Chapter 335: Fear Is Instinct, Courage Is a Hymn

"Mix them together to make pee beef balls, you idiot…"

In the morning, Central Channel 6 was airing Stephen Chow's film, The God of Cookery.

Lu Yang lay on the hospital bed eating an orange, watching with great interest.

To his right, Ding Tengfei faced away from the TV, hunched over the nightstand, scribbling something.

Beside the nightstand were sheets of test papers that Lu Yang had marked with a red pen.

The test papers were covered densely with marks, all "X", almost more than half wrong.

Because he had resolved to take the entrance exam, Ding Tengfei began frantically solving practice questions in his spare training time.

At first Gao Feng thought Lu Yang would be bored alone in the hospital, so he arranged for Ding Tengfei to visit on weekends to keep him company, so he could ask Lu Yang questions he didn't understand and also have someone to talk to—a win‑win.

Ding Tengfei originally thought it would be an easy job, but it turned out to be truly agonizing.

Because his learning foundation was extremely weak and he forgot many points as soon as he learned them, Lu Yang made him grind practice questions.

In a day he would do four or five sets of papers, grade them immediately, copy the wrong ones as punishment, and bring them next time.

It made Ding Tengfei feel his whole life was unlovable, and he even developed a death wish.

He would rather run three five‑kilometer sprints fully armed, then run five 400‑meter obstacle courses, then fire a thousand rounds, than sit and grind questions as tediously as being in prison.

When the movie went to commercials, Lu Yang turned his head and took a moment to glance at the restless Ding Tengfei scratching his ears and cheek.

"Can't write it, leave it blank for now, write the one below."

"Oh."

Ding Tengfei chose to skip, but the next question still stumped him.

He racked his brain for a long time, his face flushed red yet he still couldn't find the correct answer, so he had to keep skipping.

When he finally came across a question he could answer, Ding Tengfei's thoughts were constantly interrupted by the TV dialogue as he fidgeted with his fingers.

For example, that especially brain‑washing line: "Offended the abbot and still want to leave?"

Consequently, while filling in the blank, Ding Tengfei's mind went into chaos and he wrote on the line: "Shaolin Temple's eighteen bronze men…"

"Brother Yang."

Ding Tengfei hurriedly used adhesive tape to erase the eighteen bronze men, and with a sour face said, "Can you turn the TV volume down a bit?"

Lu Yang glanced at him, "Was it noisy for you?"

Ding Tengfei: "A little."

Lu Yang rolled his eyes, "If you're being disturbed, it shows you haven't devoted yourself to the problems."

"If you immerse yourself completely, you won't notice external sounds and the TV won't affect you."

Ding Tengfei inexplicably felt those words were familiar,

as if every homeroom teacher from middle school to high school had said something similar.

Back then he could ignore them completely, even deliberately opposing the homeroom teacher in class to look cool.

But when facing Lu Yang, even though the man was still lying on the hospital bed, Ding Tengfei didn't dare to retort a single word.

It stemmed from respect, admiration, gratitude, and thankfulness; also because he knew Lu Yang's words were correct and meant his own good.

Ding Tengfei could only lower his head again and honestly continue solving the problems.

Soon it was noon; just as Lu Yang was about to collect the papers for grading, Guo Yongwen entered carrying several insulated containers.

"So serious, let's eat first; set the test papers aside for now."

"Ding Tengfei, lower the small table for Lu Yang and raise the bedside a little."

Two or three of the insulated boxes were opened, containing at least seven or eight dishes and two or three soups.

Lu Yang was startled, "Why so much? We can't even finish it!"

Guo Yongwen laughed, "These are from our company's Cafeteria, those are made by your Sixth Company, especially this lotus‑root, kelp, pork‑trotter soup; Squad Leader Hong said it was stewed all night."

Because of the upcoming war games, each battalion of the Special Third Regiment entered a tense state.

Ma Qing'an and Gao Feng made a calculation: the two companies would take turns delivering food each weekend.

This way, Lu Yang's nutrition was ensured, and the training wouldn't fall apart.

Last week Zhou Kaidong had already come, so this week it was Guo Yongwen's turn to deliver meals, but he didn't expect to bring so much.

"There are too many dishes, we definitely can't finish them all; let's eat together."

"This is sickroom meal made especially for you; I've already eaten some, you and Ding Tengfei can share it."

Ding Tengfei was already starving, took the chopsticks without hesitation and ate big mouthfuls.

He didn't know why, but the Cafeteria's dishes, once packed in a lunchbox and brought to the hospital, turned out especially delicious.

Maybe it was the earlier movie's influence; anyway Ding Tengfei was truly starving at that moment.

Lu Yang's left hand could already move, but because it was wrapped in bandages, its range was limited.

In fact, he could already get out of bed and walk around, and even use the bathroom by himself at night without issue.

But to avoid drawing attention and arousing doctors' or nurses' suspicion, Lu Yang decided to deliberately slow his apparent recovery.

Even so, his superhuman recovery speed still amazed the doctors and the deputy director.

The sickroom meal tasted quite good and was nutritionally complete; Lu Yang felt as if ever since he joined the troops, sickroom meals had never stopped.

When the New Recruit Company caught a cold and fever from rain, they went to the Tuan Bu medical room for IV drips, and ate sickroom meals of vegetable noodles drizzled with sesame oil.

Later, after a spy was captured and injured, the Cook Squad served pigeon soup and crucian‑carp soup, a full month's ration.

Now it's a top‑tier setup of eight dishes, three soups, and a fruit, and the benefits keep upgrading.

"What are you thinking?"

Guo Yongwen collected the leftover bones, put them into a plastic bag, and tossed them into the trash can.

Lu Yang snapped out of his daydream and said, "I was thinking, the army is still the best; so many people care when you're sick or injured."

Guo Yongwen laughed, "Unity is strength; you think that's just empty talk?"

Ding Tengfei laughed and said: "Anyway, I've benefited twice by following behind you. Hey, Yang brother, I actually have a question I've wanted to ask you, but I don't know if it's classified."

Lu Yang looked at him: "Go ahead."

"What was the situation back then? How exactly did you manage to keep up?"

"There were so many people opposite, and they all had guns—weren't you afraid, weren't you afraid something would go wrong?"

Lu Yang was quite frank: "I was afraid."

Ding Tengfei: "Then why did you still go up?"

Guo Yongwen: "Did the desire for merit overcome fear?"

Guo Yongwen, true to his veteran status, immediately pinpointed the key point.

Lu Yang also had no intention of hiding it: "Actually, at that time I was quite torn, yet also clear-headed. I knew that as long as I kept up, I could at least earn some merit, at worst a second-class merit."

"But I also feared that if I weren't careful, I'd come back with a first-class merit and become a martyr."

Ding Tengfei put down his chopsticks, stared at him with a serious expression, and Guo Yongwen was also listening.

Although he had served many years, he had never experienced actual combat, never faced a life-and-death crisis like Lu Yang's.

Thus, as a veteran, he was very curious about what Lu Yang's mental state was in such a dire situation.

Lu Yang: "Fear is human instinct; courage is humanity's hymn. I just kept switching between being afraid of death and not afraid of death, then I just charged ahead."

"However, to be honest, initially I was confident I could retreat unscathed if discovered, after all, in a scuffle nobody is a match for our Iron Foot."

"But then that bastard pulled a sneaky move on me, I almost lost my life, and only then did I shift from active pursuit to passive defense, fighting for survival."

Ding Tengfei dangled his chopsticks, stunned: "Then you just killed those guys?"

"Yeah."

"Holy shit, that's too amazing, right?"

Ding Tengfei swallowed and asked: "Can I interview you—what does it feel like to kill someone for the first time?"

"Is it like the books say—nauseous, dizzy, having nightmares?"

"What's that word again, Platoon Leader, what's it called, starts with a p."

"You're asking me?" Guo Yongwen scratched his nose: "My English is terrible, I can't remember."

Lu Yang: "You mean PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder?"

Ding Tengfei slapped his thigh: "Exactly, that's it—post-traumatic stress disorder, do you have it?"

Lu Yang picked up a piece of meaty trotter and put it in his mouth: "Look at me like this—does it seem like I have it?"

"Really strange, don't movies always portray it like that?"

"Artistic processing, you also believe that."

Lu Yang pursed his lips: "When have you ever seen an anti-Japanese war veteran, or in our domestic war-themed film and TV, having these?"

"In movies, those soldiers just go to other people's houses to kill and burn; if they don't feel guilty, that's weird."

"And, I never once thought about killing them from start to finish; I just wanted to tail them, report their position, and have the armed police come surround and suppress—it was them who insisted on killing me."

"To protect myself, I could only fight back; otherwise, by now I'd have already passed the seventh day after death. You wouldn't be visiting a patient—you'd be sweeping my grave."

Even though Lu Yang spoke in a joking tone, Guo Yongwen's and his expressions were still somewhat solemn.

They had already heard that Lu Yang likely earned a first-class merit this time, but from him they also got indirect confirmation.

"The saying goes: third-class merit earned while standing, second-class merit earned missing an arm or leg, first-class merit earned while lying down"—the weight of that saying.

Encountering such danger, if either of them had been in his place, they'd probably have already sacrificed.