Chapter 105: The Foolish Slave's Self-Talk (II)

【This is the first time I have seen the Ouyang father and son.

Life is not a storybook, fighting and killing are even less as simple as listening to a storytelling.

These ten or more cavalry are well-equipped, and they also have fine horses.

Only someone as foolish as Yu Yiai would charge forward to save people, clashing head-on like an egg against a stone.

I did not save those two people.

Those two people also came to no harm; they were simply pressed down and tied up.

The older man's face was deathly pale; obviously his spirit and soul were extinguished, his heart like dead ash.

He had a death wish; after being stepped on and pressed to the ground, he repeatedly glanced at the weapons in the attendants' hands......

The younger boy, on the other hand, was excited, shouting repeatedly:

"Big brother, big brother, no, no!"

"It's fine, even if we can't escape this time, it's nothing! We'll just go back with Third Brother; if they want to kill or chop, I'll take it, don't give up, Nineteen, I beg you, don't lose heart......"

At first the boy's shouts were all over the place, but I still managed to make out some of it.

Obviously, the boy is ranked nineteenth, the older man is his brother and ranked eldest.

The leading cavalryman is ranked third.

Clearly they are one family, yet their status differs.

Dare to use such a formation in the capital, and even mention An Nan......

In a breath, I recalled the recent affair of the An Nan vassal state's envoy entering the capital to present tribute.

Over the past month, wanting to leave, I have ceased paying attention to court affairs, but I still heard some news about the An Nan vassal state.

An Nan, located southwest of the Nine Provinces, has the ancient names Dragon Abyss, Jiaozhi, and Southern Viet.

Because the fief lies in a wild, malarial land, with a mountain range blocking the northeast, it is easy to defend but hard to attack, and outside soldiers who enter are prone to dysentery epidemics; thus it has always been a contested ground for military strategists.

Frankly, the kings of An Nan throughout the dynasties have mostly been very honest; no matter who is emperor, they send tribute year after year, being obedient and low-key, so they have never attracted attention......

Of course, these were all my impressions before seeing this internal strife.

But upon looking now, the fact is, it probably isn't that simple.

This An Nan must have severe internal strife.

Otherwise, how could the big and the small have fled while taking advantage of the tribute trip to the capital, and how could they have been brought back by the so-called Third Brother stepping on their heads?

It seems the intended An Nan fief cannot be gone to.

According to the family's ranking, the next generation's An Nan throne likely has over twenty candidates.

I don't mind tangled interests; I fear there are too many fools and too few capable people.

Whatever scheming, I also fear swords and spears.

That fool called Third Brother has an ugly face; at a glance he's incapable of any scheming, and if he gets angry he might just slash me without a second thought......

No way.

Still, my life is more important.

If Mother were watching me from heaven, if I got hurt she would surely be sad as well.

Since I can't go to An Nan, my options are few.

That night, I waited until the wind and snow stopped, finished burning the last bit of paper money, then left the Mass Grave......

I became a wandering solitary ghost.

I don't know where I want to go.

I somewhat want to die now, to avoid the many pains I might encounter later.

Yet I also feel unwilling; this is all there is to my life.

That period of time was indeed like a wandering ghost drifting about.

I even vaguely understand why, in ghost lore, there is a saying about water ghosts seizing substitutes.

Those drowned are trapped in a lightless place, awaiting release, or...... their true time of death.

Right or wrong, whatever irredeemable sins, are not important matters.

Good and evil cannot bring back those long separated.

But killing or being killed can.

I have passed through daylight, night, dawn, dusk......

I wandered about all winter.

When the first rain of early spring fell, I actually dreamed of Mother.

Yes, Mother.

It is Mother.

Although I have never seen Mother, I know she must be Mother.

Her appearance is not as gorgeous as I had heard, capable of outshining a region.

Perhaps because she was older when she fell ill, she has fine lines at the corners of her eyes, silver strands at her temples, and her figure is somewhat collapsed and bloated.

However, she is good-looking.

Indeed, she is quite good-looking.

Mother, far away, weeps toward me; her mouth opens and closes, as if she is saying something to me.

But I cannot understand a word of it.

It's not that I can't hear clearly; it's that I can't comprehend.

People have human speech, ghosts have ghostly speech......

It turns out to be true.

When I woke from that dream, I actually sat for a long time.

Afterwards, I decided to go look for Yu Yiai.

My original intention in looking for Yu Yiai was actually simple and vital.

No obsession, no loyalty for any reason.

It's just because, the day before, I dreamed of my mother.

My mother finally came to see me.

I want to tell him, it's not only his parents who love him; I am also someone who is loved.

I am also not born to be a slave.

Someone came back to see me, someone misses me.

Yes, yes.

Across the south and north of the great river, after a long journey, I finally found Yu Yiai and Tannu in the refugee camp, even going to great lengths to fabricate a new appearance to see him......

Actually, it was just for this ridiculous reason.

Before we met again, I had already decided.

Waiting for him to ask me who I am.

I then told him, my name is Liu Wenyuan.

I was born into an official family; my father was a scholar, killed for advising the false dynasty's emperor, the family was confiscated; my mother risked her life, gave up the family property to send me away......

That's why I became a refugee.

I have studied, I also have elders who dote on me; if not for the misfortune, I would be a carefree young master......

This birth of mine certainly cannot compare to his, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, a heavenly favored child.

But it is the best background I could think of.

The reason I chose the name Liu Wenyuan also has its cause.

I was earlier adopted by Mei Xiang, taken from the Orphanage, but he then sent me into the tiger's den......

So, I dislike the character Mei.

But "Mei heart, Liu bone"—the character Liu is also good.

Waiting for him to ask why I am called this name.

I then told him, it means "literature to prove the Dao, vast as an abyss."

Inside lies all the elders' expectations and cherishing of me......

I ought to live again.

But this time, everything of mine still hasn't been noticed.

Blind Yu Yiai's mind is also impaired.

I told him my name is Liu Wenyuan; he said his name is Yu Hen.

I told him I have the elders' cherishing; he said he also misses the elders.

I told him the meaning of his name; he said, it's fine, just close your eyes and sleep—once you sleep, your parents will come......

He said, that's just how he is.

I just knew.

I just knew.

I hate him; I hate him the most.

In this lifetime, I can't compare to Yu Yiai; I can only serve as his stepping stone.

Even, even......

His parents, though dead, came to see him more often than my parents came to see me.

Over twenty years, I waited over twenty years before my mother came to see me once.

But his parents come to see him every day.

I am crazy.

I truly am going crazy.

I picked a big bag of poisonous mushrooms, intending to poison us both and call it even.

But it was just then, while I was picking the mushrooms, that two figures, one big and one small, stumbled out of the refugee camp and said to me:

"These mushrooms cannot be eaten; eating them will kill people......"

?? The most painful jealousy in the world is that the envied person can't even think that this exists......

? Come on, come on! Do you have any tickets to vote for me, my darlings? balls balls balls balls o(╥﹏╥)o