Chapter 10: Feelings

Someone knocked on the door; I walked over leisurely to open it. This time I had learned to be clever—I opened the door and quickly stepped aside, not wanting to get slapped again for no reason.

As the door opened, a pleasant fragrance washed over me. I stared blankly at the girl before me, who was even more beautiful than Zixuan, unable to look away for a moment.

She was a few inches taller than Zixuan, about seventeen or eighteen, her light blue gauze clothing fluttering lightly in the wind, somewhat resembling the celestial maiden Lingbo.

"May I ask who you are?"

The beauty smiled sweetly and said, "I'm Lan Yan, the young master's personal maid. May I come in and sit for a while?"

I nodded eagerly and let her in.

I poured a cup of clear water and placed it before her, then sat down myself. She gracefully lifted the teacup, took a light sip, then set it down, her phoenix eyes fixed on me.

Previously, whenever I dined with Qiran, I would be captivated by his elegant, leisurely movements, even forgetting the food's taste. Now it seems everyone in the Ice Ling Kingdom must have this artistic flair.

"Thank you so much today! If it weren't for you, we truly wouldn't know... On behalf of all the people of the Ice Ling Kingdom, I thank you."

I smiled and said, "It's nothing. Just a small effort."

"Zixuan's offense this morning, don't take it to heart; she's just overly protective of her master, with no ill intent."

I nodded indifferently, not responding. In no time I realized Lan Yan was far more formidable than Zixuan.

"I've been serving by the young master's side since I was thirteen," she said calmly, her beautiful face glowing with a soft, holy light. "Every successor of Ice Ling is required to have outstanding talent and a ruthless heart. The young master's ability—I believe you've seen it—surpasses that of any Ice Ling king in history."

"Yet his heart is pure and clear, like a newborn's. No matter how cruel the emperor's methods to tarnish his heart, they have never succeeded."

"He always smiles gently, even when betrayed by those closest to him. In his eyes there is only pain and kindness, nothing else. He has consistently refused to inherit the throne. He truly is unfit to be the next king of Ice Ling."

"The emperor has also considered changing the heir, but he can never bring himself to give up the young master's talent."

"So..." Lan Yan's eyes filled with deep sorrow, her voice growing softer, "Whether he wishes it or not, the young master's fate was sealed from birth; no one can change it, not even himself."

I lifted the teacup before my eyes, watching the water sway inside, and said lightly, "Why are you telling me all this?"

Lan Yan hadn't expected me to ask so calmly; she paused, then replied, "I hope you can stay away from the young master."

I gave a wry smile, set the cup down, and stared straight at her, asking, "Can you tell me why?"

Lan Yan also looked into my eyes, her beautiful face expressionless; after a long while she gave a wry smile and said, "Although I don't know why, I can sense that the young master's feelings toward you are different."

"Yesterday, after you revived him, he looked at you with that gaze; I noticed it right away. That water-like tenderness, as if wanting to melt you into his body, is an emotion I've never seen in the young master before."

My heart skipped a beat for no reason. What is she saying? Is she saying Qiran treats me differently? I felt a mix of joy, bitterness, and unease, my thoughts in turmoil.

Lan Yan sighed and said, "I knew it—I wasn't wrong. You've also fallen for the young master, haven't you?"

I startled, and the teacup in my hand slipped heavily onto the table, splashing water on my hand.

"Actually, there's no need to guess; it's obvious." Lan Yan looked at me sympathetically, smiled, then almost self-mockingly added, "Someone like the young master—who spends day and night with him—who wouldn't fall for him?"

I unconsciously wiped the water from my hand, my heart churning. Do I like Qiran? Could I really have fallen for him?

Lan Yan continued in her flat tone: "I absolutely don't believe you're just a runaway wealthy family maid as the young master said. I don't know why you're hiding your identity, nor what your purpose is in approaching the young master, but please leave now."

Lan Yan's gentle gaze suddenly turned sharp, piercing my face: "Even if you harbor no ill will toward the young master, your feelings for him will eventually become a weapon that harms him. The emperor will never let slip any chance to push him onto the throne."

I pressed my trembling hand to my chest; hanging there was a pendant made of transparent crystal and platinum. My brother had placed it on me for my sixteenth birthday, his aloof handsome face full of awkward discomfort, yet he stubbornly told me and Father, "Our family will never be separated."

"You should know the strength of the Ice Ling Kingdom, and to oppose us..."

"I will leave." I stood up, looking down at Lan Yan, "Rest assured, I will leave. Tonight!"

A wave of numb pain throbbed in my chest; I pressed it, forcing back the rising tears.

What am I doing, allowing my feelings to run so base?

This isn't my world! Someday I must return, to be with Father and Brother again, right?

Lan Yan stared at me, her beautiful eyes slowly filling with admiration and pity; after a long while she lowered her head and whispered softly, "Sorry, we only wanted to protect the young master."

"I understand." I forced a smile, slumped down, and asked, "May I ask you one last question?"

Lan Yan silently nodded.

"Is there a chance to cure Qiran's illness?"

Lan Yan blinked, puzzled, and said, "What illness?"

Could it be that they don't know Qiran has a blood parasite?

I tried to hide my emotions and asked, "Then why did he suddenly go into shock today... I mean, faint?"

Upon hearing my words, Lan Yan let out a long sigh, still shaken, and said, "That's because of the martial arts the young master practices..."

Having said that, she paused; I knew these secrets weren't for me to pry into—just knowing Qiran was temporarily fine was enough.

Immediately she added, somewhat resentfully, "If it weren't for Bu Sha bursting in at the critical moment, the young master wouldn't have gotten into trouble."

My heart felt dark, yet I said, "If Bu Sha hadn't rushed in, given Qiran's nature of never defying others' wishes, trouble would have been inevitable."

After seeing Lan Yan off, I took out the modern backpack that had been dusty for a long time from my bundle.

The backpack's pale pink base had faded, turning slightly white. Several buttons had fallen off from the impact when it fell off the cliff; I carefully opened the gray-blue zipper, the long-unheard "pop-pop" sound as heavy as stone.

Inside were two books, a notebook, and a few pens: "Modern Chinese History" and "Fundamentals of Chemistry," exactly the two electives I and Xiao Yu had taken that morning.

Thinking of Xiao Yu, I let out a soft sigh: Xiao Yu, are you alright? If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have fallen off the cliff. I hope she's safe.

In the backpack's hidden pocket lay a silver-white women's cell phone and a QSG92 pistol.

I checked the pistol's ammunition; intact, still eight rounds. I engaged the safety, confirmed it was fine, then put it back in the hidden pocket. This is the only thing that, whether in modern times or ancient, must forever remain unseen by me.

Even if it were to avoid disrupting this world's balance, or to erase those dark memories, I would never use it.

I turned on the phone; a pleasant startup chime, as if long buried, finally broke free and sang cheerfully.

"I really want to fly, no distance would tire me, only then do I understand that the deeper the love, the greater the pain. I just want to fly, in my own sky, knowing you'll be by my side..."

"Pop—" a tear dropped onto the phone's gorgeous screen; I hurriedly wiped it away, but then another and another fell, like beads from a broken string, never stopping.

Perhaps I truly have fallen for Qiran; perhaps I like him even more than I imagined. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel such heartache and sorrow at the thought of parting.

But I know better than anyone that I am not worthy of loving someone. How can someone who will eventually leave selfishly seize another's feelings and then just walk away?

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door. I startled, quickly gathering the things on the table while wiping away tears as I walked over to open it.

"Qi—" I saw Qiran wearing a mask standing outside my door and exclaimed in surprise. But before I could utter a sound, he clapped a hand over my mouth, half-dragging me inside, followed by Bu Sha wearing a half-smile.

I stared blankly at the two men carrying big and small bags, and after a long while I foolishly asked: "What are you guys doing?"

Qi Ran smiled slightly, lowered his voice: "We need to leave tonight."

"What?" I shouted.

Qi Ran nervously covered my mouth, saying: "Don't be so loud, it will draw the attention of my guards. Tonight at midnight, the four chief ministers of Bing Ling Kingdom will come, so Lan Yan and the others are busy receiving them, and temporarily can't attend to me."

"To escape, this is the only chance."

"Escape?" I stared dumbfounded at the expressionless Bu Sha, my brain desperately digesting this information, "Why?"

Qi Ran gave a bitter smile: "Do you really want me to become the emperor of Bing Ling Kingdom?"

I lowered my eyelids dimly, voice low: "Where is there any room for my hope?"

"Bing Yi." Qi Ran called softly, "Raise your head and look at me."

"Please don't speak to me in that tone!" I buried my head lower: "Sorry, I really can't bear it."

A cool, slender large hand gripped my chin, gently yet firmly forcing me to lift my head, meeting a pair of eyes as blue as the sky.

"You never asked where I and Bu Sha have been going all this time. Now I will tell you."

Those eyes grew deeper and brighter blue, as if countless surging emotions churned within.

My heart jolted, I panickedly broke free from his fingers' grip, my eyes refusing to meet his, I shook my head desperately: "We... we are just friends who met by chance, right? These confidential matters, I have no right to know, nor do I want to know!"

"Bu Sha," Qi Ran's voice turned cold, that resolute and aloof expression resembling a born king, "Please go out for a moment."

Bu Sha said nothing, nor looked at my pleading gaze, indifferently walked out of the room.

The room suddenly became eerily quiet, Qi Ran's gaze fell upon me, my eyes didn't know where to look.

I gave a dry laugh, saying: "Qi Ran, why... let Bu Sha..."

"Ah—pain—" Before the words finished, a huge force flung my body out, my not-yet-healed shoulder slammed heavily against the wall, hurting so much I nearly cried.

Qi Ran probably didn't expect me to hit the wound; seeing the tear at the corner of my eye, his heart ached, he gently held me in his arms.

I really began to believe Lan Yan's words; Qi Ran might have a little bit of affection for me? Or maybe not just a little.

My heart fluttered a bit, yet it shook me with pain.

Why would he like someone as lowly as me? Like this face that even I don't want to glance at a second time, ugly.

I very much wanted to throw caution to the wind, embrace him back, and tell him I would never leave.

But I buried my head deep in his chest, smelling his unique valley-like fresh fragrance, choked voice: "Are we still friends? We... forever friends, okay?"

(End of chapter)