Chapter 32: The Jianzhou Barbarians

By the time the locust merchant caravan reached Dorgon's camp, the hour of the Rat was already passing. The camp was not under curfew; it still blazed with lamps and torches.

Shouts rang out now and then from within the camp — the Jianzhou barbarian soldiers had seized some women from the surrounding area and were amusing themselves by raping them through the night. Those who resisted, or simply lasted too long, were all abused to death.

The caravan steward had dealt with the Jianzhou barbarians several times before and had seen such things. Though his heart was troubled, he could only do his utmost to look away.

Dorgon had read the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, which served as a field-command guidebook among the Jianzhou barbarians' high-ranking officers. Because the Old Jianzhou Slave had been so fond of him, Dorgon had even received personal instruction from the Old Jianzhou Slave.

Dorgon had always felt he ought to be a dashing figure like Zhou Yu — awake, holding power over all under Heaven; drunk, pillowed on a beauty's knee. Of course, the beauty was gone now, taken to bed by Hong Taiji.

Even though Dorgon felt that, like Zhou Yu, he ought to hate that Zhuge village bumpkin from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms whose wisdom bordered on the demonic, he still believed he should learn one thing from that Zhuge village bumpkin: throughout his life, Zhuge's sole principle in deploying troops was caution.

Dorgon, who took Zhuge Kongming as his model in the matter of caution, was indeed cautious enough — and he had also conveniently picked up Zhuge Kongming's habit of personally attending to every detail.

Thus, after the locust merchant caravan arrived, Dorgon first ordered men to feed a few dogs. Only when he saw nothing amiss did he permit them to move the supplies. Even so, half the men ate first, while the other half had to wait an hour before they could eat.

Dorgon was cautious indeed. Had it been ordinary poison, an hour would have been more than enough for symptoms to appear.

But what this Inner Depot foreman had brought out was something accidentally concocted by the Zhengde Emperor during his madcap antics in the Zhengde reign, a formula that had never circulated outside and was known only within the palace.

How could Dorgon possibly have heard of such a bizarre "poison," so utterly wicked it practically smoked?

The locust merchant steward completed the handover with the Jianzhou barbarians, relayed his own master's greetings to them, and then led his men back.

When they reached a spot not far from the city, they were once again intercepted by the Embroidered Uniform Guard.

Seeing the steward return, Chiliarch Gao asked, "Did the Jianzhou barbarians accept it? Was anything out of the ordinary?"

The steward replied, "Reporting to the official, the Jianzhou barbarians did not discover anything. The goods have all been accepted."

Chiliarch Gao heard this and said, "You may now return to the city. Obey your orders honestly and don't let your minds wander to things you shouldn't. Otherwise…" He glanced to the side, at the Inner Depot foreman standing nearby.

The foreman merely bared his teeth in a grin, and every man in the locust merchant caravan felt his calves cramp. When they had dealt with that servant boy earlier, this man had worn exactly the same smile.

After dispatching a squad of men to escort the locust merchant caravan back to the city, Chiliarch Gao personally led another squad and, together with Foreman Wu, slipped away toward the Jianzhou barbarian camp.

When they drew near the Jianzhou barbarian camp, in less than an hour, they caught a faint whiff of the sky-choking stench wafting over from it.

Chiliarch Gao covered his mouth and nose with his sleeve and said in a muffled voice, "I say, Eunuch Wu, if this drug works so well, how about sharing a bit with this old Gao?"

The foreman's surname turned out to be Wu. Foreman Wu shot a malicious glance at a certain part of Chiliarch Gao's anatomy and grinned. "If Chiliarch Gao is willing to undergo purification and join our Inner Investigative Depot, naturally you can have as much as you want."

Chiliarch Gao cursed inwardly — this damned eunuch was no decent man. He forced a sheepish laugh and said, "Forget it, this old Gao was just asking." Then he added, "I say, Eunuch Wu, how long does that drug of yours last? If the effect wears off by tomorrow, then we'll have to go in tonight!"

Foreman Wu slanted a look at Chiliarch Gao and said, "This drug's effect — it won't fade in just a short while. It'll take at least until tomorrow afternoon before it gradually subsides.

As for before tomorrow afternoon, if these dog Jianzhou barbarians try to tough it out by not eating or drinking, then once their bellies are empty, they'll naturally get some relief.

But the Jianzhou barbarians don't know that. They'll still have to take medicine and drink water, won't they? Yet as long as there's even the tiniest speck of anything left in their guts, the drug's effect won't go away!"

Hearing this, Chiliarch Gao signaled for that squad to remain and keep watch on the Jianzhou barbarians' movements at all times. He and Foreman Wu then quietly withdrew.

Chiliarch Gao said, "Eunuch Wu, why don't we go back and notify Lord Lu, hit the Jianzhou barbarians with something vicious together, and while we're at it, clean up those eight houses as well? Are you in or not?"

Eunuch Wu replied, "Though I am a castrated man, I am not the sort of wretch who lacks backbone! If these people have provoked the Son of Heaven's displeasure, then they are naturally my mortal enemies unto death — how could I ever let them off lightly!"

Chiliarch Gao heard this and raised a thumb toward Foreman Wu. "Even if you're an inner attendant, this old Gao still counts you a true man! You're far better than those sorts in the court!"

Their plan settled, they simply returned to Xuanfu together.

Ignoring the fact that it was already the latter half of the night, they quietly slipped into the rear courtyard of the Xuanfu Prefect's yamen — only to find that Lu Xiangsheng, having finished dealing with the eight great locust merchants, had not yet gone to sleep and was waiting for their return.

Having spent some time together in Xuanfu, Lu Xiangsheng naturally had a clear sense of Chiliarch Gao's and Foreman Wu's temperaments.

Seeing Chiliarch Gao's face brimming with delight, he knew there was good news and asked, "Chiliarch Gao, seeing you smile so happily, could it be there is some good news?"

Chiliarch Gao, his face full of excitement, said to Lu Xiangsheng, "Indeed. Foreman Wu and I have discussed it — how about we go raid the camp shortly?"

Lu Xiangsheng said, puzzled, "Do you not have your Embroidered Uniform Guard Chiliarch Battalion? Why do you still need to call on this official?"

Chiliarch Gao feigned anger. "With such heaven-sent, enormous merit dropping into our laps, how could this old Gao keep it all to himself?"

Foreman Wu, however, shook his head. "A mere Chiliarch Battalion is probably not enough. There are over ten thousand men and horses in the Jianzhou barbarian camp, and in a little while they'll all be reduced to limp-shrimp weaklings.

How about this: in a bit, we go together to the Jianzhou barbarians' camp and slaughter the slaves. We can discuss everything else after we return."

Lu Xiangsheng, however, said, "If we only slaughter the Jianzhou barbarians, what about those eight houses? Better to transfer Chiliarch Gao's Chiliarch Battalion directly back to the city to hold the city gates — allow entry, forbid exit.

We'll take the Tianxiong Army. After we finish slaughtering the Jianzhou barbarians, we'll come back and directly raid those eight houses. What do you say?"

These words suited Chiliarch Gao's and Foreman Wu's tastes perfectly. Chiliarch Gao said, "Good! You, Prefect Lu, truly are different from those bookish fools — no wonder His Majesty thinks so highly of you. I'll send men at once to recall those little bastards of the Chiliarch Battalion."

The three of them then discussed the matter further.

By the time the sky was about to brighten, all the troops of Chiliarch Gao's Chiliarch Battalion had been recalled. The task of keeping watch on the Jianzhou barbarians was handed over to agents of the Inner Depot.

Next, under the leadership of Lu Xiangsheng and Chiliarch Gao, the Embroidered Uniform Guard men took over the city defense duties of Xuanfu.

The Tianxiong Army troops who had originally been manning the defenses followed Lu Xiangsheng and the other two out of the city under cover of night and headed straight for the Jianzhou barbarian camp.

When they were still one li from the Jianzhou barbarian camp, Chiliarch Gao already covered his nose and said, "Tell me, how long has it been since these Jianzhou barbarians last visited the latrine, to stink to such a degree!"

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(End of chapter)