Chapter 482: Late Night Talk

Octavius opened his eyes and tried to move, forgetting he was tied up. Reasling, he sighed and looked up into the night sky. The double moons looked down upon him, gently filling the sky with a mellow white and blue glow. Around it, stars filled the sky, creating patterns and works of art.

Looking ahead, Alfred sat on the floor, leaning against the railing, staring up into the sky. "Hey." Octavius called out, breaking Alfred out of his thoughts, "Can I get a drink?" Octavius knew he was being rude, but for some reason, he could tell that Alfred wouldn’t care in the moment.

Looking at him, Alfred nodded, grabbing a small wooden box. Sitting in front of Octavius, he pulled a small leather pouch he had strapped to his waist and held it to Octavius’s lips. He could tell how much Alfred had been drinking from how empty the container was. The wine was strong with a sour taste, something that royalty wouldn’t drink, but was saved for the sailors and common people.

Pulling the drink away, Alfred took a large swig of it. Octavius watched and could not help but chuckle, "Could you also untie me. I want to stretch my arms."

Alfred laughed, looking at Octvaius’ smile with a wider one. "No. Unfortunately, not."

"Worth a try." Octavius let out a deep breath and looked to the sky, "Was it..." He paused and closed his eyes for a second, remembering the scene he saw at Teia. "Was it worth it?"

"You’re a soldier, Octvaius. Not just any but one who commands thousands." Alfred took a sip of his drink again, holding it to Octavius’s lips afterwards so he could have some. Octavius didn’t reject, taking care not to let any spill. Wiping his mouth, Alfred carried on, "You can say what you want, but you give orders that are as bad as what happened in Teia. Or at the very least, you turned a blind eye to them. Pillaging, raping, and murdering. You would be hard pressed to find a soldier who hasn’t done at least one."

"It’s different," Octavius said, making Alfred dryly chuckle.

"No, it ain’t. You know it isn’t. It’s all fear. Soldiers steal, brutalise people’s homes, so they don’t have the idea to act against their invader. Sure, it fuels a soldier’s terrible desires, but you allow these acts because it keeps the majority in line and makes the stupid act out in a predictable way." Alfred took another swig. "You’re right, it is different, actually. My way doesn’t make men into animals."

Octavius stared at him, his face full of shock, "You really think you’re better than me? You’re no different." Alfred raised his eyebrow, taking another sip of his drink, "You just tried to destroy a city."

"I did what I had to do to keep you all away. What did I ever do to the Chruch, to justify this crusade for my life?" Octavius stared, trying to figure out if Alfred was actually being serious. For a few seconds, there was silence, and only when he realised he was being honest did he laugh.

"You executed church clergy and declared a schism. Granted, a few bad actors did try to take your life, leading to this, but you killed innocents as well in the process. Is it completely unjustified? No, but was it too much?" Octavius took a deep breath, "But my original question. Was it worth it? I could tell you didn’t like doing it."

Alfred looked up at the moons, enjoying their gentle glow for a few moments, "What do you think? You are the one who will tell them what you saw. Will it be enough of a warning to leave me alone?"

"Maybe, for a while. But eventually this will happen again." Octavius tried to shrug, getting caught on the rope, "But you know that’s not what that question only meant."

Alfred stayed silent, taking a final sip of his drink, letting Octavius finish it. Throwing the leather pouch to the side, he bitterly smiled, "I have done so much by this point that it doesn’t matter how many more sins I commit." Alfred closed his mouth, clenching his fist, "Sometimes, I wish I could return home, with Isra and the children, forgetting everything I did." Octavius frowned, not understanding what he meant by returning home. Alfred saw it and mysteriously smiled, "But I can’t. I couldn’t leave this life. I love what my position allows me to do. The power, the control, it’s addictive." He paused again, closing his eyes, "I think it was worth it, if it means I can extend this way of life for even a second longer. I may not enjoy what I have to do, but I enjoy what it does for me."

"That is..." Octavius fell silent, looking at the Emperor, "You can’t stop, can you?"

"No. That is why, when I say I will bomb the Holy Seat, Antila, or whatever comes next, believe me. I may hate it, I will numb myself with what I must to do it, but I will follow through, because it is the cost to keep my grip on power." Alfred smiled, "What about you? Do you not enjoy the power that comes with your title?"

"Of course I do." Octavius answered quickly, "But not in the same way. I don’t need it. I am happy following orders, being told what to do. It gives me stability. Unlike you, however, I don’t want to be at the top. I need something to keep me in check." He sighed, "I guess this is why you, Julius, Constance and all the other Kings and Emperors can live in your positions."

"Yeah..." Alfred smiled and laughed, "I did for a long time. Delude myself. I let myself think I did everything for others." Breathing out, his eyes looked at peace, "But admitting it was all for me was liberating. It was the most honest I have felt. I no longer need to justify why I am not a terrible person. I don’t cry out that the world is unfair. I don’t judge myself, saying how I was a different person before all this. This is all me. If who I was saw me now, they would cry at how far I’ve fallen, but they were a weak person who trudged along in life, not knowing what they ever really wanted. They thought they wanted to be a teacher, but I don’t think that was the case."

"How so?" Octavius asked. He was confused about the past Alfred was talking about, it being completely different to the history he knew, but remembering the truth about the Blessed ones that came out, about how they housed something else, he assumed it was that part of him that was talking.

"A teacher is someone who guides others. Perhaps there was a genuine part of me, as there is now, that believes it is my duty to guide others for the right reasons. But now that I am here, the way I am, I think that person just wanted some control over others’ lives." Alfred looked deep into Octavius’ eyes, "Does that make sense?"

"In a way." Octavius looked down, "But maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you just got too deep into the role as a ruler. The Book of Kavir tells us that power corrupts the soul. A corruption that never leaves because, by having it, we mimic the role of the Sol over human life." Octavius looked up into Alfred’s eyes, "Honestly, I think you are just lying to yourself again. You were a teacher who nurtured the next generation with pure intentions, and by becoming a ruler, that pure desire was warped into what you have become now."

The deck went silent again as the ship bounced on the water. A cold breeze blew past the two as they stared into one another’s eyes. "Perhaps I am lying to myself again, but does it really matter anymore?" Alfred smiled towards Octavius. Looking at his face, Octavius saw the liberating feeling inside Alfred, but underneath it, a sadness, "That past. That version of me is dead. It died a long time ago, I think, and all that is left of it are fading memories that I no longer cling to."

Octavius looked up to the moons and sighed. He didn’t know what to say in response and closed his eyes, listening to the gentle waters around him.