Chapter 400: Light

"Every item Yang Xiaodao told you to prepare is for your own use. During that month after the purification, you'll be lying there most of the time. These thirty jin of millet are your meals for the month."

Late at night in the monastery's Main Hall, a dim oil lamp burned before the Buddha statues. A faint glow flickered in the corner against the west wall. Lin Dengwan sat on his worn bedding, facing a hunched old man. Bundles and bamboo baskets lay around them; one bundle had been opened, revealing it was full to the brim with millet.

"The ash from burned sesame stalks is for padding the spot where you'll be lying, to keep blood and water from causing sores. This ash is fine and won't chafe the skin." The old man reached out and tugged at a basket. "Two loads may not be enough. Better to prepare extra than to find yourself lacking and wishing you had more."

Lin Dengwan answered obediently, "I'll buy another load along the way."

"Wormwood, dandelion, honeysuckle, plantain — these few will do. You can buy more hemp, though. You'll have to eat it for quite a few days."

"That's medicine for diarrhea. Eating too much of it can't be good."

"It's precisely to give you diarrhea, so you won't have to relieve yourself much after the purification. That area will have a wound, and too much urine just adds trouble for him." The old man sighed. "These knife craftsmen geld people the same as they geld livestock. Once you lie down on that bed, in his eyes you're no different from an animal. It's all just an ordinary business to him. The less trouble, the better. Whether you have diarrhea or not, he doesn't care."

Lin Dengwan lowered his head and said nothing. The old man's gaze shifted to the other items. "Two eggs will be enough. Make sure the shells aren't cracked. The most critical thing is the pig's gallbladder — it absolutely must be fresh. You must watch with your own eyes as a live pig is slaughtered and the gallbladder taken out. The moment you have it, go straight to Yang Xiaodao. Don't delay for an instant."

"I've noted it. That butcher is right next to Yang Xiaodao's place and does this regularly. We agreed he only gets the silver if it's fresh." Lin Dengwan turned his head to look at the window. A faint glimmer of light had appeared in the sky. By daybreak, he was supposed to go to Yang Xiaodao's for the purification.

The old man casually touched a stack of paper on the floor. "This window paper will be enough. Though it's a rule set by the knife craftsmen, Yang Xiaodao's business never stops for a single month. The window paper is always pasted up and ready. When you go, just give it to him; he'll exchange it for silver himself. Nothing else. Once you've checked these things over, pack them up neatly. Don't find yourself missing something when you go."

Lin Dengwan silently packed the items. Under the dim oil lamp, everything was a blur, but he performed the task with great care.

The old man looked up at the window. "It's not too hot yet, and the mosquitoes and bugs haven't come out. When I underwent purification, I chose this season too."

Lin Dengwan finished packing, rolled up the bedding beside him, turned, and handed it to the old man. "Fu Shu, after I'm gone, you can use these things. I have no other possessions left on me. Please don't scorn them."

The old man hastily accepted it and asked in surprise, "After the purification, you'll still need a couple of months to recover before you can even speak of entering the palace. You'll still need these."

"The man who promised me said he'd arrange another place for my recovery. Most likely I won't be coming back."

Hearing this, the old man let out a somewhat disappointed "Oh." Lin Dengwan kowtowed to Fu Shu. "Thank you, Fu Shu, for your care this past year, which gave me a place to stay. If Lin Wa ever amounts to anything one day, I will certainly return to repay you."

The old man sighed in acknowledgment. Looking down, he saw a dozen or so copper coins and a piece of loose silver lying on the bedding, roughly one tael of silver. His eyes instantly grew moist. Just then, his body twisted, and he hurriedly reached beside him for a tattered headscarf, laboriously stuffing it into his crotch.

Lin Dengwan knew he had leaked urine again. He went over to support the old man's back to keep him from sitting unsteadily. After the old man pressed his clothes into place and caught his breath, he looked up at Lin Dengwan again. "Lin Wa, have you truly thought this through? Once you're on that bed, there's no regretting it. Can the man who promised you really get you into the palace? Don't end up like me — too old when I underwent purification, castrated but never able to enter the palace my whole life, unable to raise children of my own, left to die alone and miserable, without even the silver to redeem my 'things,' my body incomplete so I can't return home or face my ancestors. What's the point of all this suffering?"

"That man already paid Yang Xiaodao the silver for the registry and the physical examination. Why would he spend silver to deceive me? What… is there about me worth deceiving?" Lin Dengwan said in a low, muffled voice, his head bowed. "When my father passed, he urged me again and again to look after my brothers, to keep the Lin family's incense offerings burning. Now, none of us three brothers can marry a woman. If the Lin family line ends here, we still won't be able to face our ancestors."

The old man sighed, his back hunching even further. "Remember, when you go to Yang Xiaodao's place, obey them in everything. Speak softly and gently. You absolutely must not offend anyone. Even those servant boys must not be slighted. During this month, you'll be meat on their chopping board. The slightest displeasure can make you suffer terribly and leave you with lifelong ailments. If they don't open the trapdoor under the bed, you'll soak in filth all day. If they don't carefully stretch your legs, your back will never straighten again. Or they might deliberately not clean you out thoroughly, and once you enter the palace, you'll have to endure a second round of suffering. I've heard those eunuchs say the second round is even worse than the first. You must remember all of this, absolutely."

"I've remembered it all. I'll obey them in everything."

At that moment, a monk walked into the hall, yawning. He grabbed the watchman's clapper and struck it forcefully several times. The people lying in various spots around the hall all rose and began packing up their bedding.

The sky outside the window had turned pale. Light filled the surroundings. Lin Dengwan helped pack up the old man's bedding and mat, rolling them up tightly.

"Don't help me move things today. There must be no delay with the pig's gallbladder. You must watch with your own eyes as he slaughters the pig and extracts it on the spot. If it's not fresh, it can cost a life."

Lin Dengwan nodded, stood up, and loaded everything into his carrying pole. The old man also hurriedly rose and followed him to the hall's entrance.

Lin Dengwan looked at the old man and said, "Fu Shu, I'm going now."

Tears welled in the old man's eyes, and his lips trembled. "Lin Wa, have you truly thought this through?"

Lin Dengwan did not answer. He turned his head aside to wipe his eyes, shouldered his carrying pole, turned around, and stepped out of the hall entrance.

……

"Go into this room."

Lin Dengwan hastily acknowledged, afraid of offending the servant boy. He glanced up at the partitioned room, which had been built out with bricks inside the house. The other rooms were partitioned the same way. Wails of agony echoed sporadically from the courtyard, but the servant boy leading the way was thoroughly accustomed to it and paid no attention whatsoever.

The partitioned room was not spacious. The lower part seemed to be a brick kang bed. On top of the kang, bricks propped up something resembling a door plank. Ropes were attached at the four corners and the middle of the plank. Right in the center was a trapdoor, like a small window on a door. The servant boy placed a chamber pot beneath the bed, aligned with that small window. In front of the partition door, he set down an earthenware vat that seemed to contain lime.

"Take off your pants and lie down."

With that, the servant boy proceeded to set out the eggs and the hemp water. He then spread the sesame ash around the small window and laid two small knives in a row on a wooden tray.

Though the knife blades were dark, their edges were visibly sharp. The moment Lin Dengwan's eyes fell on the small knives, he stood frozen in place, his heart pounding violently.

The servant boy turned his head, saw that Lin Dengwan had not yet undressed, and glared fiercely at him, shouting, "What, waiting for someone to serve you?"

"I'm taking them off now. Please don't be angry, young master." Lin Dengwan removed his clothes and pressed a one-tael piece of silver into the servant boy's hand. This silver had been given by that Master Jiang. Originally it was two taels, meant for him to use as bribes. Lin Dengwan had given half to the old man and had intended to keep this half for himself, but the sight of the knives filled him with such terror that he no longer cared about wealth.

The servant boy froze for a moment. Most of those who came for purification were poor wretches; few were so generous. He quickly glanced left and right — Yang Xiaodao had not yet arrived — and swiftly tucked the silver into his bosom. When he looked at Lin Dengwan again, his gaze was full of gentleness.

"I'll inevitably be troubling you these coming days, young master. There will certainly be a token of my appreciation when I leave."

The servant boy immediately became exceedingly polite. "It's all what this humble one ought to do. Master Yang will still be a while. If you take your medicine and wipe down your body to prepare early, you'll suffer less later."

Seeing that the servant boy had accepted the silver, Lin Dengwan felt much more at ease. He obediently picked up the medicine and drank it, then looked around but could not find a place to put his clothes.

"Give them to this humble one." The servant boy eagerly took the robe, carefully folded it, and placed it on a chair in the outer room. Returning, he added, "This humble one will wash them for you, so you'll have clean clothes to wear when you leave."

Hearing the other speak so courteously, Lin Dengwan was not as panicked as he had been at first. The servant boy did not rush him but took out a pair of scissors on his own. Lin Dengwan caught sight of them suddenly and recoiled a step in fright.

The servant boy, however, did not come at him. Instead, he picked up a barley stalk, carefully selected a section, and trimmed it meticulously with the scissors. Looking up at Lin Dengwan, he said, "This section is the cleanest. Whether it's going in or coming out, you'll suffer less this way."

Lin Dengwan's mind went completely blank. He dared not ask what it was for, merely standing there numbly awaiting instructions. After waiting for a short while, it seemed the bowl of medicine began to take effect; his head grew heavy and dizzy. The servant boy told him to remove all his underclothes and trousers, and he lay down stark naked on the wooden plank.

The bed board pressed against his back, feeling icy cold. Lin Dengwan looked upward at the ceiling. The brick walls on either side of the partition filled most of his field of vision. The servant boy's face loomed down from beside him. "Master has finished resting and is drinking tea now. He'll be here any moment. This humble one will tie you down tightly now. It's not to make you uncomfortable — if everything is held tight, Master's knife can cut precisely, avoiding unnecessary cuts. Please bear with it if I pull the ropes tight."

Lin Dengwan nodded. "Thank you, young master."

He lay on the bed as the servant boy bustled around him. Lin Dengwan felt his left hand bound by rope; the rope was pulled so taut that he could not move it no matter how hard he strained. Soon, his feet and waist were also tied down. Now, except for his head, his entire body was immobile.

Lin Dengwan's heart raced, and his breathing grew somewhat rapid. He turned his head to look and saw the servant boy peeling the eggs and placing them in a bowl within easy reach. Suddenly remembering the old man's advice, he urgently asked the servant boy, "Why isn't the pig's gallbladder here?"

"The pig's gallbladder is too important. Master always brings it and cuts it open himself. He doesn't let us apprentices handle it."

As the servant boy spoke, his hands never stopped moving. He sprinkled the sesame stalk ash around the edges of the bed board and also scattered some beneath Lin Dengwan's body.

Lin Dengwan could not lift his head, only feeling faint sensations on his body. He knew the preparations were nearly complete. His heart pounded even harder, and his fingers trembled uncontrollably.

"Our Master Yang's skill has been passed down for generations. Set your heart at ease. It's just a matter of a few days; endure it and it'll be over." The servant boy's attitude was very good. He added a reminder, "When Master comes, he'll remove the glands first, then perform the castration. It'll only take a moment."

Just then, a sound came from outside the door. Soft footsteps gradually approached.

Lin Dengwan's head began to tremble too, his face twitching constantly. The servant boy, perhaps accustomed to such sights, patted him on the shoulder and went out to greet his master.

The footsteps stopped. A portly figure appeared at the door of the partition. He was carrying a bowl himself. Lin Dengwan lay immobile on the bed board, his mind growing increasingly muddled. He looked up at this master of the purification altar, his throat bobbing incessantly.

Yang Xiaodao examined the prepared items. He asked Lin Dengwan no further questions. After setting down the porcelain bowl containing the two pig's gallbladders, he reached out and picked up a knife. The blade scraped against the wooden tray with a soft grating sound.

At that moment, the servant boy appeared before him again, holding a blindfold. He said to Lin Dengwan in a low voice, "Master is about to begin now."

Tears streamed down Lin Dengwan's face. He swallowed hard several times, then nodded with great effort. The servant boy asked for his pardon, then brought the blindfold over Lin Dengwan's face. Lin Dengwan closed his eyes. The blindfold wrapped around his eyes, coil after coil, until the light gradually vanished from his sight.