Chapter 475: Scared Me to Death

"Wine, women, marriage — after tonight, I, Liu Ji, will be a completely different man."

Holding a wine cup, Liu Ji — who had already gone from a big-bearded man to a short-whiskered fellow — was utterly smug. Today was his great wedding day, and friends from all over had come upon hearing the news. Liu Ji valued loyalty above all, so he had to receive every one of them. Though the sun was still at high noon, his face was already flushed red from drinking.

His old father, Liu Taigong, passed by outside the room. On any other day, he would have long since stormed in and given him a thorough scolding, but today he merely pursed his lips and left Liu Ji alone.

His widowed elder sister-in-law and his second brother, Liu Xi, had always looked down on Liu Ji in the past, yet today they too put on smiling faces, bustling about inside and out to prepare the wedding feast — though in secret they could not help cursing: the Lü family, marrying their fine daughter off to Liu Ji, must be blind!

Only his old mother, Liu Ao, came in to urge him: "Ji'er, stop drinking now — at dusk you still have to go fetch the bride!"

"Isn't it still early?"

Liu Ji reassured his white-haired mother, already past sixty: "Besides, my wedding host, Scribe Clerk Xiao, hasn't arrived yet!"

"Ah, you. Now that you've got such a fine wife, you must live properly. From now on, no more fooling around like you used to." Liu Ao spoke with earnest, well-meaning words, but the thought of Liu Ji's excellent marriage made her grin so wide her mouth crooked.

She had thought her son would stay a bachelor into old age, or one day bring back that Widow Cao he'd been involved with, or the wine-shop keepers Matron Wang and Wu Fu, to make do — who could have guessed he would marry a girl from a good family!

At first she had reckoned the girl must be terribly ugly to be willing to marry down to Liu Ji, but people coming from Pei County said Magistrate Lü's eldest daughter was exceedingly beautiful — even the county magistrate had wanted to take her as a concubine...

This was truly the blessing of the Liu ancestors! Liu Ao did not think this was her son's doing; she could only attribute it to the spirits and gods.

Though Liu Ji was dissolute, he had a sense of measure in his heart. He turned his cup upside down and held the bottom line, not drinking himself unconscious the way he did at Matron Wang's and Wu Fu's wine shops back at Sishui Post.

Tonight, he still had serious business to attend to! At this thought, Liu Ji felt wonderfully pleased.

Sitting in his own courtyard, warming himself by the fire to sober up, Liu Ji recalled how this marriage had been arranged — it truly felt like a dream...

His bride was called Lü Zhi, and her father was known as Magistrate Lü. Magistrate Lü had four children: the eldest son Lü Ze, the second son Lü Shizhi, the third child, daughter Lü Zhi, and a youngest daughter, just over ten, whose name Liu Ji did not bother to care about.

Magistrate Lü was a man of Shanfu County. Shanfu was the neighboring county west of Pei County, belonging to Dang Commandery.

The Lü clan were people of standing in Shanfu. It was only because the eldest son, Lü Ze, had acted as a knight-errant in Shanfu and provoked enemies that, to escape disaster, the whole family had relocated to Pei County.

The reason they moved to Pei County was that Magistrate Lü was an old friend of the Pei County magistrate, who also hailed from Liang — their friendship ran deep.

Three months ago, after the Lü family had moved and settled on a residence, they threw a grand wine banquet. Magistrate Lü was a noted scholar from the neighboring county and an old friend of the county magistrate, so all the prominent figures of Pei County turned up. The magistrate had Xiao He oversee the banquet proceedings. Seating was arranged according to the size of the gift money: those with generous gifts sat at the upper seats, those with meager gifts at the lower seats, and those with less than a thousand cash sat outside the main hall.

Liu Ji was at Sishui Post at the time. Hearing of this, he went along to join the excitement.

He arrived eagerly before Magistrate Lü's new residence and saw the guests' gift amounts being written one by one into the register, and heard the minor clerk in charge of reception loudly announcing the gift sums and the corresponding seat ranks. Liu Ji felt his own empty pouch — his monthly grain stipend he mostly converted to cash, then bought wine to drink with friends. At this moment, he did not have a single coin.

But Liu Ji was Liu Ji. He swaggered boldly toward the gates of the Lü residence, snorted through his nose, and loudly announced: "Sishui Post Head Liu Ji — congratulatory gift of ten thousand cash!"

Then, ignoring the stunned minor clerk, he strode straight toward the upper seats in the main hall and plopped his backside down in a fine spot.

For a moment, at the gate and in the hall, guests and ushers alike all looked at each other in dismay. Magistrate Lü was also greatly startled. He rose from his seat in the hall and came in person to greet Liu Ji, wanting to see what manner of honored guest this was.

In Pei County, working as a hired hand, one could earn around two thousand cash a year. A petty clerk on a pittance of grain drew ninety-six shi of rice a year — converted to copper coin, barely over three thousand. The Pei County magistrate was ranked at six hundred shi, with a monthly salary of just over a thousand cash.

Thus, for weddings, funerals, and other occasions, monetary gifts were generally reckoned in units of a hundred cash. A congratulatory gift exceeding a thousand was already the courtesy due an honored guest. Gifts reckoned in the tens of thousands were sums exchanged among commandery officials and ministers of state. In a small place like Pei County, such things rarely happened.

Xiao He knew the Liu family's circumstances — they certainly could not afford ten thousand cash — so he smoothed things over for him, saying: "Magistrate Lü, this man Liu Ji is fond of boasting and seldom accomplishes much. Do not take it seriously."

Magistrate Lü, however, did not take offense. He smiled without speaking and carefully observed Liu Ji.

The old man had one skill: physiognomy. He saw that Liu Ji had a prominent nose and a dragon's countenance — a high nose, a broad face, features of no common order. Only... his beard was a bit short.

But then Magistrate Lü clicked his tongue in regret and thought to himself: "A pity — he lacks a fine, full beard. Otherwise, his nobility would truly be beyond words!"

In Magistrate Lü's eyes, Liu Ji's originally uncommon physiognomy seemed to have been forcibly affected by some sudden turn of fortune, greatly diminishing it, yet it was still the best he had ever seen in any man.

Physiognomy was only a first impression and not necessarily accurate. Magistrate Lü returned to the host's seat and began to observe Liu Ji's speech, conduct, and bearing.

He saw that Liu Ji, having falsely reported his gift and taken an upper seat, showed not the slightest unease or shame. Throughout the banquet, he was utterly at ease, mocking the other guests, ordering people about, comporting himself entirely like the host and guest of honor. Magistrate Lü marveled inwardly and labeled this man "audacious beyond belief."

This alone, however, was still not enough to make Magistrate Lü marry off his daughter. Unexpectedly, his eldest son, Lü Ze, actually knew Liu Ji. He went over on his own initiative and exchanged some words with him. Both had been wandering knights, fond of making friends, and for a time they talked with great delight.

Using the pretext of changing his robes, Lü Ze told his father: do not look down on Liu Ji for being poor and a mere post head. In Pei County, he had wide-ranging friends, was generous with wealth, and his reputation was resounding. He was familiar with all the clerks and had dealings with the local strongmen Yong Chi and Wang Ling — he was not to be underestimated.

Their family had come to escape disaster. To gain a foothold in Pei County, relying solely on the Pei magistrate, who was likewise an outsider, would not do. They also needed a local hero to depend on.

But if that man were too powerful, the Lü clan would become subordinate to him. Therefore, they had to choose a potential stock — someone whose current status was not prominent, but who could become a figure of consequence in the future...

"Have you forgotten, Father, the story of Zhang Er of Waihuang, who was destitute at first but later rose to eminence as a local strongman?"

In Lü Ze's view, although Wei had fallen, Qin's rule here was merely a hollow facade. Apart from the three chief clerks who recited the Qin statutes day and night, matters on the ground were still decided by the local strongmen...

Magistrate Lü understood clearly. After conferring with his eldest son, once the banquet ended, he summoned Liu Ji and made the proposal to marry his daughter to him.

With such heaven-sent good fortune dropping onto his head, Liu Ji — a wastrel who took everything and gave nothing — naturally agreed at once!

A woman delivered to his door — not bedding her would be a waste! He had heard that Magistrate Lü's eldest daughter was only twenty, far more dewy and fresh than the aging, faded Widow Cao!

Though Magistrate Lü gave his daughter away readily, the subsequent formalities — asking the name, presenting the betrothal gifts, and so on — took a full three months. Under the sole management of the Lü family, Liu Ji's bachelor life came to an end. Everyone knew that it was Liu Ji who had married above his station into the Lü family...

Liu Ji himself did not care. Seeing the sun about to set in the west, he shouted for the guests to take their places. Fan Kuai was in the back courtyard slaughtering pigs and butchering dogs, preparing the meat dishes. His close companion Lu Wan and others also came to help arrange the wedding. Liu Ji's social network proved its worth today — people came from villages for miles around. The tiny Liu residence was actually bustling beyond belief; the courtyard could not hold everyone, so tables and mats were set out into the street.

The wedding time was at dusk. The bride's side had arrived first at the residence Magistrate Lü had bought in Fengyi, sparing Liu Ji the trip to Pei County to fetch the bride. Yet the wedding host, Xiao He, still had not come. This was driving Liu Ji frantic with worry...

He waited and waited but saw no sign of him. Still, he did not panic. He simply sought out his good friend, Ren Ao, a Clerk of the Multitude in Pei County, and said to him: "If Lord Xiao has not arrived by then, you will host the proceedings in my stead..."

Just as they were speaking, Xiao He's horse-drawn carriage stopped outside the house.

Liu Ji hurried forward with the others to greet him, only to see Xiao He's face covered in dust and frost — clearly he had rushed on the road.

Xiao He stepped down from the carriage, dusted off his robes, straightened his cap, and said lightly: "Last night there was business in the county, hence my late arrival. Liu Ji, do not take offense."

"How could I dare take offense? Scribe Clerk Xiao, hot water is already prepared. Please go inside first to bathe and change."

Liu Ji warmly ushered Xiao He into the house. That Xiao He could come at all was already giving him enormous face.

But another guest Liu Ji had invited was nowhere to be seen.

He glanced behind Xiao He and asked in surprise: "Where is Prison Clerk Cao? Did he not come together with Lord Xiao?"

Xiao He recalled what Cao Shen had said when they parted and replied: "He has business and could not come."

Liu Ji did not hold Cao Shen in the same regard as Xiao He. He started cursing: "Today is a rest day — what business could there be! Xiahou Ying, Ren Ao, and Scribe Clerk Xiao all made it. This old Cao really doesn't give any face."

Xiao He happened to want to get to the bottom of that matter, so he told the truth: "Brother Cao has been summoned by the Governor of Jiaodong Commandery. He is going to Jiaodong to serve as a commandery clerk."

"A commandery clerk? A promotion!" Liu Ji exclaimed exaggeratedly, but in his heart he felt not a shred of envy. He was a man who had been to Xianyang, after all. After making the rounds, he had found his own home turf was still best.

Xiao He smiled. "This commandery governor — perhaps Liu Ji knows him."

"I know him?"

Liu Ji burst out laughing, thinking the solemn Xiao He had finally cracked a joke: "That's right, of course I know them. I don't just know the Governor of Sishui Commandery — I even know His Majesty the Emperor! It's just a pity that none of them know me!"

Xiao He, however, did not find it amusing. With a stern face, he said: "This Governor of Jiaodong Commandery is one of the three great heroes of the Xiongnu campaign. Last year, when the corvée laborers from Pei County returned from their service, they spoke of his deeds."

The smile on Liu Ji's face froze solid.

"Could it be... General Wei?"

Xiao He said: "It is indeed the Junior Chief Architect, Lord Wei. After hearing of your exploits in Pei County, he found them most interesting, and so he ordered his retainer to accompany me here to wish you a happy new marriage, with a congratulatory gift of ten thousand cash!"

"Ten... ten thousand cash..."

Xiao He saw Liu Ji's eyes go blank and patted him: "Liu Ji, are you listening?"

"I'm fine, fine..."

As if nothing had happened at all, Liu Ji let out a booming laugh and declared that even the Governor of Jiaodong Commandery had sent a congratulatory gift to a nobody like him — what colossal prestige!

But the moment he turned around, Liu Ji's soul nearly fled his body in terror! All his earlier smugness vanished without a trace! Gone from his mind was the alluring image of his bride under the candlelight; all that remained was the black-faced Qin clerk who had faced him blade-to-blade atop the walls of Waihuang County all those years ago! The man had donned the pheasant cap and become a high official. To crush Liu Ji would be as easy as crushing an ant!

Lu Wan, however, had a knack for bringing up the worst possible subject: "Brother Ji, why is your face so pale? Is something wrong?"

"I... I have a stomachache."

A flash of inspiration struck Liu Ji. Clutching his belly, he said he needed the privy and told his brothers to take Xiao He inside first. Once he had ducked into the stinking latrine, he stroked the short whiskers on his chin and let loose a torrent of curses:

"You motherless slave! Your old man here shaved his beard through the pain just to hide from that black-faced bastard — how the hell did he still track me down? Don't tell me he's got some sorcery that lets him see a thousand li? And a congratulatory gift of ten thousand cash — he's trying to scare your old man to death!"

PS: Heading out this evening, no make-up chapter, no need to wait.

(End of chapter)