Chapter 134: Chinu's Soliloquy (Four)

【Smoke dissipates, rain scatters, the gatehouse is deep and cold.】

The bustle belongs to the world, Chinu......

Actually, it belongs only to one person.

That beautiful dream of our first encounter is already over.

This time, kneeling on the icy bluestone ground, I actually didn't feel the humiliation I had imagined before coming.

I was only thinking about one utterly trivial matter—

【If I had known before leaving, I would have boiled two red eggs for myself.】

The day before yesterday afternoon, Afang said she would boil red eggs for me, but later I and the Wife Master actually couldn't get up.

This morning I did wake up, but because I was worried about coming to Zhoufu and leaving in a rush, I only had time to hurriedly look around, and still didn't see anything left for me in the small kitchen......

I want to eat.

I want to eat.

It's a pity that the Wife Master doesn't know, and Afang also doesn't know.

I really want to eat.

I always feel that it's something worth celebrating.

In my whole life, I have never encountered anything so worth celebrating.

Our bedding is entwined, our hearts mutually pledged.

Without parental command, matchmaker's agreement, without red candles and soft canopy, marriage vows......

Eating a red egg warms the spirit and soul.

At least...... it's not entirely without name or share.

But, it's a pity.

When I wanted to eat, Afang hadn't prepared it.

When I hurriedly left, I also couldn't find it.

Everything is just as it was in the orphanage back then.

The steward lets the children help with cleaning work, and always promises them one or two pieces of malt sugar.

Which child wouldn't want to eat sugar?

They do think so.

At least, I think so.

I worked hard, moving a stool and slowly wiping clean the wooden frame and windowsill; each spot took a long time, and my fingers were washed until they turned white.

But even so, from morning till night, I still couldn't get that malt sugar that should have been mine.

It's not that the stewardess grandmother isn't good enough; she has been in the orphanage since her youth, for the children even becoming a self-combed woman, never marrying, and has already done her utmost benevolence and righteousness.

But she has to manage so many children all day, and early on forgot that promise.

If I were to specially mention it, specially beg for it, it would instead make me seem overly earnest and annoying.

It was like that before, and it's still like that now.

I know that.

I know that.

In this lifetime, there's also no way.

So, I can't get malt sugar, can't get red eggs......

Actually, I can only blame myself.

I killed Ruansizong's grandson, and still wanted to plot against Ruansizong......

So, today I must bear this "no way".

But, I still hadn't thought about it.

It turns out that the world's "no way" is really so "no way".

Therefore, when that foot stepped on my head, I could only repeatedly try to recall the feeling of the kiss on the tiny mole on my nose bridge from the previous night, trying to ease this pain with that.

Ruansizong originally had a bad temper; now, this crazy old man is almost going mad.

Seeing me kneel, he first stared blankly for a moment.

Afterwards, he repeatedly stomped hard on my head, loudly shouting over and over.

He shouted a lot, a lot.

But I can only remember little of it.

Nothing more than bringing up old matters, saying his grandson is still young, although he made a big mistake, but the Ruan clan has already compensated and settled the family members, and the family members no longer seek redress.

But I, however, insisted on sentencing people to death by waist-chopping.

He hates me, and I know he hates me.

Nobles and commoners who break the law have never been punished equally.

Even earlier in the "Shun Classic" of the Book of Documents it is said, "Gold can redeem punishment".

As long as sufficient gold is given, the criminal can be redeemed.

The Ruan clan of Jingchuan, a family of several hundred years, can certainly produce gold.

But when I was in power, young and reckless, I hated these heaven-mandated nobles too much, so I gave no leniency to the Ruan clan, nor left any for my future self.

I do not regret.

I will not regret.

I originally was, will not regret.

But, heaven does not spare me.

I have met the Wife Master.

She does not wish to recruit scholars who bear grudges against me, and she also looks down on the usefulness of scholars, but I know more.

The Ruán clan's foundation and reputation, Ruánsizong's talent and learning...

That is exactly what she needs.

For now, other scholars are still too far away; there will be no better choice than Ruánsizong.

Compared to everything she wants, compared to the world...

What am I?

What can I amount to?

I amount to nothing.

I tried to calm my emotions, opened my mouth again to persuade Ruánsizong.

But upon opening my mouth, I only then realized something seemed off.

At the moment his shoe sole stepped on me earlier, my mind was actually blank.

Now the seeing stars have faded, my skull being ground makes a creaking sound, only then do I discover that the tip of my tongue seems to have been scraped by the tip of a tooth, a metallic rust taste slowly seeping out.

Ruánsizong's shoe sole is rough, because he came in a hurry, still dust from the courtyard clinging to it; those sand particles have embedded into my scalp, fine stinging pain spreading from the crown of my head to the brow.

I can only be forced to prostrate myself with five limbs on the ground, half my face pressed tightly against the cold brick surface.

In the cracks of the blue bricks is the moisture from the rain of the past few days, coolly seeping into the skin.

Speaking of which, it's strange.

In that instant, what I thought was, fortunately the Wife Master didn't see me in this state; surely I look awful, surely she won't like me anymore.

Fortunately, fortunately.

I let out a sigh of relief in my heart, without any struggle.

It's not because I fear Ruánsizong, but because if he becomes violently angry and unwilling to listen to me anymore, this trip of mine would be in vain.

How could that be acceptable?

Not acceptable.

Someone is still waiting for me to return.

Ruánsizong finally withdrew his foot.

His footsteps retreated two steps, the rustle of his clothing sounded, about as he sat back down in the chair.

I did not immediately lift my head, first tried to inhale a breath.

The air in my chest is hot, my throat extremely dry and parched; I swallowed a mouthful of saliva, suddenly feeling something sweet in my mouth, sliding down together with the saliva, sticking viscously to the base of my tongue.

Only afterwards did I raise my hand to wipe the corner of my mouth; the back of my hand was a patch of dampness; lowering my head to look, what was stuck on my fingertip was not saliva, but blood.

Bright red, fresh, it flowed from the corner of my mouth down to my chin, dripping two drops onto the blue brick floor, spreading into dark brown specks.

Warm fluid also welled up from my nasal cavity.

At first it was just a feeling of soreness and distension, like choking on water when drowning; then liquid began to flow from both nostrils simultaneously, drip-drip-drip onto the floor tiles before me.

I used the back of my hand to wipe, but the more I wiped, the more there was; soon my whole hand was smeared with blood, even the spaces between my fingers sticky.

Cannot wipe clean.

Really cannot wipe clean.

And worse still, besides the mouth and nose's study, ears also started to hurt.

At that moment, without any warning, a buzzing sound rang out, like someone striking a bronze bell hard deep in my ear canal.

All sounds in heaven and earth, the rustling of wind-blown cassia leaves in the courtyard, the old steward's hurried breathing in the hall, the faint rustle of Ruánsizong's robes...

All of it seemed as if a large hand had suddenly grasped it, kneaded it into a ball, and pushed it to an extremely distant place.

I lay prone on the ground, able to see the old steward's lips moving, but unable to hear what he was saying.

I could see Ruánsizong's silhouette swaying in the hall, but could not make out his words.

Buzzing.

Only buzzing.

A continuous, sharp buzzing sound surged simultaneously from deep within both ears, like myriad cicadas vibrating their wings in unison inside my skull, and like a white silk band tightly wrapping my entire head, tightening ever more.

I tried to push myself up with my hands, but before I could even get up, blood dripped again from the tip of my nose, drop after drop, striking the blue bricks and blooming into tiny red flowers.

My tongue pushed open my teeth, a mouthful of bloody taste surged up, and a hot stream welled up in my throat.

I swallowed that mouthful of blood back down, then again bowed my head and kowtowed, telling him:

Lord Ruán, do not let personal grudges cause you to miss the Wise Lord.

In this heaven and earth, there will be no one better than her...

?? Chinu is vicious, but really beautiful and sincere...

? Dear ones deduct 1, and let's see, coming to report vengeance (ノ_；＼(｀ロ′)／！