Chapter 30: Eunuch 37 (May the Cat God Bless)

Eunuch 37 (May the Cat God Bless)

Because of the miraculous Cat God, the fifteenth prince is now a big star in the Huangong.

The old emperor appointed a great Confucian scholar to teach him, and he is very attentive to the fifteenth prince and his education.

This made the concubines who had sons very unhappy; they could only work hard to have their own sons perform in the study, but the study is so small that who can read and who cannot is clear at a glance from the teacher above.

The unlucky thirteenth prince was slapped by his mother, sobbed, and grievance‑filled said: "Mother Concubine, you clearly once said that your sons should be content and stay in place; you even told your son not to try too hard, that it would make you a thorn in the eyes and a splinter in the flesh. I have been like this for many years, and now it's too late to study hard."

The thirteenth prince's mother concubine—Qiao Fei—couldn't help but be so angry that she fell backward.

Qiao Fei's disciplining was too loud, but within a night it spread throughout the Hougong, bringing many jokes.

When the old emperor heard about this, he couldn't help but shake his head silently.

Although he was also depressed, compared with the fifteenth prince, the other princes truly seemed especially stupid and incompetent.

He looked again at the white‑haired old man reflected in the bronze mirror, his mouth drooping, and thought: for the sake of the people and the state, he still has to endure a little longer.

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After Character: Jiang Yuner moved out of the Lenggong with her son, she lived together with him in the Peach Fragrance Hall.

The fifteenth prince is still young; according to tradition, before a prince ties his hair, he may live with his mother concubine.

Not long after the mother and son moved to the Peach Fragrance Hall, concubines from the Hougong came to visit.

Character: Jiang Yuner smiled and entertained the many visiting concubines, saying, "So many sisters coming to visit, truly a splendid gathering."

A strikingly beautiful concubine silently surveyed the place where Character: Jiang Yuner lived.

The cheap yellow‑flower‑pear door and the ordinary tiled floor looked just so.

There was nothing to be done; the good spots had long been taken. Compared with the places they live in, with white‑jade floors and rose‑wood doors, Jing Fei's residence could only be called "splendid."

Character: Jiang Yuner seemed not to notice their disdain and warmly entertained them.

"These are the pastries I made, called Beauty's Smile." She eagerly shared the peach‑flower cake, "Please all try."

This was Yue Fei's first public appearance after moving out of the Cold Palace, and the concubines present, regardless of their thoughts, all gave her face.

"Sweet but not greasy, delicious." After Jing Fei, who is about the same age as Character: Jiang Yuner, ate a piece, she examined Character: Jiang Yuner.

The doll‑like face indeed looked youthful, like a seventeen‑ or eighteen‑year‑old girl, but…

Jing Fei couldn't help but sigh inwardly; this overly plump type is exactly the kind of woman the emperor despises!

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Back then, when Yue Fei first entered the palace, her beautiful features, slender figure, and cloud‑like delicate snow‑white skin made Emperor Liang Kang dote on her for a time, which caused the other women in the Hougong to be extremely jealous; when they tried to act, they discovered Yue Fei's greatest weakness.

Yue Fei was born among the common folk and had never eaten anything good; when she saw delicacies she was almost lost. The emperor's gifts of golden hairpins, hair ornaments, etc., the concubines would proudly pin on their heads and flaunt. Yue Fei's method was suffocating: she sold those to wealthy concubines for silver, then took the silver to the Imperial Kitchen to exchange for meat!

As the old saying goes, what you eat never lets you down.

Every piece of meat Yue Fei ate turned into weight on her body, and the emperor disliked plump beauties; the jealous concubines, seeing this, all stopped. Indeed, the fat on Yue Fei's body was her greatest enemy; she would eventually lose favor, so why should they dirty their own hands?

The result was unexpected: Yue Fei hadn't even become a plump beauty when, because of a witchcraft incident, she was sent to the Cold Palace.

"Sister Yue Fei." Jing Fei took out a handkerchief to wipe her lips and, as if casually, asked, "You've been in the Cold Palace for twelve years; since you have a child, why didn't you report it to the emperor earlier?"

The nearby strikingly beautiful Qiao Fei's eyes flickered with pity as she said, "The fifteenth prince is so pitiful; sister Yue Fei brings a child to the Cold Palace, unable to eat enough or stay warm, and she still lets it happen! As for my own thirteenth prince, if he ever skips a meal, I would be heartbroken…"

Her words indirectly hinted at Yue Fei's cruelty as a mother.

The other concubines twitched the corners of their mouths; no wonder the thirteenth prince is as fat as a pig—when he skips a meal, Qiao Fei panics.

Honestly, if they were the thirteenth prince's own mother, they'd starve him for ten days to half a month to trim his fat, his facial features would almost be squeezed out by the flesh.

Character: Jiang Yuner sighed, "Who says I haven't reported to the emperor…"

She looked at the "sisters" with a sorrowful expression and said softly, "I once had a personal maid; I sent her to the emperor to report the truth, and all I got was the emperor saying he doesn't lack sons and told us to leave!"

At that point, Character: Jiang Yuner's tears burst forth, streaming down.

"At the time I didn't know the palace staff had forged an edict; I thought it was the emperor's will… My heart feels like being cut by a knife."

The concubines comforted her, "Sister Yue Fei, don't be sad; the emperor will get to the bottom of this."

Only Qiao Fei and Jing Fei seemed thoughtful, so, saddened, Yue Fei decided to raise her son alone in the Cold Palace…

The logic checks out, yet something still feels off.

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Before leaving, Qiao Fei, Jing Fei, and the other concubines who have princes gave Character: Jiang Yuner one last look; they are the concubines who cannot win over the emperor on their own, and they also have children, so the battlefield must be among the children.

When they return, let the children study more; diligence can make up for lack of talent!

It is said the fifteenth prince studies nearly five hours a day, so their children must study six hours!

After seeing off the concubine who came to gather intelligence, Character: Jiang Yuner shut the palace gate and continued her own little life.

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After the high‑ranking Hougong who went to Xiangguo Temple to pray left, Character: Jiang Yuner became one of the few remaining high‑rank pinfei after the great selection.

Now Yue Fei can basically be said to walk across the Hougong as she pleases.

Although the empress hasn't been deposed, after being locked up she is said to be half mad, half lucid; the palace affairs have long been divided among the four consorts, and Yue Fei, Character: Jiang Yuner, oversees the most important aspect: food.

Food is important, but needlework and jewelry allow the most manipulation and hidden tricks, making them the top choice for cash‑strapped concubines.

Privately, many concubines sneer, sure she lived in the Cold Palace too long, starved, which made her so obsessed with food.

Yue Fei, however, was not displeased at all; she contentedly sent her attendant to the Imperial Kitchen, asking the imperial chef to prepare a few new delicacies for her to taste.

The head imperial chef was greatly delighted; finally a noble with a good appetite actively ordered, and the food sent to Chang'an Palace received extra care.

For this, the old emperor praised her several times, preferring to go to Chang'an Palace; even if he contributed nothing, he was happy to dine with Yue Fei and the fifteenth prince.

The other Hougong, seeing the old emperor being drawn away by Yue Fei, were instantly furious.

"That bitch!" Qiao Fei shouted angrily, "I told you why she would want to manage the Imperial Kitchen… Turns out she can't attract the emperor physically, so she tries to lure his appetite!"

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The thirteenth prince beside them ate a pork elbow in each hand, not even lifting his head.

"Mother Consort, if you also knew how to make delicious food, you could also learn to win Father Emperor's favor." He had his mouth full of meat, speaking indistinctly: "This roasted pork trotter is really too delicious; I truly envy the Fifteenth Prince's mother consort, who actually can make such a delicious roasted pork trotter..."

The Pretty Consort, angry, lifted the tray and walked away: "No more eating! Look at how fat you've become?! You ill-fated child, who do you even resemble? I, your mother consort, am so slender and graceful—how did I raise a piglet son?!"

Although she put on a kind‑mother act in front of Consort Yue, she actually also understood that her son was overly obese; normal people wouldn't like such an obese child, and she didn't blame the emperor for not giving him another glance.

The Thirteenth Prince didn't mind, muttering: "Mother Consort, you have to accept reality..."

The Pretty Consort couldn't help but laugh sinisterly: "Reality is, you start losing weight tomorrow! Then no more lazy sleep—early rising to study!"

Before, there were so many adult princes blocking the way; she had no thoughts, nor dared to have any, only wishing her son could grow up safely, and later, when he got his own fief, to bring her out of the palace to enjoy her old age. Now that those older princes are gone, her son might actually have a chance to compete, so she naturally must plot for him.

Since she had that thought, she would not allow her son to remain as lazy as before; he must make progress and compete with the currently rising Fifteenth Prince.

Upon hearing that, the Thirteenth Prince couldn't help but look devastated—his delicacies, his storybooks...

Fortunately he had hidden his beloved picture book "The Fifteenth Lang's Travels" beforehand; otherwise it would have been confiscated, and he would surely have been heartbroken.

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The tutor in the study recently developed a habit: whenever he sees the emperor, he praises his son to the skies, and only praises the Fifteenth Prince, Li Character: Mingzhi.

At first, the old emperor was very pleased in his heart.

The sons he fathered were not all idiots; some had inherited his intelligence and talent.

But gradually, the emperor's innate suspicion and art of checks and balances unknowingly surfaced again.

The Fifteenth Prince is so intelligent that the throne seems destined for him alone; what about the other sons? Perhaps give them more settlement silver and grant them larger fiefdoms.

As for emptying his own inner treasury to subsidize the other sons, when the new emperor ascends the throne he would end up with an empty vault where even mice could run—what then?

Isn't the Fifteenth Prince the Chosen One favored by the Cat God? Surely there must be a way!

Thinking this, the old emperor's hands twitched with urge; he thought about drafting the edict in advance, so that if the Fifteenth Prince ascended, he wouldn't mistreat his brothers.

Just then, a palace servant rushed in and knelt down with a thud.

"Your Majesty, it's terrible—the Fifteenth Prince almost died from poison!"

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The old emperor's imperial brush trembled, dropping onto the desk and smudging the still‑unfinished edict.

Immediately, the old emperor moved with an agility unbefitting his age, flying toward the Hougong, praying in his heart that the Fifteenth Prince come to no harm.

The twelve‑year‑old boy shook his head, his expression still calm: "I'm not afraid, Father Emperor, don't be afraid either."

So the old emperor became more diligent in visiting the Taoxiang Hall; as an emperor, he actually dislikes dishes that eunuchs have tasted for poison, because by the time he eats them they're practically cold!

The old emperor's face hardened, and he said sternly: "You this kid surely didn't pay attention in class again—what don't you understand?" Yet his eyes were smiling.

He sat there for a while, then suddenly asked: "Xia Duo Fu, are my secret guards really that capable?" The suspicious‑minded empress always felt suspicious, as if the evidence were being handed straight to them.

The old emperor looked at the detailed information and ordered the head of the secret guards to go down.

The old emperor's face sank, his hands gripping the dragon throne tightly—sure enough, it was those aristocratic clans again! They just want to put a prince with a clan background on the throne; the Fifteenth Prince doesn't fit their choice, and they even dare to kill a prince!

Bullshit compensation! Aside from the Fifteenth Prince, the natal families of the other princes, even if they aren't aristocratic, will go and recognize an aristocratic family as a god‑parent, twisting ties to connect with the clans! Surely, after he makes this compensation today, those clans will become even more arrogant tomorrow, until the prince he selects meets their liking.

She withdrew her gaze expressionlessly and looked up at the sky.

The old emperor pondered for a moment, then said: "Handle it however it should be handled—remove Consort Jing and the young Fourteenth Prince!"

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Because many poisons have appeared recently in the Taoxiang Hall, the imperial physician, who is almost becoming a poison expert, spoke euphemistically.

Consort Yue beamed, greeting the father and son: "Eat more, beef is hard to come by."

The old emperor ate without raising his head, feeling that the cow's misfortune was his great fortune.

The old emperor couldn't help but frown; he wasn't pleased to see a perfectly fine prince, still a good studious seed, go off to practice martial arts: "How did he suddenly want to learn martial arts?"

"Your Majesty, this taste resembles schisandra—colorless and odorless; prolonged exposure can cause death in one's sleep, and leaves no trace for investigation—it seems this poison has advanced."

Consort Jing indeed had no part in this, and the young Fourteenth Prince is just a childish bunch—no idea what's going on.

Even for the imperial family, the number of times they can eat beef is limited; today, a strong ox fell into a ditch at the imperial farm and broke its leg, so it was slaughtered because it could no longer work.

The old emperor sincerely said: "Beloved consort, if you weren't my consort, I would want you to be the head of the Imperial Kitchen!"

Sigh, this child is still young; he occasionally slacks off and skips lessons—without this father emperor watching over him, it just won't do!

Not only is it a cultural cat, but also a cat that can detect poison and identify medicine; now, before the Fifteenth Prince eats, the Cat God jumps onto the table, sniffs each dish, and only then allows the prince and his mother to begin eating.

Eunuch Xia also had doubts in his heart, but still smiled on his face: "Your Majesty, this shows the Fifteenth Prince's fortune is good, with the Cat God protecting him, heaven is watching."

Even if the Cat God watches day and night, people still keep coming one after another to poison her son; she's almost dying of worry, but fortunately since she intervened in the Imperial Kitchen, screening from the first line of defense, otherwise her son would face even more danger.

Xia Duo Fu has served beside the old emperor for so long that he already understands how to preserve himself with wisdom.

The old emperor couldn't help but stern his face: "The palace isn't a dragon's pool and tiger's den—where do all these dangers come from? Besides, I've always sent secret guards to follow you; if there's danger, he'll rescue you."

The palace maid, familiar with the way, upturned the flower vase, and a packet of medicine fell out.

The chief of the secret guards stood there with hands clasped, saying nothing.

Jiu Lang said the cured spare rib hot pot is delicious; why don't she dry some more?

The two people and the cat simultaneously looked at the emperor, their expressions identical in doubt: "Are you sure?"

The old emperor hadn't expected to be slapped in the face again; he left the Taoxiang Hall in anger, ordering Xia Duo Fu to find out who did it this time.

His gaze involuntarily softened; the other consorts in the palace didn't understand why his taste changed so quickly, from liking spare rib essence to five‑layer pork. Actually he's grown old enough to have no interest in that; when he comes to Consort Yue's place, he at most just sits there or keeps them company for a meal. Now what worries him most is the heir; he wants to hand over the vast realm to a child he can trust.

The Three-Colored Cat squatted on the table, meowing at the emperor as if questioning: "You're an emperor, and right under your very eyelids someone dares to harm your son—won't you reflect a little?"

Li Character: Mingzhi secretly chuckled, thinking his father emperor also tacitly acknowledges that the palace isn't safe; however, swimming aside, it's cold now, so he'll wait until next spring to learn.

"That fast?" The old emperor exclaimed, taking over the secret guards' investigation, glancing briefly: "Is it the You clan? I remember the birth mother of the young Fourteenth Prince, Consort Jing, lost her parents in childhood and was raised by the You clan—raising a little cat or dog, then when they grew up and found their looks decent, they decided to cultivate them heavily?"

Character: Jiang Yuner stood under the peach tree, seeing the indoor situation through the gaps of the slightly yellow branches and leaves.

The old emperor couldn't help but fly into a rage; having finally obtained a clever son, he won't allow anyone to harm him!

The old emperor believed this had nothing to do with Consort Jing's doing; of course, if it succeeded, the You clan and Consort Jing would claim credit, and Consort Jing might, seeing the You clan's usefulness, cooperate with them.

The old emperor gave a sinister smile, ordering the secret guards to investigate the evidence; aristocratic clans all breathe through the same nostril, especially versed in the principle that when the lips are gone the teeth feel the cold—without evidence he cannot move against them.

The emperor's secret guards took action, and they quickly found out.

The old emperor is already used to it.

The old emperor arrived at Chang'an Palace and saw Character: Jiang Yuner tightly holding her son; her face was all blue, and beside her foot lay the corpse of a small mouse.

After the imperial physician came over, he picked up the medicine packet, held it under his nose to sniff, and his face showed sudden understanding.

The old emperor contentedly drank his after-meal tea, the plump woman seemingly unable to idle, drying cured meat on the peach trees; in a daze, the emperor felt as if he were in a commoner's home.

Inside the room, Character: Mingzhi finished today's lessons and suddenly said, "Father Emperor, I want to learn martial arts from the palace guards."

It's a pity that the Yu family, upon making a move this time, failed outright; Consort Jing naturally wanted to sever ties with them, to avoid involvement with the Yu family and thus implicate herself and the Fourteenth Prince.

How thoughtful this child is, knowing that as a father I fear losing another child, he actually endured his fear to comfort me instead.

The old emperor's face darkened instantly, and he ordered someone to summon the imperial physician.

"Father Emperor, I don't quite understand today's lesson from the tutor."

"Little Fifteen, don't be afraid, Father Emperor will surely get to the bottom of this."

A white-haired old man, like a grandfather and grandson, the father and son conversed intimately; the old man's face bore the domineering air of one who points out the land, while the child was obedient and sensible, showing filial affection.

Even if it wasn't poisoning but rather choosing to exploit food incompatibilities, it could not escape the nose of the Cat God.

The Three-Colored Cat jumped down from the table, wandered around the hall, and just as the old emperor was about to speak, he saw the cat leap onto the display shelf, pointing at a vase and meowing.

Her son once again assured her last night, swearing that his acting was top-notch and would not arouse the emperor's suspicion, then the usual talk urged her to fake her death and leave the palace, not waste her youth there.

The next day, the commander of the palace guards came to teach the Fifteenth Prince the art of escaping danger.

The Yu family does things unfairly; even raising an orphan girl, they insist on grading her into three-six-nine ranks.

Thinking of the miraculous cat, the old emperor fell silent.

The Three-Colored Cat squatting beside the dining table, eating its own delicacy, also meowed in agreement; since awakening its orifices, Consort Yue is practically a reincarnation of the Kitchen God!

Consort Yue today made a dish of dry-fried beef.

"Whoever dares to kill my son, I will exterminate their whole family!"

Now he cannot afford to lose any more of his children.

"Wuu wuu wuu, Your Majesty, I feel today's chicken soup tastes off; sure enough, the Cat God brought over a mouse… indeed, after just one bite, the mouse died."

His several adult sons, originally not fighting so fiercely, are being stirred up by those noble clans behind the scenes!

The noble clans are not the Jiang family; the Jiang family is lacking because they come from humble origins, lacking the nobles' well-informed news and their many life-saving methods.

Consort Yue happened to walk into the hall, she looked at the emperor with an uneasy expression, "Your Majesty, why not let Character: Mingzhi learn swimming too? I heard there are many lakes and wells in the palace… By the way, I read a story today by an author named Da Jiang Dong Go, who said that by filling a cowhide water bag with air, one can breathe underwater for a long time…"

Especially the meat of young cattle; previously, beef came from old oxen unable to move, the meat was so tough it could only be used for stew, and had to be cured for a long time, otherwise chewing would strain one's cheeks.

Thinking of those adult princes who would either die or be crippled, the old emperor's inner fire burned even hotter.

Consort Yue immediately ordered the palace maids to take down that vase.

Not only is it fast, but also very detailed.

Now all the young princes throughout the palace are interested in this cat; they each want one!

The young lad said somewhat shyly, "I'm not studying martial arts; I just want to learn how to escape quickly." He patted his chest, still trembling with fear, "I never imagined being a prince was this dangerous; the poison was blocked by the cat, but what if they come with knives and guns? I must learn to escape."

The present old emperor no longer harbors thoughts of compensating the other princes.

But how could she set her mind at ease?

Those who become emperor prosper if they follow me and perish if they oppose me; the more people plot against the Fifteenth Prince, the less they want to choose him as heir, the more the old emperor feels the crown prince position belongs to none other than the Fifteenth Prince!

In her youth, before her talents showed, Consort Jing was of the lowest rank, suffering endless discrimination; thus after entering the palace, her attitude toward the Yu family was merely superficial.

The Yu family previously supported not Consort Jing, but Consort Yu, mother of the Tenth Prince; after the Tenth Prince's demise, they did not support Jing either, but instead sent a girl from their clan into the palace.

Character: Mingzhi came over holding his lessons, making the usual "nah nah nah" sounds, just like every day before, looking for a moment to ask the old emperor for advice.

A few days later, the secret guards presented the evidence.

"I would like one too," the old emperor muttered to himself; with such a cat around, meals would be much more reassuring.

Anyway, no matter what, if something remains undecided, dragging it to the Cat God is sure to work.

Character: Jiang Yuner, while busy, recalled the words her son had spoken to her the previous night.

Upon seeing him, Character: Jiang Yuner burst into tears.

What lovely weather; these peach trees have many branches, perfect for drying lots of cured meat and spare ribs? Since moving into Peach Fragrance Hall, Ninth Lang can only come over at midnight; it's been ages since she sat down with Ninth Lang to share a meal.

The old emperor's tears nearly fell.

I don't know if other cats can eat spicy food, but the Cat God has no taboos; aside from not being able to eat anything too hot, sour, sweet, bitter, salty are all fine, and in some respects it's even more discerning than humans, after all a human tongue can't tell whether seafood is fresh or not.

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