Chapter 503: Reset to Zero

In the following months, a lot happened.

My life slowly returned to normal. Using Third Uncle's identity, I told the people under me that I was going on a long-term field investigation elsewhere and needed to hand over the shop's business to my own nephew. Xiao Hua's people came from Changsha and removed the mask from my face in a hotel.

When I saw my own face again, I burst into tears. I hadn't expected to be so fragile at that moment. It felt like shedding countless layers of forced strength, forced courage, forced responsibility, forced decisiveness, forced bloodiness and cruelty. I had finally become Wu Xie again.

I was finally the naive Wu Xie who could retreat, be weak, joke around, make a fool of himself, and be half-dead every day. I could unhesitatingly ask others "Why?" and "No way?", and even unashamedly curse people: "Damn it, you don't know. Then who am I supposed to ask?"

I cried for a long time—was it relief from regaining something lost, or an emotional breakdown? For no reason at all, I just couldn't stop the tears. I hugged that girl, and she patted my back without saying a word. When I let her go, I saw her eyes glistening with tears too. She said she had never seen anyone cry so sorrowfully.

That night I drank a lot. I set out many cups on the table—come, all lonely ghosts and wild souls, join the fun. I hoped some of my familiar ones were among them, seeing me like this and feeling genuinely comforted.

But while the mask on my face was removed, the mask on my heart was hard to shed. In the days that followed, I often still spoke in Third Uncle's tone of voice, or would suddenly wake from sleep in a panic, thinking I had blown my cover and ruined everything. Even looking in the mirror felt strange. Fortunately, with time, that illusion slowly faded.

At least I'm someone who adapts quickly to new environments, as Fatty said.

After resting, I returned to my own shop. When Wang Meng saw me, his face showed unfamiliarity, and it took him a while to realize I was back. He had gained a bit of weight and looked more dispirited. I glanced at the rubbings on the shelves—it seemed a few were missing. So even with no business, there's always a stray sale or two from heaven's favor.

I lay down on the recliner in the back room, looking at the familiar yet strange surroundings, and started living that daydream-like life again. But soon I found it impossible—Third Uncle's heavy workload forced me to become diligent.

That night, Wang Meng brought up quitting for the first time. I gave him a raise, and he agreed to keep working.

Even the steadiest and simplest hearts change slowly over time. Of course, that change is usually positive; the mistakes were mostly on my side.

Actually, before this, I had often wanted to fire him, but now I just wanted as many things as possible to make me feel I truly existed, and to avoid making any changes. I don't know what kind of mentality that is, but on the internet, many people call it: you're getting old.

Using Wu Xie's identity to take over Third Uncle's business was still a challenge. On some issues, I got help from Second Uncle. Management was always rough going, but I was no longer afraid at all. Because even if everything I had now were lost, I wouldn't care. Once you have that mindset, you judge what's important more calmly and objectively.

During this time, I also got some news about Xiao Hua. For him, it wasn't too difficult, just a bit hard.

His injuries were severe. After returning, he stayed at Peking Union Medical College Hospital for a while, then transferred to the US for treatment. He came back about two months later. A few days after his return, I received an email from him in which he gave me a general update.

He didn't attend Old Madam Huo's funeral. Following Old Madam Huo's instructions, the Huo family was taken over by Xiuxiu. But Xiuxiu alone could barely balance the various disputes within the family. Xiao Hua cut off all business ties with the Huo family, barely managing to stabilize the situation. All kinds of snakes and ghosts would surely keep putting on their acts, but Old Madam Huo's letter determined that everything could only proceed beneath the surface.

The days ahead would be very tough, but Xiao Hua said that compared to his childhood, it was already a good situation. He told me not to worry.

In Hangzhou, representing the Wu family, I also made my stance clear. I knew that with Xiao Hua around, Xiuxiu would be able to keep going, and go steadily. And whenever she needed my help, I would surely assist. Although there would be countless bumps ahead, for now we could only take it one step at a time.

About three months after I got back, I held a small funeral for Panzi. I organized a modest memorial service. Panzi's cenotaph was six tablets away from Da Kui's. No one had swept Da Kui's grave—it was a complete mess. I cleaned it up briefly. Afterwards, I handled some loose ends Panzi had left unfinished. When I entered Panzi's rented room, I saw a bowl of noodles on the table, already rotten and moldy. Chopsticks lay beside it, and a stack of moldy tofu in the bowl had turned completely black and dry.

Clearly, Panzi had been eating that bowl of noodles before he left. He hadn't even had time to clean up before he left, and he never came back.

I always felt he knew he wouldn't return, so he didn't bother to deal with it.

I sat at the table for a while, opened two bottles of beer, drank one myself, then dumped the noodles and washed the bowl. After that, I went out, found Panzi's landlord, and paid all the back rent.

The landlord was curious: "Where did that guy go?"

I thought about it and said to him: "He went back to his hometown to get married."

That, to me, was the best possible ending for Panzi. He had a chance to leave this circle, but he chose the old path. Though I don't know which ending he would have preferred. For Panzi, maybe he liked this ending more, but to outsiders, his choice was still wrong.

Fatty stayed in Banai. It wasn't convenient to call, so I could only call Agui to ask about Fatty's situation. Agui said Fatty's life was very regular now: farm work during the day, shaking winnowing baskets, cooking at night, staring at the moon. Many days he and Fatty only exchanged two or three sentences.

I asked if Fatty showed any emotions—was he still as completely numb as before?

Agui said he couldn't see any obvious emotion, but Fatty worked very efficiently and didn't talk much. The improvement was that now he could occasionally crack a joke.

I told Agui that if Fatty needed money there, just let me know and I would wire it over.

I felt Fatty would get better. He wasn't the type to wallow in depression. He knew Yuncai certainly wouldn't want to see Fat Boss become no fun. Fatty would slowly recover, though on this matter a permanent scar would remain in his heart. But Fatty is a good man; heaven won't make things hard for him for too long.

After I raised Wang Meng's salary, his work attitude improved a lot. Plus, with me back in the shop, Third Uncle's business started reporting to me at the shop. Many people didn't know our relationship and thought he was my trusted aide, so they flattered him. His sense of self-worth seemed to be slowly emerging, and his spirits lifted considerably.

Seeing his good attitude toward work, I gradually started teaching him to handle some tasks. He learned quickly and eventually became quite helpful. Although I didn't expect him to become a right-hand man like Panzi, I slowly began to feel I could rely on him.

Old Hai contacted me a few more times about business matters. His business was expanding fast, but it seemed some department was watching him. He had always been shady with taxes, and antique deals were always underground cash transactions, so he became very cautious later. To avoid implicating him, we used many strange tactics. Many deals he didn't show up for; I directly contacted the buyer and then converted the money into physical goods or gold to give to his daughter.

That girl of his—I used to really like that type: a witty little Huang Rong. But after that meeting, we really saw each other very rarely. Later, as she grew up and matured, the fondness I had for her gradually faded.

Once, when I went out to clear my head, I passed by Hero Mountain. On the weekend it was packed with people. I found Old Hai's shop among the various stores, but the rolling shutter was locked tight. I knew he was inside, but thinking of all the pleasantries, I felt too tired, so I turned and left. As time went on, we contacted each other less and less. I don't know if he eventually got caught or fled abroad.