[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"origin-the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism":3,"chapter-the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-chapter-8":6},{"origin":4,"title":5},"english","The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism",{"chapter":7,"nextChapterSlug":19,"prevChapterSlug":20,"totalChapters":21,"novelImage":22},{"id":8,"novel_id":9,"title":10,"slug":11,"index":12,"content":13,"wordcount":14,"created_at":15,"updated_at":15,"volume":16,"translator":17,"content_hash":18},1535619,1997,"Chapter 8 | Lesson One: You’re Slower Than You Think","the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-chapter-8",8,"\u003Cp>When my alarm went off at 6:00 AM, I seriously considered the consequences of just letting the system cut my dick in half.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>How bad could it be? People lived with less. Maybe it would grow back. The system hadn’t specifiedwhichfifty percent would go — length? Girth? Some creative diagonal slice?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I dragged myself out of bed. Put on basketball shorts and a t-shirt the original Lukas had worn for gym class. Got my ass downstairs by 6:15.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And there I was, standing at the doorway of a home gym that could have passed for a small commercial facility, watching Sloane Fitzgerald bent over in a sports bra and leggings, stretching her hamstrings with her ass pointed directly at me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The universe was testing me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>〘Target position optimal for quest completion. Proceeding now yields 94% success probability.〙\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Shut up,\" I muttered under my breath.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The quest timer read 15:32:40 in bright red. That was it — the perfect chance. She was distracted. Her back was turned. I could have crossed the room in five quick steps, delivered the required contact, and been done with the whole stupid mission.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>My heart pounded as I took a tentative step forward. Then another. I was halfway across the room, moving like I was approaching a bomb.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>〘Host hesitation detected. Reminder: consequences of mission failure are permanent and irreversible.〙\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Right. Because I needed the reminder.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I took another step. The floor creaked.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane stood up and turned around in one smooth motion. She didn’t look surprised to see me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Great, you’re early. Let me stretch you out before you start.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Fuck.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Nah, I’m loose enough already.\" I hopped from foot to foot, shaking my arms like I’d been warming up for hours. \"Let’s start.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane frowned. \"Dumbass. Don’t blame me if you pull something.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The gym was bigger than my entire college apartment had been. Back in the other life. Free weights along one wall. Training mats covering half the floor. A punching bag in the corner, looking distinctly less worn than everything else.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane walked over to it, tapped it with her knuckles. \"Try to punch this, I guess.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Wow, you’re the best teacher ever, Sloane!\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"WELL I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TEACH!\" Her volume jumped like someone had cranked a dial. \"WHAT I DO WON’T WORK FOR YOU!\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"How do you even know that?\" I asked. \"You have to know how to punch or kick or something, right? The basics?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Her lips pressed into a thin line. \"Fine.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>She stomped over to a cabinet, pulled out hand wraps, and tossed them at my face. I caught them before they hit me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Put these on. Then punch this.\" She pointed at the bag.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I looked at the wraps. \"I don’t want to hurt you.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane burst into laughter. Not a giggle. Not a chuckle. Full-blown, doubled-over laughter that made her pink ponytail bounce.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"You? Hurtme?\" She wiped her eye. \"Fine, I didn’t warn you.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I wrapped my hands the way Jake from boxing club had shown me. Loop around the wrist. Between the fingers. Around the knuckles. Tight but not cutting circulation.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane watched with a blank expression. \"You taking this serious or what?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Yeah. I am.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Something in my tone made her eyebrows lift slightly. Good. I was tired of being dismissed.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I squared up to the bag. Planted my feet. Turned my hips into it like Jake taught me.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The punch landed with a satisfying thud. Not powerful, but clean.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>〘Physical Analysis: Form acceptable. Power output 26% of average Halloran applicant.〙\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Not terrible,\" Sloane said, arms crossed. \"Do it again.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I threw another punch. Same form. Same result.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Again.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I punched the bag ten more times. My form slipped on the eighth. Sloane caught it immediately.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Elbow dropped. Reset.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I fixed my stance. Kept going. My knuckles started to burn through the wraps.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>〘Physical conditioning recommended. Current stamina insufficient for combat applications.〙\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Thanks for the insight, Captain Obvious.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Let’s try something else,\" Sloane said after my twentieth punch. \"You’re not going to win fights by punching things.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"So what’s the alternative? Run away?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>She narrowed her eyes. \"You joke, but yes. Sometimes. Knowing when to retreat is a skill most Heroes never learn.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>That was actually decent advice.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"So what are you going to teach me? How to run away with style?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"I’m going to teach you how to not get hit.\" She moved to the centre of the training mat. \"Come at me.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I blinked. \"What?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Attack me. However you want.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"You want me to hit you.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"I want you totry.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I was suddenly aware this was a trap. Sloane had an Aspect called Detonation. She could literally make things explode on contact.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>But the quest timer kept ticking down. If I could manufacture a reason to make contact during sparring...\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I stepped onto the mat. Circled her cautiously. She watched me like a cat tracking a particularly stupid mouse.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Any day now,\" she said.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I lunged forward with a straight punch. No telegraph. Nothing pulled.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane shifted her weight two inches to the left. My punch went past her face. Before I could recover, her palm tapped my ribs.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Dead,\" she said. \"Again.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I reset. Came at her with a combination. Jab, cross, hook.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>She slipped all three without moving her feet. Tapped my throat with two fingers.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Dead again.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>That continued for ten minutes. Me attacking. Her avoiding everything with minimal movement. Tapping parts of my body to indicate fatal strikes.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I got nowhere near her. Not even close. The quest timer mocked me from the corner of my vision.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>〘Quest completion probability decreased to 42%. Alternative strategy required.〙\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"You’re overthinking,\" Sloane said. \"Stop trying to set up the perfect attack. Just move.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I wiped sweat from my forehead. \"Easy for you to say. You’ve been training for nine years.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"And you’ve been doing nothing for nine years.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>That stung. Mostly because it was true. The original Lukas had wasted his life feeling sorry for himself.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Okay, teacher. Show me how it’s done.\" I made a come-here gesture. \"Attack me.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sloane laughed. \"You sure about that?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"I need to see what I’m aiming for.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>She shrugged. \"Your funeral.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I braced myself. Squared my stance. Prepared for —\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I was on my back. Staring at the ceiling. Sloane standing over me. I hadn’t even seen her move.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"What the —\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"First lesson,\" she said. \"Never assume you can track someone faster than you.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>===\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>[A\u002FN:]\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>If you enjoyed this Chapter, please consider adding this story to your library and leaving a vote. Your support helps me keep writing, release more Chapters from my backlog, and speed up my updates.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And if you have any thoughts, suggestions, or just want to share what you think about this Chapter, feel free to drop me a message. I’d love to hear from you!\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>See you in the next Chapter!\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>☜(⌒▽⌒)☞\u003C\u002Fp>",1148,"2026-06-06T06:25:40.796Z",1,"novelbin.me","354f52c9e4be789b21121c8aa55e0c87d7d182214ca64e34f4ddfa660ad036ac","the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-chapter-9","the-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-chapter-7",93,"https:\u002F\u002Fnovelzhen.com\u002Fimages\u002Fcovers\u002Fthe-scumbag-s-guide-to-heroism-cover.jpg"]