Chapter 193: A Shrew and the Embroidered Uniform Guard

The Little Lord Zhang Zhiji could no longer be called Little Lord — he beat the daylights out of anyone who dared. After enough beatings, no one in the entire Capital Camps called him Little Lord anymore; they all uniformly addressed him as Lord Marquis.

That's right — the Little Lord was just that willful. He felt the title Little Lord rested on his father, or rather on his family's old ancestor, and that was the only reason people called him Little Lord.

But the title Lord Marquis was different — that one he'd carved out himself, riding a warhorse and swinging a blade through mountains of corpses and seas of blood. Though all told, he hadn't actually carved up that many people.

Only, today Lord Marquis Zhang was in a foul mood. And in the same foul mood was Wanyan Cheng, who had always found Lord Marquis Zhang an eyesore and vice versa.

Although Wanyan Cheng hadn't been enfeoffed as a marquis or anything after the war, he didn't give a damn about such empty titles. Even the Emperor didn't care whether Wanyan Cheng got any rewards or not.

In the eyes of Wanyan Cheng and the Three Thousand, they were simply the dowry warriors of their tribe's bright pearl — just like Xiong Sen, Zhu Gang, and the others, all of them the Emperor's household servants, his slaves.

As long as their master's favor held firm, any title or enfeoffment was hollow.

And in fact, that was exactly the case. Although Zhang Zhiji had stylishly transitioned into Lord Marquis, he didn't dare look down on the untitled Wanyan Cheng one bit — just as the officials of the Great Ming all found the Depot and the Guard an eyesore, yet none dared slight them.

Normally, when Lord Marquis Zhang was unhappy, Wanyan Cheng and his lot ought to have been delighted. But now things were different — they couldn't cheer up either.

That's right — the Capital Camps and the Three Thousand were all rather unhappy. Anyone who'd gotten used to hacking people up with a blade, then was suddenly called in to haul supplies like common laborers, was not going to be happy.

They'd been out of the capital two full days now and had covered barely a hundred li. That alone was enough to make these men, long accustomed to cutting people down from horseback, thoroughly miserable.

But their boss, the Chongzhen Emperor, was dead set on bringing this batch of grain all the way to Shaanxi, and no one could stop him.

Left with no choice, the men had to take turns suffering — every half day, half the force would ride escort on horseback while the other half pushed the little carts and hauled the grain on their own two feet. As for civilian porters, they'd brought none at all.

Lord Marquis Zhang and Wanyan Cheng badly wanted to ask their boss what on earth he was thinking.

Seeing that dusk was near, the Chongzhen Emperor showed mercy and decided to rest one night at a post station — meaning the Chongzhen Emperor and his guards rested at the post station, while the Capital Camps troops and the Three Thousand still had to stand watch outside over the grain and double as night sentries.

But when the incognito Chongzhen Emperor entered the post station, he stared blankly at the scene before him.

"Hey, be careful with those! These things are precious — if you break anything, can you afford to pay?"

Seeing a stout, fleshy woman standing in the post station spouting such nonsense, Chongzhen could hardly believe his own eyes.

Wasn't the post station meant for relaying envoys and travelers, speeding military intelligence, and transporting army supplies? That every official high and low across the Great Ming was taking advantage of the post stations was one thing — but where had this fat sow in front of him come from?

The more he wondered, the more curious he grew. Chongzhen simply turned his head and signaled the Embroidered Uniform Guard escort beside him to go ask questions.

The Embroidered Uniform Guard detail accompanying him on this journey was precisely Xiong Sen and Zhu Gang's group. Seeing the Chongzhen Emperor's signal, Zhu Gang stepped forward and said to the woman, "Elder sister-in-law, your younger brother greets you."

Seeing Zhu Gang dressed as a common guard-station soldier, the woman erupted: "Who are you calling elder sister-in-law? Do you even know what manners are?"

Zhu Gang ignored the post station hands frantically signaling him with their eyes and merely chuckled softly before continuing, "All right, all right — this lady, may I ask what noble business brings you to this post station?"

Hearing Zhu Gang amend his form of address, the fat, brawny woman's expression finally eased a little. She snorted. "This lady is entering the capital to find my husband, who has just been promoted to Censor. Where else would I be but at a post station?"

Zhu Gang groaned inwardly. That officials and their kin were taking advantage of the post stations — everyone under heaven in the Great Ming knew about it, yet the Emperor alone did not.

And now the Emperor had run right into it. For the crime of concealing this and failing to report it, who knew how many people were about to meet disaster.

In a foul mood, Zhu Gang's face hardened. "To my knowledge, the post stations were established for relaying envoys and travelers, speeding military intelligence, and transporting army supplies. Since when were officials' family members permitted to lodge here?"

The woman looked Zhu Gang up and down once more. Seeing that aside from Chongzhen, who was dressed as a scion of the nobility, Zhu Gang and the men behind him were all in common soldier's garb, she sneered: "A maggot in a melon seed passing yourself off as the kernel.

Since when does a stinking grunt like you get to stick his nose into this old lady's business? Watch yourself — I'll have my husband impeach the lot of you.

You'll be sorry then!"

Zhu Gang's face went even blacker.

But before Zhu Gang could erupt, there was a bang — a chest, mishandled by several post hands as they moved it, crashed to the ground, its contents scattering everywhere.

Seeing this, the fat, brawny woman instantly raged: "Fine! This old lady just told you to be careful, and every last one of you treats my words as wind past your ears!"

Cursing as she went, she advanced on the post hands, looking ready to start tearing into them.

At this, Zhu Gang glanced back at the Chongzhen Emperor and saw that Chongzhen's face had gone blacker than black — in all his long service guarding the Emperor's side, Zhu Gang had never seen Chongzhen wear such an expression.

Zhu Gang stopped caring what happened to those post hands and hurriedly retreated to Chongzhen's side, bowing and lowering his head. "Young master?"

He waited a long while, but Chongzhen did not reply. Stealing a glance upward, he saw Chongzhen watching expressionlessly as that fat, brawny woman beat the post hands.

The post hands being struck merely dodged and evaded; none dared raise a hand to resist.

At this sight, Chongzhen's fury deepened. Yet the face that moments ago could not have been blacker now grew increasingly calm.

Before Zhu Gang, who had received no orders, could ask again, he heard Chongzhen say flatly, "The post hands and you of the Embroidered Uniform Guard are both part of the Son of Heaven's own army. Since when do you let yourselves be bullied like this?"

Though the Chongzhen Emperor's words were soft, audible only to the few men right beside him, they struck Zhu Gang's ears like a thunderclap — this was plainly the Emperor's displeasure.

Displeasure at the officials' families exploiting the post stations, and displeasure at the Embroidered Uniform Guard for never reporting these matters. Displeasure pushed to the extreme.

Yet although the Chongzhen Emperor was displeased, the meaning between the lines had already told Zhu Gang what to do. Zhu Gang immediately bowed again. "This humble officer understands. Please set your mind at ease, young master."

Chongzhen gave an expressionless grunt, then strode straight out of the post station. He said no more about resting, merely ordering Lord Marquis Zhang to arrange the grain transport before returning to the capital.

Then he took the remaining Embroidered Uniform Guard, the Inner Depot guards, and the Three Thousand and headed directly back to the capital.

Zhu Gang, who had no idea what was happening outside, was by now grinding his teeth in secret fury.

Today was sheer rotten luck. Of all the dogshit things to run into, it had to happen right when he was escorting the Emperor!

His heart seething, Zhu Gang wasted no more words. He strode forward, and with one kick sent the fat woman — still in the full throes of her female fury — sprawling to the ground. He roared at the dodging post hands: "Straighten your spines!"

The fat, brawny woman lay on the ground howling: "Murder! These brutes are trying to beat me to death! Cui'er, make sure you remember — have the master impeach them!"

The maidservant and several household servants who had been standing to the side watching the show now rushed forward in a fluster to help the fat woman up. Zhu Gang kicked them down one by one.

Looking at the groaning lot, Zhu Gang sneered: "Grandpa didn't say you could get up. Anyone so much as twitches, and Grandpa will have his life!"

Still utterly clueless about the situation, the fat, brawny woman now screamed even more like a pig being slaughtered: "In broad daylight, under the bright heavens — murder! Help!"

Driven to ever greater fury by the racket, Zhu Gang simply kicked the fat woman again. "One more howl out of you, and Grandpa will kick you to death right here and now!"

Seeing the fat woman cowed into silence, too frightened to howl any further, Zhu Gang asked, "Come, tell Grandpa — who is this Censor husband and master of yours? Let's see if Grandpa knows him!"

The fat, brawny woman now found a bit of nerve again and raged: "My husband is the newly promoted Censor Mao Yujian! You've crossed this old lady — you'll get yours, you grunt!"

Zhu Gang was angered into laughter. Who the hell gave you the nerve to talk to a lord of the Embroidered Uniform Guard like that? Never mind a Censor — even if the Ministers of the Six Ministries came in person, if Grandpa says he's going to beat you, he's still going to beat you.

He followed up with several more savage kicks, and only when the woman no longer dared make a single sound did Zhu Gang turn, his face full of disappointment, to the post hands cowering like quails off to the side. He spat. "What are you afraid of?"

An old soldier of forty or fifty years gave a bitter smile. "Sir, from your accent, you must be with the Capital Camps. You've surely got connections — of course you've got nothing to fear. But we're different. How could we ever bear a Censor's impeachment?"

At this, Zhu Gang sneered. "What dogshit Censor! Don't forget — you're the Son of Heaven's own army too! What's there to fear from one Censor?"

The old soldier smiled bitterly.

"Own army, own army — ah.

One 'own army' is not the same as another. Sir, even your Capital Camps — can they compare with the lords of the Embroidered Uniform Guard?

Let alone us post hands. In times like these, just having a mouthful of imperial grain to eat is already good enough.

What's a little aggravation?"

Zhu Gang gave the old soldier a surprised look. He reached out and produced his Embroidered Uniform Guard waist token, then said to the old soldier, "I am a Centurion of the Embroidered Uniform Guard.

Throw this woman out. Send word to the post stations further on — this woman is not to set foot in a post station again.

If anything comes of it, I'll bear the responsibility."

The old soldier, however, was a man of some experience. After all, passed down generation after generation, the meaning of every marking on those waist tokens — what post hand hadn't memorized them until he could recite them in his sleep?

Otherwise, if one day you accidentally offended someone you shouldn't have, wouldn't that be a wretched injustice?

Seeing it was an Embroidered Uniform Guard waist token from the palace, the old soldier's courage rose. He immediately barked at the other post hands: "Lend a hand! Throw them all out!"

——

Book recommendation: Hand and Eye Pierce the Heavens — a book brimming with swagger, comedic in style, worth a read.

(End of chapter)