Chapter 88: Not Allowed

My body, which should have lost all energy and strength, suddenly stiffened.

Should I relax, or to be honest, should I ask if Karna is the only one who noticed, or if Sora noticed too, and if so, to what extent?

What to do, how to answer—these questions suddenly surfaced in my mind, but no one had the answer.

However, the slightly calmer part of me decided that it was definitely too late to choose the option of breaking free now.

As if to offer guidance, Karna said calmly to Kurapika.

"……I must tell you, Master also knows; there is something in your heart, do not underestimate her eyes."

For Karna, this was guidance, preventing Kurapika from choosing to make him wish he were dead, but upon hearing these words, Kurapika breathed a sigh of relief.

What Sora noticed was "Chain Jail," this alone, and another promise, "Emperor Time"—Kurapika breathed a sigh of relief because he had not yet noticed the Vow, and then resumed breathing.

"――――Kurapika."

The air inside the car suddenly became tense.

The revived breathing stopped once again.

I could not see the person behind me in the rearview mirror.

Because I noticed obvious anger in that voice.

When Kurapika said "This is the reason Sora was saved," he made an unpleasant expression for the first time, presumably thinking that he was insulting the salvation cherished by his master.

Without a doubt, he was angry.

The reason for his anger was unimaginable.

"……Why only breathe a sigh of relief now?"

Unable to read the atmosphere, not enough important words, too many superfluous words, the choice of words at the beginning was strange, but what this man's eyes can see, his insight is likely greater than the chain on the ring finger, higher even than Senritsu's ability. The accuracy is also very high.

Never tolerate any falsehood or deception.

"……Kurapika. I am truly grateful to you. I respect your sincerity and strong sense of responsibility.

But I am Sora's Servant."

Karna remained motionless in the back seat. I didn't have the courage to confirm it, but it might still be as good as it was at the beginning; I was still wearing my seatbelt.

But that voice, the spirit emanating from it, reminded me of the end of life, reminded me of "death," more clearly than the Sword Kurapika pointed at himself, more clearly than the chain binding his heart.

"So I will never forgive you.

What kind of thoughts do you have, and what is the reason for making such a choice? And, although I am sure this is something I can accept as an individual…… as Sora's Servant, as someone who wishes for her happiness and protects her, I will absolutely not accept this choice. I will not forgive you."

I know. Even Kurapika would not forgive him.

I, more than anyone, will not forgive myself.

... But I still want to obtain it.

I want to become strong.

And my weak self searches for an escape route.

"I want to die before I lose her."

I know I chose it because the tone was weak.

So this is the "punishment."

"Answer me, Kurapika.

Besides your heart, what have you given up?"

No longer allowed to run away.

Kurapika surrendered this time.

＊＊＊

"Chain Jail" "when" "Emperor Time"—Kurapika stated his Vow without concealment, pleading before Karna could answer.

"——I beg you. Sora…… put the chain aside," "Emperor Time"—please keep the Vow to me a secret."

I know this is not pretentious. It is too unsightly, although it is better than not sharing memories, but Kurapika wondered if it was possible to intentionally hide or block memories and information.

Nevertheless, he continued to struggle.

"……It is fine."

The struggle was answered.

The Deterrence emanating from Karna slowly disappeared, and Kurapika unconsciously looked back at Karna, who he was afraid to see in the rearview mirror.

Although he is a Charity Hero who has been struggling, continuing to respond and give, even knowing that if someone asked him to do so he would suffer a loss, he claimed he would not forgive him. I do not understand that I got the answer I wanted, because I thought it impossible to heed my foolish request to hide Kurapika's choice.

"……One. There is one condition. If you swear to abide by that condition, if you make a new promise to me and Master here, I will remain silent."

Without worrying about Kurapika's dumbfounded reaction, Karna continued indifferently.

Kurapika breathed a slight sigh of relief because he did not answer unconditionally, but this time he was able to anticipate the "condition," so his face stiffened again.

If you think normally, "never again" "Emperor Time"—do not use it, but Kurapika cannot satisfy that condition.

I know why I was not saved.

I know why Sora worked so hard to save me.

That is why I have a reason not to quit.

That is because it has always been here.

If I could manage not to use it, I would not use it again, needless to say.

Because she truly wants to spend as much time as possible Together with Sora, even if it is just one more second.

If Sora is happy and saved just by being alive, then if I can save that girl I thought I could never save, then I truly want to continue living.

However, as Karna pointed out, as long as Sora is alive, Kurapika is happy. "Emperor Time" is a situation that can preserve Sora, so there is no way not to use it.

If it is to protect Sora, if it is to preserve her life, he will do everything in his power, even his own life.

I cannot deny that it was not out of a desire to escape, "I want to die before I lose Sora," but that is definitely one of the reasons, but what happened before that was, after all, selfish happiness.

This is just a wish; I hope Sora lives.

At the same time, he did not want to use verbal promises to deceive Karna, who cared for Sora as much as he did, perhaps even more, and lacked the confidence to protect her. And there was Kurapika; he felt guilty that he could not respond to Karna, who would impose "conditions."

I quickly realized that guilt was completely meaningless.

"... Kurapika. Have you heard of the Master's 'Deterrence'?"

"... Hm?"

The words "I can't do it," for which he had prepared himself to die, flew far away, and Kurapika replied in a voice that seemed to say from the bottom of his heart, "I don't understand the meaning of that."

At the same time, as I stared at him with a frank impression, "Why is this guy still surpassing Sora in this situation?" "Sorry, but this is an important premise, so please listen until the end."

When Kurapika said this, he could not say "get to the point," so he was confused and honestly answered Karna's question: "... I don't remember hearing about it."

"Is that so... then it's a bit troublesome to explain."

"'Deterrence' is... simply put, it is the safety device of the 'World' itself. Imagine that the world has the ability to eliminate factors that destroy it."

There are two types of Deterrence. "Alaya" is the prayer wishing for humanity to be spared from destruction, while "Gaia" is the prayer wished by the stars for longevity. The main difference between the two is the order of priority.

To put it to an extreme, "Alaya" is the collective unconscious of humanity that "does not want to die," and if it continues, I will destroy it.

And since "Gaia" is the survival instinct of the stars, contrary to Alaya, if the world itself is safe, the extinction of humanity does not matter.

Therefore, if humanity causes serious damage to the Earth by destroying the environment and takes actions to accelerate its destruction, Gaia will destroy humanity without hesitation, and as a result, these two deterrent forces, Alaya and Gaia, will kill each other, I suppose.

... But this is indeed an extreme theory. Killing the star is the last resort to maintain human survival. Normally, Alaya will eliminate factors that could cause fatal damage to the Earth, and even if Gaia and humanity itself do not care, if a situation occurs where humanity—which controls most of the world—destroys the Earth, it can be invited, and it may be activated to protect people.

In this way, the two deterrent forces intertwine, and humanity and the world continue to exist.

So far, is that okay?"

Kurapika repeated Karna's words in his mind, nodded, and then voiced the question that had surfaced in his mind.

"... I understand the world's safety device, but what exactly does 'Self-Destruction Karma' mean?"

"Is it correct to think of 'Deterrence' as a kind of 'God'?"

"In the sense of a certain 'power,' even a group of species, let alone an individual, cannot resist it, so thinking of it as a 'God' might be okay, but Gaia, and of course Alaya, have egos, emotions, and humanity. If you expect that, you are wrong."

Karna answered Kurapika's question immediately, but Kurapika did not fully understand the answer and asked him back.

"Gaia I understand, but Alaya is the consensus on the human side, 'I don't want to die,' right? Putting aside the ego, isn't that a human feeling or a fluctuation of human emotions?"

"No."

However, Karna's answer was extremely simple, even after supplementing the question and asking back.

"'Deterrence' is just a wish of 'not wanting to perish.' It is the directional convergence of instinct. It is something that maintains human life, but because of this, humanity loses the 'I' that makes them human; that is 'Alaya'."

If it is necessary to kill humans to maintain human survival, for better or worse, it kills the necessary number of humans who meet the conditions of "sacrifices necessary for human survival."

... And the deterrent force is also called Counter Guardian. As the name suggests, it never acts alone because it only activates against phenomena that have occurred; it appears in a scale that changes according to the target to be eliminated, and it will appear with a value that can absolutely win."

After explaining up to this point, Karna leaned forward slightly and asked Kurapika.

"Kurapika. In the myths and history of your world, is there a story of an ordinary human who died a violent death after receiving an 'oracle' and performing a great deed??"

Speaking of this, the Savior, who should have just been a carpenter's son, immediately came to mind.

Kurapika did not believe in that religion and even doubted his existence, let alone the miracles he created, but considering the 'Deterrence' Karna spoke of, it also included Nen Ability. If so, it could explain the miracles he created, and why, despite possessing such great power, he still met such a violent death.

"... Are you saying that the people in this world called 'Saviors' or 'Heroes' are incarnations of 'Deterrence'?"

"Is it because they were born for that role that they had the power to save the world, yet died without a trace?"

Kurapika answered Karna's question with a question, but this question was not just evidence that he understood what Karna wanted to say.

However, Kurapika still misunderstood a point. Or perhaps you think this is better, and dared to look away from other possibilities.

Karna did not want to blame him for this. Karna also thought that Kurapika's explanation must still have some salvation. Because I hope it is so.

However, that was not the case, so Karna made a slightly sad expression and corrected Kurapika's explanation.

To tell the truth.

"... This person themselves is not 'Deterrence.' They are ordinary people who were born and lived normally until that moment. Because he is the most convenient person to destroy them, 'Deterrence' grants him the power to destroy these factors and enhances them."

And after eliminating the cause of its destruction, it leads to the loss of power and life, just as you thought. If you have the ability to destroy the cause of destruction, then the person possessing this power will become the cause of destroying the world and humanity, so at best they will lose their power, and at worst they will be protected by the gods."

Kurapika yelled at Karna, having been corrected by Karna on some things, but in the end, he said nothing, perhaps because he realized that Karna had nothing to do with this matter.

If you think about it, you will understand.

As the name Counter Guardian implies, if it always activates only after the cause of destruction has occurred, then it would be too late to produce a "Savior" with performance suitable for destroying the target after the target has occurred.

If so, it is better to give the most convenient opponent who already exists some kind of "power," arrange an arrangement to destroy that target, and let it act.

A Savior or Hero is not an "existence" created from the beginning, but based on the "I don't want to die" of the person and the world itself. Wishing for the ego, Kurapika felt guilty, even though he knew he didn't need to feel it.

In order to live a carefree life, ordinary people who were originally ordinary and wanted to live in peace are forced to bear the burden of the World Crisis as a Savior or Hero. This ruthless act, after it finishes its work, throws it away without knowing it.

Enduring the frustration of wanting to shout "Don't be stupid!", Kurapika raised his head and asked Karna again.

Since you have told me so much, I can imagine why Karna started talking about something that seemed to have no context.

If there is context, then there is.

"... Karna. So, what does a tooth-level of blood and other things have to do with it?"

He is Sora's servant. A loyal servant who obeys her orders and protects her.

He had no reason to talk about things unrelated to Sora.

"Is Sora an enemy of 'Deterrence' or someone pushed down by 'Deterrence'?"

"... Probably, 'now' is the latter. Nothing, I cannot be certain."

However, as far as the Master's vision and my existence are concerned, as far as I see this kind of "power" added too much for battle, it is more natural to think that the deterrent force invited the Master to do something in this world."

Otherwise, it would be strange that the Master would have been killed by the deterrent long ago. With the Master's personality, it is simply unimaginable that he would live and die quietly without affecting the people of the world."

Kurapika added a few more questions, and Karna's answer was still relatively good.

However, there is no doubt that Kurapika already understood that this was nothing more than buying time.

Just as Karna said, although Sora's ability is already at a foul-level in every sense, he wouldn't want to die even without such an ability, yet he goes around causing trouble, mocking someone who cannot stand due to injury. He knows he is the type of person who would extend a helping hand to others.

Kurapika continues to be saved because she is such a person, but there is no doubt that her "Deterrence" is the moment her kindness becomes the "cause of destruction," her thoughts, and the people she has saved. From Karna's explanation, I can understand that if one does not consider the facts, one will be eliminated.

And I cannot think of any reason not to acknowledge that a foreign object like "a human from another world with powerful supernatural abilities" would be viewed as an "enemy" by Gaia and Alaya.

She does not want to admit that when she came to this world, it would have been more natural to be killed by the Deterrence of this world, but Kurapika knows this.

But why did she come to this world and continue to live for four years?

No matter how you look at it, why is she not eliminated by the power of Deterrence, who is always doing things that have a great impact on the world?

There is only one answer to this question.

Because she herself is a "Deterrent." In this world, there is a "cause of destruction" that she must Eliminate.

So it is easy for her to imagine that she can still live in this world.

"... As for her 'enemy'... there is no way to know."

"Oh. Sorry, I cannot imagine it."

Kurapika asked for the biggest reason she is still allowed to live in this world.

Furthermore, Karna said that with the progress of civilization, the act of "destroying the world and humanity" has become easier, and at the same time, the act of "saving the world and humanity" has also become easier.

For example, if the extinction of a certain insect leads to a butterfly effect that destroys the world, if the development of an insecticide that can eliminate the insect is blocked by some trouble, then the reasoning of the person who caused the trouble is this.

"... That is why, of course, there are many things different from the world where the Master is, but even if the civilization itself is similar, it is not rare for the Master to be backed by Deterrence. Not blatantly."

A "World Crisis" that is highly likely to have occurred in the age of mythology is waiting.

Having said so much, Kurapika bit her lip until she tasted the flavor of rust.

To put it bluntly, Kurapika does not care about the "World Crisis" at all. The scale of the story is too large to be understood with a sense of reality, but for Kurapika, if Sora were not killed immediately after coming to this world, I would be grateful.

The frustration and anger of not knowing who to hit, the reason for inadvertently biting her lip is that one day Sora will be forced to face a "World Crisis," driven by "Deterrence," and might lose Sora. I am afraid of it.

First of all, if Karna is right, then this is already a game close to completion. If it is said that Sora is always given the power to overcome the "World Crisis," then worrying about it is just an unfounded worry.

What Kurapika fears is what happens after defeating the "World Crisis."

"... What will happen after Sora completes the role of 'Deterrence'?"

This question is meaningless.

There is no information to assert, and if it could be speculated, Kurapika has already done so.

Even so, Karna, who absolutely has more information than herself and understands "Deterrence," might have some "hope" that Kurapika has not thought of.

"... I don't want to admit it, but I feel that the happiest ending is to collide with that 'World Crisis' and die.

Even if he survives, in 90% of cases, the Master will be identified as an enemy of Deterrence, and the world will kill him at all costs, at all costs.

If the Master was invited to this world for the 'World Crisis,' then after the Master completes the role, it is possible to return to the original world, but I am afraid that will not save anything. On the contrary, it may end in the most tragic way."

"Why? Even in the original world, Sora's eyes and your existence are rare, but it is not as impossible as this world, right?

Even in that world, would Sora be considered a 'cause of destruction' rather than a deterrent?"

Kurapika Sticks to Karna's answer.

Kurapika does not want to be separated from Sora, he wants to live with him, but Kurapika's true feelings are that if not letting her live in this world, even if we never meet again, I will let her live. In her original world, I sent him back to a world where he would be deceived without hesitation, but I do not understand what Karna means by "that is the most tragic."

Karna looked at Kurapika's two-colored eyes and narrowed them slightly, as if pitying him.

Even though he felt pity, he did not look down on him at all.

"In the original world, the Master would certainly not be a foreign object that could not become a cause of destruction in the world.

However, this body that continues to possess the eyes of the Master and the servant is extremely rare. From the perspective of creatures called 'Magicians,' the Master is the best research subject. I can see seas, mountains, and mountain ranges swarming, wanting to steal everything from the Master."

Someone told me, and I realized.

The "Magician" closest to and only one to Kurapika is Sora, so he remembers information that is not realistic even if he is taught.

Sora, as a Magician, is quite maverick.

You should not expect a creature called a Magician to have moral consciousness as a human.

Children are successors to take over his research. Sexual intercourse is part of the Magic ritual.

I remember, they are creatures born to sacrifice any and all things for their goals, without any guilt, and even the most outrageous things will be carried out without any emotion, without any emotion.

"Thanks to the teacher I met in this world, in terms of combat, the Master is probably lagging behind other Magicians, and it is almost impossible to continue to protect himself.

The Master is lucky to have made excellent friends, there are upright people, but they are still too young to count on for support. Before that, using friends as a shield, the Master himself cannot imitate."

Facing Karna's answer, Kurapika scratched his head fiercely, barely suppressing his frustration.

He is right, considering Sora's current situation, returning to the original world is more dangerous than staying in this world, rather than ending up in another world.

Returning to the original world, losing the power given to him as "Deterrence," is not too bad. In that case, "Deterrence" will not be the humanity of him who was brought out on purpose, trying his best to make her return to normal.

And if they returned to the original world with that rare power, if a child with a rare Magic Attribute was born without an heir or other use, then the biological parents would turn this biological child into a specimen pickled in formalin. A world where everything is a normal value is synonymous with throwing raw meat to hungry beasts.

Of course, there are only enemies around, but the power contained in her body makes her unable to give up Magic and live the life of an ordinary person. In case something goes wrong, she lives in the world of ordinary people, and it is very likely that she will conflict with the Deterrence of another world, so if Sora exists, there is only the world of Magicians.

The only person who can count on having the power and strength to protect Sora is the Magician who served as Sora's teacher in the other world, but judging from Sora's appearance and usual way of speaking, apart from his ability, I cannot count on him to have no personality at all, and he is also friends with Sora. I can see that my way of relying on them is different from ours.

Kurapika understood for the first time why Sora seemed not to want to return to the original world.

She understood from the beginning that returning to the "world of Magicians" and waiting for her to get those eyes was equivalent to suicide.

"... Perhaps the Master is still alive, certified as a Protector of Primates. In that case, she will not be killed by Deterrence. Not because she is there, but because she herself is the 'power of Deterrence' itself.

... But in that case, the Master can no longer be called a 'human'."

"Protector of Primates" is a defense device created by the unconsciousness of humanity that "should survive," and it is the final safety device to avoid the consequences of destruction.

... In order to satisfy the wish of all humanity 'not to want to die,' the Master is a 'cleaner,' killing the few people who have been cut off, and after each completion, becoming a 'tool.' That is transferred to another world through Deterrence to prevent the next destruction."

Karna said possibilities other than "being killed by Deterrence" and "returning to the original world," but there is no salvation there.

As Karna said at the beginning, perhaps the best way is to let her die with the "World Crisis" that maintains her life, her dignity as a human will likely be protected, and she will end peacefully.

Realizing that Sora is more desperate than himself, and the fact that she is really living here now, in any sense, is buying time, not knowing when the Miracle will end. Kurapika continued to speak coldly to Kurapika who was lamenting his helplessness, and looked down again.

"So... Kurapika. Now, swear to me here."

Finally, the long preamble ended.

Karna said that he and Sora had to make a vow in exchange for Kurapika's selfish time and stubbornness.

"However, I still hope that Sora will not give up on life.

Continue to hope for a future where she lives, survives, and becomes happy; for that, you too must struggle until the very last moment."

Inadvertently, I raised my head again and looked at Karna with a bewildered expression.

Karna stroked the tattoo-like crest on his right hand with his fingertips and returned a faint smile to Kurapika, who could neither believe nor fully understand.

"……I cannot tell you not to use that power which would sever your life. Although he remained, he ultimately failed to help his master, melting and disappearing before him, which made him very sad.

Therefore, originally, I have no right to say that I will not forgive you. But I still want to say it.

……I do not want you, who continue to save your master, to die; it is my arrogant wish. I am troubling you."

Speaking to this point, Karna's smile deepened.

"And if you are this arrogant, you cannot provoke," he said, so he must be provoking.

Where are you being arrogant? Kurapika seriously wanted to retort, as he had spoken a "wish" that cared not only for his master Sora but also for Kurapika.

"You want power, to cut off your life, not because you want to die, nor because you underestimate your own life, but because you simply want to protect me. I already know that I want to preserve my master's life as much as I want to preserve my master." I did not.

I will not say do not use it. I did not want to die just like that, I only wanted to save Master's life, so I jumped into that rift without regard for the consequences and fell with him.

So, even if I did not tell you not to use it, do not consider death. If the future you truly desire is to be Together with your master, then even at the cost of your life, do not give up on living with your spirit to restore your life.

By the same token, even if Master turns deterrence into hostility, do not give up on life.

Master never gives up.

Even if this leg is broken, torn, or lost, even if I crawl with both hands, I will continue to move forward. Even if I lose both hands, no matter what, even if only fragments of my heart remain in the end, as long as I have life, I will be thrown into another world, so distant it is hard to call it parallel. I will return to this world again, to you. The stars themselves, Gaia, when humanity, the barren valley, even if I turn to the enemy, I will not give up on survival.

This is the reason you survive. No matter how you live, Master will find meaning and value in it and be saved. So please, no matter how clumsy it looks, no matter how meaningless it seems, even if it only holds pain, if you still find salvation in Master's life, then you should live Master's life, your way of life. Promise me that you will continue to affirm, that you will continue to save Sora.

I know.

Sora never gives up on life.

Because of not giving up, Sora has lost the salvation of giving up, because he knows the fact that he is saved.

Although giving up would be easier, Sora still gave up, and Kurapika knows how to live a happy life.

The beginning of salvation was just seeing the face of his own kin, but what made Kurapika want "happiness" is that she is still continuing to save Kurapika now, it is painful, and more importantly, it is a precious way of life.

"…………Karna."

Therefore, for the story of Karna becoming a beggar for the conditions Karna proposed, only one answer could be given.

"Are you saying this so that I won't feel guilty about 'hoping to live no matter what happens to Sora'?"

Kurapika glared at Karna somewhat flusteredly and said with a faint smile.

"Did you discover it?

But I won't say that much; no matter how many times I say it, you will punish yourself in vain, right?"

Kurapika suspected that Sora had already woken up to Karna, and Karna answered without any guilt; I felt guilty in my heart and could not refute, only silently glared at him.

Of course, for Karna, who could kill Kurapika with his naked eye, seeing Kurapika's gaze was both painful and itchy, so he leaned against the car seat and gave Kurapika an even harsher Suggestion.

"Kurapika. It is fine to be strict with yourself, but punishing yourself pointlessly may lead you to despise those you love and cherish. So please forgive yourself a little.

At the very least, do not think that you cannot save Sora, and that her unhappiness is your fault. This is a blasphemy against Master in any sense.

She was saved by you, and since meeting you, there has not been a moment she was not happy. Do not forget that Master is still alive only because you are still alive.

You did nothing yourself, even if your selfishness just happened to save you, you saved me. No one can change that. I cannot deny it.

So, accept yourself and stop thinking 'I cannot save Sora'."

Facing the painful advice, Kurapika replied with a bitter face: "……If one could easily change their personality after being told, you wouldn't be so troublesome."

Facing Kurapika's overly ashamed retort, Karna had an expression that he least thought he was saying something bad.

"No, I have thought for a long time from the memories of dreaming of Sora, but you are probably essentially the same as Master and that child named Gon. It might be because I haven't had the chance yet.

Kurapika. Do not hide your feelings and thoughts in your heart. It is inappropriate, it does not fit your essence. If you just say what you think, you might be able to get things done."

"Sorry!! If you say it like that, think about how your words will be conveyed to the other party!!

You absolutely do not care what kind of abusive language you receive, so thinking about other people's feelings is actually devastating!!"

In fact, I was somewhat aware that I had lost my kin and hometown, became distrustful of people, wanted to change because I hated short-sightedness, and now I am a mixture of ignorance and intent. Pointing out the conflict caused by the difference between his personality and his unchangeable essence, he retorted, but Karna was shocked by Kurapika's retort this time.

Karna opened his strange eyes and then said: "……………………Is that so?" So, Kurapika, moved by Karna's squint, thought: "It's too late!?" following.

Thank you.

Karna managed to recover, although he was still somewhat frustrated by Kurapika's follow-up actions. "Sky, how do you communicate with this guy!?" I shuddered seriously.

However, Kurapika was already used to Karna's treatment, and although he was unwilling to poke him, he just said: "……I understand."

"…………The story has become too long.

Also, Kurapika turned to look at the steering wheel, and the depressed Karna raised his head and smiled through the rearview mirror.

"No, I have nothing left to say.

……It seems a bit broken. At that time, you still didn't have the face to see Master; if you can accept your own salvation, even just a little, it is more important than anything else."

Despite Kurapika's unreasonable insults, Karna still felt guilty for being so friendly to him.

"……You really are a model of a servant."

"That evaluation is an honor, but it is also too exaggerated. It is hard to say that I am truly loyal to Sora."

For Kurapika, there was a lot of cynical attitude about how his loyalty to Sora spiraled out of control due to communication problems, but the insightful Karna accepted what he said, accepted it, and responded gracefully.

However, Kurapika anticipated that his sarcasm would not be spoken out loud, but he could not believe his own reaction, "It is hard to say he is truly loyal to Sora," and asked: "What do you mean?"

Karna immediately answered the question with a grave and serious face.

"Master, Master, can a servant who says they love you be truly loyal?"

Facing Karna's words, Kurapika could not even say a meaningless word like "Ah?", and was simply speechless.

And Karna was Karna, saying to the cold Kurapika: "I'm sorry, if you have nothing to ask, I will go to sleep. It is indeed time, the master's burden is too Heavy." I closed my eyes.

Perhaps it was because what he said was close to the limit, but whether this person's insight was excellent or just a pile of shit was a serious mystery.

Regardless of whether Karna closed his eyes to sleep or returned the initiative of the body to Sora, Kurapika's stiffness only thawed upon hearing the calm breathing, his face slightly flushed.

Just like that, he held his head for a while.

"............ I think it probably means 'love', unable to put it down, not even liking, let alone love, but can he only say bombshells!?"

How did you actually communicate with that thing!?"

Kurapika was thoroughly reminded that Karna was sparing with words and poor at choices, fortunately able to translate Karna's language unexpectedly accurately.

＊＊＊

"You said you wanted to stop this Phantom Troupe. There is no need for that now.

The Phantom Troupe Spider is dead."

After finishing speaking to Gon and Killua, Kurapika hung up the phone.

Just like that, looking at the night view of Yorkshin from the roof of the Hotel for a while, I remembered the things from just three days since I came here.

...... Everything recalled was full of regrets.

I just remembered my stupidity and powerlessness.

I have been doing things I didn't want to do, instead of things I wanted to do.

Just a short while ago, I was full of remorse, self-loathing for my own powerlessness, and hatred for the heretic of the Human Collector.

Because of the back-and-forth with Karna, Kurapika was late getting home, but Kurapika blamed the reason for being late on the Mafia Shanzhi of the auction.

Since this was not a lie at all, light believed this report without hesitation, working hard not to let the Scarlet Eyes be snatched away from him.

The Scarlet Eyes moved from Kurapika's hand to light, and then to his daughter neon, who was innocently happy on the hospital bed, younger than her age.

Not thinking about it from the beginning, let alone that it was still alive five years ago, nor thinking about how cruelly that Scarlet Eye was carved, she called that Scarlet Eye "beautiful." Enduring the urge to immediately make her suffer the same fate as his compatriots and take back the souvenir in his arms, he continued to endure.

Senritsu noticed Kurapika's torture-like patience, let Kurapika take a break, and said: "Tomorrow we will go shopping and to the auction."

The other members of the escort agreed and thanked us for sending us back to the Hotel.

However, I still couldn't bring myself to rest and could only stand alone.

I couldn't bring myself to rest.

I felt that if I sat down now, I would never be able to get up again.

Kurapika didn't know what to do, so he didn't dare to rest.

We lost the enemy Phantom Troupe.

Should I continue to imitate the heart that kills itself to take back that Scarlet Eye which serves as a souvenir? I asked myself.

Even if he chose to cast everything aside and live with Sora, how long could the days of "living together" last?

In Karna's words, he could blow away many things, but at the same time, the negative Kurapika was also told by Karna that he was just imagining a future he didn't want to think about or see.

A future where Sora is killed by "Deterrence." A future where Sora returns to the original world and is humiliated by a "Magician" as much as his compatriots.

And no matter how he struggled, Kurapika could not touch him, drifting in a distant world that could not be called parallel, and a future exhausted by him as a "cleaner" for the sake of Deterrence.

All of this was a future that Kurapika, an inexperienced Hatsu ability user, absolutely could not touch or resist, let alone a Magician who embodies a Miracle.

Knowing that no matter how happy he was now, he could only buy time for his miserable future, Kurapika did not have the guts to live a carefree and happy life.

...... But I can't even give up.

There was no need for Karna to force him to "swear," Kurapika had a salvation he could not give up or let go of, no matter how guilty he felt.

I want to live with Sora. I want Sora to live.

Even if it is a way of life that only leaves heartbreak, nothing can change your desire to survive, nor can it be changed.

However, Kurapika didn't know what he could do to realize this wish, or if he could do anything in the first place. I don't know.

"...... Why can't I save myself alone?"

Even if I continue to be saved, I myself refuse that salvation and move forward in misfortune., when I spat out the self-deprecating words......

《Kurapika》

I didn't expect, "Why are you here?"

My thought was, "Why is this person......".

Thinking that way was stupid.

She always appeared when Kurapika needed help the most.

Just like mind reading.

Just like Fate.

Kurapika always comes to save the Kurapika who refuses to be saved.

"Kurapika. What's wrong with a place like this? Isn't it cold?"

She had already fallen asleep in the car, just as Karna said, her fever was still very high, although not as severe as last night. She came to the roof like a person and ran towards Kurapika.

Her face was slightly flushed, clearly still having a fever, her eyes were resealed with rather rough bandages, probably because he wrapped himself up after waking up.

Kurapika hurriedly rushed towards Sora, but Sora ran straight over with his eyes closed and hugged him.

"What are you doing!"

Due to the location, this was not a good place to walk blindly, so the intention was to avoid walking around, but the moment Kurapika touched Sora, there seemed to be a moment of fear, my body must have been stiff.

Instead of refusing to be touched by Kurapika, I knew I was afraid of being rejected, wondering if it was okay for me to touch Kurapika.

So Kurapika ignored Sora's stiffness and hugged him.

As if to say: "I have no reason not to touch you." He held a body that was about the same height as his own, but much thinner than himself, in his arms.

Although it was not a normal temperature, compared to the scorching heat of last night, Kurapika breathed a sigh of relief, the temperature was within the range of common sense, and he continued to confirm that the Sora in his arms was definitely still alive.

"What are you doing here?" and "How did you know you were here?"

There should be more things to say, but the words didn't come to mind.

Kurapika said nothing, continuing to embrace the person he could not let go of.

"... Kurapika. I'm sorry."

Sora was not a Kurapika who couldn't say anything, but was murmuring in Kurapika's arms.

That apology reminded me of the scene last night: blood flowing from the eyes, hot steam rising from within the body, as if burned to the ground by the Fire of hell; even in such a state, he kept apologizing, and Kurapika shouted, "Don't apologize!"

Sora did not complain about the powerful embrace that didn't take her condition into account, but Kurapika didn't listen to her either, and she apologized again in his arms. Repeating.

"... I'm sorry."

"I told you not to apologize!"

"Even if you don't like it, Mr. Karna is absolutely justified, he caused trouble! Seriously, I'm sorry!!"

"I knew it, you master and servant, you really know how to ruin the atmosphere!!"

Kurapika loosened his embrace and reflexively patted Sora's head.

Apparently, the apology was not about yesterday, but about Karna.

Kurapika slapped Sora, his face full of apology, "Yeah, I'm really sorry! That guy really had no Malice, and no ulterior motives! He only had goodwill and kindness! But I'm really sorry!!" After apologizing once, he asked timidly.

"... By the way, what did you and classmate Karna talk about?"

"You're saying you don't understand!?"

Judging from Sora's words and actions, I thought she remembered her interaction with Karna to some extent, so she reflexively made a snarky comment and then got scared, but I don't even remember it at all.

I don't remember anything, but I thought Karna must have been up to something, I thought I had an unpleasant trust, but apparently Sora said: "Karna and Kurapika talked in the car." I remember it to some extent, but it seems I don't remember the specific conversation at all.

"No, I can't share my memories more than I thought. I remember Kurapika was angry at classmate Karna, it looked like she was about to cry, and felt very weak, I don't remember you at all."

I don't know if Karna deliberately kept it Hidden, but Kurapika breathed a sigh of relief; he remembered the scene and actions to some extent, but the dialogue and such had been erased, thinking it was unfavorable for Sora. He replied: "I didn't say much."

The usual Sora certainly couldn't have turned a blind eye to such a thing, but in a sense, thanks to Karna, Sora wasn't worried about Kurapika's attention today.

"Really? I mean, maybe Mr. Karna, didn't you tell Kurapika how you got to Kurapika? What happened?"

"?"

Kurapika tilted his head, remembering the topic he wanted to ask about at first, but for various reasons, he didn't have time to ask. What happened as far as you know?

"............ Just like Kurapika, all the dialogue was erased, but I remember meeting Kurt, Illumi, and Hisoka... or rather, I might have fought with the crazy Illumi."

"What are you doing!!"

Kurapika rushed in. I didn't ask, but I was really angry at Karna for not speaking up.

In the end, I regretted not being able to say thank you to Karna, because he pointed out a fact I hadn't noticed and created an opportunity to get rid of it, but I said both. Kurapika firmly believed there was no need.

And Sora was still pale, holding her head with both hands and saying: "Karna-san, did you really do something? I won't participate because it will be finished." Illumi made a decision on whether she wanted it or not.

Kurapika agreed with the decision, saying: "That's fine," and patted Sora's back as if to comfort her, not remembering what Karna had done to his own body.

"... Sora."

Every time Karna spoke, Sora would inadvertently say what she was thinking, and in Kurapika's arms, Sora replied: "Even if I think about it every three hours, 'Is this person okay?'"

For a moment, Kurapika wondered if Sora, who could get into trouble once every three hours, was impressive, or if Karna, whom Sora couldn't even control, was impressive, but either way, the conclusion was that both were weirdos, so he stopped thinking deeply.

"No, I really don't know what I'm saying, but I'm sorry. After I handed it over to Mr. Karna, I realized that you and Mr. Karna were absolutely incompatible, but I didn't have the energy to wake up.

Also, if you are annoyed and angry at that person's natural behavior, even if you know he didn't mean anything, don't worry. That person is very positive, so basically accepting insults and saying 'thank you for pointing that out' and feeling guilty seems stupid."

Although Sora was as mischievous as usual, saying she would follow Kurapika, Kurapika stopped soothing Sora and embraced her again.

"Kurapika?"

Although Kurapika's behavior seemed a bit strange, Sora did as she pleased.

She no longer had the stiffness of being afraid of being touched or hugged by Kurapika, but she had never touched Kurapika alone. No hugging back, being hugged when finished.

"... Is this the punishment you set for yourself?"

"Hmm?"

Sora, unable to understand Kurapika's murmuring, asked back, but Kurapika didn't answer, saying it without thinking while holding Sora.

"You're an idiot, knowing you're not worthy, instead of apologizing, you should leave it to Karna. What on earth are you going to do to help me? He must be a hero with extraordinary strength and an overly pure heart. I don't know, but I can't save him.

... I can't save you. Neither the hero nor myself can save me.... If it's not you, it's useless."

Kurapika didn't let go of Sora, even though he swore it was an expression of anger or a fair assessment.

Feeling his heartbeat faster than usual, I spat it out while confirming that it was here and now in my arms.

There was no point in keeping it Hidden. But I knew that if I said it out loud, it would make Sora sadder, carrying everything on her shoulders, so I never intended to say it.

I was sure I didn't need to tell him, but I was unwilling to admit it, but I was indeed grateful to Karna.

Admittedly, Karna's point allowed him to break through the dead end.

However, as Karna himself said, Karna could not save Kurapika.

Karna only pointed it out. Kurapika was saved. A problem that couldn't be solved.

And that Sora continued to be saved.

Sora was always the one to save Kurapika.

Although she said she didn't have the strength to get up, the moment she walked in front of the cemetery building and saw herself again, it didn't fall into the category of despair; she picked everything up and saved me.

The reason Kurapika was able to return here was because even Kurapika, who had once given up and abandoned everything, was happy to be alive, full of hope, and smiling.

"You... just need to live. I want you to live. I don't want you to get hurt.

However... you are..."

I still am.

If I were alone, my thoughts would only turn to the bad side, and I would be crushed by my own self-loathing of being powerless and the anxiety about the future tormented by "deterrent power," which would come one day. As soon as he appeared, Kurapika's anxiety slowly disappeared along with the cash.

When I was in front of him, I thought it was stupid to be pessimistic and anxious about how much time we had left to live together.

If there was time to think about these things, I realized it was more meaningful to turn that time into "time spent living together."

Nothing has changed.

The future is hopeless, and Kurapika cannot think of any way out.

But right now, this moment is absolutely happy, and it is hard to let go.

I know that happiness is in my arms right now.

This is the reason why I will not let Kurapika go.

Even if Sora decides not to touch him as punishment for killing Uvogin, and demands that Kurapika satisfy his selfish wish of "not killing anyone," Kurapika will still ignore these things and trap Sora in your arms.

Even if I can do nothing, I cannot let go of the happiness in my arms, even if the happiness I reach for now is out of reach.

No matter how much guilt you have, no matter how much self-loathing is in your heart, no matter how anxious you are about the future, Kurapika will still try to intervene so that no one will take him away from your side. Wrong, as if to prove that her existence is not just a dream, there is indeed happiness in my arms at this moment, and I keep hugging Sora.

"... Kurapika. Are you angry?"

"No wonder."

Sora asked Kurapika in confusion, and Kurapika answered immediately, of course.

"It is wrong to tell you to do what you want. But of course I told you to do what you want, but I am sure you insist that you will not forgive me. Why do you think you are not angry?"

When Sora said he was still angry because it was too unreasonable, he said in his usual tone: "Well, I thought he would eventually forgive me for letting him do whatever he wanted," he replied jokingly.

Kurapika retorted sternly as always.

"I cannot forgive you. Don't think you can forgive me, you idiot."

There is no way to forgive, and no way to be forgiven.

Kurapika, let alone Sora, will never be forgiven.

Even if you say how important the other person is to you, or say that you can be saved if you live, if you sacrifice your own life and throw it away, it is because the other person loves you, and this is an unforgivable sin.

It should not be allowed.

Because this is the path I chose in order to obtain something that transcends sin.

It is not that I want to die, but that I want to live and be happy together, so I decided to endure it.

This is the reason why Kurapika will never forgive you.

Because I feel that if I could forgive her, if I let her sins go unnoticed, then I wouldn't even possess what Sora chose, nor would I possess the happiness she chose for me.

No matter how many times I get lost and hurt, the salvation and happiness I cannot let go of will lose their meaning.

Therefore, I will not allow it.

Sora too. And myself.

I will not forgive you, so I will punish you.

"Sora. Hehehe..."

At Kurapika's words and the stipulated "punishment," Sora held his breath.

"... Kurapika is truly amazing."

Sora replied in a voice that sounded like a sob.

As if accepting the punishment, I wrapped my arms around Kurapika's back.