Chapter 87: Where the Blue Bird Stays

Save.

From the very beginning, Kurapika was thoroughly saved.

From that day on, when I saw the image of my kin in those eyes.

From that moment on, I realized my wish to truly trust someone and not want to live alone.

From the moment I smiled and answered "Okay," to the voice clinging to me, "Help me."

However, as long as she is there, as long as Sora is still alive, Kurapika will be happy.

Already saved.

This is the reason why Kurapika cannot be saved.

I am not so shameless that I can enjoy salvation and enjoy happiness.

On the contrary, he is too sincere, too good.

I don't just want to be saved unilaterally, but want to give back the same amount of happiness to the person who saved me.

He only has that hope, too honest, too naive, too gentle.

Even if that hope turns into a Curse, turning the salvation and happiness given to him into guilt and self-loathing, Kurapika cannot let go.

Just because she is still alive, no matter how much pain and suffering she has, even if she wants to die, there is no doubt that Kurapika is happy just to live.

But what makes me happier than that is that Sora does not feel any pain or suffering, thinks "I am happy" from the bottom of her heart, and lives with a smile.

So I cannot give up, I cannot let go.

"Kurapika, you are too kind and too sincere; the spirit of being stricter with yourself than with others is precious.

But Kurapika. What you want is right, but what you are doing is wrong. This is what you should know. If you don't know, if you think what you are doing is right, please tell me.

Giving happiness is meaningful, but what is the point of thinking that you must be just as unhappy as the other person?"

Sora's eyes and those Scarlet Eyes that were very similar to his own pointed straight ahead, as if they could see through what Kurapika wanted to look away from, and what Kurapika himself had not even noticed.

Kurapika, stared at by those eyes, lost strength in his hands, then regained it, appearing almost supported by the hands overlapped by Karna.

He yelled, grabbing Karna by the neck.

"What do you know!?"

Emotions brought back ugly jealousy once again.

No matter how well he evaluates me or how sincere he says I am, nothing can make me happy.

Far from being the reason why I cannot save myself, it would be good if I could face the reason why I make Sora sadder.

"Oh, I get it! I'm not so stupid that I don't understand!!

Far from being meaningless, I know that I am throwing away what Sora gave me, making not only me, but also Sora more unhappy!!"

"... But even if I know that much, I still don't understand. Even if I know, my strength is definitely not enough!"

Just because you cannot give back the same amount of happiness that others gave you, does not mean that being as unhappy as the other person is an equivalent Exchange.

On the contrary, it creates a negative spiral and cycle; when she sees the person she wants to be happy become unhappy, she becomes even more hurt and unhappy.

However, even so, if you have the right nerves, it is precisely because you are saved that you can endure this status quo; your own happiness is a reality made possible by sacrificing everything for the most important person. There is none.

... At the end of the day, it is not for the other person either. It is only self-satisfaction.

But if you don't do this, Kurapika will not be able to live with the guilt.

So, precisely because he is saved, precisely because he is happy, he abandons salvation and happiness, choosing the path of hurting himself and becoming unhappy.

This is the only way to get rid of the guilt of sacrificing her and becoming the only happy person.

... Although there are things I want to do and things I want to obtain, only in this way can I protect the minimum she wants. Kurapika cried and hit Karna.

"... What do you know? You are not someone Sora can save and protect; you are someone who can help and protect Sora... What do you know to have such great power!!"

Even if I want to save her, you always sacrifice her; tell me how to deal with the weakness that only hurts her!?

What can I do!?"

However, amidst Kurapika's lament with eyes full of tears, eagerly longing for an answer, Karna remained expressionless, answering coldly with eyes that seemed to see through everything.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

Kurapika bit his lip, hearing the remark that made him want to hit him, and suppressed the impulse by telling himself that this was Sora's body.

It is right that I suppressed it.

"... Or rather, did you not notice?"

"What is it!?"

With eyes that seemed to see through everything, if he really didn't understand why Kurapika was so angry, why he was at a loss, and what his jealousy toward Karna was, that would be fine. Even though his neck was being grabbed, he still tilted his head and asked.

Asked back, Karna answered without hesitation.

"Master is the same as you.

The wish to save her and give her happiness is too late. The moment she met you, she was thoroughly saved. No matter how sad or unhappy you are, as long as she is alive, she will be happy."

The hand grabbing Karna's neck lost its strength completely this time.

Kurapika opened his Scarlet Eyes, as if seeing something incredible, his lips trembling as he muttered to himself.

"... That is a lie..."

"What is the point of lying like that? I mean, are you serious?

Kurapika. Even if you choose to be unhappy because of guilt, even if you think her unhappiness is your fault, you did not choose to commit suicide.

In my view, no matter how much guilt and self-loathing you suffer, you have always protected the minimum salvation for your master."

Karna seemed a bit troubled and answered immediately: "Are you serious?"

I cannot express it in words.

Over and over again, I want to die.

I want to run away.

As long as Sora is alive, Kurapika will be saved, so if that happiness ends in the worst way, her death, then I want to die before that.

I do not want to experience the despair of losing her; I want to end everything while remaining happy.

I only want to die for myself, not for her.

Kurapika is not as innocent as Karna thinks.

For her sake, I have never thought of choosing death because of her own misfortune. I have always wanted to die because I want to run away.

However, the reason he did not fulfill that wish, even though he surrendered to nothingness, is because he did not give up on his own life itself. Because I want to.

Even if I can no longer see it, I still imagine it.

I cannot bear to imagine it.

Without a doubt, I believe and trust.

My death will become her despair.

Therefore, even after he dies, he cannot bear the fact that Sora would stop struggling and live in despair because of his own death.

Most of what Karna said is irrelevant.

However, he saw through to the core of the matter, which annoyed Kurapika greatly, even though he knew it was unreasonable.

"... There is no reason! I didn't do anything to her! I couldn't do anything in the past and I can't now!!"

"You have already met and sought. That alone is enough."

So Kurapika raised his voice, trying to overturn the premise that he had unknowingly believed Karna's words, but Karna still appeared somewhat troubled, answering, answering immediately.

"... I don't often share my memories accurately with the master. Since information is processed as a Dream World, I only remember particularly impressive things that have happened, and even then, vaguely. I can only remember people with the same name and face, so I can only use my Finger with both hands.

But Kurapika. I only remember you, the day I met you, so vividly.

To me, the encounter with you is irreplaceable, and to me, it is unforgettable."

Kurapika denied this to Karna, and Karna was puzzled by the fact that he had explained it so late.

"... Impossible."

I believed it without a doubt. But I didn't realize it.

Because I had no reason to convince myself that I could realize it.

After all, I don't know why.

"I was just saved by her, I clumsily cried and hugged her, she was already completely weak, and I didn't even thank her for saving my life, that's just what I did!

How could such a selfish and weak child save Sora!?"

Kurapika cannot figure out why Sora would be saved by meeting someone like him who can do nothing and can accomplish nothing.

There should be no reason to be saved.

"That's why you say that, right? Meeting you, and then you seeking the master... Sora, is a salvation worth the master using everything he has to protect you."

"Then where is she saved!"

However, Kurapika's denial and questioning seemed too fundamental to Karna, and he seemed unable to explain further; the answer was in the loop.

When Kurapika frustratedly refuted the answer of that loop, Karna glared at Kurapika for the first time.

A faint flash of anger crossed his eyes, and Kurapika instinctively recoiled for a moment, but he was still completely unconvinced and glared back just the same.

"... If you say 'that kind of thing,' your salvation will be completed with 'that kind of thing'."

The two stared at each other for a moment, silent, and it was Karna who spoke first.

"Kurapika. You didn't find salvation in the master just because you were saved by a bad person, right? At best, you owe me.

The reason you sought help from the master, no matter how much pain or suffering the master is in, even if she wants to die, you want her to live. The trigger must be the master's 'eyes'."

Infiltration to the core.

No one believes in anything. Kurapika thinks everything in this world is his enemy, which is why he wants to believe. Something I am attached to and do not want to let go of.

That is a very selfish and one-sided reason, no different from those who slaughter their kin, trample on their dignity, and do their utmost to humiliate and trample on their kin.

Kurapika does not trust Sora because she saved his life, nor does he want to be by her side.

It is just that I saw the image of my kin in those "eyes".

Even if Kurapika were not in danger of being attacked by a villain, if she saw those "eyes" under any circumstances, at that moment Kurapika would cry and hug her.

I found salvation, saying: "I am not alone."

"... Ah. That's right. That's right.

I didn't even look at Sora! I didn't respect her as an individual, nor did I thank her for helping me! I clung to those "eyes" she didn't want, but a Curse!!"

This is the reason Kurapika cannot understand.

Why would Sora take such care of someone like me who clings to her for such selfish reasons?

Did the request for "help" from Kurapika immediately answer "yes"?

Why did she also find "salvation" in her existence?

"How could I possibly be her savior!?"

I don't care about her eyes now; if she continues to suffer from those eyes, if Sora is willing, I really want to use any means to restore those magic eyes to normal eyes.

Indeed, compared to the happiness I received from her, I want to give back more happiness.

However, that must be because he did not see someone like Sora, although he didn't know it, he ignored all of Sora's pain and misfortune, and looked for someone with eyes that would change color like his own.

Kurapika does not truly understand where and how Sora found salvation in his ugly obsession with himself; the reason he wants her is the same as the person Kurapika hates the most.

However, with Kurapika's answer, Karna finally understood why Kurapika was not convinced by his own words, and I nodded.

"Ah."

"I don't care about me!"

Kurapika tried to hold back while preparing to grab Karna again, but even so, Karna was convinced by the self-disciplined "Hatsu", and finally gave the answer Kurapika wanted.

"There is no need to feel guilty about this.

Master did not misjudge you from the very beginning. It has no meaning; Master only escaped with the single-minded thought of 'I do not want to die,' and as for you, who affirmed Master's struggling life... it is not the power and beauty possessed by the magic eyes, but Master's 'vicious struggle.' Because you discovered the value in your own eyes, and this is merely proof that Master could also find meaning in Master's own life.

That is to say, both you and Master are the same. If we only speak of triggers, both sides are self-centered and do not respect the other. However, it is precisely because I am grateful for being saved, and also because I want to return happiness of equal value to that 'salvation' to the other party, that I am who I am today.

——That is how it is."

Karna's answer unraveled the anger and jealousy churning in my mind.

Problems that should have been tangled were all answered directly.

Kurapika believed and believed without a doubt, but thought that he could do nothing, could do nothing, and that even the reason for being saved was selfish; why did Sora go so far from the beginning? If he was friendly and loyal.

Sora said things like "Thank you for seeking my help, thank you for needing me," but this is not an argument I can fully accept.

However, with Karna's answer, Sora did not see Kurapika's personality in Sora either. Yet, even if she did not want to die, she had no reason to live; even if she knew it would be easier to die, she still could not endure the fear of death. I found the meaning and value of life. In a way that approached shifting the responsibility to the child who made the request.

That is all.

Although it turned into a Curse, her eyes could never let go, which is proof that she lives in the present.

Even for Kurapika, "eyes" alone are not a savior.

Kurapika wanted Sora because he is a living human being, and the eyes look very much like scarlet eyes.

Kurapika was freed from the meaningless struggle of life, and she was also saved because of her request.

Because Kurapika was saved in the same way, Kurapika's answer cooled his head down; the eyes that had been dyed scarlet returned to their color, and he was convinced.

Sora did not see me, and I was not shocked. I did not see Sora in the same way, so I knew I did not have the qualifications to do so, and instead felt relieved.

I do not understand why Sora cares about me so much, because I do not think I have that much value, so Sora's love and affection for me is a mistake, a misunderstanding. I even think I am doing

I worry that one day Sora will realize his misunderstanding, that Kurapika is not worth that much, and this relationship will break.

However, the fact that Kurapika's selfish plea and one-sided salvation miraculously combined and saved Sora himself is a faint fact, but in a good way, I am disappointed.

Even now, when I look at Kurapika as an individual, why he is so devoted remains a mystery; Kurapika does not have the confidence to believe he is the type of person who can be given such devotion, but he still feels that although it is rude, with Karna's answer, the unease also disappeared.

"... If I say anyone will do, then surely anyone will do. You, Master, as long as the conditions are met, anyone will do."

Kurapika lost all his strength and energy, could not speak, and continued to make various rude remarks that ruined the atmosphere, but Kurapika no longer criticized him.

He does not have that kind of energy now, which is a big part of it, but as expected, Kurapika is already learning.

Karna's words did not end there.

This man is truly pitifully short of words, yet has one too many, and first of all, his wording is incredibly poor, and communication is difficult, but... as Sora said, Kurapika as Sora's partner already knows enough that he is someone who cares more about others than himself and is constantly at a loss.

So he silently waited for the continuation of Karna's words.

"... But do you think there are other humans who meet the 'salvation' conditions that you and Master want?

There are some people whose eyes remind you of your kin, who can immediately respond to your request, and some who can immediately entrust all their trust to a master who possesses evil eyes and manipulates Spiritual Power... I cannot say it is certain. However, I feel that meeting such a person when you most want to be saved, want to be saved, calling it 'Fate' is not an exaggeration at all."

Karna said.

Not a "Miracle," but "Fate."

This is not a Coincidence. This is not bad for everyone.

After finishing saying he met him to meet him, he smiled slightly.

"Kurapika, you seem to envy me, but I don't know what you are envying me for. On the contrary, I feel that I envy you more.

Although I am a servant, Master has given me too much.... The honor as a warrior, the peace of mind as a human, just in the short time, fighting with my younger brother, this is what my mother wanted when I was alive. Not the Holy Grail, it was Master who gave me everything I wanted... but I could do nothing.

Continuing to let Master carry the Heavy burden, even if Master falls into '', I cannot pull him up, just like this.

... This is the reason I envy you. From the bottom of my heart, you who continue to save Master."

Kurapika said he was as jealous of Kurapika as Kurapika was, but in that sentence, and in the eyes that did not look directly at him, Kurapika became unbearable to command with pure jealousy, but he could not stand it. Karna, who could not express the oblate with meaning, stabbed Kurapika's Conscience with the final blow.

"Kurapika. The reason I borrowed Master's body today is because if I didn't do so, Master would be in danger, but... I have always wanted to see you, you who saved Master. Thank you. I want to say

Thank you. Saving Master and saying: 'Enough!'

Sora also expressed his feelings in a straightforward way, but to me, Karna's coldness and straightforward explanation and overestimation were embarrassing and overestimated.

Karna's mouth suddenly closed, Karna's eyeballs turned black for a while, but he made a grimace as if he understood something, pulled away Kurapika's hand and said: "Ah, isn't it good that I like you?" Don't worry, the one who loves you more than anyone is Master.

"Wrong! Are you someone who can see through people's hearts, or are you a peerless best friend!?"

Of course, Kurapika fought back against those irrelevant remarks, and it was even more shameful to kill Kurapika.

After answering, I understood.

Karna's remarks. What did the last word mean?

"What's wrong?" Karna asked Kurapika at his own pace, and Kurapika asked back.

"... Did it happen?... When was that?"

I thought it was just my imagination.

I thought it was an Illusion.

Karna appeared in Sora's body, so I thought I saw an Illusion City that was convenient for me, and heard auditory hallucinations.

"? What? Didn't you notice?

Didn't you regain your sanity because you noticed?"

But it was rejected.

"When I found it, I was so desperate that I couldn't bear to throw it away. I felt sorry for Master, but I thought I could only hit him and knock him unconscious, but Master pushed me away and woke me up."

This was not an Illusion.

The voice calling me "Kurapika" was not an auditory hallucination.

"Very good. I am safe," there must be a happy smile at the bottom of my heart.

The form of happiness, the happiness that Kurapika pursues, is right there.

However, Karna's excellent dynamic vision was also not overlooked.

Karna looked at the corners of his mouth, which were happy to the point of despair, and said with some surprise.

"... Do you think this is an illusion or something?

But now you know, Kurapika. Master is protecting your body, life, and soul; she is so desperate that she makes you almost unable to see anything clearly, yet she is happy to be alive.

I never thought your heart was something to be taken for granted, but she believes that if she loses something, she can take it back or give it away; she doesn't want to be as unhappy as she is.

Always be happy with your life, seek your happiness, and give it as much as you can.

That is why, although Master found the same salvation, she continues to be saved, while you have never been saved."

"............ Ah.

As Kurapika answered him with the summary he had come up with from the bottom of his heart, caught between shame and joy, Karna appeared somewhat troubled.

Perhaps he wanted to follow Kurapika.

"... I don't think you are that kind of one-sided person... well, I like your character of being strict with yourself, but it is important to forgive yourself a little.

Or rather, Kurapika. I don't know what to say, but there is really no need to feel so guilty toward Master. She is certainly a good person, but she is not as self-sacrificing as you imagine, let alone in the past.

Rather than self-sacrifice, it is more like not considering the future. It is true that the brakes were completely broken when I escaped from the "", but honestly, Master has been pretty much like that ever since.

I made him back off because it was dangerous, but he didn't listen; he pushed me aside and hit an enemy Servant with a running start."

I know that Kurapika said these words as a follow-up to avoid bringing unnecessary guilt upon Kurapika, but is this really Sora's Servant? Kurapika was weakened once again.

By the way, the person Sora pushed Karna away from with a punch was his half-brother and his nemesis.

I don't know if it was Karna or Sora who ruined the atmosphere.

"............ That was just an idiot. What did that idiot do to people?"

Kurapika returned to the driver's seat with his head down and turned the steering wheel.

In the end, all the masters and Servants were forced to rest for a while, but even so, the hesitation that Kurapika had never received a response to was resolved.

In many ways, Kurapika did not like Karna; he was a weak opponent.

The other party said he was envious, but for Kurapika, he was more envious of Karna, who was in a position where Sora could rely on him.

Although it is said to be fate, it was only a Coincidence that he could save Sora, and it did not change his selfishness.

At first, it was just because he was "a person like a compatriot," but now, helplessly, a person named "Sora" is Kurapika's happiness and salvation, so Kurapika just lives like himself. Therefore, even if she says she is happy after being saved, it is impossible for her to be satisfied just by living, and her inferiority complex and guilt for not being able to give back happiness like Sora will not disappear.

That is why, after all, I envy the powerful Karna, and I cannot feel pure envy like him; there must be a kind of ugly jealousy in my heart...

Nevertheless, taking a detour, or rather the other party taking a detour himself, I am a bit confused, but Kurapika eased my anxiety and guilt and brought her here; she herself is my "salvation." I really thank you for coming.

That is why Kurapika wants to let him drive again and thank him, because if he faces him, he will show a childish aversion.

"... Karna. Thank you..."

"Wait. Kurapika.

However, this man really did not read the atmosphere to the point of wanting to apologize to Sora, even compared to Sora.

After being interrupted halfway, the weakened Kurapika instinctively leaned forward toward the steering wheel, his forehead hitting the horn, making a harsh and silly sound.

"............ What?"

Kurapika decided in his heart that he didn't need to thank this guy at all, but he didn't want to recover the lost energy, so he urged Karna's question without hesitation.

Karna in the rearview mirror had a grave and serious face, making it hard to believe that he had said such an ignorant remark.

Despite having Sora's face, the atmosphere was so different that anyone who knew her would declare her a different person, no matter what color her eyes were.

Karna was too direct from the beginning, illuminating the essence of people and the Abyss, staring at them with pale scarlet eyes that seemed to see through everything, and asked.

"Kurapika. What did you get at the cost of your own life?"