Chapter 206: Kakashi's Emotional Block (5k)

"Yesterday's mission was really close. Thanks to your support, Ryuken, otherwise I would have been in danger."

"Haha, we're comrades. I'm not like that guy Kakashi, who would disregard his teammates for the mission."

"Speaking of Kakashi, I heard recently that his squad suffered heavy losses on a mission. Only the instructor jonin and he himself survived. Really tragic."

"Being on a team with that guy really brings misfortune. Good thing we left early, otherwise our team might have encountered the same thing."

After training ended, Kakashi dragged his tired body home and ran into two of his former former teammates chatting on the road.

Hearing what they were talking about, Kakashi's train of thought about Breathing Techniques suddenly broke off.

Kakashi didn't deliberately conceal his presence. The two former former teammates noticed Kakashi was just walking over and immediately shut their mouths.

"Ahem, Kakashi, good evening." The former former teammates didn't know if Kakashi had heard them, but since Kakashi gave no reaction, they pretended he hadn't heard and greeted him.

"Mm, good evening." Kakashi nodded expressionlessly in reply, then continued walking home.

"So awkward. I wonder if he heard us."

"Whether he heard or not, it's the same. He probably doesn't think well of us anyway."

Kakashi, with his good hearing, could still pick up some faint conversation even after walking some distance, but he was no longer in the mood to pay attention to it.

Kakashi wasn't angry at the two former former teammates for gossiping about him behind his back. If he got angry over this kind of talk, he would have been furious when his father committed suicide, because at that time, no matter where he went, he felt strange looks.

Besides, they weren't wrong. For Kakashi, the mission had the highest priority. When carrying out missions, even if they got injured, Kakashi still prioritized the mission.

During the time he had been Muyue's student, except for the very beginning, Kakashi rarely thought about what made a qualified ninja or whether a ninja should put the mission first.

Because Muyue's training intensity was maxed out—either learning advanced ninjutsu like Fake Dark Purple Lightning, or secret techniques and forbidden techniques like Lightning Breathing and Armament Haki. Under such intense training, it was hard to have energy to think about other things.

Moreover, there was Obito in the team constantly pulling at his emotions, forcing Kakashi to spend the rest of his energy dealing with Obito.

The words of the two former former teammates made Kakashi once again sink into thoughts about missions, ninjas, and comrades.

"The reason Father was blamed by everyone was because he failed the mission. Therefore, a ninja who can complete the mission is a qualified ninja." Kakashi thought to himself.

Then Kakashi shook his head. He thought of Muyue's words—that White Fang had upheld his own ninja way and was not a failed ninja.

Although he hadn't known Muyue for long, Kakashi deeply admired him. Not only because Muyue was very powerful, but because Muyue excelled in all aspects as a teacher, unlike any teacher he had met before.

So Kakashi was willing to listen to and believe what Muyue said.

A trace of confusion appeared in Kakashi's eyes. On one side was the established fact—his father had been blamed for the mission's failure and eventually committed suicide. On the other side was the acknowledgment from his admired teacher, telling him that White Fang was actually a ninja worthy of respect.

Kakashi thought and thought. He had dinner, kept thinking until 11 PM, but still couldn't figure anything out.

Lying in bed, Kakashi couldn't fall asleep for a long time. Even though he was very sleepy and wanted to sleep, as soon as he closed his eyes, he couldn't help thinking about those things, which kept him awake.

In the end, Kakashi didn't know when he fell asleep. But when he woke up and saw the bright sun outside, he knew one thing: he was late.

Kakashi quickly washed up, grabbed whatever edible things he could find, stuffed them into his mouth, and rushed to the Southern Border Forest.

When Kakashi arrived, the other disciples were already training. Obito and Shisui were running with Total Concentration Breathing, drenched in sweat. Might Guy was scratching his head while training in Yin Release Nature Transformation. Beside Rin Nohara, there were injured fish and broken trees.

Obito, who was running, happened to pass by Kakashi. Seeing Kakashi arriving late, Obito wiped the fatigue off his face and laughed, saying:

"Yo, isn't this Kakashi? How come you're two and a half hours late today?"

"Did you also go help an old person?"

After saying this, Obito instantly felt refreshed, and his body didn't seem so tired anymore.

In the past, it was always him being late and getting scolded by Kakashi. This time, it was finally his turn.

"Just overslept." Kakashi explained expressionlessly, then walked over to Muyue.

"Tch, he's late and still so cocky." Obito muttered and continued training.

"Muyue-sensei, sorry." Kakashi apologized. "I didn't sleep well yesterday, so I got up late and was late today."

"It's okay. Occasionally being late is nothing; accidents happen. Start training." Muyue said with a smile.

Kakashi nodded, then under Muyue's guidance began training in Lightning Breathing.

Whether it was because he hadn't slept well yesterday or for other reasons, today Kakashi couldn't find his rhythm with the Breathing Technique at all. After the morning training, he didn't feel any improvement, and it was even worse when he trained Armament Haki in the afternoon.

In the morning, he could explain it by saying he had been late by two and a half hours and hadn't trained enough, but in the afternoon, he really had no idea what he was practicing.

Usually, when Mu Yue explained and demonstrated, he could automatically simulate it in his mind, but today he couldn't.

Although Mu Yue didn't know what was bothering Kakashi, he sensed something wrong from Kakashi's behavior.

"Kakashi, your mind is disturbed," Mu Yue said.

Busoshoku Haki is Yin Release, related to spiritual power; if your mental state is poor, training will be half as effective with twice the effort.

"I'm sorry, Teacher Mu Yue. I'm not in a good state today. I'll try to adjust tomorrow," Kakashi said apologetically.

Mu Yue was teaching him so seriously, yet he couldn't even concentrate on learning, so Kakashi felt a bit guilty.

"Keep it up. Remember to believe in yourself," Mu Yue said with a warm smile.

"Thank you." Feeling Mu Yue's warm presence, Kakashi relaxed a little.

Because he was late during the day and made no progress in training, Kakashi added extra practice that night, training the Breathing Method in his own yard to make up for it.

However, the training still went poorly; Kakashi simply couldn't find that feeling.

At ten o'clock at night, Kakashi took a shower, went to bed, and started sleeping.

As soon as he lay down, Kakashi's mind subconsciously recalled the accusations his father had suffered, his teammates' disapproval of him, and then he thought of Obito's words and Mu Yue's words.

His thoughts were very chaotic—one moment it was that a ninja must abide by the rules and complete the mission even at the cost of a comrade's life, the next that comrades were the most important and must be protected.

"Sleep, sleep..." Kakashi kept silently repeating the word "sleep" in his mind; he had heard this method could cure insomnia, by giving himself a suggestion to induce drowsiness.

Whether the method didn't work or it was Kakashi's own fault, he still couldn't fall asleep. Then Kakashi glanced at the time—it was already two in the morning.

Letting out a soft sigh, Kakashi tried again to fall asleep.

"I'm late..."

Waking up the next day, Kakashi saw the blazing sun outside and knew he was late again today.

He quickly got ready and then headed to the Southern Forest to start training.

"Kakashi, you're late by two and a half hours again! You weren't staying up training until dawn, were you?" Obito asked, looking at Kakashi suspiciously.

He suspected Kakashi was secretly outdoing him; someone like Kakashi being late twice in a row and by such long stretches was odd.

"No." With a brief, expressionless reply, Kakashi walked over to Mu Yue and began to explain.

"Teacher Mu Yue, I'm sorry. I had insomnia again last night," Kakashi explained.

Mu Yue asked with concern, "Is there something wrong with your health? Why the sudden insomnia?"

"Thank you for your concern, Teacher Mu Yue. I'm in good health," Kakashi replied, feeling warmth in his heart as he shook his head.

"As for the insomnia, maybe I've been thinking about too many things lately."

Mu Yue patted Kakashi on the shoulder and said with a smile, "Health comes first. If something's bothering you, just tell me. Don't worry about troubling me. To a teacher, a student's problems are never a trouble."

Kakashi nodded slightly, feeling a bit more at ease.

Perhaps the extra practice last night had helped a little; this morning's training on the Breathing Method showed some progress, but in the afternoon, he still couldn't find the feeling for Busoshoku Haki at all.

After the afternoon training, Kakashi went to buy an alarm clock. He absolutely could not be late again tomorrow.

That night, Kakashi did not train. He finished washing up at eight o'clock and went to bed.

Kakashi's reasoning was: if he usually couldn't fall asleep until after three in the morning when he went to bed at eleven, then by going to bed at eight, even if he didn't sleep for four hours, he'd fall asleep by twelve.

But when Kakashi lay down, he found that even without thinking about those things, he couldn't sleep. Then he kept opening and closing his eyes, unable to stop his mind from wandering.

This time, not only did he ponder the relationship between ninja missions, but he also wondered what he should do if Might Guy and Obito were in danger on the next mission—should he save his teammates or continue the mission.

Ding, ding, ding!

In a daze, Kakashi heard a clear ringing sound. The thought of going to train with Mu Yue instantly woke him up. Perhaps because he had slept too little, just opening his eyes made them ache.

Kakashi completed his washing up with his eyes closed, then had a quick breakfast and hurried to the Southern Forest for training.

This time, Kakashi wasn't late, and he wasn't even the last to arrive.

"Hey, Kakashi, you're not late today!" Obito said with some surprise when he saw Kakashi after arriving.

"Don't compare me to you," Kakashi said flatly.

"I was late because I was helping an old person, not because I overslept." Obito retorted.

Although Kakashi wasn't late today, his lack of sleep led to poor mental state and subpar training results.

Muyue could see that Kakashi's self-isolating mood had become more severe again.

Actually, Muyue knew that Kakashi's problems weren't fully resolved, but because he had a few friends here, and a warm and understanding teacher like Muyue, coupled with heavy training tasks, his issues were suppressed.

Muyue could also understand Kakashi; when White Fang committed suicide, Kakashi was only seven years old.

For such a young child, having his revered father commit suicide at home due to criticism, it would be strange if he wasn't depressed and withdrawn.

"This needs strong medicine to cure," Muyue thought.

For a shadow as deep as Kakashi's, gentle healing is difficult; one day he might become distressed again because of certain words.

Muyue felt that Kakashi needed to face a life-or-death crisis, understand his innermost true feelings, and experience the light of humanity from companions to completely heal his body and mind.

"Kakashi, why are you so weak? You're exhausted from this little training. If you tried my current training, it'd probably kill you," Obito noticed Kakashi seemed unusually tired.

"Just not in good form," Kakashi adjusted his expression and said calmly, but the fatigue in his eyes was hard to hide.

"Kakashi, come back with me later. I'll make some restorative food for you," Muyue said.

Seeing that Kakashi could mooch a meal despite being out of sorts, Obito grinned and said, "Muyue-sensei, actually I'm not feeling great either. How about..."

Smack!

Muyue's finger precisely tapped Obito's head, then tousled his hair and said, "Just say you want to eat together, isn't that enough?"

"I want to eat together," Obito quickly said, rubbing the spot where he was hit.

"Everyone come along," Muyue said to all his students.

None of the students disliked Muyue's cooking; everyone agreed, except Kakashi and Shisui, who needed to inform their families first.

After eating, Obito and Kakashi started their daily bickering. Obito said Kakashi was too weak and couldn't handle a little training; Kakashi said Obito's brain was almost rusted, hard to imagine he could score below twenty on theory.

"Obito, if you want to show concern, you can be more direct," Rin Nohara said with a gentle smile, smoothing things over.

Rin said to Kakashi, "Don't let Obito's appearance fool you; he really cares about you. Yesterday he went back and discussed with me whether you were sick, saying that a genius like you being late was strange."

Kakashi looked surprised. Obito actually calling him a genius made him doubt the truth of the matter.

Seeing Rin expose his secrets, Obito's face quickly reddened. He waved his hands and said,

"Rin, you must be mistaken. How could I say something like that?"

Seeing Obito's reaction, Kakashi felt that Rin might be telling the truth.

"My rival, your youth hasn't been as passionate recently," Might Guy said seriously.

Kakashi didn't know how to respond; he was also annoyed with himself for letting such things interfere with his normal training.

After everyone left, Muyue stopped Kakashi and said, "How about staying at my place tonight? I have something to talk to you about."

Kakashi hesitated, then nodded.

"Kakashi, if you don't mind, share your recent troubles with me. I may not be able to solve them, but it'll feel better to talk about them," Muyue asked after leading Kakashi to the living room.

Kakashi was silent for a while, then said,

"Muyue-sensei, do you truly believe that White Fang was a qualified ninja, not a failure?"

Kakashi stared into Muyue's eyes, wanting to ensure the truth of Muyue's answer.

"No matter how many times you ask, my answer is the same: White Fang was a qualified ninja who carried out his own ninja way," Muyue said seriously, looking into Kakashi's eyes.

"Then why did everyone criticize him, even the companion he saved?" Kakashi asked in confusion.

The essential reason he was torn about ninja qualification was that he couldn't let go of his father's death.

"Because White Fang's ninja way conflicted with the village's rules. For the village, of course, interests come first, so mission success rate must be ensured. A ninja who can complete missions is a good ninja for the village.

But White Fang was different; he had his own beliefs. For him, a companion's life was far more important than any mission."

"Right and wrong are inherently subjective. For me or White Fang, we would think we did the right thing, but for others, there are different judgments."

"Of course, the reason White Fang received so much criticism was not only because the mission failed, but also because he was Konoha's White Fang," Muyue replied.

It wasn't a one-person mission, so of course you can't put all the blame on a single person. White Fang was simply the most famous ninja on that mission.

White Fang was too straightforward. If it were Muyue instead, the so-called culprit of the mission failure would be the Konoha hero who worked hard to save his comrades when the mission failed.

"So greater fame means you have to bear everyone's criticism?" Muyue's answer was too realistic and dark, making it hard for Kakashi to accept at first.

"Reality is always crueler than we imagine, but you don't need to overthink it. I believe that even if White Fang were given a second chance, he would still choose to save his teammates and then do his best to complete the mission," Muyue said earnestly.

"Others' thoughts are ultimately theirs. As long as you have a clear conscience, hold fast to the conviction in your heart."

Was it that White Fang couldn't handle the psychological pressure and committed suicide because of the criticism? Muyue didn't think so. He believed that White Fang took his own life because his conviction had collapsed.

Having taken in too much information tonight, Kakashi thought he wouldn't be able to sleep again, but today he actually slept very well.

"Since I usually live here alone, there's only one bed. Luckily you're still small, so it shouldn't feel cramped," Muyue said as he pulled Kakashi onto the bed to sleep.

For the first time sleeping in the same bed with someone other than family, Kakashi inexplicably felt a sense of security.

"After all, it's Muyue-sensei," Kakashi thought to himself. Once he felt drowsy, he quickly fell asleep.

Since it was a long chapter and just finished updating, there's another chapter coming soon.