Chapter 189: You Cannot Have Both Fish and Bear's Paw (4k-character two-in-one large chapter)

Since we can make ice, there's nothing more to say — ice slush, fruit ices, that sort of thing, make some to coax the Empress, and send some over to the other consorts as well.

Even if the Empress can't eat much because she's pregnant, just seeing the food the Chongzhen Emperor specially ordered prepared would still make Empress Zhou happy in her heart.

Chongzhen's wives, great and small, were all delighted — was there anything more pleasing than the Emperor keeping you in his thoughts?

The common folk of the capital were happy too. The ice drinks that sold at outrageous prices in the eighth month suddenly became plentiful, and the prices dropped a bit — this was a fine thing.

Ice blocks especially: ordinary households couldn't buy many, but they could grit their teeth and buy one chunk, take it home and smash it to pieces for the children to eat.

The scholars were also quite happy. Because the Emperor had personally led the army on campaign, the palace examination that should have been held long ago had been delayed again and again, dragged out until now, already the eighth month.

The prospective officials who hadn't even been able to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival with their families felt that with this ice, the tail end of summer didn't seem so hard to endure after all.

But many people in the capital were unhappy.

Especially the young masters of many noble houses, and some stewards of official households — no one knew where so many bold, ruthless men had sprung from, who without the slightest scruple dared to break the legs of so many people, so much so that bone-setting doctors in the capital had been in great demand lately.

But no matter — there were always those with guts enough to defy ill omens.

For instance, the young lords of several ducal houses declared: let anyone who dares try laying a hand on me.

Yet reality always slaps you in the face.

For example, the second son of Zhu Chunchen, the Duke of Cheng; the youngest son of the Marquis of Wuding; the youngest son of the Marquis of Yangwu — not one of them escaped. All had their legs broken and were then dumped at their respective front gates.

The Duke of Cheng, Zhu Chunchen, stared grimly at his own second son and roared, "How did I sire such a brainless wretch! When I told you to flaunt yourself out there, I didn't mean for you to go courting this kind of disaster!"

Zhu Chunchen's second son, Zhu Zhengyuan, looked at his father's black face, from which you could wring water, and wailed, "Father, weren't you the one who told me to stir up some minor trouble outside? This matter isn't any great affair — and now you still won't stand up for your son?"

At this, Zhu Chunchen grew even more furious and bellowed, "Then do you know why I wanted you to flaunt yourself and stir up trouble out there?"

Zhu Zhengyuan, hearing this, asked with a rather dopey look, "Why?"

Zhu Chunchen spoke with pained vehemence: "A noble house, if it produces no wastrel sons, if the whole family is full of sages — who would dare employ them?

Look at Zhang Zhiji of the Duke of Ying's house — he just went and brawled with a few barbarians, and look at his family now: one house, two ducal and marquis titles. That is what it means to truly dwell in the Emperor's heart!

But what of our line, the Duke of Cheng? If there's no improvement, I fear in the future we'll have no choice but to cling to a single title, eating and waiting to die — and the key point is, it still depends on whether the Emperor even wants to let you keep muddling along!"

Zhu Zhengyuan said, baffled, "But didn't I stir up trouble today? My leg's been broken. Since I now bear this stain, what is there left for the Emperor to be uneasy about?"

I really ought to stuff you back into your mother's belly! Zhu Chunchen thought bitterly.

"Are you a bloody idiot or what?

Look at how the Duke of Ying's house does things, and then look at you pack of fools! Those ice sellers are obviously from the palace, and you still went and threatened them so blatantly — what is that if not courting death?"

Zhu Zhengyuan was now somewhat dumbstruck. "Then... my leg was broken for nothing?"

Zhu Chunchen said in a muffled voice, "Not just for nothing — I'll still have to carry you out on parade through the streets! Let the world see that our House of the Duke of Cheng is not the sort to bully others with our power.

That way, we can also set the Emperor's mind at ease. Otherwise, I fear an imperial messenger will be at our door tonight."

Having spoken, and paying no heed to whatever Zhu Zhengyuan thought, Zhu Chunchen waved a hand to summon the steward and ordered, "Have men carry the second young master.

No need to treat his injuries — first make a circuit of the city, saying only that he acted lawlessly, that his broken leg is his own just deserts, and that no one else is to blame."

However incompetent Zhu Chunchen might be, noble houses after all ran their households by military law. The steward, having received the order, called men to lift Zhu Zhengyuan onto a stretcher, hoisted him up, and headed for the manor gate, utterly ignoring how Zhu Zhengyuan struggled and shrieked.

And so that day, the common folk of the capital got a spectacle — seven or eight noble houses all carried out their second sons or youngest sons and the like, not even covering the injured legs, and swaggered openly around the capital for a full circuit before carrying them back for treatment.

The Chongzhen Emperor, upon receiving word of this, could only laugh helplessly.

These nobles were far too theatrical. Afraid that he might not dare to employ them, they sent out their younger sons who wouldn't inherit the title to commit a few offenses — thus voluntarily placing a handle in his grasp, so that he could use them with peace of mind.

After all, no noble family that had endured for nearly three hundred years was likely to produce a situation of truly exceptional brainlessness.

By now anyone could see that the Emperor was placing heavy reliance on military men, and especially after the Duke of Ying's house had paraded the spectacle of one family holding two ducal and marquis titles, these people's hearts had grown even hotter.

The problem, however, was that brains were a fine thing, but not everyone had them. The young masters of these seven or eight noble houses were the classic case — they stirred up trouble and ran straight into the Eastern Depot.

The Eastern Depot, as the Emperor's household slaves, would they indulge their stinking bad habits?

Especially when the Emperor was making heavy use of the Depot and the Guard — what did breaking the legs of a few young lords of noble houses count for? It wasn't as if they'd broken the legs of the eldest legitimate sons who would inherit the titles.

After tossing the memorial sent by the Embroidered Uniform Guard aside, the Chongzhen Emperor put the matter of the nobles out of his mind. In the end, he'd have to use these people anyway — what difference did it make which ones he used?

The Duke of Ying was already advanced in years, and no one knew how much longer he could hold on. He couldn't rely on the Duke of Ying and Liu Xingzuo alone to prop up the realm.

Still, the nobles had made their stance clear — begging the Emperor to glance their way, begging the Emperor to use them. Look, we've even handed you the little whip to flog us with.

Chongzhen felt that since such a beginning had appeared, it was a good thing. Tomorrow's palace examination — perhaps he could use it to probe the attitudes of these scholars a bit further?

When the time came for the palace examination the next day, Chongzhen looked at the candidates in the hall, huddled like so many quails, and felt a distinct ache in his balls.

For no other reason than the numbers were just too damned few. In later ages, even the master's students at any random university would far outnumber this.

Admitting only this many people every three years — wouldn't the officialdom be just like a pool of stagnant water, utterly devoid of competitive vitality?

But no matter how much his balls ached, reality had to be dealt with step by step. He could only hope that next year's palace examination would be different.

The Chongzhen Emperor, musing inwardly, cleared his throat and spoke: "That you, scholars, have been able to come to this great hall to sit the palace examination in itself demonstrates that you are the finest among the lettered, and are all destined to serve as officials."

"The Son of Heaven shepherds the people on Heaven's behalf.

Officials shepherd the people on the Son of Heaven's behalf. Yet the character for 'official' has two mouths, one above and one below — between one opening and one closing, the people's livelihood hangs in the balance.

Therefore, the selection of talent cannot but be made with the utmost care."

"In today's palace examination, We shall no longer test your literary compositions and academic knowledge.

What We shall test is your learning in the shepherding of the people as officials. Thus, there are only three questions.

There is no restriction to any eight-legged essay or the like — you may even answer in verse if you wish."

Having delivered this speech, Chongzhen said to Wang Cheng'en, "Have the examination papers distributed."

But once the candidates received their papers, they were dumbstruck.

First question: Which prefectures and counties did you pass through on your journey to the capital? What were their populations? How does one assess whether a prefecture or county is prosperous?

Second question: Fish is what I desire, and bear's paw is also what I desire; the two cannot be obtained together — I forsake the fish and take the bear's paw. Now, if one wishes to obtain both together, can a method be found?

Two sheets of paper, each bearing only a single question. Not one extra word. To put it plainly, you were left to develop your answer entirely as you saw fit.

Yet the first question alone had already stumped ninety percent of the candidates. Who the hell knew this stuff! I don't know!

But not knowing was no excuse. They could only write based on the rough memories of their journey, and at least manage to scrape through.

But what the hell was this second question? Fish and bear's paw — everyone knew this came from the Mencius. But what was the next line? Life is what I desire; righteousness is also what I desire. The two cannot be obtained together — I forsake life and take righteousness.

That was the most crucial part.

Forsaking life to take righteousness was easy. What was not easy was how to neither forsake life nor forsake righteousness — the teachers had all taught forsaking life for righteousness; they had never taught how to walk such a middle path.

Even if one knew, could one really dare to answer this question? Yet if one did not answer this question, this was the Son of Heaven's palace examination — what crime would one be charged with then?

The faces of the several hundred candidates began to drip, drip with sweat.

Time passed little by little. By the time one stick of incense had burned out, among all the candidates in the hall, no more than forty-five had been able to set brush to paper and answer the second question.

These forty-odd candidates, seeing that everyone else wore expressions of knitted-brow misery, felt greatly reassured. Since the others had not answered but they themselves had, their ranking would surely be near the top.

The only thing to worry about was how many points each of the two questions was worth.

"Time!"

With Wang Cheng'en's long cry, the candidates who had been sweating cold sweat and had not answered the second question all let out a long breath of relief.

At last, they no longer had to endure this inhuman torment. Before the interrogation of conscience, they truly did not know how to answer this question.

It was not that there were no fence-sitting methods, but no matter how one answered, there was no way around the one point: a deficit in morality and righteousness.

After rising, the candidates who had answered this question and those who had not split into two factions. Those who had answered felt they had a chance of entering the first rank of jinshi.

Those who had not answered worried secretly in their hearts. Never mind being selected for the three ranks — they would be lucky not to be charged today with the crime of misconduct before the sovereign.

Chongzhen had long since taken in the candidates' situation. He did not take the examination papers Wang Cheng'en presented, but merely instructed, "Separate those who answered the second question from those who did not, and then present them."

The sorting was done very quickly. When Wang Cheng'en presented them again, Chongzhen first picked up the papers of those who had answered the second question. He did not so much as glance at the first question, looking only at the answers to the second.

Forty or fifty papers, looking only at the second question, and even then merely skimming with a cursory glance — it did not take long to finish.

Ignoring the forty-odd candidates below who were secretly rejoicing, Chongzhen picked up the other pile of unanswered papers, casually took one, gave the answer to the first question a rough look, and then asked aloud, "Yang Feng?"

Among the candidates below, the one named Yang Feng, hearing this, stepped forward in surprise, bowed with clasped hands, and said, "This student is here."

Chongzhen made an assenting sound and said flatly, "Why did you not answer the second question?"

Chongzhen's voice was even and indifferent, making it harder than ever to guess what he was truly thinking. Yang Feng stammered for a long moment, then mustered his courage and said, "Your Majesty, this student does not know how to answer. Therefore, I dared not write recklessly."

Chongzhen's voice remained utterly unchanged: "Is it truly so difficult to have both fish and bear's paw? We think it is not that you do not know, but that you dare not answer!"

The cold sweat on Yang Feng's forehead grew heavier, yet he dared not reach up to wipe it. Suddenly, he heard the Chongzhen Emperor say, with a note of encouragement, "Answer freely. We grant you immunity from punishment."

Hearing this, Yang Feng steeled his heart. He abruptly wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, disregarding whether it was a breach of decorum before the sovereign, and mustered his courage to say in a clear voice, "Your Majesty, right is right, and wrong is wrong.

This student believes there is no third path to walk. Nor do I know how to have both!

This student will not scheme and grovel like a fly!"

Chongzhen smiled at this but did not order Yang Feng to return to the ranks. He simply drew another paper from the other pile of already-answered exam sheets and said offhandedly, "Xu Yi? You answer Us: how does one have both fish and bear's paw?"

From the group of forty or fifty scholars, a middle-aged man of about forty immediately stepped forward and said in a clear voice, "Your Majesty, this student believes that for the word 'righteousness,' even giving one's life to seek it is not too much.

Yet when one gives one's life and still cannot attain it, it is better to take a step back — the sea and sky are boundless — preserve one's useful body, and plan for future endeavors. That too is not too late."

Chongzhen made an assenting sound but said nothing, sinking into thought for a long while.

Just when everyone in the great hall was beginning to tremble with fear, the Chongzhen Emperor suddenly picked up the pile of exam papers that had answered the second question and began tearing them apart.

When he had finished tearing them, Chongzhen did not even glance at the faces of the forty or fifty men below, who looked as though their parents had died, and spoke directly: "Either sacrifice life for righteousness, or cling to life and fear death — is there a second path to walk?

'As long as the green hills remain, fear not for lack of firewood'?

What kind of dog-fart reasoning is this? Facing the Jianzhou barbarians, would you also surrender first and come back later?

What difference is there between that and a thrice-surnamed house-slave?"

"Wanting promotion and wealth is no problem. Promotion itself means a higher salary, and We will not demand that every official be like Yan Hui."

"Even not knowing how to be an official is no problem. The Great Ming has no shortage of teaching materials and examples on how to be an official, telling you how to be a good official who serves the country and the people."

"But what We cannot tolerate is not knowing how to be a proper human being!"

"'Two-faced and three-knived,' 'thrice-surnamed house-slave' — which of these phrases was not prepared for such people?"

Having vented his anger, Chongzhen said bluntly, "All who answered the second question are dismissed. Order the provincial education commissioner of their respective provinces to strike their names from the student rolls.

Reclaim all stipends, tax exemptions, and other privileges. The Great Ming of today has no need for talent of this sort!"

(End of Chapter)