Chapter 579: Epilogue: The Teahouse

Epilogue: The Teahouse

Thirty years after the founding of the nation, one day, at a teahouse on Jingdong Street in Tianjin.

"The story goes that on this day His Majesty Chen Xin arrived at the Tianjin Garrison where the Haihe meets, and guess what happened — right there by the Grand Canal, he came upon an injustice: three trackers were being beaten by men of the Luo Sect. His Majesty gave a great shout and charged into the crowd of Luo Sect men. A burst of miserable howls was heard, and the Luo Sect crowd went flying seven or eight zhang away... And who, you ask, were those three? One was called Dai Zhenggang, one was called Zhu Guobin, and the third was Lu Chuanzong. Beside His Majesty were several others, namely Senior Grand Secretary Liu, Zhang Dahui, Zhang Erhui, Hai Gouzi..."

The gray-haired Deng Keshan spoke with spittle flying everywhere, going on until he reached the part where Lord Chen took lodging on Jingdong Lane, then he struck the wooden clapper and rested, drinking tea.

This teahouse was run by him; storytelling was his hobby, and he also relied on telling the tales of Chen Xin and Liu Minyou to draw in out-of-town tea patrons. Because he had known His Majesty and the Senior Grand Secretary from very early on, gradually some people came to listen.

During this break, the tea patrons listening below were buzzing with discussion. Tang Wei, Zhong Laosi, Zhou Shaoer, Xie Fei, Su Cutui, and others were among them.

"This section is a bit too much of a wish-fulfillment fantasy. Mr. Liu couldn't have been that soft. I think Deng Keshan tells it too falsely; I've never seen anything like that."

"Plenty of people are soft. At that time Mr. Liu was still a refugee. You think everyone's a hero? If you'd been in his place, I'm afraid you'd have done no better than Mr. Liu."

"Actually, I think he could cut down on the parts inside the Tianjin Garrison. I like listening to the battle parts, and the farming parts are fine too."

"You don't get it. This is called padding. There are only so many battles; if he told them all in a few days, who'd come to his teahouse to drink tea? As far as this teahouse goes, not only does padding the teacup with water make money, padding the storytelling with water makes money too."

"If you don't add water, are you going to chew the tea leaves dry? Just don't water it down till it's tasteless."

Su Cutui shook his head and said, "Padding aside, the key issue is that Deng Keshan gets a few places wrong. Zhu Guobin wasn't there at that time. The earliest written record of Zhu Guobin is from when they were boarding ship at Weihai, when Lord Chen appointed him as squad leader. That handwritten order is kept in the Military Museum; I've seen it with my own eyes. Also, I've done some specific textual research: Lord Chen should have come to Tianjin from Zhangjiawan. And the travel time on the road should have been seven and a half days, not seven days. Because traveling with him was Wang Daixi. I checked the cabinet roster in the newspaper; Wang Daixi is fifty-three this year, so she would have been thirteen back then. Calculate the stride length using the average height of a thirteen-year-old girl, then divide the distance from Zhangjiawan to Tianjin..."

Chen Tingdong: "Yours is wrong too. May I ask, Brother Su, can you use today's average height to calculate forty years ago? And Wang Daixi was from Liaodong — how do you calculate the average height of a Liaodong girl back then?"

The two began arguing loudly. Quite a few people nearby took sides and joined the discussion. "I support Brother Su!" "I support Brother Chen!"

While everyone was arguing, Wang Zhanqing said, "I've never met Hai Gouzi. Where was he buried in the end?"

Deng Keshan shook his head and was about to answer when a tea patron below stood up, paid, and left. As he departed, he glanced up at Deng Keshan. Deng Keshan suddenly felt the face looked extremely familiar.

That tea patron said loudly, "I heard it was somewhere in Weihai, Dengzhou."

Deng Keshan suddenly realized who that tea patron was and quickly averted his gaze, answering somewhat flustered, "Perhaps."

That tea patron thought for a moment, then said, "I'll have to look into this matter further. I've heard there's a newspaper searching for that place. I love investigating these things the most."

The plump Tang Wei shook his head. "Why bother with textual research when listening to storytelling? Isn't it just for fun? I say, Deng Keshan, I'm a combat hero after all — how many chapters till I appear?"

Deng Keshan tilted his head and thought. "Maybe fifty or sixty chapters. If there aren't many listeners, maybe not at all."

"Deng Keshan, at your age, even if you entered the palace, no one would want you. Don't ruin your good karma."

"Deng Keshan, you must persevere. I love your storytelling the most. Believe me, the tea patrons will grow in number."

"If you want more people to listen, one of the two main characters has to die. They both rose from refugees together — who'd want someone else knowing their past? If it were me, I'd have killed Senior Grand Secretary Liu the moment we entered the pass. And that Senior Grand Secretary Liu — they both came from refugees, so why does His Majesty get to be Emperor and he only gets to be Senior Grand Secretary? Foolish."

"Right, right. Lord Chen should have killed Senior Grand Secretary Liu."

Zhong Laosi bared his teeth at those two and said, "Do people like you have friends or relatives? If you do, they're truly pitiful."

Zhou Shaoer kindly advised Deng Keshan, "Killing one off is going too far. But next time, don't tell it with two protagonists. Lord Liu's deeds, though important, lack passion. I think I prefer Lord Chen, the decisive killer type. Focus mainly on Lord Chen, and the tea patrons might increase."

"Right, right. I like listening to the battles."

"Actually, I think I'd rather hear about the Later Jin side. What exactly were those Tatars like? What did they look like? What weapons did they use? A bit of recalling past hardships to appreciate present comforts."

"Ah, the main problem isn't that. You tell too little each day. If you could tell two more sessions a day, the tea patrons would definitely increase a lot."

Tang Wei fished out a silver dollar and held it up to Deng Keshan. "This is a tip from me. You must persevere and finish the story. Also, can you add a bit more to my part?"

"Sure." Deng Keshan snatched the silver dollar. "I can add more. Let me tell you, if a theater troupe buys my rights and stages it as a play performed everywhere, you'll become famous."

"Really?" Tang Wei hastily fished out another coin. "Then write my earlier part better, and don't mention the business about me acting as a Tatar, because my wife loves watching plays."

Deng Keshan took the silver. "I have no problem with that, but your wife saw you acting as a Tatar — can you fool her?"

"Ah? That's right!" Tang Wei slapped his forehead and looked at the silver dollar in Deng Keshan's hand. "This, the second one, can I take it back..."

"I can make your later parts more valiant, especially during the decisive battle... I won't mention the part where you wet your pants."

Tang Wei gritted his teeth. "Fine then, I won't take it back."

Wang Zhanqing also walked over. On the way, he encountered a skinny big white sheep and a small cat, and casually dragged the sheep to the doorway. "Out, out. Can a sheep even understand this?"

Wang Zhanqing: "Deng Keshan, don't listen to them. As long as you finish telling it, I'll definitely reward you with a thousand silver dollars. Just keep telling it like this; it's quite good."

Xie Fei: "But I think you still need to write about more macro-level things. Don't keep going on about what Guan Dadi did or what Tang Wei did. I know them; I don't want to keep hearing about these nobodies. I like hearing about the political struggles among the great men. Look at Romance of the Three Kingdoms or Romance of the Sui and Tang — they draw more listeners than yours."

Huang Shan: "I've heard that fantasy is quite popular lately, like Journey to the West, Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio, and Investiture of the Gods."

"I think slice-of-life is stronger, like Romance of the Western Chamber, The Plum in the Golden Vase, or The Peony Pavilion — you can skirt the edges. The physical books sold like crazy; think how much money they made. Even the borderline-erotica titles like The Tale of the Foolish Old Woman and The Monk of the Lampwick are pretty good too. Plenty of people read them on the sly, and they still make a ton of money."

"Exactly. Deng Keshan, throw in some women, and more people will listen."

"Right, a harem plotline — tons of people would come listen. You could add several more women. Those Eight Beauties of Qinhuai would be perfect. Lord Chen didn't take a single one; that's just unreasonable."

Su Cutui: "The Eight Beauties of Qinhuai were too young at that time. I've researched that in the tenth year of Chongzhen, Chen Yuanyuan was only..."

"Why are you calculating that for a storytelling session? I wouldn't bother calculating. The key is that it's got to be satisfying."

"Right, he should have taken more women. I say, that Lotus girl Lord Liu met in Yangzhou should be written about more. I like that Lotus the best. Best to describe the bedroom details clearly, and describe her measurements clearly too, otherwise I can't picture it in my head."

"Who was it the other day talking about padding? Now you're complaining about him padding, but also want him to add women."

"Women don't count as padding. Everyone loves to see and hear it. Deng Keshan has done everything before; maybe he can tell it well."

"Some women don't like listening to that. It'll affect attracting female listeners."

"Anyway, no women like listening to this kind of storytelling. They all listen to Romance of the Western Chamber and The Peony Pavilion."

Xiao Jiahua slammed the table and stood up: "Who says no women like this storytelling?"

A woman beside her also timidly stood up. "My name is Alice, meaning 'beautiful as this.' I also like listening, but don't put in too much product placement. That Wendeng incense didn't exist in the early days. Deng Keshan, don't just randomly stick it in. They say now that smoking causes tumors."

Deng Keshan: "Everyone, everyone, I'm about to start the next chapter. Please quiet down. I'm just a hobbyist; my skill is extremely limited. If you all enjoy it, come listen and treat it as a bit of fun."

... Another year later...

"How can it be finished? Now that there are so many tea patrons, what a pity. Can't you just pad it out a bit more?"

"This is what you call a botched ending!"

Deng Keshan: "My mouth is parched and my tongue is dry. My throat can't take it anymore."

Xiao Jiahua asked Deng Keshan, "Fine, don't tell it anymore. But now that we've finished listening to your entire story, told over so many chapters, what exactly is its title?"

"Lately, 'Late Ming' and such are quite popular. Let's just call it Rising Star of the Late Ming, which just happens to echo the 'Xin' in His Majesty's name."

"Too many titles use 'Late Ming' — not good, no one remembers them."

"How about 'New Star of the Late Ming'? Doesn't 'Late Ming' mean the same as 'End of Ming'?"

"More or less the same. 'New Star of the Late Ming'? Right, right — no one's using that yet."

"Hey, seems like no one's using just 'Late Ming' either — and it even sounds a bit weightier."

Deng Keshan cupped his hands: "Then it shall be called *Late Ming*. Honored guests, both here in the hall and beyond, we rush along day after day — if anything we've said falls short, I ask your generous forgiveness. Listening to storytelling is all about the lively spirit: those with coin, grace us with your purse; those without, grace us with your presence — all who come are fated to be here. In the end, may everyone be merry and bright. Life is beautiful: go home to wife and children and a warm kang, to firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy, vinegar, and tea. Our tale for today is now fully told. Thank you all for your kind support. I wish you all monthly wages that ever rise and a new concubine every year — in short, may everything be well. Until fate brings us together again, farewell to you all!"

The End