Chapter 139: How About a Chinese Proficiency Exam?

Although Chongzhen was speaking of Wanyan Yuzhuo, in his heart he actually rather agreed with her theory that on the steppe the strong rule.

Ever since the Warring States period, the farming peoples of the Central Plains and the nomadic peoples of the north had found each other an eyesore, rather in the spirit of the later "What are you looking at?!"

"What's it to you?!" — and the consequences were just as explosive as those two lines later proved to be in the northeast, where a single wrong word usually meant a fight on the spot.

What was even more interesting about the Warring States period was that the Zhou Son of Heaven, the big boss, could not keep his own underlings in line, and the various gangs often started swinging at each other over a single wrong word.

Yet there was one comforting point: no matter how much those seven gangs brawled among themselves, the moment one of them got roughed up by a nomadic outfit from the north, the seven gangs would voluntarily call a truce and, as foot soldiers of the farming outfit, unite to rough up the nomadic outfit.

By the time of what the literati called the Tyrannical Qin, the boss Ying, who had inherited the Ji family's entire farming outfit, lived up to his surname: in the course of throwing down with the northern nomadic outfits, one could say he ground the nomadic outfits into the dirt.

As for the old scoundrel Liu Bang, in the early days he was the one getting ground down by the nomadic outfits — he even had to send his own girls off for marriage alliances.

Of course, the Liu family's scoundrel roots were there for all to see: Young Master Liu Wild Boar, relying on the inheritance left by his grandfather and his dead old man, dispatched his two top enforcers — the uncle-and-nephew pair Wei Qing and Huo Qubing — to smash the Xiongnu.

Those two did the Liu Wild Boar proud and gave the nomadic outfit a thorough grinding into the dirt.

Because the composition of the nomadic outfit differed from that of the farming outfit, and because the farming outfit was at the time spreading the word that the nomadic outfit had always been part of the farming outfit's family, some of the gangs within the outfit figured they might as well switch bosses and follow the farming outfit's boss — that is, Young Master Liu Wild Boar.

Jin Midi, having spent so long in the nomadic outfit, was full of the idea that the strong rule.

Because he considered Liu Wild Boar of that time to be the one and only big boss in all heaven and earth, he very readily licked boots and, not content with selling himself out, sold out his descendants as well.

The dignified Crown Prince of the Xiongnu Xiutu King thus became the most loyal running dog of the Liu clan — vowing to shed his last drop of blood for the Liu family.

Because Jin Midi's loyalty was more Han than the Han themselves, not only did Young Master Liu Wild Boar entrust his orphan to him before death, but after Jin Midi died he was enfeoffed as Marquis Jing and buried with him at Maoling — keeping company with his master Young Master Liu Wild Boar forever after.

As for Jin Midi's descendants, when Wang Mang — history's first transmigrator — usurped the Han, they fought him at the risk of their lives, and in the end, persecuted by Wang Mang, a branch fled to Congjia Yan in Wendeng, Shandong, changing their surname from Jin to Cong.

They truly became more Han than the Han, the Liu clan's last loyal hounds.

From the conduct of Jin Midi, Crown Prince of the Xiutu King, and his later descendants, the conclusion Chongzhen drew was this: the nomadic gangs of the steppe are all dogs by nature.

Put them on an iron chain and train them well, and they are more reliable than those upright gentlemen of the Donglin.

And think about how the later American empire played the game. First they set up English proficiency levels — TOEFL, IELTS, that sort of thing — whatever they could set up, they set up.

Immigration policies and the like were all designed to absorb elite populations. Then they hyped themselves to the skies, saying their moon was the roundest and that they were the hope of freedom and democracy.

Just look at how many idiots in the later Rabbit family got brainwashed into becoming whining dissidents and fifth columnists, and you will know how well this trick works.

In short, combining the old Liu family of the Western Han's methods for training the Xiongnu with the later Eagle Sauce's methods, the great Chongzhen Emperor felt that he too needed to first set up a Chinese proficiency examination system.

Level four would be based on being able to read the Three Hundred Tang Poems; level six would require reading the classics, histories, philosophers, and collected works — especially the brainwashing superweapon that was the edited and redacted Analects.

As for a Chinese level eight examination, Chongzhen thought it over and decided to drop it. After all, in the Great Ming, anyone singing Jay Chou's "Nunchucks" would be regarded as a heretic — and the likely consequence would be the stake.

After favoring Consort Wan, Chongzhen found his thoughts growing clearer and clearer, and by the next day he very straightforwardly summoned Shi Fenglai and Cao Huachun after the morning court session, plus Wen Tiren, who had been temporarily hauled out of the Imperial Prison.

By now Wen Tiren had been locked in the Imperial Prison for nearly a month and a half. The Chongzhen Emperor, who had countless times wanted to raise his hand and cut Wen Tiren down, had in the end still not done it.

Wen Tiren had many faults, but there was one point Chongzhen rather admired: he genuinely had ability, and he knew how to flatter his sovereign.

Had he not walked right into the line of fire on the eve of Chongzhen's plan to make a move against those grand gentlemen of the Kong clan in Shandong, Chongzhen would never have done anything to Wen Tiren at all.

After all, a minister as obedient as Wen Tiren was a solid member of the imperial faction, nothing like the Zhe faction, Chu faction, or Donglin faction wearing eunuch-faction skins.

Of course, since he had now hauled him out, Chongzhen was prepared to put him to use.

Keeping him locked up in the Imperial Prison for a long time cost Chongzhen his own money, and if he really did cut him down with one stroke, finding another minister this obedient would not be easy.

As for the earlier idea of forcing Wen Tiren into retirement, Chongzhen had long since tossed it aside.

Still, released he might be, but this hawk still needed to be tamed a while longer. Otherwise, if he always had his own ideas and wanted to let himself run free, Chongzhen would not dare make up his mind to place his trust in him.

After Wen Tiren had finished paying his respects, Chongzhen spoke in a cool tone: "Has Minister Wen been well in the Imperial Prison of late?"

If Wen Tiren had been able to work his way up to Chief Grand Secretary, how could he possibly be a fool? Since the Emperor was not going to kill him and had even hauled him out, then he must still be of use.

The crafty old fox — or rather, the man grown shrewd with age — Wen Tiren confessed with the greatest alacrity: "Your Majesty is sagely and wise; this guilty minister deserves death ten thousand times over! This guilty minister should not have listened to the slander of petty men.

Henceforth I shall in all things put the affairs of state first and give my life in service to Your Majesty."

Chongzhen was happy to play along with the drama of a ruler and minister in perfect accord, and said with a smile: "What crime has our beloved minister Wen committed? Enough — what is past is past.

The reason We have summoned our beloved minister Wen this time is that there is a matter We wish to discuss with our beloved ministers Wen and Shi."

Wen Tiren, however, was thoroughly brazen and simply asked: "This guilty minister has long been in the Imperial Prison and does not know the currents of the court. May I ask what matter Your Majesty speaks of?"

Shi Fenglai alone was not at all happy at this moment. The Emperor had first released Wen Tiren, and then asked Wen Tiren first — it seemed the seat of Chief Grand Secretary was not going to be his after all; it would probably still go to Wen Tiren.

Just as Shi Fenglai was turning this over in his mind, Chongzhen spoke: "We intend to follow the example of the Former Han and proclaim that the nomadic peoples of the steppe originally came from the Xiongnu — that is, that they are all descendants of Chunwei and originally one with the Han people — and thereby win over and incorporate some nomadic peoples to serve as cavalry.

In this matter, We would like our two beloved ministers to give Us their counsel."

No more updates for now; the next one will be in the afternoon or evening. This poor wretch who has to work tomorrow is going to sleep first. Good night, everyone.

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(End of Chapter)