Chapter 132: She had thoughts of not wanting to live

The crystal lamp at the entryway was cold, white, and piercing, stretching the shadows on the ground long and thin.

Shen Li had just changed her shoes, and the cold sweetness of the candied haws still lingered on her fingertips. That insignificant warmth was completely crushed the moment Yu Lizhen turned around.

A crisp "slap" exploded in the narrow entryway without warning.

Shen Li was hit so hard her head tilted to the side, and a clear slap mark immediately appeared on her face. First it was numb, then she felt a burning pain, and even the scene in front of her became a bit blurry.

Shen Li had experienced such things more than once.

A long time ago, she had always lived like this.

This time was no different.

As if out of habit, that numb heart had no reaction to such things. She still lowered her head, cold and clear, without resisting, without speaking, and even more so, without shedding a single tear.

She felt that for her, living was just left with this shell without a soul.

The candied haws in her hand were also tossed aside by her, hitting the wall, and then falling to the ground.

"How did I tell you!"

"Puppy love! How old are you, and you're already engaging in puppy love! I am the dean of students, and also your mother! Can't you think for me? Do you know how much trouble you'll cause me!"

"Why can't you learn to be good!"

Yu Lizhen's voice was as sharp as an awl, every word wrapped in ice shards, piercing fiercely into Shen Li's ears.

That delicate face was full of disgust and dissatisfaction, and those eyes that always held smiles for Shen Zhaozhao now looked at Shen Li with nothing but annoyance.

The overwhelming scolding, combined with the pain on her face, made her heart feel as if it were being tightly gripped by an invisible hand, hurting so much she could barely breathe.

She wanted to say she wasn't engaging in puppy love, it was that boy who took the initiative to find her.

She didn't give him any response.

Mom, I have been studying hard.

I am not engaging in puppy love.

Can you... can you please...

Stop scolding me.

Can you...

Treat me a little better, just like you treat Shen Zhaozhao.

When those angry emotions all fell upon her, Shen Li couldn't say a word, just lowered her head, because she knew that no matter how she explained, her mother would never believe her.

That day, Shen Li was punished by not being allowed to eat dinner. After her father returned, he asked her a simple question, and after that... there was no then.

After a while, she heard laughter coming from outside the door. They were sitting at the dining table like a family of three, chatting about fun things that happened at school today.

While she was isolated outside, becoming an insignificant existence in this home.

Three years of high school, these three years...

Shen Li didn't know how she had survived them.

Every day, she felt she was living in a state of suppression, sadness, and painful torment.

Later, because of this incident,

She cut off all interpersonal relationships. Every day, besides reading and studying, she became that person who didn't like to talk. Everyone looked at her as if they were looking at an oddity.

She thought, as long as she got into university, got recommended to Qingbei University, and showed her mother the best grades, would it be better?

If so, would Mom also buy her new clothes?

Would she follow her home from school every day?

Sitting in the passenger seat where Shen Zhaozhao often sat, would she also ask her what she wanted to eat?

Every anniversary, would she receive a carefully prepared little gift?

Is it that when she grows up...

Shen Zhaozhao can leave our home?

This thought popped up, like a vine, tightly entangling her heart, tightening more and more.

She knew that thinking this way was bad and selfish, but she couldn't help but want to think this way, secretly hiding it in the deepest part of her heart, reciting it over and over, even hoping to grow up quickly so she could leave home.

The bustling Haishi is a place everyone wants to stay in, squeezing their heads to get in.

But for Shen Li, who grew up here,

She doesn't like this place.

Nor does she like the people here.

And there is nothing worth her lingering over.

Three in the morning, the sky hadn't brightened yet.

Shen Li opened her eyes, but she had no more sleepiness. When these things inadvertently popped up a scene, the things that happened in the past surged like a tide, making her constantly remember, and then these bad things, back and forth, repeatedly entangled her.

The moment she realized her mother had given her recommendation spot to Shen Zhaozhao, she knew.

She would never leave that home.

She herself would forever live in her shadow.

The day she lost the recommendation spot...

The day they took Shen Zhaozhao to the Maldives for a vacation...

Leaving her alone at home to take the college entrance exam...

She felt...

Everyone in the world seemed to have abandoned her.

Why...

No one loves her.

At that moment, she had thoughts of not wanting to live.

Later...

She really did it...

Just after she finished the first Chinese exam.

Shen Li secretly hid from everyone and left school.

Returned home.

Slit her wrists...

Does it hurt?

It didn't seem to hurt.

She just felt that at that moment, she seemed to be liberated.

She didn't know why she would do this either.

Even, she didn't have time to react.

That she would be like this.

By the time she realized this behavior.

Her body, her thoughts...

Were all empty.

Zhang Zixin was the first to wake up. She squinted her eyes, still in a dream, climbed down from the bed, and went to the bathroom.

Less than a few minutes later, she returned to the bed, covered herself with the quilt, and prepared to fall asleep again.

Suddenly, she felt something was wrong.

She sat up and looked at the bed beside her.

The quilt was folded neatly, and the person on that bed was already gone.

Zhang Zixin: "?"

Her brain hesitated for a few seconds, she rubbed her eyes, picked up her phone from beside the pillow, and checked the time. It was only 5:45.

She had just come out of the bathroom.

No one knew when Shen Li had gotten up.

Zhang Zixin frowned, lay back down, found Xie Qin's contact information in her address book, and hurriedly called him.

It rang for more than twenty seconds on the other end before it was answered.

Xie Qin was half-asleep, his voice low and hoarse, spitting out a cold word: "Speak."

"Is Shen Li with you?"

"..."

"She's not in the dormitory, she's gone."

Six in the morning.

The sky hadn't fully brightened yet, it was a thin curtain of pale blue mixed with gray, quietly without noise.

Shen Li's weak voice rang out in the night: "... Mm, I won't hang up."

"I'll be there soon."

Xie Qin made the call and held it to his ear without hanging up.

Shen Li turned her head and saw the figure running toward her quickly not far away.

Xie Qin also saw her by the artificial lake under that street lamp, his expression filled with tension, and he hung up the phone.

He ran all the way, panting as he stopped in front of her, supporting his knees with both hands, easing up for a while.

The next second, Xie Qin slowly bent his knees and knelt half-way in front of her... ===== CHAPTER 133 =====