Chapter 91: Uzui Tengen: Zero, Don

“Criminal law…”

Uzui Tengen:!!!!!!

“Hey hey hey! Zero, calm down! This is anything but elegant! I need female team members for the mission, not to kidnap anyone! How could I ever do something so ungraceful?!” Uzui Tengen frantically explained.

Zero set Xiao Cheng down and looked at Uzui Tengen, replying: “Really? Then why are you panicking?”

Uzui Tengen finally realized: Right, why should I, the elegant one, panic? Damn it, I almost strayed from elegance!

He adjusted his posture and said: “Anyway, I’m taking this guy on a mission. He may be useless, but he’s still a team member.”

These words seemed to strike a nerve in Kamiaki Aoi, stirring up unpleasant memories.

Tanjiro: “Everyone has their own burdens. Don’t casually poke at others’ wounds! Put Xiao Kui down right now!”

Uzui Tengen: “Naive. Truly naive! Though the Demon Slayer Corps has undergone major reforms, with your personalities, you’ll only die more easily!”

The words were harsh, but undeniably true.

On the battlefield, indecisiveness only leads to utter despair.

Tanjiro had no reply.

Finally, as if making a firm decision, he shouted: “We’ll go with you instead of Xiao Kui!”

As soon as he spoke, Zenitsu and Inosuke appeared on either side of Uzui Tengen.

“Eeyahahaha! Even though I just got back, I’ve still got plenty of energy—I can tag along!”

“P-please… p-please let go of Xiao Kui! Even if you are a m-m-m-muscle monster, I won’t back down an inch!”

Watching the three of them, Uzui Tengen hadn’t expected such boldness.

But having them was better than nothing.

After all, this mission was urgent—lives were at stake.

“Fine! Then come along! But you three absolutely must not disobey my orders!”

Then he slapped Kamiaki Aoi on the buttocks!

Slap!

“Ah!”

Zero saw this and said: “Harassing women—especially molesting underage girls… According to criminal law, Tianyuan, you’re coming with me.”

Thud!

Uzui Tengen nearly slipped off the eaves.

Why is this about harassment again?

“Zero, that’s not elegant at all—I could never…”

“Then where is your hand right now?”

Uh…

Everyone present clearly saw that Uzui Tengen’s hand was still on Kamiaki Aoi’s buttocks.

It looked as if he were treating Kamiaki Aoi like a drum.

“I… this… c-cough, never mind!”

He threw Kamiaki Aoi down.

“Again!” Seeing this, Zero stepped forward and caught Kamiaki Aoi in a bridal carry.

“Are you alright, Xiao Kui?”

“I-I’m fine, thank you, Zero Pillar…”

Kamiaki Aoi avoided looking at Zero, stepped down from his arms, and quietly stood to the side.

Just as Uzui Tengen was about to lead Tanjiro and the others to the mission site, Zero called out: “Since you’re going, I’ll come too—I have no current mission, and more hands mean more strength.”

Upon hearing this, Uzui Tengen’s eyes lit up.

For this mission, Uzui Tengen had little confidence.

But with Zero joining, the mission’s difficulty would drop drastically—it would be easily accomplished.

Zero’s strength was something he’d witnessed firsthand.

He’d even sparred with Zero before.

“Perfect! I couldn’t ask for more! This is truly elegant—with your elegance, we’ll accomplish this elegantly!”

Just as Zero was about to leave with Uzui Tengen, the three little girls from Butterfly House rushed forward and hugged him.

“Zero Pillar, thank you! Please stay safe!” x3

Seeing their adorable smiles, Zero patted their heads and smiled: “I will.”

On the way, Zenitsu couldn’t help asking: “Where are we going, Uncle?”

Uzui Tengen stopped and answered, facing away: “A place saturated with lust and desire—the most elegant brothel in Nihon: the [Flower Street].”

Hearing “Flower Street,” Zenitsu’s face flushed with embarrassment, fidgeting awkwardly.

Zero had also heard of Flower Street—in plain terms, it was a brothel.

So everyone except Tanjiro and Inosuke knew exactly what Flower Street was.

But Zero couldn’t understand why demons would appear in a place like that?

Could demons even… visit prostitutes?

Huh?

In that instant, Zero seemed to realize something?!

If it were those two demons, then their presence in Flower Street made sense.

Upper Moon Six—Jiufutai Lang.

Fake Upper Moon Six—Duoji.

According to past intelligence, Duoji’s identity was the courtesan of Flower Street—voluptuous figure, dressed so…

Just thinking about it gave him goosebumps.

Who could imagine that the courtesan entertaining wealthy men was a female demon?!

If he remembered correctly, Duoji was at Jingjiwu.

Then everything made sense.

So this mission was clearly against an Upper Moon demon.

Lost in thought, Zero was interrupted by Uzui Tengen, who was pointing at Tanjiro and the others.

“Listen up! I am a god, and you are trash! Memorize this hierarchy—drill it into your skulls!!”

“If I tell you to bark like a dog, you bark! If I tell you to act like a monkey, you act like a monkey!!”

“Always bow, nod, rub your hands, and watch my every expression! Worship me with total devotion!!”

“Let me repeat—I am a god!!”

After speaking, Uzui Tengen struck a pose he thought was cool and elegant!

The air turned awkward. A messenger crow flew overhead, trailing behind it what looked like an ellipsis.

???????。。。。。。

At that moment, Tanjiro raised his hand and asked: “May I ask, what specific domain do you govern as a god?”

“A fine question. You’ve got potential, kid.” Uzui Tengen feigned profundity and continued: “I am the god of elegance—the Festival God!”

Inosuke crossed his arms, looking smug, and stepped forward: “I am the King of the Mountains. Pleased to meet you, Festival God.”

Zenitsu stared at Tanjiro and Uzui Tengen with a look of “you’re both idiots,” utterly baffled…

Beside them, Zero helplessly covered his face—he now deeply regretted joining this mission!

How is no one here normal…

Why does it feel like we’re being watched like monkeys?

Can’t a crack in the ground open up so I can crawl in? I’m in a hurry, thanks…

“On the way to Flower Street, there’s a family with purple wisteria patterns. Let’s stop there to prepare. Follow me!”

After speaking, Uzui Tengen vanished from the spot. By the time Tanjiro looked up, he was already miles away.

“I’m off too. You guys do your best!” Zero followed immediately, and in a blink, he had outpaced Uzui Tengen.

“Huh? They disappeared!!”

“Whoa! So fast! In an instant, both of them shrank to specks! That’s the power of the Festival God and the White Hair!!”

“No, that’s the power of a Pillar!”

“You two idiots, stop talking! Chase after them!!”

…………

Purple Wisteria Family.

After entering the Purple Wisteria Family, Uzui Tengen ordered the household to prepare supplies, then entered the inner chambers to discuss the next plan.

“After infiltrating Flower Street, you’ll first search for my wife. I’ll gather intelligence on the demons.”

Hearing this, Zenitsu refused.

After all this running around, he hadn’t even had a drink, and now he had to sneak into Flower Street to find Uzui Tengen’s wife?!

“What the hell is this?! Stop joking! You’re making your subordinates run personal errands to find your wife?!”

“Huh?! What are you misunderstanding?! Can’t you let me finish speaking?!”

“Forget it! Obviously someone as weird as you isn’t welcome! But you’re just casually ordering Demon Slayer Corps members around to find your wife!”

“Are you an idiot? What are you yelling about?! My wife infiltrated Flower Street to gather demon intelligence! That’s why I came—her regular contact suddenly stopped!”

“...That’s all just your fantasy.”

Uzui Tengen endured again and again, pulling out a pile of envelopes from somewhere and hurling them at Zenitsu’s face, roaring: “These are all the letters I’ve exchanged with my wives using Hashira crows—read them yourself!”

The envelopes scattered across the floor, numbering roughly fifty or sixty.

Zero, calmly sipping tea beside them, idly picked up one letter and glanced at it.

Upon reading just a few lines, he spat out the tea still in his mouth.

Not because of anything else—he found the content of the letter disgustingly saccharine.

It read:

【Lord Tengen, I miss you so much, so very much—I think of you day and night… I love you~】

The signature was from a woman named Suma, accompanied by a red lipstick kiss mark.

“Zero, what’s wrong?” Uzui Tengen asked.

“Nothing—the tea was too hot, I choked!”

Zero didn’t expose the truth, giving Uzui Tengen some dignity.

Looking at the mountain of envelopes on the floor, Tanjiro couldn’t believe it. “That’s a lot—have you been infiltrating for a long time?”

“Because I have three wives~” Uzui Tengen replied, sounding almost proud.

“Three?! Wives… three?! You… you bastard… how the hell do you have three wives?! Are you joking?!”

Zenitsu, unable to accept this reality, felt his worldview collapse.

Why did Uzui Tengen have three wives, while he had none?

“You brat, what’s wrong with that?! Zero has two wives—so what if I have three?!”

Zero, sipping tea, spat out his mouthful again, bewildered.

Why was he being dragged into this out of nowhere?

“No, it’s normal for Zero to have wives—it’s you who’s abnormal…”

Uzui Tengen, at his wit’s end, stepped forward and punched Zenitsu straight in the stomach!

Thud!

“Puh!” The force was so great Zenitsu’s eyes rolled back and he collapsed unconscious onto the tatami.

Inosuke scratched his nose, uncaring. “I bet your wives are already dead.”

Tanjiro: Σ(?д?|||)

Thud!

Another heavy punch landed on Inosuke’s stomach, sending him crashing onto the tatami like Zenitsu, unconscious.

Uzui Tengen turned to Tanjiro. “Do you have any objections?”

Tanjiro shook his head rapidly, signaling he had no objections whatsoever!

At that moment, the inner door opened.

The head of the Purple Wisteria household entered carrying a box. “Apologies for the interruption—your requested items are ready.”

“Thanks!”

Uzui Tengen brought the box inside, took out the women’s clothing, and said: “Put these on, then infiltrate the current residences of Tokiwa-ya, Ogimoto-ya, and Kyōgoku-ya.”

He turned to Zero, pulling out a long-sleeved red kimono. “Zero, you too—put this on… uh…”

Before he could finish, Uzui Tengen fell silent—he saw Zero holding a black cannon, wiping it with a clean cloth.

The barrel was pointed directly at his crotch.

Zero aimed the 【Nanometal Annihilation Cannon Sniper】 at Uzui Tengen, smiling with nuclear politeness. “Tengen, what did you just say? What should I put on? I didn’t catch it—could you repeat that?”

Click!

He pulled the bolt.

Gulp~

Uzui Tengen swallowed hard. “T-this… this is just to make infiltration into the pleasure district easier. Y-you… you have my word—I won’t tell Kagaya Nezuko or Kanroji Mitsuri!”

“Do you think I need secrecy?”

“Uh…” Uzui Tengen had no answer.

But time was urgent.

His wives might be in immediate danger—he needed Zero’s help.

Finally, Uzui Tengen made a momentous decision.

He stepped before Zero and roared: “Zero, don’t force me!”

“Oh? Are you planning to use force?” Zero raised an eyebrow, a sly smile forming.

Uzui Tengen walked up to Zero—and then…

Plop!

He suddenly knelt before Zero. “I humbly beg you! Help me! Save my wives! I’m terrified for them all! If you help me, I’ll agree to anything!”

Zero: ………

He stared at Uzui Tengen kneeling on the floor, dark lines forming on his forehead.

Damn, I thought you’d fight—this is all you’ve got?

That bow took me off guard…

But clearly, Uzui Tengen truly worried for his wives.

For their sake, he’d made such a drastic move—he’d agree to anything…

What if I asked him to send his three wives to my estate… to help Lady Kuei with housework? That might not be so bad.

Lady Kuei was always rushing around, keeping the estate spotless.

She cooked delicious meals, cared for her children, and looked after Xiao Yue—she was exhausted.

In that case, it’d be a fair trade…

(Just now I overthought—I’ll go reflect in the corner)

“Sigh… fine, get up.”

“No, I won’t get up until you agree!”

“I hate changing clothes while a bunch of men watch! Understand?!”

“So… you’re agreeing?”

“Of course. But I have a condition.”

“What condition? Say it!”

“Send me your wives…”

“No no no! No matter what, I won’t send my wives to you, Zero—I never thought you’d be like this…”

“Can you let me finish?!”

Uzui Tengen realized he’d jumped to conclusions.

“Uh… go on.”

“Send your wives to my estate to help Lady Kuei. She’s always busy, keeping my home immaculate—I’m worried she’ll collapse. I need helpers to ease her burden. How’s that?”

“Fine, no problem!” Uzui Tengen exhaled in relief.

Of course—Zero had two wives himself, Kagaya Nezuko and Kanroji Mitsuri. How could he possibly be that kind of person?

He’d just been too anxious, too worried about his three wives, letting his imagination run wild.

He grabbed the unconscious Inosuke and Zenitsu, called Tanjiro, and led them to another room.

“Zero, I’m counting on you!”

He shut the door with his foot, leaving the room to Zero.

“Sigh… fine, I’ll help to the end. Better to finish quickly and go home.”

He picked up the long-sleeved red kimono, frowning in displeasure. “Even if you want me to wear women’s clothes, at least pick something decent—what is this garbage? Ugh, ugly!”

In frustration, he tossed the garment aside.

From his 【Nanospace】, he retrieved a custom-made outfit.

This outfit had been commissioned by Zero during a visit to Asakusa, ordered from a Western-style dressmaker.

He’d planned to give it to Kagaya Nezuko as an apology gift.

But before he could deliver it, this situation arose—so he’d had to use it himself.

He could always commission another one later.

Worst case, I’ll just have another one custom-made.