Chapter 91: Uzui Tengen: Zero, Don't Push Me!

"Criminal law…"

Uzui Tengen:!!!!

"Hey hey hey! Zero, calm down, this isn't flashy at all! I need female team members for the mission, I'm not a kidnapper! How could I possibly do something so un-flashy!" Uzui Tengen explained in a panic.

Zero set Xiao Cheng down, looked at Uzui Tengen, and retorted, "Is that so? Then why are you panicking?"

Only then did Uzui Tengen react: Right, why would the flashy me panic? Damn it, I almost strayed from being flashy!

Adjusting his posture, he opened his mouth and said, "In any case, I'm taking this one here on a mission. She may not be much use, but she's still a team member, after all."

Those words seemed to hit Kanzaki Aoi's sore spot, reminding her of unpleasant things.

Tanjiro: "Everyone has their own difficulties, please don't casually poke at other people's sore spots! Put Aoi down right now!"

Uzui Tengen: "Naive, truly naive fools! Although the Demon Slayer Corps has undergone great reforms now, with personalities like yours, you'll only throw your lives away even more easily!"

Though harsh, the words were indeed true.

On the battlefield, an indecisive temperament only leads people into hopeless situations.

Tanjiro couldn't argue back either.

In the end, as if having made some resolve, he shouted loudly, "We'll go in Aoi's place!"

The moment his words fell, Zenitsu and Inosuke happened to appear on either side of Uzui Tengen.

"Bwahahaha! Even though I just got back, I still have plenty of energy, so I can go with you too!"

"P-please… please let go of Aoi! Otherwise, even if you are a-a-a muscle monster, I won't back down a single step!"

Looking at the three of them, Uzui Tengen hadn't expected them to have such courage.

Still, having them was better than not.

After all, this mission was indeed somewhat urgent, with lives at stake.

"Sure! Then come along～ But you three absolutely must not disobey my orders～"

Then, he smacked Kanzaki Aoi on the bottom!

Smack!

"Eek!"

Seeing this, Zero spoke up: "Harassing women, especially molesting an underage girl… according to criminal law, Tengen, you'll have to come with me!"

Thud!

Uzui Tengen nearly slid off the rooftop.

How did harassment come up again?

"Zero, what you said isn't flashy at all, how could I possibly…"

"Then where is your hand?"

Uh…

Everyone present saw it clearly—Uzui Tengen still had one hand on Kanzaki Aoi's bottom.

It looked as if he were using Kanzaki Aoi as a taiko drum.

"I… this… ahem, enough!"

He tossed Kanzaki Aoi down in one motion.

"Here we go again!" Seeing this, Zero took a stride forward and caught Kanzaki Aoi in a princess carry.

"Are you okay, Aoi?"

"N-no, thank you, Zero Pillar my lord…"

Kanzaki Aoi didn't quite dare to look at Zero. She climbed down from his arms and obediently stood aside.

Just as Uzui Tengen was about to set off with the three of them to the mission site, Zero called out to them again: "Since you're going, I'll come along too. It happens that I don't have a mission right now—more people, more strength."

Hearing this, Uzui Tengen's eyes lit up.

Uzui Tengen wasn't all that confident about this mission either.

But with Zero joining now, the difficulty of this mission would drop, and it could be completed with ease.

He had seen Zero's strength with his own eyes.

He had even sought Zero out for a sparring match before.

"Great! I couldn't ask for more! This is truly flashy! With the flashy you joining, it'll definitely be completed in flashy fashion!"

Just as Zero was about to leave with Uzui Tengen, the three little ones of the Butterfly Mansion rushed forward and hugged him.

"Zero Pillar my lord, thank you, please be careful!" x3

Seeing the three little ones' adorable smiling faces, Zero patted their heads and said with a smile, "I will."

On the way there, Zenitsu couldn't help but ask, "Where are we going, mister?"

Uzui Tengen stopped walking, turned his back to them, and answered, "Desire and lust, the most dazzling neon-lit super-flashy clubhouse—the 【Yūkaku】, where evil demons dwell～"

Hearing "Yūkaku," Zenitsu's face took on a bashful expression, squirming shyly.

As for Zero, he had also heard of Yūkaku—to put it plainly, it was a brothel.

So everyone present except Tanjiro and Inosuke knew what kind of place Yūkaku was.

Only Zero couldn't quite figure out why evil demons would show up in a place like Yūkaku.

Could it be that evil demons also visit brothels…

Hmm?

In that instant, Zero seemed to have realized something?!

If it was those two demons, then appearing in Yūkaku would make sense.

Upper Rank Six—Gyūtaro.

Pseudo Upper Rank Six—Daki.

Based on the intelligence he had gathered before, Daki's identity was the top courtesan of the pleasure quarter — a hot figure, dressed so…

Just thinking about it gave him goosebumps all over.

Those rich men — who could have imagined that the courtesan keeping them company was actually a female ghost?!

If he remembered correctly, Daki seemed to be at the Kyogoku House.

If that was the case, then everything made sense.

Then this mission, it seemed, was also an Upper Rank demon.

Zero, lost in thought, was interrupted by Uzui Tengen beside him, who was pointing and gesturing at Tanjiro and the three little ones.

"Listen up, all of you! I am a god, you are trash! First, firmly imprint this hierarchy into your brains! Screw it into your brains!!"

"When I tell you to bark like a dog, you bark like a dog! When I tell you to act like a monkey, you act like a monkey!!"

"You must nod, bow, and rub your hands at every moment, watching my expression to act! You must serve me with full devotion and utmost respect!!"

"Let me say it one more time — I am a god!!"

Having said that, Uzui Tengen struck a posture he himself considered extremely cool and flamboyant!

The air suddenly fell into awkwardness, as a kasugai crow flew overhead, seemingly trailed by a string of ellipses.

??????? 。。。。。。

At this moment, Tanjiro raised his hand and asked his question: "May I ask, specifically, what kind of deity do you preside over?"

"What a good question — you kiddo actually have some promise." Uzui Tengen pretended to be deep, then continued: "I am the god who presides over flamboyance… the god of festivals~"

Inosuke, hands on hips and looking insufferably smug, leaned in and said: "I'm the king of the mountain, pleased to make your acquaintance, god of festivals."

Zenitsu looked at Tanjiro and Uzui Tengen with a gaze reserved for Bai Chi, unsure what to think…

Zero beside them helplessly covered his own face, now deeply regretting taking on this mission with them!

How come it felt like not a single one of them was normal…

What was this embarrassing feeling of being watched like a monkey?

Could a crack in the ground appear so I could crawl in? I'm in a hurry, thanks…

"On the way to the pleasure quarter, there's a Wisteria Family — let's go there first to prepare. Follow me!"

With that, Uzui Tengen vanished on the spot; by the time Tanjiro came back to his senses, he had already appeared several miles away.

"I'm heading off first too — good luck, you guys!" Then Zero followed right after him, and in the blink of an eye had already pulled far ahead of Uzui Tengen.

"Huh? They vanished!!!"

"Wow! So fast! In an instant the two of them have pulled so far ahead they're just sesame-sized silhouettes! This is the power of the god of festivals and the white-haired one…!!"

"No, this is the power of the Pillars!"

"What are you two Bai Chi babbling about! Hurry up and catch up!!"

…………

The Wisteria Family.

After the group entered the Wisteria Family, Uzui Tengen instructed the people of the Wisteria Family to prepare some things, then went into the inner room to discuss the upcoming plan.

"After we infiltrate the pleasure quarter, you all go help me find my wives first. I'll also go gather intelligence on the evil demon."

Hearing this, Zenitsu refused to go along with it.

After bustling about for so long without even a sip of water, he was supposed to infiltrate the pleasure quarter to find wives for Uzui Tengen?!

"What is all this about?! Please don't joke around! Having your subordinates run personal errands to find you wives!!"

"Huh?! What nonsense are you misunderstanding about, you brat?! Can you let me finish speaking?!"

"Finish, my ass! Anyone with half a brain can tell a weirdo like you isn't popular!! But you actually just boss us Demon Slayers around on a whim just because you want to find wives!"

"Are you an idiot? What are you yelping about?!! My wives infiltrated the pleasure quarter to gather intel on demons!! I only came because our regular contact suddenly cut off!!"

"…That's all something you made up in your head, isn't it!"

Uzui Tengen held his patience one more time, then pulled out a huge pile of envelopes from somewhere and slammed them into Zenitsu's face, roaring: "These are all the letters my wives and I exchanged via kasugai crows — see for yourself!"

The envelopes scattered all over the ground — roughly fifty or sixty of them.

Zero, calmly sipping tea on the side, casually picked up one letter and took a look.

The moment he read a certain passage, he immediately sprayed out all the tea still in his mouth.

For no other reason than that he saw a short passage on the envelope that felt terribly mushy.

The content was this:

【Tengen-sama, I miss you so much, miss you so so much, thinking of you day and night… love you~】

The letter was signed by a woman named Suma, with a red lipstick kiss imprinted on it.

"Zero, what's wrong?" Uzui Tengen asked.

"Nothing, the tea was too hot — got choked!"

Zero didn't have the heart to expose it, leaving Uzui Tengen a little face.

Looking at the huge pile of envelopes on the ground, Tanjiro found it a little hard to believe and spoke up: "That's a lot — she's been undercover for quite a long time, hasn't she?"

"Because I have three wives~" Uzui Tengen, who answered this question, actually seemed a little smug.

"Three!? Wives… three!? You… you bastard… why do you have three wives?! What kind of joke is this!!!"

Zenitsu, unable to accept the reality, felt his entire worldview collapse!

Why did Uzui Tengen have three wives while he himself didn't have even one?

"You little punk, what's the problem with that?! Zero here has two wives, and I have three — is that really a problem?!"

Zero, who was drinking tea, once again sprayed out the tea he had just drunk, his face full of confusion.

How did he get dragged into this out of nowhere again?

"No, it's perfectly normal for big brother Zero to have wives — you're the abnormal one…"

Unable to hold back any longer, Uzui Tengen stepped forward and landed a fist right on Zenitsu's stomach!

Boom!

"Pfft!" The force was so great that Zenitsu's eyes rolled back and he passed out on the tatami.

Inosuka dug at his nostril and said carelessly, "I think your wives are already dead."

Tanjiro: Σ(? д? |||)

Boom!

Another heavy punch landed on Inosuka's stomach, knocking him out on the tatami just like Zenitsu had been a moment ago.

Then he turned his head toward Tanjiro and said, "Do you have any objections?"

Tanjiro hurriedly shook his head at top speed, indicating he had absolutely no objections!

Just then, the door to the inner room opened.

The head of the Wisteria Crest House walked in carrying a box of things and said, "Sorry to interrupt, but everything you requested is ready."

"Thanks!"

After that, Uzui Tengen carried the box inside, took out the women's clothing inside, and said, "Put these clothes on, then infiltrate the Tokito House, the Ogimoto House, and the Kyogoku House in the pleasure quarter separately."

He then turned his gaze to Zero, took out a red long-sleeved kimono, and said, "Zero, you put this on too... uh..."

Before he could finish, Uzui Tengen dared not continue, for he saw Zero holding a large black cannon, wiping it with a clean cloth.

And the muzzle was pointed right at his crotch.

Zero held the 【Dark Alloy Annihilation Sniper Cannon】 pointed at Uzui Tengen, smiling a perfectly friendly smile, and said, "Tengen, what did you just say? What did you want me to put on? I didn't catch that, could you say it again?"

Click!

He racked the bolt.

Gul～

Uzui Tengen swallowed hard and said, "Thi-thi-this... this is also to make it easier to infiltrate the pleasure quarter. Do-don't worry, I absolutely will keep it a secret, I won't tell Butterfly Xiang Nai Hui or Xiao Xiao Mili."

"Do you think I need you to keep it a secret?"

"Uh..." For a moment, Uzui Tengen didn't know how to answer.

But the situation was urgent right now.

And on top of that, his wives might be in danger at any moment, so he had to get Zero to help him.

In the end, Uzui Tengen made a momentous decision.

He was seen roaring at Zero, "Zero, don't push me!"

"Oh? Could it be you're planning to use force?" Zero raised an eyebrow slightly, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

Uzui Tengen was seen walking up to Zero, and then...

Thud～

He dropped to his knees before Zero without warning and said, "I splendidly beg you! Help me, save my wives! I'm truly worried about the three of them! As long as you're willing to help me, I'll agree to anything!"

Zero: …………

He stared at Uzui Tengen kneeling on the ground, a face full of dark lines.

Damn, I thought you were going to make a move, didn't expect it to be just this?

Your kneeling caught me a bit off guard...

But it was clear that Uzui Tengen really was worried about his wives.

For the sake of his three wives, he had actually made such a huge decision, willing to agree to anything...

If he were to have his three wives called over to his own residence... to help Aunt Kui Zhi with the housework together, that seemed like a pretty good choice too.

Every day Aunt Kui Zhi was always busy here and there, keeping the residence spotlessly clean.

She also made lots of delicious meals, and had to take care of her children, and Xiao Bai Yue too, so it really was quite the workload.

At this rate, it barely counted as not a bad deal...

(Just thought too much earlier, going to stand in the corner and reflect on my mistakes)

"Sigh... fine, get up～"

"No, I won't get up, you don't agree and I won't get up!"

"I don't like changing clothes with a bunch of you big men watching! Understand?!"

"So then, you... agreed?"

"Of course, but I have a request too."

"What request, name it!"

"Send your wives..."

"No no no! No matter what, I could never send my wives to your place, Zero, I didn't expect you to be this kind of..."

"Can you let me finish speaking?!"

Only then did Uzui Tengen realize he seemed to have gotten a bit ahead of himself.

"Uh, go ahead."

"Send your wives to my residence to be Aunt Kui Zhi's helpers. Aunt Kui Zhi is busy every day keeping my residence in perfect order, I'm worried she'll wear herself out, so I want to find a few helpers to assist her. How about that request?"

"Fine, no problem!" Uzui Tengen breathed a sigh of relief inside.

Right, Zero already had Butterfly Xiang Nai Hui and Xiao Xiao Mili as his two wives, how could he possibly be that kind of person.

It was all his own fault for being too anxious and too worried about his three wives, letting his imagination run wild.

After that, he grabbed the unconscious Inosuka and Zenitsu off the ground, called Tanjiro over, and headed to another room.

"Zero, I'm counting on you!"

He closed the door with his foot, leaving this room to Zero.

"Sigh... forget it, help someone to the very end, see a Buddha all the way to the Western Paradise—solve this sooner and head back sooner."

He picked up that red long-sleeved kimono, his brows tightly furrowed, clearly displeased.

"Even if you want me to change into women's clothes, at least get me a nice-looking one—what is this junk? Tch, hideous!"

In a fit of anger, he tossed the garment in his hand aside.

He took out a custom-made outfit from his 【Nano Space】.

This outfit had originally been commissioned by Zero when he went to Asakusa and found a Western-style dress shop, asking them to tailor it for him.

It had been meant as an apology gift for Hu Die Ren.

But before he had a chance to give it to Hu Die Ren, this incident happened, and with no other choice, he could only use it himself for now.

Worst case, he'd just have another one custom-made.