is the core function of our shared space; we can’t let it become a decoration.

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword grabbed Zhang Jie from Water Margin’s hand with a tiger pounce.

“Eh! I’ve succeeded! Dao friend, I’ve succeeded!”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword, possessing all of Zhang Jie from Water Margin’s experiences, wore a look of rapture.

“Disgusting!”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin yanked his hand away, flinging Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword off.

After a moment, Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword opened his eyes, lost in reverie:

“No wonder she’s famed far and wide—just one word from Jia Qian: perfect!”

At the same time, Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword gave Zhang Jie from Water Margin a thumbs-up.

Zhang Jie from Water Margin’s performance taught him far more knowledge.

Zhang Jie from Water Margin: Can you blame me? Only the literati are to blame.

I merely criticized him properly.

…

Looking across the entire Water Margin, only this one brother could suppress this Tai Sui God.

Only this one brother had the strength to make the tiger-slaying Wu Song move!

Recalling the scene of Wu Song meeting Wu Dalang, Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword sighed.

“Haha, only this brother’s actor could really fight, could really do martial arts.”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin remembered the actor who played Wu Dalang in the old Water Margin series and laughed.

“True, that short master had real martial arts.”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword, who also remembered the old Water Margin series, agreed.

It’s said that on set, the short master who played Wu Dalang

was also Ding Haifeng’s martial arts instructor!

“Say, what if I beat up Wu Dalang right in front of Wu Song—what would happen?”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin joked wildly.

“You’ll die with perfect rhythm.”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword said softly.

Who doesn’t know Wu Dalang is Wu Song’s only Achilles’ heel?

Provoking Wu Song himself might still leave you a chance; bullying Wu Dalang guarantees Wu Song’s full-scale vengeance.

In Water Margin, everyone involved in Wu Dalang’s murder was sent to hell by Wu Song:

After uncovering the truth, Wu Song slew Pan Jinlian and killed Ximen Qing to avenge his brother.

Wang Po, who pimped for Ximen Qing and Pan Jinlian, was executed by the authorities.

“Haha, no one knows if Wu Song really fought the tiger,

but Ding Haifeng really sparred with a real tiger.”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword grinned.

“Haha, the special effects were terrible back then—the crew actually brought a real tiger to ‘act’ as the tiger.”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin thought of the behind-the-scenes footage released later,

and the trembling Ding Haifeng, and laughed too.

Ding Haifeng: Thank you so much, crew—I may not be the Tai Sui God, but you guys are real hell kings.

A hell joke: Why is Ding Haifeng the actor who plays Wu Song?

Because the guys before him—Jia Haifeng, Yi Haifeng, Bing Haifeng—already fed the tiger…

The tiger: You guys… stop sliding. I really… really can’t eat anymore…

“By the way, aren’t you supposed to teach Song Qingshu a lesson? Why haven’t you acted yet?

Little brother, your efficiency is dropping!”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin recalled what Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword had said earlier and sneered.

He’d already sent Ximen Da Guanren to the netherworld,

then gone to Wild Boar Village and sent every bandit led by Wang Chuang to meet the King of Hell.

In between, he even took time to “consume” Pan Jinlian.

Yet Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword hadn’t even managed to teach a lesson to Song Qingshu,

who’s right there on the mountain, in the temple, right beside him.

Even an eighty-year-old grandmother on a journey wouldn’t be this slow.

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword shrugged helplessly:

“Mount Wudang isn’t some lawless Wild Boar Village.

Song Qingshu isn’t Ximen Da Guanren, whom you killed with one palm.

And unlike you, who has no elders to restrain him, I still have my master, Yu Lianzhou!”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword pointed out that Mount Wudang isn’t a place for unchecked behavior,

Song Qingshu isn’t someone he can treat as he pleases,

and he isn’t like Zhang Jie from Water Margin, who does whatever he wants without care.

“Alright.”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin thought for a moment and realized Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword was right.

Song Qingshu, though constantly antagonizing him and opposing him, was still just a clown,

not an irreconcilable enemy—at least not yet.

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword couldn’t just sneak off and kill him in a secluded corner.

Song Qingshu’s behavior was like the top-ranked scholar in school before their transmigration,

who was constantly chased by the second-ranked scholar.

The top-ranked scholar feared the second-ranked scholar would steal his #1 spot,

but due to experience and attention from teachers, dared not use overly low tactics.

He could only mock the second-ranked scholar’s weak subjects in front of him.

While undermining the second-ranked scholar’s confidence, he showed off his superiority to classmates and teachers.

To the second-ranked scholar, the top-ranked guy was annoying,

his methods were indeed low, but not worthy of death.

Not yet at the point where the second-ranked scholar would assassinate the top-ranked one just to vent.

“The biannual Wudang martial arts tournament is coming soon.

I’ll make sure this clown looks foolish!”

Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword stated his plan.

He wasn’t some saint who repaid kindness but forgot grudges.

He was just an ordinary person who repaid kindness and returned grudges—even petty ones.

Honestly, he didn’t quite understand Song Qingshu.

He hadn’t shown any desire to become the senior disciple,

to become Wudang’s third-generation heir—why target him?

Just because Zhang Jie’s martial arts were surpassing him?

But Zhang Jie’s master, Yu Lianzhou, was stronger than Song Qingshu’s father, Song Yuanqiao.

And the current head of Wudang wasn’t even Song Yuanqiao.

All Song Qingshu inherited from Song Yuanqiao was his martial talent

and his looks (Song Yuanqiao had been handsome in his youth,

and Song Qingshu was known as the Jade-Faced Meng Chang)—but not his intelligence.

If he’d learned even a little of his father’s gentleness and generosity,

who on Wudang could challenge his position as senior disciple?

After all, Heaven Sword is just a martial arts world,

not an immortal world where one man can fight a nation or live forever,

and there’s no great prize like a Foundation Establishment Pill reserved only for the senior disciple.

Zhang Jie wouldn’t waste his time thinking about this!

Even for power—Wudang had only dozens or a hundred people; what power was there?

Better to go to Bright Peak and find the Qi Kun Da Nuo Yi, become the Ming Cult leader!

Intelligence and self-awareness are both good things—and Song Qingshu seemed to have neither.

“OK. Since you’ve got a plan, go ahead with it.”

Zhang Jie from Water Margin said he looked forward to Zhang Jie from Heaven Sword’s performance.

After finishing this topic, their conversation turned to casual chatter.

"By the way, what do you think of pre-made meals?"

Thinking of his own thoughts while drinking chicken soup, Water Margin Zhang Jie asked.

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie, instantly intrigued, transformed into the ultimate actor.

Imitating the tone of Liu Dehua’s character Lin Kun, the big flour merchant in "Disciples":

"I really don’t get it—why would anyone eat stir-fried dishes? The smoke and grease are so heavy!"

"Hmph~"

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie spoke, then took a heavy, exaggerated breath.

"What about pre-made meals?"

Water Margin Zhang Jie, imitating the undercover Ah Zu, asked in Ah Zu’s voice.

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie deliberately turned his head and glanced at Water Margin Zhang Jie.

"Why? Why do people eat pre-made meals?"

Water Margin Zhang Jie continued.

"Sigh~ I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.

In food service, it’s all about supply and demand—if someone buys, someone sells!"

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie sighed and went on:

"Even stir-fried dishes might use zombie meat—yet people still eat them!

Did I promote it? No, I didn’t!

I didn’t force them—I didn’t force them at all!

What’s it got to do with me?

It’s their own fault! It’s entirely their own fault! What’s it got to do with me?"

After speaking, the Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie pressed his hand to his forehead.

"What? You know someone who eats expensive pre-made meals?"

Water Margin Zhang Jie quickly denied: "No, I’m just curious."

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie warned: "Let me tell you,

Those who eat expensive pre-made meals care most about face."

"Once their sense of superiority kicks in, what won’t they say? What won’t they do?

Don’t get tangled up with these people—otherwise you’ll start thinking it’s your fault, like you tricked them.

It’s entirely their own fault! It’s entirely their own fault!

If they don’t place orders, what can we do?

I can’t do anything!"

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie grew more and more agitated.

Seeing this, Water Margin Zhang Jie quickly soothed him:

"Why are you so angry?"

"Isn’t it their fault? And where’s my anger?

You’re nuts!"

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie flatly denied it.

Water Margin Zhang Jie adopted the broadcast tone of Hong Kong radio:

"This afternoon, Fat Luo, based on a tip,

seized a large quantity of pre-made meals at a stir-fry restaurant on the fourth floor of a shopping mall.

Preliminary identification: they’re the Brazilian steak that Emperor Qianlong demanded as a child.

This case is the second-largest antique case since the colony’s founding.

Here is footage provided by a concerned citizen:

During kitchen preparation, the chef unpacked numerous pre-made meals,

then heated them in a microwave, taking less than two minutes total.

According to our sources, the restaurant insists

their frozen dishes aren’t pre-made meals, but come from a central kitchen.

Yet most of the public rejects this claim."

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie waved his hand and chuckled:

"Hehe. I just sell them—I never touch them myself!

Too much of this stuff is bad for your health."

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie nodded: "True. Even Boss Jia himself never eats them.

In the video, Boss Jia even said he eats food made by his aunt every day—he never eats at his own restaurant."

A sheep that had died a year ago found the King of Hell:

"Why, after a year, can’t I be reborn?"

The King of Hell checked the Book of Life and Death: "Your body hasn’t fully decomposed—your leg’s still frozen at Xi Bei."

The sheep: "..."

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie thought for a moment, stroking his chin:

"I think Old Luo is completely innocent in all this.

Everyone says he crushed Xi Bei, but he hasn’t even swung his hammer yet.

He hasn’t gathered all the evidence—he hasn’t even paid out the reward.

Meanwhile, the founder of Xi Bei, during his public kitchen tour,

exposed a pile of problems and destroyed his own PR—truly a genius.

This is like Old Luo just complaining about Xi Bei’s pre-made meals, gathering evidence to take them down.

But before he finished collecting evidence, Xi Bei itself went wild—

self-sabotaged, then issued an apology.

The most absurd part? Afterward, the founder accused Old Luo of being a cyber-gangster—utterly unbelievable."

Water Margin Zhang Jie agreed wholeheartedly and remarked:

"No one’s faster at self-destructing than Boss Jia."

The Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie had a sudden idea: "I’m going to open a Dong Bei right next to Xi Bei.

If Xi Bei can’t stir-fry it, I’ll stir-fry it. If Xi Bei can’t stew it, I’ll stew it.

In short—if Xi Bei can make it, I’ll make it. If Xi Bei can’t make it, I’ll make it even better.

Fresh ingredients, stir-fried fresh the same day—that’s Dong Bei!"

As he spoke, the Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie put on a cold, aloof expression.

Water Margin Zhang Jie laughed: "So you’re the Flower of the West Factory now?"

After mocking some fake product, the Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie sneered:

"Eww!

You’re blaming your overwork on my lack of cultivation effort!

You’re really good at shifting blame!"

He had already seen Water Margin Zhang Jie’s complaint that morning after washing up.

Something like: “Better to make others suffer than suffer myself”?

Come on—aren’t the ones being made to suffer also Zhang Jie?

"Hey hey hey~ It’s about face!"

Water Margin Zhang Jie spoke with complete confidence, not the least embarrassed.

"Fine~"

Faced with such shameless Water Margin Zhang Jie, the Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie had nothing to say.

Should he beat him up?

But they’re one and the same—hitting Water Margin Zhang Jie is hitting himself.

After spending several more hours in the shared space, with no new Zhang Jie appearing,

Bored, the Investiture of the Gods Zhang Jie and Water Margin Zhang Jie bid each other farewell and returned to their respective worlds.