Chapter 31: Disgustingly Epic!

【Feihe Cinema】.

A gust of wind blew through the red curtain at the entrance and into the theater.

In the dim projection room, a faint stench of decay lingered.

The movie was still playing.

In the theater, the moviegoers who had once looked forward to it now sat frozen, staring in shock at this “epic blockbuster.”

Confusion, disbelief, horror, awe…

Countless emotions surged within each of them at this very moment!

They had never in their lives imagined they would one day enter a cinema and watch a movie so inhuman!

The sheer impact had left them utterly speechless!

…………………………

“【Aliang Fast Food】 is humanity’s last hope!”

“You must shoulder the hope of saving the world—I beg you, my heroes!”

“You must protect 【Aliang Fast Food】—protect humanity’s last hope!”

“…”

Lawyer Fan Qiang clutched his chest, gasping heavily, his eyes locked on the big screen!

Amid the flickering light and shadow, in just a few brief minutes, Fan Qiang felt his eyes had gone completely blind.

He wasn’t just sitting on pins and needles anymore!

It was worse than millions of yaks slamming into his ass N times over!

This was outright rape of his eyes!

What had he seen?

He had seen the leaked footage of this so-called “Superman 2”—it had completely lost all shame!

After a bizarre desert battle ended, they were suddenly thrown into a chaotic time stream, and then the Chinese Superman Yan Shuangying and Sun Wukong were instantly transported to the modern era!

Yes!

He had not imagined it!

Transported to the modern era!

After arriving in the present, what did this soul-crushing movie do?

Fuck!

He saw the sign of 【Aliang Fast Food】—it appeared right on screen, and stayed there for a full five seconds!

Yes, five seconds—no music, no sound, just the five characters of “【Aliang Fast Food】” on the sign!

And the stingy crew had even added a cheap, five-cent “Duang!” flash effect to the sign—the flash felt like a knife stabbed straight into his heart!

Five seconds later, the nauseating sign finally slowly drifted out of frame…

Then, two figures began fighting again, without warning!

Then came the familiar, explosive scene—same move repeated N times, a grotesque loop!

One moment Sun Wukong was knocked to the ground, the next Superman was knocked down…

Accompanied by thudding “bang bang bang” sounds, it shattered Lawyer Fan Qiang’s entire worldview!

Repeating the scene was bad enough!

Did you think this was its bottom?

No!

Just as Fan Qiang was numb with shock, barely able to breathe, these shameless youngsters delivered him a brutal lesson!

He realized—fuck!

He was watching an advertisement!

He was watching an advertisement for 【Aliang Fast Food】!

Every place Sun Wukong landed was a product placement for 【Aliang Fast Food】!

Some were close-ups of utensils, some of chopsticks, some of brooms with the 【Aliang Fast Food】 logo, even a single line of text stuck on a toilet bowl—the product placement was everywhere, like a plague!

Finally, the goddamn 【Aliang Fast Food】 product placements ended, and the endless fight scenes stopped…

But the screen suddenly showed a close-up of a fried egg!

The scene that made Fan Qiang want to scream appeared—the fried egg suddenly emitted colorful advertising effects, then, fucking, it spoke!

“Earth is about to be destroyed! The Maga aliens are using my energy to travel to Earth, aiming to conquer and rule it!”

“With my last bit of energy, I summon two warriors from the East!”

“You are destined!”

“…”

Lawyer Fan Qiang shuddered violently, stunned, gasping for air!

At that moment, he felt every ounce of strength drained from his body—he couldn’t even muster the will to stand up!

“Fuck your dad!”

“What the hell kind of movie is this?!”

“My eyes—I feel like I’m going blind!”

“Fuck!”

“You could’ve just stolen five yuan from my pocket, but instead you forced me to watch this movie—you’re real fucking saints!”

“Damn it, boss, I’ll pay you ten yuan—just turn it off, please! I’m afraid I’ll go insane if I watch any more!”

“I feel like my IQ has been completely crushed by this movie—I feel like an idiot!”

“…”

“…”

The projection room, silent for so long…

When the fried egg began speaking, it finally erupted!

Some young people turned red with rage, pointing at the screen and screaming curses!

Others were so shaken they felt like their organs had shattered—they fled their seats as if escaping a plague, terrified that watching any longer would make them bleed from all seven orifices under this unprecedented “masterpiece.”

……………………

“Pretty generous, right?”

“I told you, 4,500 yuan—worth every cent!”

“…”

Amid a storm of curses, nearly a third of the theater’s audience had fled.

【Aliang Fast Food】 owner Xu Xueliang, hearing the outbursts, cowered trembling in the corner.

His face was pale; the moment he saw Zhou Yang’s serious expression, his lips trembled slightly.

He had thought that after paying 4,500 yuan and treating him to a few boxed meals, Zhou Yang would at most let his brand appear once…

But no one expected Zhou Yang to be so…

So “worth every cent”!

After a moment, he lowered his head even further, trembling for a long while before finally squeezing out: “I, I, actually, actually, it wasn’t necessary… really…”

Fuck!

So “worth every cent” was literally roasting his brand over fire…

His heart was too fragile—he simply couldn’t handle this much excitement…

“No, for our clients, we must deliver full-service. Don’t worry—the rest will all be 【Aliang Fast Food】 ads. It will be everywhere!”

“…”

Zhou Yang’s words made Xu Xueliang force a smile worse than crying, his eyes timidly fixed on the cursing audience, terrified they might storm out and smash his shop.

He watched for a long time, then looked again at the big screen!

On the big screen!

The insane plot continued playing!

The mind-shattering fried egg still steamed with sizzling heat, speaking in a solemn voice about “destiny,” “saving the world,” “saving Earth,” “history,” and other nonsense!

Sun Wukong and Chinese Superman Yan Shuangying had stopped fighting.

After seeing the talking fried egg, they suddenly and inexplicably made peace, then…

With no logic, no plot, they stood together before the egg and solemnly nodded!

“Don’t worry, Old Monkey will protect 【Aliang Fast Food】—any demon who comes near will never leave alive!”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Fried Egg, protecting world peace is our duty—【Aliang Fast Food】 will live on! Not only will it survive, it will provide even more nutrition and energy to children, busy people, and heroes striving for the whole world!”

“…”

Should I…

Spend more money…

Have Zhou Zong cancel this insane ad…

Before it’s too late?

…………………………

“This fucking thing!”

“Every single line of dialogue carries 【Aliang Fast Food】!”

“You, you...”

“...”

“I can’t take this anymore!”

“Puke!”

“Deng Zong, you watch here, I...”

“Sorry, Deng Zong, I really... I’m sorry, I’m too young...”

“This movie has no copyright issues, damn... wait, it does have issues—I’m suing him, suing it for mentally polluting me!”

“Fuck!”

“...”

The light and shadow continued to interweave.

Curses rose and fell throughout the cinema...

After enduring a few more minutes, the lawyer Fan Qiang felt as if his soul had been stuffed with a pile of dog shit; he finally bowed his head, shouldered the camera, and after uttering a few words to Deng Hairong, fled hastily.

Deng Hairong also clutched his chest, his eyes locked rigidly on this movie, catastrophically awful!

This movie...

It’s simply...

Fuck!

Calling it a movie is an insult to cinema itself—it’s an utter desecration of everything!

But!

For some reason!

He still wanted to see just how far this movie could shatter morality and sanity!

Fuck!

Was he insane?