Chapter 33: Midnight Mini-Movie!

"Damn your grandfather!"

"This movie of yours, damn it, can it get any more outrageous!"

"Holy crap!"

"You damn well still playing this game!"

The screening hall was stifling hot.

As figures stood up one by one, cursing as they left the hall, the air gradually became less suffocating.

The old electric fan on the wall blew with a whoosh...

On the screen, the shit-poem-level "masterpiece" "Sun Sun Wukong vs. Superman 2" finally, under the gaze of the masses, reached its conclusion.

On the screen, Sun Sun Wukong and the Chinese Supermen Yan Yan Shuangying and Brother Ma the Martian fought for ages, insanely repeating the same unknown number of identical actions...

When all the audience members, electro-shocked to the point of being crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, thought this pile of "shit" of a movie would no longer torture them...

The two protagonists suddenly couldn't beat the BOSS, Brother Ma the Martian.

Yes, without any warning, suddenly and inexplicably, their combat power collapsed, and then, Brother Ma the Martian suddenly transformed!

Then, it transformed within the chaotic flow of time and space, was teleported to the 【Siling Auto Repair Shop】, and turned into a '97 big-head van!

When seeing this van.

Li Dongqiang, who was carrying the camera, shivered all over, his mind went blank, and he stared dumbfounded at the big-head van before him!

Such an explosive scene!

Having watched movies for so many years...

Damn it, this was the first time he had ever seen it!

Even more explosive things were yet to come!

"Not good, Brother Ma the Martian has controlled our 【Siling Auto Repair Shop】's Dr. Li Gang to help upgrade and repair!"

"Not good!"

"Dr. Li Gang's repair skills are number one in the universe; we can't let him repair it anymore. If he keeps repairing, this upgrade might end!"

"Dr. Li Gang, wake up, don't be controlled!"

"..."

Li Dongqiang stared dumbfounded as a repairman suddenly appeared without warning inside the 【Siling Auto Repair Shop】 and then got into this van!

Immediately...

Finally, there were no more of those repeatedly edited actions!

But...

What did he see?

He saw that repaired van actually charging to ram into the Chinese Supermen Yan Yan Shuangying!

Yes!

You didn't see it wrong!

The Chinese Supermen Yan Yan Shuangying, who could fly in the sky, swim in the ground, and withstand aircraft bullets, was actually chased in all directions by a van, fleeing in such a wretched state it was heartbreaking!

Moreover, that demonic repetitive editing was back...

Li Dongqiang seriously counted the shot of the Chinese Supermen Yan Yan Shuangying being knocked flying!

Damn it!

This time it broke the historical record!

A close-up shot of being knocked flying was forcibly repeated 8 times, the falling-to-the-ground shot was repeated 8 times...

This wasn't even the most critical part!

The most critical part was, where was Sun Sun Wukong, who could manifest his true form across heaven and earth and possessed the vast powers of the Seventy-Two Transformations? Wasn't he fighting the Chinese Supermen evenly at the start?

Why is he gone?

Just as Li Dongqiang was confused...

The camera suddenly switched!

It switched to a close-up of 【Ah Liang Fast Food Restaurant】, and then, with shock, it showed Sun Sun Wukong wolfing down fast food from 【Ah Liang Fast Food Restaurant】!

Yes!

You didn't see it wrong; while the Chinese Supermen were desperately saving the world over there, Sun Sun Wukong over here was slurping away, eating fast food!

Moreover, the appearance of eating fast food was forcibly given a close-up for about ten seconds...

"World energy is insufficient! If there is no energy, the Chinese Supermen cannot defeat Brother Ma the Martian, and the world will be destroyed!"

"Great Sage, we need you to use your powers to maintain the world's energy!"

"Yes, Great Sage, you are the bridge connecting the modern and the ancient; your body is the key!"

"As long as you forcefully devour energy!"

"The world can be saved!"

"..."

Seeing such a stiff explanation, Li Dongqiang felt he almost fainted; damn it, can your plot get any stiffer?

Moreover!

The most ridiculous thing is!

This insane movie, in order to pad the runtime, in order to make up the final ten minutes of saving the world, the action of Sun Sun Wukong picking up food with chopsticks was forcibly repeated 3 times!

The action of eating a chicken leg 4 times, the flipping, the expression of eating deliciously; although not repeated, it was forcibly given an extremely long close-up!

Holy crap!

Seeing this, Li Dongqiang clenched his fists, his killing intent surging!

And then...

Damn it! Watching Sun Sun Wukong eat so deliciously, Li Dongqiang's stomach was starting to growl too!

Dammit!

Wait!

What the hell, is now really the time to be worrying about whether I'm hungry?!

There were about 8 minutes left before the movie ended!

That damned camera finally cut back!

It cut back to 【Four Diamond Auto Repair Shop】...

Then, the background narration suddenly turned mournful, just like funeral music!

Huaxia Superman kept getting rammed by the minivan, kept standing back up, then getting knocked down again...

Ram after ram...

Suddenly, it stopped ramming!

Yes, without any reason, without any warning, that minivan suddenly came to a stop...

And then!

"You absolutely cannot give up!"

"We must save the Earth!"

"Save the world!"

"Save the smiles of all the children!"

"Universe Beam!"

When there were 5 minutes left in the movie, Huaxia Superman Yan Yan Shuangying suddenly stood up, then, inexplicably, after a burst of white light, inexplicably struck an extremely awkward pose, inexplicably shouted a line, and inexplicably the whole vibe turned awkwardly hype!

And then...

What did Li Dongqiang see?

He saw this broke-ass film crew!

Having no money for special effects, they had actually brute-forced it using the camera's lighting plus a layer of plastic film and mirrors to create a beam!

What's more, the most outrageous part was, this movie's editing was ridiculously over the top — if you looked closely, you could actually see under the camera someone pulling the plastic film...

Then, around that minivan, the crackling explosion sounds of firecrackers suddenly rang out...

And then...

The movie screen suddenly dimmed.

After padding out the runtime with this dim scene for about ten seconds...

A line of text suddenly appeared...

"Huaxia Superman has once again saved the Earth!"

………………………………

???

In the screening hall.

As the lights suddenly came back on...

The cursing and grumbling suddenly fell silent.

The moviegoers in the screening hall, only a third of whom remained, stared blankly at the word END on the big screen...

Then, they looked down, glancing in confusion at their handwritten tickets...

Almost everyone's mind went briefly blank!

Where am I?

What did I just watch?

What am I doing here?

This is... "Superman 2"...

This...

What the hell did I actually just spend 5 yuan watching?!

Just at this moment...

A few awkward rounds of applause came from not far away.

The crowd, in a daze, glanced toward the direction of the applause, and then saw, in the very back corner seats, a few young men with faces flushed beet-red, forcing themselves to clap.

Li Dongqiang gave a slight start!

Right after that...

He instinctively looked in that direction.

If he wasn't mistaken, these young men were the main creative team of this movie...

Looking at their utterly dead-inside expressions, why did Li Dongqiang feel like these people had been forced into it?

Just at this moment...

Everyone saw a young man in a sharp suit and gold-rimmed glasses silently walk up onto the stage in the screening hall.

Then...

He looked at everyone!

"Thank you all for your tide-like applause, moviegoers who came from afar — you're really too enthusiastic!"

"No need to applaud, thank you, thank you!"

"..."

Applause like a tide?

Damn it!

Can you have some shame?

Are you blind?

Besides yourselves clapping, look, who exactly is still clapping?

Everyone looks as uncomfortable as if they just ate shit, okay?

Li Dongqiang saw Zhou Yang wave his hand with an expectant look and felt mentally polluted!

"At the same time, I also want to thank the children for their support!"

"Next, all parents bringing children, please go first to claim our free lollipops..."

"Other friends, please stay, there is a surprise!"

"..."

When the children saw the lollipops one by one, they excitedly walked over there; the screening hall had no children when...

Zhou Yang pushed up his glasses, looked at everyone, and lowered his voice.

Then, he had the staff nearby come to the front of every audience member and secretly revealed a stack of movie tickets.

"I pondered for a long time just now down there and discussed for a long time with my team!"

"I have made a difficult decision that goes against our ancestors..."

"Next month..."

"Our cinema will screen a private little movie that makes men excited and makes women blush..."

"The screening time is August 2nd, night, 12 o'clock..."

"Starring a beautiful, innocent female college student..."

"The ticket price is not expensive, only twenty yuan..."

"..."

???

The male audience members, originally stunned by this terrible film until they were crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, were slightly stunned!

Immediately, they lowered their heads...

Then!

Their tiger bodies trembled!

What did they see?

They saw that on the handwritten ticket, the words "Lin Lin Daiyu Battles Lu Lu Zhishen" were clearly written!