Chapter 77: Two Deities Visit at Night

Xu Fu arrived at the chamber pot, but he didn't pass any filth; he just kept on farting.

Sour farts, spicy farts, onion farts—he let them all out in one go; it was truly foul beyond description.

This fart was a case of "the upper Qi is blocked, so the lower Qi clears it"; since there was Ink Pill literature Qi in his belly, it naturally had to expel the original sour, rotten, pedantic scholar Qi.

As Xu Fu farted, literary thoughts rushed to his brain; inspiration flowed like a burst bladder and struck like lightning, while his bowel movements were like shooting arrows.

He couldn't care about the stinking farts and opened his mouth to recite poetry, but a wave of stench choked his essays, poems, and songs right back in.

Then, Xu Fu started hiccuping.

Every time he hiccuped, he farted; every time he farted, he hiccuped.

By the time Xu Fu came out, the whole household had gathered to watch this strange spectacle.

Xu Mu even came out from the Buddha hall, and looking at Xu Fu's state, she couldn't help but want to laugh, yet she was also a bit worried: "Should we invite Li Dafu over to take a look?"

Xu Fu's face was a greenish-blue: "What kind of talk is that? Why haven't you all gone back to your own work? What are you doing crowding around me?"

Fortunately, the Feng Shui of the Xu Residence circulated and dispersed these sour, rotten vapors so they wouldn't stagnate; otherwise, an ordinary person who smelled a single whiff would immediately start spouting: "Zhi, Hu, Zhe, Ye."

Xu Fu looked at Xu Jia with a bit of pleading: "Is there any way to fix this?"

Xu Jia shook his head, struggling to hold back his laughter: "This must be the legendary 'cleansing the marrow and changing the bones'; once the farts are finished, the sour, rotten Qi in your belly will be replaced by 'only pure Qi filling the universe'."

Xu Fu nodded: "No wonder, I just had a fountain of literary thoughts."

Xu Jia instructed: "Brew it for three days and three nights; just read books, don't write any essays yet. Hold it in, don't let the Qi leak, and you will digest it completely."

"Right, be careful not to read those poor, pedantic examination essays; read more of that anthology the County Magistrate gave you."

"Fine, I'll listen to you. Those one hundred taels of silver were truly well spent. I'll have your mother give you the money later."

He then asked: "What are you going to do with the money?"

Xu Jia explained: "Split it into five parts, twenty taels of silver each, to build a small Earth Temple in five villages. This will still require you, Father, to step forward."

"I step forward?" Xu Fu said: "I won't do that. Don't you know that the Master does not speak of strange phenomena, feats of strength, rebellions, or gods?"

Xu Jia laughed: "Father, this is building momentum for you. You passing the exam to become a Provincial Graduate is, I can say, a sure thing. If you take the lead in proposing the construction of Earth Temples, the villagers in each village will know of your Virtuous reputation. In the future, when they entrust their farmland to avoid taxes, they will consider you!"

"Furthermore, since you are the one paying for these Earth Temples, you will have a say in the village affairs from now on. You are a scholar, so when the villagers need to judge matters or settle disputes in the future, won't they be counting on you? Although it's troublesome, it is an extremely fast way to accumulate prestige in the countryside."

"As for the excuse for building the temples, I've already thought of it for you. Just say it's to pray for my well-being, saying I was sick before and am now better, so you wanted to perform a Merit; donating to a monastery is not as good as building a new temple..."

Xu Fu barked: "You certainly have a glib tongue. How is this any different from those shamanesses and sorcerers who use ghosts and gods to make money?"

Xu Jia hadn't expected that after eating the Ink Pill, Xu Fu's sense of righteousness would flare up.

"If you ask me, building Earth Temples is not as good as building a private school," Xu Fu said. "Building ten small temples is not as good as building one big temple. In front of the temple, we worship the Earth Deity, and behind the temple, we hire an old student to be responsible for teaching and enlightenment. And don't go to other places; we can do this right over at the old Xu family ancestral house."

Xu Jia's eyes lit up: The foxes could also transform into little children and enroll; that was a good idea! Xu Jia nodded repeatedly: "Father, this method of yours kills many birds with one stone, and it keeps the benefits within the family. You really are different from before; you have already attained the understanding that 'worldly wisdom is true literature'."

Xu Fu held his nose high, but since he was farting "thump, thump, thump," he couldn't put on airs at all. Xu Fu said: "We can't pay for all of this money; we'll just start it off. For example, out of one hundred taels, we'll pay eighty. Since I have to step forward, I will personally go back to the clan and talk to a few clan elders and leaders. If I really pass the Provincial Graduate exam, we can expand the ancestral hall in the future and set up a Provincial Graduate plaque. That's another thing—when registering land under our name, we must prioritize registering the Xu family's land first, and then your mother's maiden family's land."

Xu Fu agreed to do this; with him stepping forward to handle it, it surely wouldn't be hard to accomplish.

It was just that building a temple required the County Magistrate's approval, but an Earth Temple generally didn't face any obstacles; as long as it didn't exceed the "system," no one would say anything.

"Donating to build a small temple is fine too," Xu Mu said. "It will suppress things for Jidi and accumulate some Merit."

Seeing that his goal was achieved, Xu Jia didn't worry about it anymore and just said: "Good, I'll leave this matter to you, Father. I believe in you!"

Xu Fu was still going "thump, thump, thump, puff, puff, puff," and was about to stroke his beard in self-satisfaction when he started hiccuping again.

He had no choice but to return to the study as if sulking.

"Jidi, your father must have eaten something that upset his stomach, right? Do we really not need to find a doctor?"

"People are just like that when they get old," Xu Jia laughed. "Don't worry about him."

Xu Mu said with disgust: "It's a good thing we started sleeping in separate rooms long ago."

She then asked Xu Jia a few questions about the Dharma, which Xu Jia answered one by one, before he headed to his room to rest.

When night fell and it gradually grew cool, the moonlight was like brilliance. At Qingtian Dam, four ghost sedan-bearers lifted a green-topped paper sedan chair and set off. In front of the ghost sedan-bearers, there were two more ghost servants carrying "signs" with the eight characters "Earth Deity Patrolling the Territory" and "Do Not Disturb the Chickens and Dogs" written on them.

This was the honor guard of the Qingtian Dam Earth Deity. Meanwhile, in the Jinsha Creek near Qingtian Dam, a grass turtle the size of a washbasin crawled onto the bank, and a loach as long as an arm was blowing bubbles in the water, seemingly saying goodbye.

After this large grass turtle crawled past a rock, it transformed into a middle-aged man with a fair face and no beard, wearing black robes and a hunched back. It was none other than the Prefecture Assistant of the Jinsha Xi Shuifu. With his hands behind his back, he headed toward the Xu Residence.

Xu Jia had already entered a state of hibernation when Gui Linggao came into his dream. The child he transformed into was very cute and reminded Xu Jia: "Benefactor Xu, my grandfather is coming to visit you tonight."

Xu Jia was curious: "Isn't your grandfather an old turtle?"

"I suppose so. In Jinsha Creek, I have never seen a member of our clan older than my grandfather."

Xu Jia woke up from his hibernation, put on his outer robe, and walked to the back door, where he indeed heard a knock.

He opened the back door and found two groups of people: one was a hunched middle-aged man, and the other was a sedan chair from which a short old man emerged.

The two deferred to each other: "Prefecture Assistant, please!" "Earth Deity, you first!"

Seeing Xu Jia open the door, the two laughed and entered the house together.

The Xu Residence was not to be entered without an invitation, and these deities were no exception.

The Qingtian Dam Earth Deity spoke first: "I heard that you, Young Master, died and returned to life and are connected to the Fengdu Difu. The City God sent the Yeyou to ask about it, and it just so happened that you submitted a report yesterday, so I have come to visit in the night. Please forgive me."

Gui Suishou then said: "This old man has come to thank the Benefactor for saving my grandson's life; it is for no other reason..."

(End of Chapter)