Chapter 4

Eunuch 4 (will castrate him)

Recently, Character: Song Gonggong and Wang Gonggong have been fighting fiercely, but unfortunately nobody can do anything to the other, after all, they both have backers in this Hougong, and they both suffer from persecution paranoia.

Character: Song Gonggong's backer, Character: Huo Gonggong, although merely from the Imperial Kitchen, has Character: Huo Gonggong's own backer being the seal-holding eunuch who attends the emperor.

Wang Gonggong's backer is the recently unfavored Consort Shu, and for a time the two are truly evenly matched.

As for Xiao Hezi, the culprit who caused their fight, nobody remembers him now.

Now, when Character: Song Gonggong and Wang Gonggong think of each other, their feelings fluctuate more than when they think of Jiang He, and they would love to kill each other.

Of course, this also has to do with Jiang He starting to change his image.

An ungroomed youth, with messy bangs covering his face, his visage indistinct, he loiters silently and unnoticeably among the flower beds like those insignificant little eunuchs in the palace.

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Nobody noticed this silent gardener, just as nobody noticed that at midnight there was almost a figure lingering on every rooftop.

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Rumor has it that a ghost who likes to steal food has appeared in the Imperial Kitchen; it comes and goes without a trace, and with just a turn, the prepared food disappears. This kind of stealthy method, aside from ghosts, who could pull it off?

The imperial cooks were frightened out of their wits by their own imaginations.

Upon hearing this, the palace guards did not believe in ghosts and decided to find the culprit who was stealing food.

After several days of sleepless surveillance, they discovered that the thief was a cat, and a particularly agile Three-Colored Cat at that.

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A group of imperial cooks shouted, waving knives and ladles as they gave chase.

Seeing the cat dart over, several palace guards flew into a rage; this little thing had kept them awake for days, pulling all-nighters.

The cat, holding a plate of pastries in its mouth, emitted a purring sound from its throat, like a mocking laugh, leapt onto the wall, and quickly disappeared behind it.

Everyone was furious; despite so many people surrounding and intercepting it, they still let it escape.

At that moment, a fat imperial cook blocked the others who wanted to continue the pursuit; for some reason, his expression was somewhat panicked, and he was drenched in sweat.

He hurriedly said, "Wait, I remember that plate of pastries wasn't wrapped in oil paper."

But the plate of pastries that the cat had just snatched away was wrapped in oil paper, and wrapped quite well.

The other cooks were displeased; "What are you blocking for? Hurry up and catch the cat!"

"What's so strange about that? Surely the cat wrapped it itself… uh?" Wait, would a cat wrap food in oil paper?

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"Definitely! We didn't wrap anything; only that one was wrapped."

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The eunuchs whispered among themselves, thinking that cat might have been a cat deity.

The guards only thought these eunuchs were making a fuss, wondering inwardly, "Can a cat even become a god?"

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Upon learning of this, Emperor Liang Kang was very disappointed in this group of palace guards.

"My palace guards are truly weak; indeed, those aristocratic families harbor ill intentions, always stuffing their own good-for-nothings into the palace to gain seniority…"

The more Emperor Liang Kang thought about it, the less secure he felt; he knew he could not now fall out with those aristocratic families, otherwise he wouldn't want any of these useless people.

Those who can enter the palace as palace guards are actually not stupid; they just haven't noticed the emperor's gaze.

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Why not call it a cat demon? Naturally because they fear offending the emperor; as the saying goes, "When a nation is about to perish, monsters will inevitably appear!" Since the emperor is a wise ruler, this clever cat can only be a cat deity!

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In a secluded corner of the palace, a person and a cat lie on the roof eating.

"System, I treat you well, don't I?" Jiang He asked with a smiling squint.

The cat sprawled beside him was wolfing down pastries; it was the System in a cat's shell, utterly devoid of grace, as if it hadn't eaten in hundreds of years, causing Jiang He to shake his head in secret.

The System felt this wasn't its fault; originally it just wanted to laze as a salted fish in the space, waiting for the host to finish the task on their own, and when the host pulled it out, it wasn't happy about it.

But now, it is indeed quite willing.

The host treats it pretty well, after all, this is the palace of a feudal dynasty—the pinnacle of cuisine!

Jiang He swung his legs, smiling narrowly, his eyes hidden by his bangs looking especially crafty.

It's said that capable Systems start from trivial little things; he doesn't know when he'll be able to train the System into shape, at which point he can take his turn lazing as a salted fish in the space.

"The pastries are not bad, but meat is still better!" the System cat said, licking its paws, the whiskers on both sides twitching.

Jiang He said coldly and ruthlessly, "Finish eating and go to work; today we're going to check out the Ministry of Revenue assistant secretary's residence!"

The System cat pursed its lips; in order to get the next meat meal, it might as well work.

After the System cat vanished into the night, Jiang He lazily yawned.

He gave himself a thumbs-up for his cleverness; with the System watching, he wouldn't have to stay up late at night, knowing he's still a child, his body still developing, and too many late nights would stunt his growth.

Even though he's now a eunuch, he still wants to grow to eight chi tall as a eunuch.

As for why the System doesn't employ high-tech surveillance, it has to do with the world's consciousness.

This world is still a feudal society; it cannot allow too many technological products that surpass its own level of technological progress, and even as a tasker, one cannot be too extravagant, for the world's consciousness still wishes to develop and will naturally step in to stop it.

Moreover, the tasker had better not go against the world's consciousness, otherwise the mission difficulty will increase.

Jiang He sighed, "Indeed, the methods of the first two taskers are still the quickest."

The old emperor's paranoia is severe, but not yet rotten to the core; since no little prince has been born, he has begun selecting concubines to prove his sword is not old and that he can still live another twenty years.

This serves as a warning to those princes who dare to covet the dragon throne beneath his rear.

The long-lived emperor makes those princes wish they could "see their father off with a smile"; the adult princes can no longer restrain themselves, and it looks like a nine-dragon succession struggle is about to unfold.

Jiang He closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

No rush, let's wait a bit longer!

His body is only now grown to thirteen, his face is too fresh to be convincing; it's too early to rebel!

The Imperial Kitchen's chefs have gradually gotten used to the Cat God's presence; whenever there's something delicious, they will set aside a portion especially.

System·Cat God·Tong Pin Ni's gaze swept over the group of sneaking chefs, arrogantly nodding at them, indicating their work was good, that they all know to pack it for it, without troubling its delicate paws.

When the cat vanished, a skinny chef rushed out, picked up the silver the cat left, and shouted with delight, "Ah, the southern fermented bean roast chicken I made has been validated by the Cat God!"

Looking back at the chaotic killings by the previous two agents, it was unavoidable, but it was only twenty years; the royal family produced two to three hundred children. The problem is that few among them are talented or wise rulers; they merely parasitize on Great Liang, a tree riddled with holes, sucking its blood. Even without the original host, Great Liang would still fragment from their infighting.

The facts prove that those who stay up at the dead of night are either night owls or people committing misdeeds.

Jiang He couldn't help feeling smug: He is truly kind, having made an outstanding contribution to the royal family's birth planning in a feudal society!

That's why agents are sent in to carry out missions.

Oh dear, the son sharing a room with his mother late at night; if word got out, the Second Prince's reputation could stink to the river ditches.

Jiang He recalled that in the original host's memories, the royal family was taken down in one fell swoop; there were simply too many people.

Those who play politics all have filthy hearts, and the emperor's is especially filthy; Emperor Liang Kang couldn't wait to boast about himself, and soon even the barbarians heard the Cat God's story.

The Second Prince thought that although he appears gloomy and unlikable, those court officials are blind, all favoring the fifth elder's solemn demeanor—how infuriating!

"Fewer births, better offspring, a happy life!" the System also praised itself, "Fewer children are precious; these kids don't even know what paternal love is. Tongzi feels sad for them!"

"It's indeed not Huang Shi Qian's doing, but Huang Shi actually wants to do it; the Second Prince's residence is so tiny that the children have nowhere to stay," the System clicked its tongue, "I think, rather than saying Huang Shi is jealous, she's worried about the household expenses. How much money can an unentitled prince have? The husband's many concubines are born, and in the end they all need you, the matriarch, to support them."

Clearly they all act with humility toward the worthy, yet for some reason the fifth elder's popularity surpasses his!

Anyway, the later royal descendants never produced any wise ruler; now they're all chemically castrated, which doesn't count as murder, so it's settled!

Each ruler eyed each other, and after a while Jiang He shook his head, thinking Tongzi is still inexperienced.

The Second Prince felt a bit displeased.

This internal strife allowed the barbarians to break in, turning Great Liang's fields into pastures, and its people into Hu slaves to herd sheep!

The Second Prince ignored it; regarding Consort An, he still liked her. When Consort An said she didn't have (the child), he assumed it was Huang Shi Qian's.

The System wasn't very reassured.

He had no thoughts at all; after all, the cat leaves silver when it eats, it doesn't eat his food for free, what could he say?

After a unified host boasted about itself, they all went to work.

It doesn't take advantage.

Jiang He: "Poison him!"

After a while, it finally finished communicating with the World Consciousness and replied to the host, "The unborn don't count!"

What a wonderful cat, understanding equivalent exchange—what else could it be if not a Cat God?

Jiang He on the rooftop raised an eyebrow.

Great Liang reverted to a slave society; even the World Consciousness couldn't tolerate this regression.

Wait, a pack of medicine?

The Second Prince's sons and daughters total over a dozen, and he still wants more! Only Huang Shi, compassionate and soft‑handed, would swap a person for a pack of medicine to kill two with one.

The System suggested, "Host, let's help those pitiful women; constant abortions are bad for their bodies!"

In short, not a good person.

System: "Castrate him."

The System accepted his explanation, clicking its tongue, "Alright, I'll check other princes with the same worries."

The royal family are scumbags who only produce but never raise!

The Empress is extremely ambitious; it doesn't matter if the Emperor doesn't favor her, but she cannot stand her own son's belongings being taken.

In the room, only the Empress and the Second Prince and his mother remained; the serving palace staff had all withdrawn to the hall outside.

Jiang He slapped his thigh, "Got it!"

"Physical castration won't work! It would cause a scandal, and this is a eunuch story, which empowers eunuchs," Jiang He explained to the dissatisfied Tongzi, "The Second Prince is turning perverse, which would cause trouble; the stealthy chemical castration is better—no one will notice."

"Huang Shi says she didn't do it," the Empress still believed her daughter‑in‑law, "Then the medicine was sent by Consort An."

Just like the Emperor, absolutely innocent of causing death.

Since the people in the Huangong learned of the Cat God's existence, each time the Cat God comes to take something, it leaves silver behind.

Indeed, the Imperial chefs also treat the elusive Cat God as a judge of their culinary skills; now they prefer feeding the Cat God over cooking for the Emperor.

The System, excitedly, shared gossip with the host, and indeed, seeing it with one's own eyes is far more fragrant than observing from afar.

Moreover, the birth of a divine cat signifies that this Emperor pleases the heavens; they even sent a divine cat.

The fried spring rolls, fruit‑wood roasted duck, braised pork trotters, roast suckling pig they previously made never received such generous tips.

Points deducted, merit deducted, luck deducted, and still subject to discrimination by the mission world's Heavenly Dao consciousness.

The Empress continued, "Pay attention to the back garden; don't drag the dirty, smelly things into the residence." Thinking of the daughter‑in‑law who complained to her every few days, the Empress felt a headache and warned, "Huang Shi comes from a Jinzhou aristocratic family and is the daughter of the Left Assistant Minister of the Ministry of Revenue; you must treat her with dignity."

At first, seeing the Second Prince's consort came from a noble family—her grandfather and father were useful officials at court—he thought she could be a suitable matriarch. Yet after marrying her, he realized she was a reincarnated jealous bottle, clingy and annoying, and because of the power behind her, he had to deal with her.

The Second Prince, though handsome, smiles like a sinister, scheming villain.

The Second Prince said gravely, "The fifth elder and the eighth elder get along well; the eighth is impulsive and reckless. If the fifth is taken down, the eighth is easy to handle." As he spoke, he couldn't help laughing.

The old Emperor lived long; he could have sons, his sons could have sons, and grandsons could have sons. The original host went on a rampage of killing, truly killing with a soft hand.

The mother and son in the room kept talking, while Jiang He on the rooftop and the System were also chatting.

"Mother Empress, can the Qintianjian really confirm that Su Zhou will continue to receive rain?" The Second Prince's handsome face looked especially gloomy in the night, "If it can be confirmed, we'll have many more options."

"By the way, the World Consciousness has no objections, right?" Jiang He was uneasy; lately the Fast‑Travel Bureau's regulations have tightened, and decisive killing hosts are no longer welcome—any slaughter in missions now falls on their heads.

Everyone treated the silver left by the Cat God as tips, eager to use it for offerings.

That night, Jiang He sat on the rooftop of the Empress's Fengxiang Palace.

Huan Er and Li Er are the most beautiful concubines in the residence, the ones he favors most; he had promised to give them a child, but after only a few days his secret was uncovered by the poisonous Huang Shi.

At this moment, the Empress is secretly plotting with her biological son, how to push aside the other princes and ascend to the throne.

After learning of this, what does Emperor Liang Kang think?

It sighed, seeing him want to hand out condoms to this group of princes—how safe!

Suzhou has had continuous rain for half a month; if the rain gets a bit heavier, they will secretly open the river dikes, drowning a whole city's people—since Suzhou is under the control of the Fifth Prince's maternal clan, by then he won't even have a chance to ascend!

The other imperial cooks looked at him with envy and jealousy; this time the silver left behind is especially abundant—one can tell how pleased the Cat God is.

As for whether to believe it or not, that's another matter.

"Lady Huang is a jealous woman; the babies in Huan'er's and Li'er's wombs were all made to miscarry by her with a bowl of medicine." Second Prince's face looked grim, he said through gritted teeth, "Fortunately she can still bear children in the future; otherwise I, as your subject, will not let this rest!"

Although the Empress is actually ten or so years younger than the Emperor, because the Emperor only likes pale, slender young girls, she hasn't visited the Phoenix Pavilion Palace for a long time; plus Huangong has long been yin-yang imbalanced, causing the Empress to actually look older than the Emperor.

After all, who would enjoy watching a murderer loiter around your turf?

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