Chapter 170

My father was like an ox, eating grass and pulling a plow all his life. No matter the cold winter or the hot summer, or the spring flowers and autumn fruits, he was always silent, quiet, looking at the plow path under his feet, neither partial nor biased, walking the track distance, walking to the end of the field, and then returning, repeating, endless.

My father, who was small in stature, was not killed by the devil's plane that year. He always thought it was my grandparents who blessed him in heaven. My father, who was used to eating steamed buns and miscellaneous grains, followed the chief to Hengyue City. For the first time, he saw rice. He held the bowl and finished four big bowls. He was bloated that night, then diarrhea, and found the toilet in the middle of the night with his pants in his hand. He stepped into the air and fell on the bandits who came to raid at night, causing a burst of gunfire. The shit and urine that had surged to the anus were scared back. He grabbed the box cannon at his waist and shot around. When the troops arrived, there were a few corpses lying around my father. The old chief was overjoyed and wanted to pull my father's hand. When he walked nearby, he smelled a foul smell, and he knew that my father's pants were full of shit and urine.

My father didn't know many characters. When he was young, he learned a few characters in the village private school, and he recognized his own name. After joining the army, he learned some characters with everyone, and later, he could read the newspaper by himself.

My father, who was thirteen years old, was not tall, and a long gun was an inch taller than him. The old chief, who was the regimental commander at the time, thought that my father holding a gun to fight was purely a target for the enemy. Such a small child, mixed in the battlefield every day, was a natural disaster. The old chief just happened to lack a soldier to carry the file bag, so he wanted my father and ran behind his horse's butt every day.

This run, from north to south, far away from the hometown, although he was a little unaccustomed to the water and soil when he first arrived, my father had practiced a pair of copper intestines and iron stomach over the years. After a few diarrhea, he was naturally safe. When he first arrived, he still thought about returning to his hometown with the troops one day. The troops didn't return, and he wanted to go back. My father still remembered the willow branch inserted beside my grandfather's earth bag grave. A few years passed, and he didn't know if the willow branch was still alive and if it had grown into a big tree.

Man proposes, God disposes. After suppressing the bandits in Chunshan County, the superiors ordered to transfer to civilian work on the spot. My father was planning to return to the Northeast. The old chief ordered him to transfer with him. At first, my father was unwilling. After all, my grandfather buried in the wilderness was still waiting for my father to take a look, and my father was also worried about whether my grandfather slept steadily.

The old chief had been a soldier all his life, and he didn't take the little soldier in front of him at all. He said one sentence: You have no relatives when you go back! Wait until you live well, then go see your father!

My father didn't dare to refute, so he had to follow the old chief with peace of mind.

The old chief first arranged for my father to be a secretary in the district administrative office. During the Cultural Revolution, my father said a few words, and as a result, a group of people wanted to catch my father for a parade. Fortunately, the old chief's official power did not fall. No matter how fierce Hengyue City was, no one dared to go to the gate of the district committee to scatter wild. It turned out that the old chief had an order: anyone who dared to impact the district committee would be killed without mercy!

No matter how tough the old chief was, he couldn't withstand the highest instructions. He had to exile my father to an enterprise and warned him not to say another word. Later, the old chief entrusted my mother to my father and left himself.

Now my father is lying quietly in a black coffin, his eyes not looking at the world, and his ears not asking about the world!

My father's last words were very subtle, and I even suspected that he had thought of this sentence long ago. You know, public people must be cremated when they die. This rule must be implemented in Beijing. My father was just an ordinary enterprise cadre. He had never done anything earth-shattering in his life. It would be unreasonable not to cremate him.

My cousin-in-law He Zhi's promise gave me a reassurance. Later, I learned that the martyrs buried in the Chunshan County Martyrs Cemetery were all buried in coffins that year.

My father wanted to be buried in a coffin, so he naturally had to follow the rules. Holding a funeral in Hengyue City is a complicated procedure.

First, after the person is put into the coffin, a mourning hall must be set up, and monks and Taoists must be invited to chant for a few days. A spirit tablet must be set up in the mourning hall, and monks and Taoists will make a spirit tablet for three meals of sacrifice every day. When sending it to the mountain, the descendants must hold the legacy photo and spirit tablet in front of the coffin to show that there are successors.

I am an only child. After my mother gave birth to me, she never conceived again. It happened that my grandmother passed away, leaving my aunt to follow my mother. My father and mother were cruel, so they didn't plan to give birth again. Since then, I have been alone.

The legacy photo is naturally held by me, but I can't find anyone for the spirit tablet. The person holding the spirit tablet must be a close relative. I have no children, and I can't find anyone to hold the spirit tablet, which stumped me.

My aunt volunteered to hold the spirit tablet, but my mother firmly disagreed. My aunt is of the same generation as my father, and people of the same generation must not hold the spirit tablet.

My aunt cried and said that she was basically brought up by my father and mother. Although she occupied the name of a sister, she was actually my father and mother's daughter.

No matter how my aunt argued, my mother would not loosen her mouth. Helplessly, my aunt came up with an idea, saying that Zhao Yu'er should hold the spirit tablet. Zhao Yu'er hangs the name of my godson, which is reasonable.

Of course, I understand my aunt's thoughts. My aunt is a smart person. From Zhao Yu'er's eyebrows, she seems to have guessed something. Otherwise, she would not have called them to come over when my father was dying.

I firmly opposed my aunt's idea. Zhao Yu'er itself is a powder keg. Not to mention Xue Bing, Huang Weiwei, who has been busy for the past few days, already has ideas about Zhao Yu'er and once asked me privately: You are the godfather, who is the godmother?

If Zhao Yu'er is pushed out to hold my father's spirit tablet at this time, it is tantamount to detonating a powder keg. It doesn't matter if you die ugly, the key is that you will die without a place to bury.

My aunt put forward another idea, saying that there are many daughters-in-law holding spirit tablets in Hengyue City, and asked me who I want to hold it.

When my mother heard this idea of my aunt, she also widened her eyes, couldn't care about crying, and waited for my answer blankly.

I was at a loss, and in my heart I scolded my aunt for coming up with a bad idea. I glared at her a few times. My aunt didn't seem to notice, and was still enthusiastically telling my mother that daughters-in-law holding spirit tablets can also show that our Chen family is different. You know, ordinary daughters-in-law are not willing to hold spirit tablets for their father-in-law.

Seeing that I didn't express my position for a long time, my mother spoke first: "How about, let Meizhu hold it?"

I was so scared that I almost slipped under my feet, and quickly stopped my mother from continuing: "What is the relationship between Meizhu and our family? It's not related at all."

"Call Teacher Xue?" My aunt looked at me with a smile.

"No." I stated decisively: "It's also a person who is not related."

"Do you mean you don't have a girlfriend?" My aunt tilted her head and looked at my father's legacy photo in front of the spirit tablet, still smiling: "Brother-in-law, your son is almost thirty years old, and until now, you can't find anyone to hold the spirit tablet for you. Is it unfilial?"

My heart paused, my aunt's words were like a poisonous snake entrenched in my heart, making me unable to move at all.

"Still haven't thought about it?" My aunt was aggressive.

I shook my head, looking around with confused eyes: "Must there be two people? I can do it alone."

"No." My aunt smoothed the bangs that fell to her forehead: "If you are a fool, of course you can do it alone. Since the Chen family has you, you can't be sloppy."

"What if I'm not an adult yet?"

"Another matter."

"How about, let Huang Weiwei do it for me." I said, hesitating.

"You said it earlier, wouldn't it be fine?" My aunt waved her hand to call my uncle over, whispered a few words in his ear. My uncle looked at me and walked out of the mourning hall with his head down.

"What did you call my uncle to do?" I asked, looking indifferent.

"I have to ask Weiwei first, I don't know if people agree yet." My aunt hesitated: "What if Teacher Xue comes?"

"It's all because you made so many tricks." I said ill-temperedly, grabbed three sticks of incense from the table, lit them, and inserted them into the incense tube in front of my father's spirit tablet.

My mother was dizzy by us, stared at us, shook her head and went into the house alone.

I am annoyed, annoyed to death. My father's spirit tablet is the top priority in front of me. Whether it is Xue Bing or Huang Weiwei, whoever comes to hold the spirit tablet is actually telling others who will be the daughter-in-law of the Chen family.

My aunt smiled and said: "What are you in a hurry for? I know what you are thinking. I am helping you, and it is also a decision. You step on two boats, aren't you afraid of capsizing?"

"Capsize my hair." I scratched the back of my head and said: "No boat, what to capsize?"

"There will always be a time for you to cry." My aunt got up, ignored me, and walked away. I was left alone in my father's mourning hall, watching my father's legacy photo smiling at me, and I suddenly felt incomparably strange. Thinking back for so many years, I almost never paid attention to my father's life, only knowing that he silently handed me chopsticks and dishes every time I went home, and I couldn't help but feel sad, and my heart hurt so much that I finally cried and fell to the ground!

People in the world have the experience of losing their closest relatives and know what kind of heartache it is. Like a knife, like a worm, like the trembling of the heart when an ant crawls over. Whenever this happens, recalling the bits and pieces of relatives, just like yesterday, always shaking their heads, not believing it is a fact, until the eyes look at the person lying quietly, and the ears can't hear a word, will they grab the sky and escape the ground, and cry loudly. Even if the heart is iron, it will turn into soft fingers.

My father's departure caught me off guard. This old man who has experienced many years of war, his body can't see the twilight at all. I originally thought he would wait for his children and grandchildren to surround his knees, and would return to the Northeast with me and my son one day. Now everything has become smoke and clouds, and I didn't even have time to ask where my hometown in the Northeast is.

Although my father is of Northeast blood, he does not have the skeleton of a Northeasterner. He is handsome and polite in his gestures. When I was a child, my father took me to play at his old comrade-in-arms' house. I was the only pride of his life. I was born intelligent, could write poetry at five, and write essays at eight. In the eyes of the old comrades-in-arms who held guns all their lives, I was the reincarnation of the star of literature, a person who was amazing.

After graduating from university, watching others go to work in high spirits, I was alone and had nothing to do. My father, who never asked for help in his life, hid from me and begged for help everywhere. After finally stuffing me into an agency, he felt relieved. Since then, he never asked about my affairs again. My father said, becoming a dragon or a worm depends on the person himself!

Now, although the son has not become a dragon, he is not a worm! I shouted in my heart, bowing down to my father's spirit tablet, letting my tears flow.

Just when I was heartbroken, Huang Weiwei entered the mourning hall and whispered to me: "Chen Feng, be strong. I'll tell you something, Secretary He is going to hold a public sacrifice at the Chunshan County Martyrs Cemetery."

I was startled and looked up: "When?"

"It's the day Uncle is buried."

"How do you know?"

"My parents are going to attend the public sacrifice."

Things came too suddenly, I looked at her and couldn't speak for a long time.