Chapter 76

Holy monk 42 (high-heeled shoes are men's privilege)

One month later, Jiang Si Yin could already very skillfully stuff a rabbit's intestines back into its belly, then suture the wound.

The ship doctor beside him, giving pointers, couldn't help clapping and praising, then immediately gritted his teeth while reciting the knowledge Jiang Si Yin had taught him.

He just didn't understand, what does the human body have to do with those Five Elements?

Among metal, wood, fire, water, earth, why does metal represent the trachea, teeth, nose, and respiratory tract, while wood represents the liver, gallbladder, four legs, brain, and nerves……

Finally, the ship doctor was about to cry, 'I just lack talent!'

Seeing this, Jiang Si Yin couldn't help scratching his head; he really had no choice, so he advised the ship doctor to just give up.

"You must first learn Eastern culture; only with cultural foundation can you master it, after all, this is the medicine of our Qing Dynasty."

The ship doctor asked pitifully, 'Is there no medical knowledge that doesn't require cultural foundation?'

Jiang Si Yin thought for a moment, then asked, 'How about you study medicinal cuisine? It's both medicine and soup, a good thing that can nourish the body.'

The ship doctor had been driven headache by the Five-Elements medicine; hearing this, he quickly clapped his hands, 'I'll just study this!'

Previously, injured sailors had to rest a long time before getting out of bed, but after they drank the blood-nourishing soup boiled by the child, their recovery speed became faster than before; indeed, after the child took their pulse, he shook his head and swayed, saying the pulse was much stronger than before.

The ship doctor didn't know how to take a pulse, but he could see that the sailors' complexions were rosy and their spirits very good, unlike before when they needed a long rest to recover.

Since the ship doctor wanted to learn medicinal cuisine, Jiang Si Yin naturally didn't stint in teaching him.

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The old chef with completely white hair originally had objections, but once he was given a bowl of delicious soup, he was instantly amazed.

The old chef squeezed over and eagerly asked, 'Kid, can you teach me how to make this soup?'

"It can be done." Jiang Si Yin hesitated a bit, "But this medicinal soup shouldn't be drunk casually, especially by those with a fiery constitution."

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The parrot stood nearby watching for a while, then stretched, flew out the window to play with the seagulls.

The child was curious about everything; Jiang Si Yin and the ship doctor had studied Western medicine, then turned their attention to the chef's skills, saying they wanted to learn how to make steak, red-wine braised beef, since beef and mutton from the plains were easy to obtain, but the cooking methods were still lacking.

"Beef and mutton are still the best!" Jiang Si Yin ate with grease all over his mouth, very satisfied, "Actually grilled fish and fried shrimp are also tasty, but I've gotten sick of them."

Hearing that, the old chef burst into laughter, then patted the youth's shoulder, 'After we disembark, I'll treat you to our country's most delicious dessert, a pastry even the king loves.'

He was very proud, and indeed it aroused the youth's longing.

"By the way..." the old chef lowered his voice and asked him, "Is your father unable to eat meat for religious reasons? There are no vegetables on the ship, so he just drinks tea and eats snacks every day, hardly eating anything else; the portions are so small even a child would starve..."

He asked mysteriously, 'He must be an angel come to earth, right? Old John, I've heard angels have divine power to sustain their bodies, able to live without eating.'

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If the old chef hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have noticed; it turned out the holy monk's figure had never been seen in the cafeteria—could it really be like the immortals of Eastern culture who stay full just by drinking dew?

Jiang Si Yin didn't know how to explain; his father had once made something called compressed biscuits, eating one piece could substitute a meal, and there was also that pill—taking one could keep you from feeling hungry for several days.

But if we told them about that pill, they'd surely think his father was even more of an immortal.

He could only say, 'My father practices martial arts; when necessary, his demand for food is very low, and he also makes a kind of terribly tasting biscuit—just a little bit fills you up…'

"Huh, isn't it that the more you train martial arts, the more you eat?" The ship doctor didn't understand; knights who spend all day riding eat more than pampered nobles, so why is it different in the East?

Jiang Si Yin really didn't know how to explain; he could only answer vaguely, 'It's just that my father is different.'

His father had many strange and wondrous traits; he had long since grown accustomed to them.

The old chef was very curious about the recipe for that hard-to-eat but filling biscuit; Jiang Si Yin casually mentioned the ingredients, and the old chef immediately gave up.

With so much sugar and so much flour, it's no wonder a little bit fills you up.

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The great ship drifted on the sea for over a month, finally reaching its destination.

Docked at the pier, sailors busily moved cargo while merchants had long been waiting on the quay, snapping up precious goods from foreign lands; just selling to nobles could bring a huge profit.

"Wow, wow, wow, it really is multicolored hair; people with black hair and black eyes are truly rare." Jiang Si Yin followed beside his father, like a country bumpkin entering the city, his face full of surprise.

Seeing those people seemingly staring at him, he proudly puffed out his chest.

A handsome man like him never fears others' gazes.

Then he unhappily discovered that it wasn't him people were staring at, but his father.

His father looked like an immortal descended to the mortal realm, abstaining from earthly food, causing the Western folk seeing Easterners for the first time to stare dumbfounded.

Just as painters accustomed to richly colored, chiaroscuro oil paintings, when they first see a landscape with profound artistic conception, the impact is great.

"He's really handsome—could it be that everywhere in the East people look like this?"

People on the road whispered, their eyes unwilling to look away.

"I thought baldness would be ugly, but I didn't expect Easterners' bald heads to actually look quite good." The speaker was a lavishly dressed noblewoman who had just come down from the neighboring ship.

The middle-aged man eagerly greeting her lit up, hurriedly asking, 'Lady Elizabeth, you've been widowed for a long time; are you now considering remarrying?'

The middle-aged man, with a Mediterranean-type head, strained to puff out his chest, displaying his robust physique to the noblewoman.

The noblewoman's gaze flicked over his thinning hair, she withdrew her hand from his palm, and with a charming smile said, 'No, I have no such intention.'

The knight who likewise came to greet the noblewoman mocked the middle-aged man for wanting to eat swan meat, 'She shaved her head herself; it's not the same as your natural baldness.'

Then, ignoring the middle-aged man's angry glare, he respectfully bowed to the noblewoman, 'Lady Elizabeth, this way please.'

Lady Elizabeth placed her hand into the thick-haired knight's hand, her smile restrained yet beautiful: 'York, long time no see! Go help me inquire who that bald Eastern man is; I really want to get to know him.'

She felt it wasn't just her who wanted to know this Eastern man; she feared all the women present wanted to know him as well.

Lady Elizabeth had always thought that only tall, strong men like York—uh, men with thick hair—could be considered handsome, but she never expected to witness another kind of handsomeness among Easterners this time.

No, it should be called beautiful, like those porcelain wares shipped from the East, dazzling to the eyes.

On another side, the captain welcomed Jiang He and his son with a beaming smile, 'Esteemed guests, welcome to my country!'

Jiang Si Yin followed the captain to his house, his face full of shock.

He almost thought his language skills were inadequate, but he didn't expect this blond captain to actually be a noble!

The captain humbly said, "Just a mere earl!"

After staying with the master for a long time, he too learned Eastern humility; without it he can't get by—the holy monk's every move is more elegant than his, even more noble-like.

Jiang He wasn't surprised by the captain's background; temperament is woven into people's words and deeds, and this blond captain is completely unlike those illiterate, rough sailors—just a little observation reveals it.

The captain led the guests inside and said to the steward waiting there, "Old Putte, I'm back! Long time no see!"

The old steward wiped his tears and said gratefully, "Earl, this time you must marry and have children before you can go to sea; old Putte cannot let your father down."

An old man guarding such a huge estate is truly empty, lonely, and cold; he eagerly wants to see the young master born and will surely raise him into a qualified noble.

The blond captain's face stiffened; he never expected that the first thing upon returning home would be his elders urging him to marry.

The old steward had been serving their family since the grandfather's time; though nominally a steward, he was essentially family, and even the captain had to show him some respect.

Jiang Si Yin was shocked again, "You, you look… not so young, yet you're still unmarried?"

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This is unlike the Central Plains or the grasslands—whether Central Plains folk or grassland folk, they marry at a very young age.

The blond captain couldn't help but grit his teeth; he may not look as youthful as Easterners, but he's not old either.

He said through clenched teeth, "Kid, I'm only twenty-five! Just twenty-five years old!" Younger than your monk father!

Jiang Si Yin also felt a bit embarrassed, "... You really look anxious."

Like his father, who is already in his early thirties, he looks about the same as those in their early twenties, full of youthful vigor. Standing beside his father, many people mistake his father for his brother.

The captain felt hurt as he touched his face, blaming the wind and rain at sea for ruining his youth into a middle-aged man. Otherwise, he would have listened to the old steward and gone on a blind date first.

Otherwise, after a few more years of sea wind, he fears he won't be able to find a wife.

The old chef's culinary skills are superb, and he has wide connections; as soon as he disembarked, he went to famous restaurants and renowned chefs to discuss cuisine, and brought Jiang Si Yin along to sample the country's food.

"Kid, our country's pastries are top-notch—not only delicious but also beautiful!" the old chef proudly pointed to the cream rose on the cake, "See how pretty? It could be an artwork! I've also tried Eastern pastries; the taste is decent, but their appearance is ordinary."

Jiang Si Yin recalled his father's pastries and couldn't help retorting, "That's because you've only eaten low-grade pastries."

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The sailors are having a feast today with lots of tasty food; he wants to go eat meat and fish, rather than stay in the earl's mansion chewing vegetables with his father.

The old steward isn't unable to understand the women of the royal city; it's just that the master is so handsome! But when he speaks, people forget his striking looks and become intoxicated by his words and thoughts—a man whose soul and body are both captivating.

No matter how many illegitimate children you have scattered across the world, I don't care if my thousand acres of fertile land yield not a single sprout!

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The blond captain looked embarrassed, "There are public toilets, but everyone prefers to relieve themselves at their own doorstep! Besides, public toilets are so filthy, no one wants to clean them, they're really disgusting, and nobody likes to use them."

Instantly, the king was furious from all sides.

The captain of noble birth was half-believing, half-doubting.

Jiang Si Yin stared wide-eyed, suddenly recalling when he first arrived on the grasslands, his companions invited him to play, picking up dung from cattle, sheep, and horses along the way. He thought it dirty back then, but now he realizes it's precisely because he and his companions weren't afraid of dirt or fatigue, gathering dung for firewood, that the grasslands stay so clean.

Although this country's cities are rather... whatever, once he got used to high heels, walking three Chinese miles wouldn't tire him; he even felt he could leap into the air and stab a couple of burly men to death with the sharp heels.

The shop's chef even pestered Jiang Si Yin, wanting to exchange pastry recipes with him.

It negotiated with its host, "Host, spare a bit of spiritual power for me, and I'll also create a spiritual energy membrane."

This current mistress will probably become an ex soon.

The captain gave a wry smile, "Really, there aren't any, so I envy your country… how clean the streets are." He felt resentful as he extended his shoe, suggesting, "You should buy a pair of high heels too; then you won't be afraid to step on anything."

Jiang He and his son: "……"

Today the captain happened to be free, so he decided to take father and son out for a stroll to let them experience the beauty of the royal city.

After following the captain on a tour, seeing how "fragrant" the royal city of this country was, Jiang He decided to become a recluse here and never go out again. Jiang Si Yin, however, couldn't sit still.

The king indicated he understood; the pope is already fifty-five years old this year, his height is only 165, yet his weight is a hefty 250, and he most despises mistresses who, in his presence, praise other men as young and handsome.

The parrot's anger—it only regrets that back then it thought the system shop's shell was strong enough, so it was lazy to cultivate, avoiding the hardship of training, and thus had to suffer the misery of being smeared with excrement.

Jiang Si Yin tactfully suggested, "Earl, you could actually propose to the king to build public toilets…"

Only the parrot knows how desperate its canine host is now; he even used this plane's hard-to-obtain spiritual power to forcibly wrap himself in a membrane, so naturally no dung sticks to him.

The parrot covered its beak with its wings, but it couldn't stifle the gleeful ga-ga laughter.

The king's face must still be given!

At that moment, a knight wearing Huangong palace guard attire rode by on his horse, suddenly with a "plop", a lump of brown stuff fell from the horse's hindquarters.

He simply wants his own biological child to inherit the throne, not his nephew—what's wrong with that?

All the way he walked trembling with fear; Jiang Si Yin finally couldn't bear it, considered it, and chose to run to the shoe shop.

The church manages his affairs with the queen, and even when he invites an Eastern guest, the church intervenes—but you don't manage your illegitimate children? There must be over a hundred of them! Each one, relying on their father being the pope, actually embezzles and takes bribes!

Thus, the work of harvesting night-blooming cereus in Dàqìng City is in high demand—who wouldn't want to collect an extra three or five pecks on their own land?

He bade farewell to his father, stepped in his high heels, twisted his waist, and walked out with a myriad of poses.

The old chef expressed disbelief.

After hearing this, Jiang He's face turned slightly pale, and he solemnly told his son, "Congratulations, you've discovered this weapon—high heels—before countless women!"

"The king wants to divorce the queen and promote his mistress, but the pope won't allow it…" Jiang Si Yin exclaimed in astonishment, "This country is actually monogamous? Not bad!"

Who has ever seen a banished immortal wiggle his butt when he walks? Those who wiggle their butts are fox spirits!

Jiang Si Yin nimbly stepped back a large step to avoid being affected.

Then, the youth who tried to follow local customs almost took a nasty fall—not everyone is used to high heels, and first-timers always make a fool of themselves.

The king was preparing to hold a banquet, still writing the invitations, when the pope arrogantly ordered him to execute the heretics.

As for others, this earl of his doesn't need to give anyone face.

The king's face darkened as he summoned the knight captain, "Go investigate—how does the pope know about Eastern heretics?"

The old chef saw him to the captain's house, not forgetting to make plans for tomorrow to scout another shop, "That place's steak is top-notch, absolutely delicious!"

When the Chinese pastries, like blooming flowers, were served, both guests and chefs praised them endlessly.

The old chef muttered, "What's so good about pastries?"

These days, walking the streets, he dare not walk near the eaves, for the foot of the walls is littered with human and horse waste; the restaurant where he and the old chef eat is relatively refined, hiring dedicated cleaners, otherwise he couldn't stomach his meal.

"It's great to have strong martial arts!" He looked at his father with boundless envy, his feet seeming to have eyes, not a speck of dirt on them, those cloth shoes still as white as fresh snow.

The Empress cannot bear children; what's wrong with wanting a divorce?

The blond‑haired captain introduced to the father and son: "Ahead is our country's largest opera house, able to hold several hundred people… oh, shit! The jerk upstairs, won't you come down to empty the chamber pot?"

After walking a stretch, Jiang Si Yin's face turned livid from holding his breath: "I can't take it! I need to leave this filthy country right away—it's too dirty! Oh, there's another fresh pile over there… my nose is about to stop breathing, but I can't pretend not to see!"

He said fiercely, "If you have the ability, Pope, just send troops; if the Pope really dares to do that, I'd welcome it—I'm still worried about finding an excuse to start a war."

In the end, they still made plans for the day after tomorrow; the child gets along well with everyone, and the sailors living in the capital all want to invite him to their homes as a guest.

The parrot, frightened, flew from Jiang Si Yin's shoulder into midair and dared not land again.

Like in Great Celebration, the Empress can only die, with no divorce—it's a high‑risk profession! In this country the Empress can still remarry, but in Great Celebration not even the Empress, let alone a concubine, can easily remarry.

Jiang Si Yin expressed confusion, "High heels are clearly a male privilege—what do they have to do with women?"

The captain of noble birth shrugged and said matter‑of‑factly, "A wife is naturally only one, but lovers can be countless! Still, if you could take concubines like in Great Celebration, the king probably wouldn't have this worry."

His capable subordinate quickly found the information: "It was the Pope's current mistress who, at the dock, saw a heretic disembark and kept praising his good looks to the Pope……"

Before the master could speak, the captain who had just returned said, "Tsk, they're just petty nobles; there's no need to attend their banquet—going would just be giving them face."

In this country, the king isn't the most powerful; the most powerful figure is actually the Pope! However, it's said that the king, over his mistress, has recently been having a very unpleasant falling out with the Pope.

Jiang Si Yin, however, felt a bit embarrassed: "Can it be the day after tomorrow? Wo Fu said he'd invite me to his house for pastries, claiming his mother's pastries are never boring to eat."

Forget it, he won't force himself; he decided to go with the local customs.

The blond‑haired captain looked over all the invitations, picked one, and said, "Holy Monk Sir, why not just go to the banquet the king is hosting?"

Jiang Si Yin immediately changed his tone: "You could have the king announce that everyone's 'dad' can fertilize the fields, guaranteeing a bumper harvest; surely the farmers would gladly come clean up, and they'd even be willing to pay for it."

The king quickly came up with an idea: "I decide to hold a banquet, the bigger the better, welcoming the holy monk from the East!"

Jiang Si Yin, also feeling indignant, borrowed the kitchen and personally made lotus‑flower pastries and peach‑flower cakes—the first pastry he and his father learned to make, and the one he makes best.

After just finishing the banquet, the blond‑haired captain was mentally and physically exhausted; the matchmaking affair was mentally draining, and he danced with at least twenty women that night, his legs almost giving out.

The dog host directly refused it, saying, "My spiritual power isn't enough; my feet consume too much spiritual energy." After all, there's waste everywhere on the ground, and his feet shouldn't suffer.

Jiang Si Yin finally felt satisfied, happily sipping afternoon tea and eating pastries, not forgetting to pack some for his father.

Meanwhile, the old steward came in with a headache, holding a stack of invitations.

Of course, the current Great Celebration emperor need not be mentioned—he fears his son will be killed by a concubine, he's the sole heir, so he'd rather release all the concubines from the palace; those who wish to remarry, he even gives a little dowry as a token.

When the captain wearing high heels walks, his hips sway left and right, extraordinarily alluring; as a high monk, he feels this way of walking does not match his image.

He is probably the first emperor in history to do this.

It can only keep flying, but this unexercised body of mine is exhausted! Today's exercise level is over the limit—back when I commanded wolf packs on night raids on the grassland, I wasn't this tired.

"Holy Monk Sir, look, all these invitations are just to invite you to attend the banquet."

Influenced by his parents, Jiang Si Yin naturally feels favorable toward this system.

Jiang Si Yin hid behind his father, covered his nose, and asked in a muffled voice, "Don't you have any outhouses or people to clean the night soil?"

Jiang He directly refused in an ugly way, not wanting to buy.

Jiang Si Yin, twisting in high heels, his posture extremely alluring, just wants to betray his teacher and destroy his ancestors!

A certain master, a friend of women, actually thinks this country's system is not bad.

Jiang Si Yin discovered that the captain's country is very strange.

He has never worried about food; it's unimaginable that farmers would be willing to dump night soil for such a bit of grain—but as a clean‑loving noble, mentioning it is no problem.

"Ga‑ga‑ga‑ga…… you'd be better off on stilts, laughing your head off!"

His father had only his mother; back then he absolutely refused to take a concubine, and after becoming a monk his mind was as still as water.

The parrot also felt quite uncomfortable holding its breath; it fears defecating from a height, so it dares not perch on the father and son's shoulders, and must keep watch in all directions.

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