Chapter 836: Say a Few Words

Say a few words

Say a few words

The blocked chapter 791 has been unblocked; from now on I won't court disaster.

Yesterday afternoon I went out for an errand; when I came back at night I felt off, very tired. I lay on the sofa resting for over an hour but still couldn't perk up; at that moment I knew I couldn't write. Because of the chapter-blocking incident, I had posted a single chapter yesterday, so I felt embarrassed to again announce a leave of absence; I thought I'd rest early, get up today and write, update early.

My schedule has been completely messed up lately; I only go to sleep after 5 a. m., which also happens to be a good time to adjust my routine.

Last night I lay down at midnight, tossing and turning, plotting the story and such; in a daze I probably didn't fall asleep until after 4 a. m., and when I woke up it was already past noon, so I hurried to sit at the computer……

And now I haven't written a single word.

I share a rented place with a few local writers to write together; today they all went out, leaving me alone. Over the past nine hours I've been in the lobby on the first floor, sometimes sitting at the computer, sometimes lying on the sofa, going back and forth, feeling as lost as a headless fly……

Even though I haven't written a word, I feel anxious and my brain is tired—this is really what getting older feels like.

Just now I had the thought: writing is really hard!

This book still has three volumes left, about 1.2 million words; I'm flipping through my own outline notes, countless threads, and I really feel overwhelmed. Entering the later stage of a book makes writing much harder than the beginning—it's like climbing a big mountain: the higher you go, the more altitude, the more stamina it takes and the harder it gets.

No wonder many books, when they reach the later stages, see slower updates; the authors are also physically and mentally exhausted.

My updates are already slow—4,000 words a day, with a fixed three days off each month, sometimes four; that I can still make a living in such a lazy state makes me feel rather ashamed.

But this really is my limit; many times I've tried to write a bit more, only to disrupt the rhythm and end up updating even less……

There's nothing I can do; my brain really doesn't work well, and my typing speed is also lacking.

Writing a 4,000-word chapter takes me over two and a half hours; in fact, before writing I need to spend about an hour pondering and incubating ideas, so a chapter actually requires close to four hours. For two chapters that's eight hours, and the whole time I'm thinking—it's really too much to bear.

What I fear most is spending an entire day agonizing, producing nothing and also not resting—coming away empty-handed on both fronts.

That's how today has been……

This afternoon a reader told me he waited for the update until 3 a. m. last night, which made me feel embarrassed; so even if I don't update, I should give notice beforehand. Please let me rest one more day; I'll resume updating tomorrow.

I'm really sorry, everyone!

Please understand, I'll be turning 34 in a month and still have nothing to show for it, a lone bachelor……

(End of chapter)