Chapter 39

But for Cao Pi, Jia Xu was truly his great benefactor.

Jia Xu first served under Zhang Xiu, devising a plan that crushed Cao Cao’s forces and killed Cao Ang in battle,

thereby elevating Cao Pi to the position of Cao Cao’s eldest son and greatly increasing his chances of becoming heir.

Later, after defecting to Cao Cao, he advised against replacing the eldest son with a younger one,

playing a decisive role in Cao Pi’s eventual ascension as heir.

After Cao Pi ascended the throne, as a founding minister of Wei with such monumental contributions to the new dynasty,

his placement among the Three Excellencies was only natural.” Tianlong Zhang Jie remarked with deep emotion.

The Water Margin Zhang Jie and the Heaven Sword Zhang Jie both nodded:

One man’s hero is another’s enemy—this is the way of the world.

The Water Margin Zhang Jie continued, half-laughing, half-sighing:

“Before I was reincarnated, I once saw a comment saying

that Dian Wei, Cao Ang, Cao Anmin, and the steed Jueying all died because of Cao Cao’s whip.”

“Hah, how do you say this?

It feels right, yet something seems off.

But say it’s wrong, and it makes perfect sense.”

Tianlong Zhang Jie chuckled.

“Just tell me—is that whip even a whip?”

Heaven Sword Zhang Jie remarked with dry humor.

“Speaking of it, Cao Cao was remarkably broad-minded—he later took Jia Xu in and promoted him.”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie sighed deeply.

If the Prince of Duan seated on the dragon throne in Bianliang’s imperial palace had even one-tenth of Cao Cao’s magnanimity,

the Northern Song would never have fallen to a mere few tens of thousands of Jin troops,

bringing about the Jingkang Humiliation—the greatest disgrace in all of Chinese history.

In the second year of Jingkang, the Jin army breached Dongjing Bianliang, plundering the city for days,

capturing Emperor Huizong and Emperor Qinzong, along with empresses, imperial princes, royal kin, and nobles—thousands in total—before retreating northward,

leaving the capital’s public and private treasuries utterly emptied, directly causing the fall of the Northern Song.

After capturing the Northern Song capital, the Jin army took the Song imperial family and kin northward as prisoners.

During this time, every prisoner—from emperor to commoner—suffered severe humiliation.

The most infamous and commonly practiced was the “Sheep-Leading Ceremony.”

The Sheep-Leading Ceremony required captives to strip bare above the waist and wear a sheepskin,

while soldiers looped ropes around their necks like livestock, driving them about at will, beating and cursing them at random,

forcing the captives to submit like helpless lambs, utterly powerless against their tormentors.

Even the Empress Dowager, Empress, and princesses were not spared from this ceremony.

The nobles suffered terribly, but the common people of Bianliang suffered a hundredfold more.

After Emperor Qinzong was captured and taken to the Jin camp, snow and wind raged without end, leaving the people of Bianjing with no food,

and after eating all the tree leaves and cats and dogs, they resorted to cutting up the corpses of the starved to eat,

compounded by a rampant epidemic, leaving countless dead from hunger and disease.

It can only be said: “Prince Duan is frivolous—he cannot rule the realm”—a timeless truth.

Chancellor Zhang Dun’s words have, in later generations, been used by Song literati to whitewash their dynasty’s shame.

“Cao Cao truly had a broad mind.”

Heaven Sword Zhang Jie nodded in full agreement.

He himself could never be so magnanimous.

If he were Cao Cao, watching Jia Xu loitering near him, he’d surely recall:

Cao Cao: Wenhé, which of my horses was the strongest?

Jia Xu: The one I killed in Wan City.

Cao Cao: Wenhé, which of my generals was the bravest?

Jia Xu: The one I killed in Wan City.

Cao Cao: Wenhé, which of my sons is best suited to inherit my legacy?

Jia Xu: The one I killed in Wan City.

Cao Cao: Wenhé, who understands my tastes best?

Jia Xu: The one I killed in Wan City.

Cao Cao: Wenhé, which of my strategists rivals Li Wenyōu?

Jia Xu: The one who nearly killed you in Wan City.

Cao Cao: Wenhé, which of my strategists equals Li Wenyōu?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Xiu once hired.

Cao Cao: Which of my consorts was the most beautiful?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Ji, Zhang Xiu’s uncle, had his way with.

Cao Cao: Which of my horses was the strongest?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Xiu killed.

Cao Cao: Which of my generals was the bravest?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Xiu killed.

Cao Cao: Which of my sons is best suited to be my successor?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Xiu killed.

Cao Cao: Who understands me best?

Jia Xu: The one Zhang Xiu killed.

…

In an instant, Heaven Sword Zhang Jie’s mind flashed through this entire exchange.

If he were Cao Cao, the moment he captured Jia Xu and Zhang Xiu,

he would have flayed them alive and ground their bones to dust.

“Speaking of it, both Jia Xu and Zhang Xiu died peacefully in their beds.”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie sighed with mixed emotion.

When Cao Cao and Yuan Shao faced off at Guandu, Zhang Xiu followed Jia Xu’s advice,

surrendered his troops to Cao Cao, became his in-law, and was appointed General Who Subdues Rebellion.

During the Battle of Guandu, he was promoted to General Who Crushes the Qiang for his merits.

In 207 AD, Zhang Xiu died en route to the campaign against Liucheng with Cao Cao.

“It can only be said that those who accomplish what ordinary men cannot usually endure what ordinary men cannot bear.”

Tianlong Zhang Jie also sighed.

Only because Han Xin endured the humiliation of crawling between another’s legs did he become the “Divine General of Troops, the More the Better.”

Only because Emperor Gaozu of Han, Liu Bang, endured the humiliation of his wife and father being held captive by Xiang Yu for years,

and when Xiang Yu threatened to boil Liu Tai Gong alive, shouted, “Could you spare me a cup of that broth?”,

did Xiang Yu find himself surrounded by Han songs, commit suicide at the Wu River, and allow Liu Bang to build the Han ancestral temple atop his corpse,

bringing peace to the people and founding the four-century-long Han dynasty.

“Speaking of it, what if we replaced Pan Jinlian from Water Margin with Yu Jie?”

After finishing their talk about Cao Cao’s three fallen virtuous men, Heaven Sword Zhang Jie introduced a new topic.

“Replace Pan Jinlian with Yu Jie?”

The moment he imagined swapping the delicate Pan Jinlian for the hyper-masculine Yu Jie,

the Water Margin Zhang Jie shuddered uncontrollably.

Heaven Sword Zhang Jie’s remark made him wonder: how could he ever face Pan Jinlian again?

At the same time, he felt immense admiration for Lao Kuai:

How could he ever bring himself to do it?

This was a problem even closing his eyes couldn’t solve!

“Two down-and-out outsiders—how could they possibly build a three-story house in Qinghe County?

And how could they monopolize the entire town’s steamed buns?

Is it because of that three-inch-tall, bark-skinned Wu Dalang?

Everyone in Qinghe County knows this thriving household

owes its fortune entirely to the ‘Iron Tower Lady’ in the courtyard.

This Iron Tower Lady stands eight feet tall, with a waist of eight feet;

her surname is Pan, her given name is Jinyu; since childhood, she was extraordinarily strong and martial,

but as a woman, she had no path to advancement, so she took the gentle Wu Da as her husband.”

Unfortunately, as a woman, she had little chance to achieve anything, so she married the honest Wu Dalang.

Since marrying into the Wu family, under the iron rolling pin, buns flowed like a river without end.

Wu Da could not bear the burden alone, but thanks to the boldness of the Iron Tower Lady,

she gathered a group of clever youngsters to help, until eventually, the entire county’s bun business

came entirely under the Wu family’s monopoly.

Such a formidable figure, the martial world bestowed upon her the nickname “Iron Tower Lady,”

also known as “Iron Lady,” “Half-City Rain,” and “Rain Sister.”

At the time, the men of Qinghe envied and resented Wu Da; every night,

hearing Wu Da’s cries for mercy, they wished they could take his place.

But on this day, another formidable figure of Qinghe County,

the Great Lord Ximen, Ximen Qing, was walking down the street when a sudden premonition struck him.

He looked up—and saw a massive iron rod, weighing some twenty catties, hurtling straight for his forehead.

With no time to dodge, Ximen Qing tilted his head to avoid the vital spot,

crossed his arms before his chest, and took the blow full force.

“Who’s behind this ambush?!”

As Ximen Qing lay on the ground, about to curse, the sky seemed to darken by a third,

and a dark shadow descended from above, the residual force shaking his internal organs.

Was it not the “Iron Tower Lady”?

She lifted the rod in one hand, saw Ximen Qing beneath it, and laughed heartily:

“Oh my, isn’t this Brother Ximen? Isn’t this ridiculous—I was just practicing at home,

didn’t notice it flew out onto the street… Didn’t hurt you, did it?”

As she spoke, she reached down and lifted the dazed Ximen Qing as easily as picking up a child,

patted his shoulders and chest to confirm he was unharmed, then dragged him toward her home:

“I’ve always wanted to meet you, Brother, but never had the chance—now it’s perfect.

Let me treat you to a feast, apologize to you, and we’ll drink till we’re both drunk…”

As Ximen Qing stood stunned, he felt saliva spattering his face like raindrops with every word the “Iron Lady” spoke.

“Is she going to eat the dish—or eat me?”

Fearing for his life, Ximen Qing wanted nothing more than to flee home,

but her hand clamped onto him like an iron ring.

The man who prided himself on mastering women now felt his role reversed—

he was the one held fast, utterly powerless.

“Could this be my doom?” Ximen Qing sighed inwardly.

As he despaired, Rain Sister yanked him into a small building.

Just as he resigned himself, he saw Wu Da approaching with a grim expression:

“You bring home anyone and everyone? Who’s this brother now?”

"Are you bringing home just anyone these days? Who’s this new brother of yours?"

The Dragon Heaven Zhang Jie also grew curious, activated his Super Brain,

and immediately delivered a monologue where Rain Sister replaced Pan Jinlian.

The Water Margin Zhang Jie, who had personally seen Ximen Qing off, covered his face and complained:

“That’d require Ximen Qing to report it to the authorities.”

The Heaven Sword Zhang Jie raised an eyebrow:

“He could even hold out until reporting it? Ximen Qing is a real character.”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie, knowing the character of County Magistrate Wen Bin, added:

“Magistrate: Great Lord, that woman—I dare not provoke either.

Let me advise you: just pretend you were bitten by a dog.”

Seeing that the Water Margin Zhang Jie and Heaven Sword Zhang Jie still hadn’t grasped the point, the Dragon Heaven Zhang Jie spoke up:

“The urgent matter now is to assign Rain Sister a corresponding star constellation.”

The Heaven Sword Zhang Jie smiled, revealing his bright, even teeth:

“That’s hardly urgent.”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie joined in the jest:

“Earth Star or Cave North Star?”

The Heaven Sword Zhang Jie then recalled a certain starfish from Bikini Bottom:

“I think it’s Patrick.”

“Hmm~ Art is Patrick. That’s a fine idea.”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie and Dragon Heaven Zhang Jie both agreed on this constellation name.

The Water Margin Zhang Jie continued his commentary:

“The ending would be that the Wu couple, seeing their business grow ever more prosperous, grew greedy,

adulterated the buns with fillers, got caught by righteous folk exposing fraud,

but Second Brother, protective of his elder, beat someone up and ruined the family’s reputation,

and the three of them fled, eventually taking refuge as outlaws on Mount Shuipoliang.”

Hearing this most historically plausible guess, the Dragon Heaven Zhang Jie couldn’t help but raise his thumb:

“Tapioca flour buns—perfect.”

The Heaven Sword Zhang Jie raised his hand: “Your ideas are all excellent,

but there’s one small problem: Rain Sister’s home isn’t within the borders of the Great Song!”

The Water Margin Zhang Jie waved his hand dismissively:

“No big deal—it’s just that the Great Jin has gained another fierce general for hunting Zhao Gou.”

"It’s no big deal—just that the Great Jin has gained another fierce general to hunt down Zhao Gou."

After chatting a while longer, seeing no new Zhang Jie arrive, the Heaven Sword Zhang Jie,

Water Margin Zhang Jie, and Dragon Heaven Zhang Jie bid each other farewell and returned to their respective worlds.

The Water Margin Zhang Jie and the Heavenly Dragon Zhang Jie bid each other farewell and returned to their respective worlds.