Chapter 166: Self-Reflection

Lin Jingle locked himself away in the Cliff of Reflection, but every day he still emerged half to descend the mountain and handle affairs, and after finishing, he returned punctually to resume his confinement.

In her past life, Pan Yun had seen such people on TV and in books, but never in real life, so she found it quite novel.

She was deeply curious, and as a result, she observed him for several days.

Presumably due to overwhelming duties and nonstop work, coupled with the fact that he couldn't cultivate or replenish his Qi while confined to the Cliff of Reflection, Lin Jingle's complexion grew worse day by day.

In contrast, after opening her Ren and Du meridians, Pan Yun simply alternated between rice and steamed buns with side dishes, and if it weren't for her daily martial practice and constant book study, she would have become just like Miaohe.

"How truly miserable~~"

Presumably because Lin Jingle set such a strong example, five days after he entered the Cliff of Reflection, Xue Taixu and the other Yuanzhu gradually came to the Cliff of Reflection for self-reflection.

Cheng Lingzi accepted them all without exception and treated them equally, throwing each one into the Cliff of Reflection, releasing them only at set times to descend the mountain and handle affairs; if they didn't return on time, Cheng Lingzi would stand midair and shout down, ordering the Law Hall to drag them up.

One rule: come up whenever you like, but once you enter, you obey him.

Watching the Yuanzhu enter the Cliff of Reflection with dark faces, then return after finishing their duties to continue their self-reflection was quite enjoyable.

It was just a pity that no one shared this pleasure with him.

Since Lin Jingle entered, Zhou Wangdao no longer showed his head at the cave entrance.

Every day, he silently lent her a hand when she drew water in the morning.

When Pan Yun offered him food, he refused; when she offered him water, he dared not even accept it.

How pitiful~~

In the end, only Pan Yun lived as if on vacation, and she remarked, "Life is already hard enough—why add self-torture? Eating doesn't interfere with self-reflection, does it?"

On the entire mountain, only the black cat and Cheng Lingzi could hear her words, so Cheng Lingzi asked her, "You've been here a long time—have you reflected on yourself?"

Pan Yun nodded. "I have reflected."

"What did you reflect on?"

Pan Yun opened her mouth to state her insights, but Cheng Lingzi raised a hand to stop her. "You needn't tell me. This is the Cliff of Reflection—whether you truly reflected, you know in your heart; whether you examined your faults, you know in your heart."

"I know you've gained much here—secrets, arrays, even friendship—but if I were to say, your gains don't compare to Zhou Wangdao's suffering and boredom, for he questioned his heart and his Dao, and didn't come to the Cliff of Reflection in vain. What about you?"

"The Cliff of Reflection—its greatest purpose lies in the words 'self-reflection.' You fixate on studying its arrays, fixating on surface appearances—haven't you reversed the root and the branch?"

Pan Yun fell silent.

Cheng Lingzi rose and said, "Today Zhou Wangdao is released, but you still have sixteen days left."

Cheng Lingzi's words left Pan Yun silent, stripping her of appetite and interest in deciphering the array lines within the black hole; she began seriously pondering: had she really reversed the root and the branch?

Had she truly done anything wrong by coming here?

Deep down, Pan Yun still didn't believe she was wrong—she had entered the academy to nothing but malice; how could she simply overlook that malice and treat the academy like home?

She wasn't a masochist.

But next time she encountered such a situation, she could treat herself as family—no matter what she felt inside, she must at least appear correct on the surface.

Cheng Lingzi, seeing her deep in thought, assumed she had truly reflected, and left satisfied, unaware that she was already plotting deception.

Yet the Cliff of Reflection truly was a rare quiet place, one that allowed deeper self-understanding.

After thinking it over, Pan Yun was certain: she was not a good person. "I am not a gentleman. I have selfish motives. I harbor vengeance. I am intolerant and unloving. I've thought carefully—I recognize my flaws—but I don't want to change."

Pan Xiaohei, the listener:...

It stood up to leave, but Pan Yun grabbed its hind leg, hoisted it upside down, and held it in her arms, lifting its head to face hers. "When I was very, very young, I loved only myself—only wanted to cultivate, to become immortal, or return to my past life, even to a higher-dimensional space. But my parents loved me too much, and my two foolish older brothers treated me far too well, so I ended up loving them too."

"As for the rest of the Pan family, I merely felt it was immoral to burden them—they've already done enough for me, for my father and brothers. We're all adults; everyone must bear their own responsibilities. So I left, unwilling to drag them down."

To say Pan Yun loved her grandmother and Second Uncle's family deeply is impossible—she cared for them only slightly more than neighbors, purely to avoid burdening them.

"Mount Sanqing..." Pan Yun paused, then sighed. "They're good too—like my parents. No, even better than my parents and brothers. They love me, to some extent, because of blood ties—because they gave birth to me, so they love me."

"But they're not like that—I still don't fully understand why they treat me so well. I didn't want to love them, but they've been too kind to me."

Pan Xiaohei, stuffed full of heartfelt confessions:...

It couldn't help asking, "Did anyone in your past life ever say you had a mental defect?"

Pan Yun glanced down at it. "You think I'm mentally ill? You're the one with mental illness—I'm perfectly normal. In my past life, many praised me: I loved my country, my party, my people, and I was smart."

Pan Xiaohei suddenly asked, "What's the name of your best friend?"

Pan Yun frowned.

Pan Xiaohei: "None? Then who is the person you love most?" Pan Yun's frown deepened.

"None either," Pan Xiaohei asked, "Have you ever thought about forming a family, having a child?"

Pan Yun: "Is the array too hard to learn? Is knowledge insufficient? Is cultivation not appealing? Why must I make friends or love anyone?"

Pan Xiaohei: "You're like a robot trained by the state—raised since childhood to study and cultivate. At twenty years old, you have no best friend. You're not human, yet you're human—what else is this if not mental illness?"

Pan Yun's grip on it tightened gradually, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

Pan Xiaohei shrieked, "You have violent tendencies now—you want to murder your own companion!"

Pan Yun merely snorted and tossed it aside, saying nothing.

After a while, Pan Yun said, "I was too smart, too gifted from childhood. Before five, I went to school with the older kids at the orphanage. After five, I was sent alone to another school, where I received special state training."

"The people around us changed every year; later, the turnover slowed to every two or three years. Learning was so fascinating, everyone was busy studying and cultivating—who had time to make friends?"

Pan Yun said, "So none of us had close friends. You say I have a problem—do they all have problems too?"

Pan Xiaohei: "Theoretically, yes."

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"Hmph, you're not human, you have no emotions—you're like AI. Can AI diagnose mental illness?"

Pan Yun rose confidently, looking down at it. "I'm different—I'm the psychologist. Pan Xiaohei, if you want to become a True God, you can't just read what's in books—you must observe this mortal world."

She shook her head and swayed. "To trust books entirely is worse than having no books."

Pan Xiaohei stared at her blankly, then said, "You talk too much—but I believe you."

Pan Yun's lips curled slightly.

Cheng Lingzi came down to bring her the medicinal broth: "This is the last trip. The person who just brought the medicine told me to pass on a message: your senior brother's medicine is gone. Once you leave the mountain, hurry up and earn money to buy your own medicine for strengthening your body."

Cheng Lingzi said: "Your Mount Sanqing is so stingy. Why not leave your sect and come to Long Hushan? We give our disciples far better things—at least we don't make anyone worry about bathing."

Pan Yun: "Aren't I already at Long Hushan?"

"I don't mean as a disciple of the Imperial Academy. I mean as a direct disciple of Long Hushan."

Pan Yun: "Aren't all direct disciples of Long Hushan surnamed Zhang? And aren't they all male? Brother Cheng Lingzi, you're asking me to change my surname and my gender."

Cheng Lingzi fell silent, then said after a moment: "Except for the heir, Long Hushan's requirements for direct disciples are no longer so strict. Women and those of other surnames are now allowed."

Pan Yun looked unconvinced: "If that's true, why did my Master Xuanmiao join Mount Sanqing?"

Cheng Lingzi fell silent again.

Pan Yun took the medicinal broth and began heating water to prepare her bath.

Cheng Lingzi stood there for a long while, then finally asked: "Did Master Xuanmiao tell you all this?"

"I figured it out myself."

Cheng Lingzi tugged at his mouth: "Then you guessed pretty accurately."

Pan Yun lifted her chin: "That's because I'm smart. The moment I arrived at Long Hushan, I asked around—there isn't a single female Daoist among the direct disciples, and even among the Imperial Academy's female Daoists surnamed Zhang, there are few. How could I not think more?"

Cheng Lingzi tugged at his mouth: "You have sharp observation. But back then, there were still a few Zhang women studying in the Imperial Academy and the Celestial Master's Mansion."

"A few is a few? Could they learn whatever they wanted, just like their brothers and brothers-in-law?"

Cheng Lingzi left in embarrassment: "Just focus on your studies in the Imperial Academy."

Pan Yun tilted her head up: "Of course. Mount Sanqing has no such restrictions. I'll learn everything the Imperial Academy teaches."

Pan Yun, full of ambition, turned to soak in the medicinal bath.

In five more days, she could leave the mountain.

A medicinal bath every three days—obviously cost a fortune. The money I gave must be all gone, and I don't know how much my senior brother added himself.

Sigh, I wonder if Seeing Miao Zhen has enough cultivation resources. By now, my senior nephew should be heading to Guangxin Prefecture for the examination, right?

I hope he still has some travel funds.

Wang Cong still had some travel funds, since he held the financial authority of Mount Sanqing's temple. But after accounting for the temple's expenses for the next six months and essential cultivation resources, there wasn't much left.

When Wang Cong went to take the examination, he prepared an enormous amount of goods.

He brought medicinal herbs from Mount Sanqing, various porcelain items taken from Wang Xiaojing, newly harvested wheat from below the mountain—he loaded five carts, planning to sell them in Guangxin Prefecture and earn at least a little profit.

(End of Chapter)