Chapter 311: Whoever Comes, He

“Who is it? Calling at noon? Don’t you know I’m scrolling short videos?”

Outside the female dormitory of the New Xing Nongke Academy, a small white fox sat perched on an air conditioner outdoor unit.

His face twisted with resentment, he reached into the rumbling air conditioner unit, fished around behind the metal grille, and pulled out a phone.

“Who the hell called me in 35-degree heat, making me sit on this air conditioner unit breathing hot wind? You’d better have a good reason—if you’re just messing with me, don’t blame me if my hammer doesn’t recognize faces.”

Dorms aren’t homes; An Sheng couldn’t easily hide his phone in Yu Xueqing’s dorm.

But he rarely answered calls anyway, so he just tucked it inside the dorm building’s air conditioner unit.

Who could’ve guessed someone would call him at 3 p.m. in peak summer, forcing him to endure 33-degree heat with his face turned toward the blowing hot air from the unit?

An Sheng nearly cursed aloud.

When he answered, a low whimper from the ear fox came through the receiver:

“Wang Ya woke up. Today’s the 30th—time to take her to school for boarding. By the way, I’ve got some leads on the info you asked me to look into.”

“Oh? Wang Ya woke up? Well, about Wang Ya—I’ll talk about it tonight when I come over.”

An Sheng had wanted to ask about the ancient tomb that turned Wang Ya into that state, but he figured a few words over the phone wouldn’t suffice, so he decided to visit the Fox Kingdom tonight and inspect the progress.

“What about Wang Ya going to school?” The ear fox nearly stamped its foot, desperate to ask before the call ended.

“We’ll talk tonight. I’m busy now.” An Sheng hung up with a strange expression.

From the ear fox’s tone, it was clear Wang Ya was still Wang Ya—the one who made the ear fox tremble in fear.

But that was exactly what An Sheng wanted.

For days, nothing had turned up about the ferocious beasts.

But the moment Wang Ya woke up, the ear fox suddenly had leads.

Wang Ya's appearance alone had an instant "update please" effect.

“Ying ying ying~”

An Sheng happily tucked the phone away, climbed over the wall back to the dorm balcony, stepped lightly, jumped up, and pulled open the balcony door to return inside and enjoy the air conditioning.

“Hey hey hey, check out the class group—our counselor just posted the Xiqi campus rules, and the content made me laugh my ass off.”

Mo Yiqing, lying sideways on the upper bunk in shorts and a loose T-shirt, seemed to have found something hilarious on her phone, grinning as she promoted the document in the class group to the others.

The New Xing Nongke Academy started late, so the counselor posted the Xiqi Agricultural Science Academy’s rules before students returned en masse.

Students opened the rules document, naturally skipped the first dozens of empty paragraphs, and went straight to the sections marked in red by the counselors: 【Xiqi Campus Rules】.

【1. Feeding pandas is prohibited—cats included (violation incurs a 100,000 yuan fine, used for panda health checks).】

【2. No tractor racing in the fields, no three-wheeler racing on roads, not even two-wheelers.】

【3. No attacking classmates with organic fertilizer.】

【4. No drifting on campus lawns (your senior’s boyfriend tried it—repair bill: 2 million yuan).】

【5. No swimming in Wenxin Lake (the lake contains carnivorous creatures raised by the Animal Science Department; six incidents of students’ vital organs being attacked have occurred).】

【6. No bringing utensils into the restroom (students, don’t stick chopsticks in shit—the cafeteria ladies might pick them up, wash them, and reuse them).】

【7. No entering the back mountain (that area is not our campus—it’s a protected reserve).】

【8. No unauthorized entry into the lab building.】

“No attacking classmates with organic fertilizer?” Yu Xueqing blinked at the rule. “Organic fertilizer is just fermented feces, right? This feels even crazier than the Dianan campus rule banning curses on classmates or believing any local who says a mushroom is safe.”

Tractor racing in the fields was old news—nothing unusual.

But using organic fertilizer as a weapon? Yu Xueqing had never seen anything so terrifying.

“No feeding pandas?”

Tang You glanced instinctively at the panda cub leaning against the sofa, munching an apple.

“Wang?”

The panda cub tensed, eyeing Tang You—the one who’d just given it the apple but now looked like it might take it back.

The panda cub clearly loved the 25-degree air conditioning in Yu Xueqing’s dorm.

Whenever someone was in the dorm, it showed up on time to bask in the AC and beg for fruit.

“One hundred thousand. Your name is now One Hundred Thousand.” Tang You stared at the cub for a moment, then quietly looked away and named it.

Feeding pandas carried an immediate fine, and the rule was crystal clear: it wasn’t the school issuing the penalty—it was the Qinling Panda Ecological Protection Base and local forestry authorities, with legal force.

They might not actually fine anyone, but setting up these penalties upfront prevented pointless arguments.

“The seniors really know how to have fun,” Ling Ren murmured after reading the 25 campus rules. “No picking up used ‘Lingjing’ bags from fruit? I can’t even imagine what happened.”

Special rules ≈ things students had done.

Bagging fruit was a common pest-control method.

But using “Lingjing” bags on fruit? Ling Ren couldn’t even fathom what had occurred.

“What’s that? My old sketchy college was way crazier—they literally banned students from bringing non-school boys or girls onto campus,” An Sheng said, sidling up to Yu Xueqing to peek at the rules, then scoffing.

In his past life, at that sketchy college, something absurd happened.

A male student brought Lin Ying back to his dorm overnight.

But somehow, it escalated until Lin Ying started bringing her friends over to that dorm—absurdly so.

In plain terms: Lin Ying had taken over the dorm.

The incident was so severe that even the sketchy school’s president couldn’t handle it—after that, the school banned all outsiders from entering freely.

“Hey Mo Mo, come with me to the campus courier station later!”

After trading insults about the Xiqi rules for a while, Yu Xueqing checked the time—it was already 4:30 p.m., the sun beginning to set—and turned to Mo Yiqing.

The station had been closed earlier, so the summer assignments she and Mo Mo mailed from Suicheng hadn’t been delivered yet.

Now that it was open, she worried the assignments might have wilted from long-distance transport.

Sure, the assignments themselves didn’t matter much—it was the observation diary that counted—but the plants had to be submitted together with the diary.

The professor was terrifying.

“Alright,” Mo Yiqing nodded.

“Are you sending Xiao An back so soon?” Tang You, hearing Yu Xueqing mention the courier station and remembering the start of term was days away, naturally assumed Yu Xueqing planned to send Xiao An home.

He dropped his ongoing game with the Flame King Dragon, snatched up the little fox on Yu Xueqing’s bed, and clutched it with obvious reluctance.

It was him!

Who made me get gold in CSGO and act all cocky.

Who gave me a ten-pull and got me every skin, cementing my god-tier luck in the group.

Who made my card games absurdly lucky, letting me ride on opponents’ heads and shit on them.

Hearing Xiao An was leaving, Tang You felt like a drowning man losing his life ring—or a fish stranded on land.

But there was nothing to be done.

The academy forbade keeping pets.

“Send Xiao An back?”

Yu Xueqing froze, then looked Tang You dead in the eye. “Xiao An… where to?”

“Huh?” Tang You blinked, confused.

“Today, even if the president shows up—or the education bureau director—Xiao An is still a stray!”

Yu Xueqing nodded firmly. “He just came to our dorm to beg for food. We didn’t keep him as a pet—he’s just a friendly stray.”

Faced with the rule banning pets,

Yu Xueqing resolved to fight to the end.

Ask? He’s a stray. Take him? Never.

Yu Xueqing couldn’t bear to send Xiao An back to that empty ancestral home, staring into the distance like a stone wife waiting for her husband’s return.

She’d already picked out an apartment—her only problem? No money for rent yet. She’d have to wait for her salary.

“.”

Hearing Yu Xueqing’s reply, Tang You blinked, then quickly recovered, nodding with absolute conviction:

“Right! We didn’t keep a pet! Our Xiao An is a North Xia albino red fox—he’s a Class II protected national animal, even if heaven’s king himself shows up!”

An Sheng: “.”

Even if heaven’s king doesn’t come—I’m still a bona fide Class II protected animal!

Life had been too pleasant lately—he’d almost forgotten about the president.

Tonight, I’ll empty the school’s weapons vault and give them something to do—keep them from meddling in students’ private lives.

Tonight: empty the weapons vault. Tomorrow: cut your power. Day after: sit on your couch eating chips. Finally: flick the chip crumbs onto your couch and wipe your computer’s study files and porn clean.

…

Please, monthly tickets

(End of chapter)