Chapter 777: A Truly Miserable Death

Shopkeeper Tian truly possessed a masterful hand in the kitchen; every dish he prepared was a feast for the eyes, aroma, and taste, brought out in a steady stream by the waiters, and all of them were grand dishes featuring tomatoes, shrimp, and crabs.

"Grand Commander, honored generals, this dish is 'Thrice-Blessed Stir-Fried River Shrimp.'"

"Grand Commander, honored generals, this dish is 'Thrice-Blessed Boiled Lake Shrimp.'"

"Grand Commander, honored generals, this dish is 'Thrice-Blessed Stewed Lake Crab.'"

"Grand Commander, honored generals, this dish is..."

Shopkeeper Tian pulled out all his signature skills and every trick he had—stir-fried, boiled, stewed, steamed—a whole tableful of dishes, varied in color and style, every single one pairing river or lake delicacies with tomatoes. He even styled them all as Lu cuisine, making Zuo Liangyu beam with delight and nod incessantly, rubbing his belly and wanting to eat more even after he was full.

The delicious flavors even made Zuo Menggeng, Wang Yuncheng, Lu Guangzu, and others who normally cared little for Lu cuisine unwittingly eat a great deal. Everyone marveled endlessly at Shopkeeper Tian's skill; Wang Yuncheng even wrestled with an inner conflict, wondering whether, when provisions ran short, he ought to butcher Shopkeeper Tian for food.

Cups and goblets were passed around, the table left in utter disarray, and after the meal Zuo Liangyu and his men were all thoroughly satisfied. They comfortably ate their after-meal fruit, rubbing their bellies and savoring the aftertaste.

Zuo Liangyu summoned Shopkeeper Tian over. Picking his teeth with a toothpick, he slurred indistinctly, "Old Tian, in all the decades I've lived, this meal today has pleased me the most. Remember this: from now on, whenever I come, your restaurant must have this dish."

Shopkeeper Tian's face blossomed like a flower; he nodded and bowed, saying, "The Grand Commander's words truly leave this humble one overwhelmed with flattery... Rest assured, Grand Commander, so long as you are pleased, this humble one would risk his old life and exhaust every effort to satisfy you and all the honored generals."

Zuo Liangyu grunted in acknowledgment. "Since Shopkeeper Tian is so thoughtful, I will not treat you shabbily."

He said to his attendants, "A reward."

Immediately a personal guard pulled a silver ingot from his waist and, with a sharp whoosh, hurled it straight at Shopkeeper Tian. Shopkeeper Tian hastily ducked his head aside; the silver struck him on the shoulder, and he let out a loud yelp, while Zuo Menggeng, Wang Yuncheng, and the others roared with laughter.

Shopkeeper Tian, who seemed to be a man who prized wealth above his life, ignored the pain and, eyes gleaming, snatched up the silver. He saw before him a gleaming official ingot, a full fifty taels; judging by the stamp on it, who knew from which storehouse Zuo Liangyu had plundered it.

Overjoyed beyond expectation, he said repeatedly, "Many thanks, Grand Commander, many thanks. The Grand Commander is truly magnanimous, a model for us all to look up to..."

Following his lead, the row of waiters behind him also bowed in unison: "Many thanks for the Grand Commander's reward."

Zuo Liangyu burst into loud laughter. He pushed out his belly and rose from his seat, then stumbled—he had eaten far too much and could not stand steady.

Shopkeeper Tian, sharp-eyed, rushed forward to support him: "Oh, Grand Commander, do be careful."

He solicitously led the way ahead, and Zuo Liangyu, very pleased with his attitude, patted Shopkeeper Tian on the shoulder and praised him: "Old Tian, you are quite good."

Guided by the now even more broadly grinning Shopkeeper Tian, he paced slowly and deliberately down the stairs. His son Zuo Menggeng, along with Wang Yuncheng, Lu Guangzu, and the other top generals, also followed, each sticking out his chest and belly, chewing on a toothpick, swaggering down after him.

Reaching the steps at the front door downstairs, Zuo Liangyu suddenly recalled something. "By the way, that 'Thrice-Blessed'—do you have any more in the restaurant?"

Shopkeeper Tian lightly slapped his own mouth a few times and said, "Oh dear, how forgetful of me. This humble one has long since prepared them for the Grand Commander."

He called out repeatedly, instructing the skinny waiter: "Ahu, quickly, quickly, bring out all the prepared 'Thrice-Blessed' for the Grand Commander and the honored generals, so they can take them back to camp as snacks."

Ahu answered with a crisp acknowledgment and darted nimbly into the building; very soon, another large platter of bright red tomatoes was brought out.

Everyone's eyes lit up at the sight. The fruit's vivid red was startling at first glance, but after eating it one realized it was indeed quite good. Immediately Wu Xueli, Lu Guangzu, Ma Jinzhong, and the others each took one; Wang Yuncheng in particular took two, drawing an annoyed glance from Zuo Menggeng.

Zuo Menggeng hastily stowed away most of the remaining tomatoes for his father, specifically keeping one in his own hand and biting into another held in his mouth. A personal guard led Zuo Liangyu's horse over; Zuo Liangyu tried to mount but found it difficult. Ahu promptly dropped to all fours, cleverly serving as a mounting block for Grand Commander Zuo and hoisting him onto the horse.

Zuo Liangyu settled himself in the saddle and looked at him with satisfaction. "A fine lad, with a promising future."

The waiter Ahu smiled obsequiously. "To be of service to the Grand Commander is a blessing this humble one earned over three lifetimes."

Zuo Liangyu laughed heartily, and the generals around him also roared with laughter, looking upon this young waiter with great appreciation. Everything about this restaurant had pleased them.

Zuo Liangyu stretched out a hand, and immediately a personal guard placed a tomato in his palm. Zuo Liangyu took a slow, deliberate bite; the blood-red juice trickled down the corner of his mouth, a sensation that greatly delighted him, recalling the taste of human flesh.

He said to Shopkeeper Tian, "I shall come again another day. Old Tian, prepare plenty of 'Thrice-Blessed.'"

Shopkeeper Tian nodded and bowed. "The Grand Commander need only set his mind at ease... The road is bumpy; do take care."

Zuo Liangyu grunted, eating his tomato all the while as he slowly rode off. The generals mounted and followed, along with the officers and soldiers from the restaurant who accompanied them. Every one of them stuck out his chest and belly, their armor in disarray, walking with a swaggering, lopsided gait, their ruffianly soldier ways fully exposed.

The generals thought nothing of this. As they watched Zuo Liangyu and his men sway unsteadily in their saddles and ride into the distance, the restaurant, upstairs and down, emptied out, leaving only a mess behind. Shopkeeper Tian and his waiters stood before the restaurant door, straightening their deeply bent backs. The smile on Shopkeeper Tian's plump, round face vanished, replaced by a grim, icy coldness.

A cold sneer on his face, he said darkly, "This time the bandit Zuo will surely die. Arsenic, also called crane's crest red—do you think its taste is so easy to bear? And those bandit generals will each die in unbearable agony! The officers and soldiers they have poisoned over the years, the common people they have tormented—their spirits in heaven can now rest in peace."

The skinny waiter called Ahu—who was none other than Gu Yue, nicknamed Ghost Fox, who had appeared in Shanxi—also sneered: "The Grand General once said, Heaven's justice is manifest, and retribution is inescapable. Evil has its evil recompense, good has its good reward; it is not that there is no retribution, only that the time has not yet come! The cur Zuo Liangyu's retribution has arrived. To imagine how he will die—Gu's heart is filled with satisfaction!"

An intelligence agent disguised as a waiter asked with some concern, "Is this plan truly feasible?"

Shopkeeper Tian said, "Rest assured, this is a secret method imparted by Minister Wen, and I hear it came directly from the Grand General himself. It draws on the principle of mutual generation and mutual restraint among all things—the most impossible to guard against!"

He added, "Moreover, have we not tested it? Zuo and the other bandits are certain to die!"

Everyone set their minds at ease. They had indeed seen the dog used in that test; its death state still sent chills down their spines when they recalled it. And since this method came from the Grand General, their faith in Wang Dou, long since ingrained into their very marrow, left them without a shred of doubt.

He said, "Alright, Zuo and the other bandits are certain to die today. There is no time to lose; pack up, we leave now! The brothers responsible for the rendezvous have already arranged boats at Poyang Lake. We will first go to Hukou, then cross the river to Anqing Prefecture..."

"Move..."

With a wave of Shopkeeper Tian's hand—they were all elite operatives of the Intelligence Department, highly trained—the entire restaurant was soon empty, as if these people had never been there at all.

Zuo Liangyu and his men rode back, chatting and laughing, all thoroughly satisfied with the day's experience. They chewed on tomatoes, each eating with great relish. Zuo Menggeng said, "Father need not worry. Though the season is not right, the wealthy households of Jiangnan and Huguang mostly have hothouses. If I order the rich families to offer tribute, we can surely eat 'Thrice-Blessed' at any time."

Assistant Regional Commander Ma Jinzhong said, "They say when Huguang has a harvest, the whole realm is fed. I hear quite a few good things have come from the Western Ocean—things like chili peppers, sweet potatoes, and maize are all being planted... but for now they can only be grown in Jiangnan, Huguang, and Liangguang; north of the river they cannot, as the seeds cannot adapt..."

The group chatted a few lines. What did they care about south or north of the river? Had they not eaten 'Thrice-Blessed' today, they would not have paid this any mind. Soon, they entered the military camp.

They saw a sprawling encampment, banners bearing the character "Zuo" stretching as far as the eye could see. Yet while the Zuo camp looked imposing from the outside, once inside, it was utter chaos, even worse than Ma Ke's camp had been back then.

Gathered in the camp were all manner of vicious, villainous soldier-ruffians and disorderly mobs. From time to time squads of soldiers could be seen, carrying off shrieking, weeping women they had abducted, roaring with laughter as they entered various tents to violate them, and then seen dragging out the naked, mutilated corpses of women tormented beyond human form, finally tossing them into the river.

Zuo Liangyu and his men paid this no mind; such sights had long become routine. They would certainly not stop it—without this, how could they make the soldiers risk their lives?

Having eaten too much, Zuo Liangyu felt somewhat weary and went straight back to his own main tent to rest. Zuo Menggeng also returned to his own large tent for pleasure; he was an even greater lecher, and the number of beautiful women he had collected in his tent nearly surpassed that of Luo Rucai.

Wang Yuncheng, Wu Xueli, Lu Guangzu, Ma Jinzhong, and the other top generals of the personal battalions also gathered together, summoning camp prostitutes to continue their revelry. With the Chuang bandits currently massed in Xiangyang and other prefectures and not pressing close to the downstream prefectures, every camp was filled with singing, dancing, and debauchery until dawn.

Each sought his own pleasure; of that no more is said. Before sleeping, Zuo Liangyu ate two more tomatoes, then slept straight through until evening. When he awoke, he felt somewhat thirsty and parched, and also felt a slight burning pain in his throat. He sat on the latrine bucket and strained for a while, observing that his stool was rather loose. He thought to himself, could it be that he ate too much at noon?

But he paid it no mind and went back to bed.

"Hahahaha, satisfying..."

Over on Wang Yuncheng's side, in a vast tent, over a hundred camp prostitutes were singing softly and dancing gracefully. Wang Yuncheng, Wu Xueli, Lu Guangzu, and the others deeply understood the principle that joy shared alone is not as good as joy shared with many; besides these top generals, they had also called many of their subordinates to join the revelry, thereby deepening their emotional bonds with their underlings.

They drank and danced until mid-afternoon, when Lu Guangzu suddenly let out a loud fart. He rubbed his belly and cursed, "Damn it all, I'm off to the latrine."

Wang Yuncheng laughed heartily. "Old Lu, did you eat too much at noon?"

The generals all roared with laughter. Lu Guangzu, clutching his stomach and cursing under his breath, went off. It was a long while before he returned, his complexion somewhat unsightly, and thereafter he drank and made merry with an air of distraction.

After another while, Wu Xueli also rubbed his belly and cursed, "Fuck his ancestors, I'm off to the latrine too."

After Wu Xueli returned, his face looked terrible too. Then Wang Yuncheng, Ma Jinzhong, Ma Shixiu, and the others all took turns going to the latrine, each trip more frequent than the last. Their subordinates looked at each other in bewilderment — what was going on today? Why was every commander rushing to the latrine?

"Maybe they ate too much at noon and really upset their stomachs..."

Wang Yuncheng staggered toward the latrine again, feeling a burning pain in his mouth as if on fire, and waves of nausea churning in his stomach, accompanied by spasms of pain in his limbs. What was happening? A surge of terror gripped Wang Yuncheng's heart.

He barely managed to reach the latrine, ordered his personal guards to wait outside, then pulled down his trousers. A watery torrent of stool gushed out, the stench so foul it nearly made the guards outside vomit. They covered their noses and quickly retreated far from the latrine, then exchanged bewildered glances.

Wang Yuncheng squatted painfully between the two planks, waves of abdominal agony beyond words. Glancing down, he saw that what he was passing had already turned into a bloody liquid. Panic-stricken, he tried to rise, when suddenly his insides churned violently. Amid a piercing, gut-wrenching pain, a gush of blood sprayed from his mouth.

Wang Yuncheng's eyes bulged. The grinning, plump face of Shopkeeper Tian surfaced before his eyes: "Poisoned, this is poisoning!... Someone has poisoned us!"

Terrified beyond measure, he tried to stand, but his entire body had gone limp and he could no longer keep his footing. Suddenly Wang Yuncheng's foot slipped on the plank, and he toppled backward, limbs splayed, plunging into the manure pit.

The pit was quite deep and wide. The moment he fell in, manure water and excrement surged over his head and face. He had just opened his mouth to cry out when he swallowed several mouthfuls of filth in quick succession.

The stench was so nauseating it could make anyone vomit. Wang Yuncheng screamed, but every time he opened his mouth, manure water rushed in, garbling his voice beyond recognition. Each cry brought several more mouthfuls of filth, until finally the excrement clogged his throat, and he could not make a sound at all.

Wang Yuncheng flailed his arms and legs, struggling desperately in the manure pit. He tried to grab the plank above, but his whole body was limp — how could he hold on? He kept vomiting blood, which spilled out only to be swallowed back down with the filth, thrashing hopelessly in the pit like a drowning duck.

Outside, his personal guards had moved far away. They smoked their pipes, idly discussing which camp prostitute was the most beautiful, debating when to beg the camp commander for a favor and get a few for themselves to play with. They had no idea their own general was struggling in despair in the filth — until finally, all movement ceased from that direction.

The tent was filled with harrowing screams. Wu Xueli, Lu Guangzu, Ma Jinzhong, Ma Shixiu, and the others howled in agony, rolling back and forth on the ground, their cries unbearably wretched.

The arsenic poison spread through every part of their bodies, making them vomit uncontrollably. Waves of paralyzing pain surged through their hearts, sending their limbs into ceaseless spasms and convulsions. The sight of their suffering made everyone watching secretly shudder.

Wu Xueli and Lu Guangzu began bleeding from all seven orifices. Ma Jinzhong was in so much pain his entire body had gone numb; he wailed in broken gasps, trying to say something but unable to form a single clear word. Ma Shixiu had already lost control of his bowels and bladder, a bloody liquid continuously seeping from his lower body, the stench indescribable.

When the commanders first started vomiting, their subordinates merely exchanged puzzled glances — what was wrong with Master Wu and Master Lu? Had they all eaten something bad? And Vice General Wang had been gone so long — why had he not returned? Could he have fallen into the manure pit?

Finally, when the commanders began vomiting blood, the tent descended into chaos. Officers shouted one after another, "Quick, fetch a physician!"

The camp prostitutes, too, were so terrified they shrank into the corners. The more quick-witted ones, taking advantage of the confusion, slipped quietly out of the tent. Just as the tent was in utter pandemonium and no one knew what to do, someone suddenly burst in, shouting, "Disaster! Vice General Wang has fallen into the manure pit!"

While everyone stared at each other in stunned disbelief, another person rushed in, panic-stricken: "A great calamity has struck! Something has happened to the Left Commander and the Young Commander!"

Like a thunderbolt from a clear sky, for a moment everyone stood frozen.

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