Chapter 206: Death Wish

As the spring blossoms of March gradually awoke, the peach trees burst into full bloom.

East of Shengjing's suburbs, beyond the city gates, one could see from afar the ten-thousand-mu peach orchard of Yunhe County, a vast expanse of soft pink, drawing countless immortal disciples and literati each year.

Entering from the east led to a long path winding between flourishing peach trees, continuing eastward to Peach Blossom Lake and Spring Wind Pavilion.

Kuangcheng and Wei Rui had wandered there together, chatting about spring plowing in Fengzhou, speaking of the grandeur of immortal cultivators reclaiming wasteland, and of the evening toasts shared between disciples of the immortal hamlet and the common folk.

Yet he did not tell Wei Rui that Fengzhou harbored illicit cultivators.

The more people who knew, the greater the risk to Brother Ji; yet whether Wei Rui knew or not made no difference.

In the afternoon, the sky grew slightly overcast, with dark clouds gathering overhead, as if a light rain were about to fall.

Such was the weather around Qingming—just moments ago the sun blazed brightly, yet now rain could pour down; carriages carrying those out for spring outings gradually returned toward Shengjing.

Some had plucked a few branches of peach blossoms; others had drunk three or four cups of clear tea.

Kuangcheng and Wei Rui rode back together, but before entering the city gate, the scholar Kuang disembarked and parted from Miss Rui in the carriage.

This caution, born of respect for the young lady's reputation, made Wei Rui's heart flutter all the more.

After bidding farewell, Kuangcheng walked alone down Changsheng Street and felt a cold wind rise within the city.

It was the lingering chill of winter, now swirling back—likely bringing two or three days of gloom and chill, after which temperatures would climb steadily toward summer.

Kuangcheng walked down the alley toward his home, yet before reaching his courtyard gate, he saw a figure pacing back and forth before it.

As he drew nearer, he recognized Ji You, standing at the gate in a white robe embroidered with silver thread, gazing up at a peach tree across the courtyard, a jar of wine in hand.

"Brother Ji?"

"I came to drink with you."

Ji You turned, lifted the jar, and shook it twice toward him; the sloshing of wine echoed inside: "Open the gate already—I've been standing here half the day. You're just like they say: charmed by beauty, forgetting friendship—off gallivanting with Wei Rui again?"

Kuangcheng coughed, then unlocked the bronze latch on the courtyard gate: "This year's peach blossoms in Yunhe County are especially beautiful, so I went to see them with Miss Rui."

"Wandering all day won't produce a child. Pluck the flowers while they bloom—don't wait till they fall and break empty branches."

"Brother Ji, you're reckless!"

Kuangcheng couldn't help retorting, then noticed Ji You's face was pale, his eyes dull and gray.

Before he could ask, Ji You stepped inside, pierced the wax seal on the jar, and the scent of wine spilled into the courtyard.

Kuangcheng followed him in: "Drinking in daylight?"

Ji You glanced at him: "Do you divide drinking by day and night?"

"I'm just curious why you're in such a refined mood today—and why you brought your own wine?"

"Cultivation is dull, I felt restless, so I thought to descend the mountain for a stroll. But Shengjing is so vast, and I only know you—so I ended up here. Go fetch bowls."

Kuangcheng went inside and brought out bowls, placing them on the table as clear wine poured forth—he silently wondered if Brother Ji was about to rob him again.

Ji You lifted his bowl: "Come, let's drink."

Kuangcheng raised his cup with a sweep of his sleeve: "I didn't get to drink with you last time I returned—today I'll join you."

As he swallowed the clear wine, Kuangcheng suddenly felt a warm stream surge through his body.

His entire body seemed to grow transparent, as if a gentle breeze circled within, rising outward through his qi orifices.

Kuangcheng opened his mouth: "Spirit wine?"

"Have you had it before?"

"No—I've never tasted it. It's too expensive for my salary, but I've heard colleagues say that when an immortal drinks even a sip, they feel every qi orifice open. What's wrong with you today?"

Ji You looked at him with his bowl raised: "Immortals find ordinary wine tasteless, but ordinary people drinking spirit wine can nourish their bones and roots. You're too thin—you need to strengthen yourself."

Kuangcheng felt Ji You's demeanor today was strange—though he couldn't say exactly how.

The usual carefree laughter was gone; instead, he seemed deeply somber.

Perhaps it was because Yan Xianzi was gone and Yuan Niang had left—he'd slipped into the mindset of a lonely old man—so he told him about the repairs to Fengzhou's official roads.

The Immortal Supervisory Office had purchased vast quantities of spirit tools to repair the roads, and following Ji You's original plan, they'd divided the work into sections, progressing rapidly—completion was expected by the height of summer.

Ji You listened without much comment.

As he'd said before—he was merely a minor Tongxuan cultivator; he could do no more than this.

He had repaired the roads and reclaimed wasteland; what Fengzhou became next was no longer in his control.

As the jar slowly emptied, Kuangcheng told him about Wei Rui—how she had lightly taken his hand at the Peach Blossom Festival, prompting Ji You to chuckle and tease him.

Kuangcheng thought such progress was normal—though people said romantic feelings were like a thin paper window, it wasn't so easily pierced.

How could it be like Brother Ji and Lady Yan—meet once, and their lips were already bitten raw?

Ji You had little smile today; only when Kuangcheng mentioned the young master of the Mirror Hall did his lips lift slightly—then quickly fell again when the topic changed.

Soon, the wine was gone, and Kuangcheng's face flushed red.

People from Yuyang County were known for their drinking; Kuangcheng looked frail, but his liquor capacity was strong—just like Old Qiu and his wife.

Yet Ji You drank even more—bowl after bowl—and his words grew fewer and fewer.

Until Kuangcheng felt his ears burn fiercely, his vision heavy, the air before him thick with honey-colored strands, slowly intoxicating him.

But it wasn't the spinning dizziness of drunkenness—it was mental exhilaration, lifting his spirit slightly.

"I'm leaving."

"Hey, Brother Ji..."

Ji You belched: "I feel it now—I should be able to sleep well when I get back."

Kuangcheng watched him walk out the gate, stunned—he realized Brother Ji had descended the mountain today only to drink.

As Ji You walked along Changsheng Street toward Nishan, just past the midpoint, a fine mist of droplets began to radiate from his body, the absorbed wine vaporized by his scorching physique.

A few steps further, Ji You paused briefly—his mind cleared completely, the drunkenness vanished without a trace.

After body refinement, his temperature and strength had reached their peak—his body now could not retain even the slightest alcohol effect.

Ji You couldn't help raising his head, gazing at the gloomy sky, listening to the distant thunder.

No—it won't work...

He stood on the street for a long while, thinking he no longer even had the right to get drunk.

He fell silent, then walked toward Nishan, pausing briefly at Bishui Lake to visit Cao Jingsong's courtyard, but left without lingering.

Soon after, Wen Zhengxin, Ban Yangshu, and Bai Ruilong received the message and hurried to Cao Jingsong's courtyard.

The four sat around the courtyard's tea table, staring in silence at two pouches of silver before them.

The left pouch was Cao Jingsong's; the right was Bai Ruilong's—the pouch the Emperor of Bai had given Ji You when he left the Snow Realm, larger than the previous one, a hint to carry more silver.

Both pouches were full—even fuller than when they'd left their owners.

"Repaid?"

"Yes—he said so."

Bai Ruilong stared as if the sun had risen in the west: "Why?"

Cao Jingsong shook his head: "I don't know—he dropped the pouches and left. But lately, he's been searching for a Dao-defining breakthrough. Earlier, he robbed us because his professional obsession flared—now perhaps he's been disturbed by distractions."

Ban Yangshu picked up the pouch and weighed it: "What distraction could drive Brother Ji to return all his silver?"

Wen Zhengxin shook his head: "I can't imagine."

"Could it be a sudden surge of kindness?"

"If it were kindness, Brother Ji would have donated the silver to the orphanage—he's done that before."

Cao Jingsong gripped his teacup, sensing the matter had grown serious.

A person's distractions stem from their origins, past experiences, and current circumstances—though others cannot see them, one can infer from daily behavior.

For example, Ji You adores silver; to lure him away, one need only toss coins.

Everyone knew silver was one of his distractions—so when Cao Jingsong and Bai Ruilong were robbed recently, they weren't surprised.

But returning silver? That was utterly unexpected—they couldn't fathom what distraction could drive Ji You to such an act.

Lust?

Lust would drive him to seek women—this silver should be spent in Shengjing's brothels.

Yet Ji You didn't need brothels—many senior sisters and junior sisters in his courtyard wanted children from him, with no obligation.

Cao Jingsong and Bai Ruilong sipped tea, pondering, utterly baffled by Ji You's odd behavior.

At that moment, Wen Zhengxin suddenly froze, his brow tightening.

"What is it?"

"If someone truly wishes to die, they leave their wealth to those close to them—silver is useless after death."

Wen Zhengxin looked up: "I had a clan uncle who, after his wife's death, lived in quiet despair. One day he drank with friends, left all his wealth to his children, then drowned alone in his household water vat."

Bai Ruilong opened his mouth: "A water vat can drown someone?"

"If one truly has the will to die, even a washbasin can kill."

Cao Jingsong immediately waved his sleeve: "Impossible—Ji You's cultivation path is smooth, he's founded a clan, he's captivated the daughter of Yu Danzong so much she wants to move to Fengzhou, and he's naturally broad-minded—how could he harbor a death wish?"

Bai Ruilong, not yet refined, spoke up: "Can distractions lead to a death wish?"

"No—it's not distraction that breeds a death wish, but fixation."

"What is fixation?"

The mind's stagnation, the spirit's crystallization—clinging stubbornly to one thought, unable to release it. Bound by external things, trapped by emotion, anchored in will—even after circumstances change, it lingers, unresolved, impossible to let go.

Cao Jingsong added: "But few possess strong fixation—most merely harbor distractions."

Bai Ruilong scratched his head: "Why?"

"Only cultivators encounter the Heart-Examining Trial, and cultivators are almost always from immortal clans."

Hearing this, Bai Ruilong understood.

Immortal clan heirs grow up in silk and jade, never worrying about survival—everything, even their cultivation path, is arranged for them; they lack nothing, so their hearts remain broad, unlikely to encounter the kind of life event that could become a fixation.

Even if there is, it wouldn't reach the point where one would seek death…

After pondering for a moment, Bai Ru said: "Then what if one truly has an obsession?"

Cao Jingsong stroked his beard for a long while before speaking: "Find a way to uncover it; if not, force yourself to forget."

"Could it be because of the disaster that befell the Ji family?"

"No."

Cao Jingsong shook his head: "The Ji family wasn't wiped out. If Ji You's obsession ran deep, he'd have sought them out long ago. More puzzling is that he's now famous throughout the Nine Provinces, yet none of those who fled have come to find him."

Ban Yangshu frowned slightly: "Maybe we're wrong. Ji Brother is usually lazy and careless—could it just be suspicion?"

"What kind of suspicion?"

"That your silver is fake, and he's so adamant about returning it."

At that moment, Cao Jingsong's courtyard gate suddenly opened. Ji You, who had just returned the silver, came back again and stepped inside.

Cao Jingsong and Bai Ru flinched, swiftly snatching up the two money bags on the table, watching him with sharp alertness.

But Ji You said nothing—only told Bai Ru that a woman with a firm, rounded buttocks was waiting at the gate. As Bai Ru hurriedly rose and rushed out, Ji You sat down on the stone bench he had just vacated.

He then gazed at them with a blank expression, saying nothing.

Bai Ru soon returned, face filled with confusion—thinking there was no such woman with a firm buttocks—until he saw Ji You sitting on his stone bench and understood everything.

At this moment, Cao Jingsong, Wen Zhengxin, and Ban Yangshu all stared at him.

Ji You frowned slightly: "What were you just talking about? Keep going. Don't mind me."

Ban Yangshu and Cao Jingsong exchanged a glance, then turned: "We were just discussing why you returned the silver."

"What's the point of silver? Not everything can be bought."

Bai Ru narrowed his eyes: "Ji Brother, are you alright? Maybe we should take you to the clinic."

Cao Jingsong couldn't help but set down his teacup: "Aren't you back in the inner courtyard? Why did you suddenly come back?"

Ji You replied: "After returning, I found the courtyard empty—so I came back just to sit around."

"How's your quest for the Dao's breakthrough going?"

"Fine. Oh, by the way—who has an empty room? I'd like to move in for a few days."

Ban Yangshu blinked in surprise: "Why?"

Ji You sighed softly: "I just don't want to be alone."

"I live with Ji Qirui."

Bai Ru also opened his mouth: "I'm not a full Foundation Establishment cultivator yet—I live in the men's dormitory with everyone else."

Cao Jingsong stroked his long beard: "Then stay here with me."

Ji You then said: "Thank you, Sister Wen."

Cao Jingsong: "?"

Wen Zhengxin turned to look at him: "Aren't you afraid the daughter of Yu Danzong will be jealous? Come back with me."

To Wen Zhengxin Xianzi's surprise, after sunset, Ji You actually followed her back to her courtyard.

On her bamboo racks still hung drying undergarments—pink and green, embroidered with butterflies and flowers—and several silk underpants, matching the undergarments.

Wen Zhengxin stepped over the threshold, then hurried forward, pretending calmness as she rushed to tidy up.

Ji You seemed distracted, yet his subconscious carried a sense of politeness—he instinctively helped her clean.

From the southern side of the bamboo rack to the northern, Ji You clutched a handful of undergarments. When he looked up, he found Wen Zhengxin staring at him, cheeks flushed: "Brother, your wandering thoughts are surely lust."

Ji You stared at the undergarment in his hand for a long while, then returned it to her—but as he handed it over, he couldn't help but sigh softly.

Wen Zhengxin froze, then looked down at her own chest, her eyes narrowing instantly, a flicker of killing intent flashing through them.

It was definitely lust—and yet he wasn't satisfied.

"You won't sneak into my room tonight, will you?"

"Sister's kindness in taking me in is already a great grace; there's no need for such thorough hospitality."

"?"

Wen Zhengxin looked at his weary, lifeless expression and couldn't tell if he was sincere or teasing—so she clutched her undergarments and underpants and returned to her room.

That entire night, Xianzi Zhengxin cultivated—but every so often, she listened for sounds outside. Yet long after, no movement stirred.

Just before the hour of Chou, she slipped on her boots and walked to the main hall, pondered for a long while, then glanced inside—and found Ji You was not there.

She furrowed her brow, turned her gaze to the courtyard—and saw Ji You sitting in the night.

Alone, vacant, silent, utterly lifeless.

"Brother?"

"I'm fine, Sister."

Wen Zhengxin watched as he turned his head, his eyes brimming with tears. She was stunned—about to ask what was wrong—but before the words left her lips, she saw the struggle in his gaze.

She suddenly understood why he chose to stay with her—it had little to do with lust. He simply feared being asked.

Though Cao Jingsong called him "rebellious disciple" every day, he held great hopes for him—cared for him more than anyone else.

If Cao Jingsong saw this moment, he would surely ask: "What's wrong, Ji Brother?"

So she pressed her lips shut, turned away, and entered her room without a word.

The next morning, Wen Zhengxin rose, wrapped herself in an outer robe, and stepped into the courtyard—still somewhat worried about Ji You.

But when she entered her courtyard, she found it transformed—spotlessly clean.

The bamboo poles still held last night's robes and undergarments, damp as if freshly washed.

Ji You saw Wen Zhengxin and greeted her: "Good morning, Sister."

Wen Zhengxin noticed that her brother now looked as if he'd lost his soul.

He'd slept barely any time last night—yet from dawn, he'd tidied the courtyard, pruned the newly sprouted jujube tree, and neatly bundled and discarded the cut branches.

Then he leveled the ground, aired the bedding, and scrubbed the water barrel inside and out.

He swept the bedroom, wiped dust from the porcelain vases, and washed the cushion pads.

He wasn't planning to stay long—just wanted to keep himself busy, so he had no time to think or remember.

But now there was nothing left to do—he still needed to find something to do.

At that moment, Ji You remembered Lu Qingqiu's message from a few days ago, asking him to teach Lu Hanyan sword art. He thought for a moment, then walked toward the outer courtyard, eventually arriving at the Sword Grove.

Though he'd refused Lu Qingqiu's request to teach sword art, he'd still written down some insights for Lu Hanyan.

Lu Hanyan was practicing swordplay in the grove. Seeing Ji You, she was surprised: "Ji Brother? What are you doing here?"

"I gave you some sword insights a few days ago. Since I'm free now, I came to see how you're doing."

"Really?"

"Mm. Show me your practice."

"Yes, Brother!"

At this moment, in the Sword Grove of Tian Shu Academy's outer courtyard.

Lu Hanyan wielded a long sword, dancing through the grove with fluid flourishes—her figure light as a startled swan, making the male disciples around her glance away nervously.

A hum—her Dao sword surged, sending waves of sword qi rustling through the entire bamboo grove.

Then she leapt back, her swordplay growing fiercer.

At that moment, Ji You suddenly swung his wooden sword—*snap*—striking Lu Hanyan's hand.

Lu's sword form shattered instantly; her delicate hand began to redden.

"Don't grip too tightly—it will ruin your strike."

"Yes, Brother!"

*Snap*—

"Keep your waist steady. Unsteady waist, weak sword."

"Yes, Brother!"

*Snap*—

"Don't wiggle your hips!"

Seeing this, the surrounding disciples stared in stunned silence.

Though Ji You was now an inner courtyard disciple, he came from a rural background. Lu Hanyan, however, was the direct second daughter of the Lu family of Yunzhou—his boldness was astonishing.

Lu Hanyan herself froze, blinking in disbelief, clearly surprised.

Today was her first time receiving direct instruction from Ji Brother. Her first impression: he was terrifyingly strict about sword art. And seeing her own skill improve so rapidly within half a day, she felt quietly delighted.

A few slaps on the hand meant nothing to her—but her hips…

Lu Hanyan blinked, as if carefully feeling the sensation—then her cheeks flushed crimson. She was astonished to realize she felt no anger at all.

The others didn't understand…

But setting that aside, everyone noticed that as Ji You corrected Lu Hanyan's movements, her swordplay grew smoother, her sword qi denser, sharper, gradually taking shape.

Fang Jincheng and his cousin Fang Zhiheng were also in the bamboo grove. Watching this, their expressions darkened.

Fang Jincheng was fine—he was a beginner in sword art and couldn't sense the subtleties of Lu Hanyan's changes, only that her power was growing.

But Fang Zhiheng, already skilled in sword art, felt even more clearly how her technique was shifting from clumsy to refined.

He'd been in seclusion for a long time and knew little of Ji You. After seeing that one sword from the teaching courtyard, he'd inquired about Ji You—and even sent letters to his friends at Lingjian Mountain.

When he visited Lingjian Mountain years ago, they'd praised his sword heart as exceptional—a rare compliment.

But Ji You, at Lingjian Mountain, was called a "sword heart perfectly clear"—a born sword prodigy.

"Stop watching. Keep practicing."

"Yes, Cousin…"

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(End of chapter)