Chapter 232: Odinson (Part 1)

The bright midday sun had gradually dimmed, becoming less piercing. The curtains in the nursing home office were left with only a small slit, through which a sliver of light shone onto the desk.

After the temperature began to drop, the air conditioning in the office was turned on. The heating was quite sufficient, yet Loki felt a sensation unique to ordinary humans that he had never experienced before—cold.

The corners of his mouth drooped downward. Without even opening his mouth, he squeezed a few words through his teeth: "... Stop talking."

"People always like to overestimate their psychological endurance, thinking they can remain calm when facing a certain answer, but in reality, it is very difficult."

Loki stared at him without speaking. The appearance of an Asgardian always carried a certain classical handsomeness. Loki's brow ridge was deep, and its edges were sharp, like a blade. When the shadow cast down completely covered his eyes, he looked both cold and profound.

"I have many angles from which I can dissect this problem to tell you where this mindset of yours comes from and how to resolve it..."

Shiler's words took a turn: "... but it costs money."

Loki's expression was icy. He stood up, but felt a resistance coming from within his body. Venom said in his mind: "I advise you to reconsider; this might be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"Don't try to influence me, monster."

"If you intend to take your anger out on me..." Venom's voice carried a calmness Loki hadn't expected: "Then I will tell you that even if you leave here now, you have nowhere to go, orphan."

"Do you intend to face Thor with this mindset? To ask him those stupid questions you already know the answers to, or are you really planning to act like a fawning dog and ask him directly if he loves you?"

"... I said, enough!"

"Calm down." Shiler's words pulled Loki back to reality. He said: "My fees are very expensive, but they are certainly more effective than you imagine."

"More importantly, I believe you currently lack the ability to pay the bill, so I will put this account on your brother's tab, as he is the heir to Asgard."

"... Then let's begin." Loki sat back down.

"Let's look at this problem from a different angle." Shiler made a gesture of setting something aside and said: "Deep down, you should know that you are jealous of Thor, but we can analyze this emotion carefully."

"Now, please imagine, if you were Thor, what would happen?"

"What would happen?" Loki asked: "... What else could happen?"

"Don't be impatient, let me finish. Suppose, now you are Odin's eldest son, the heir to Asgard, having received Odin's attention since childhood. No matter what trouble you caused, he wouldn't blame you too much..."

"He..." Loki tried his best to calm himself down, then entered this hypothetical scenario.

"You can imagine putting yourself in Thor's position: being the focus of everyone since childhood, Odin valuing you, Frigga doting on you, and your peers respecting you..."

Accompanied by Shiler's words, Loki began to sink into his imagination.

When the bonfire was lit, the shouting in the dueling arena became very noisy. He stood in the front row, then leaped down from his seat, stood in the center of the dueling ground, and accepted everyone's cheers and shouts. The audience looked at him with hopeful eyes, believing he would surely achieve victory.

Then, he walked across the long bridge of Xiangong, entering the gates of Xiangong with joy and excitement. He stood straight, bathed in the light. Odin praised him repeatedly, and Frigga showed a gratified smile.

He galloped on the battlefields of the Nine Realms, no one was his match in a single blow. He rode across the land, taking the honor of victory without any effort, and then brought them back to the All-Father, accepting the admiration of the people of Asgard.

"So now, where is Thor?"

Shiler's words did not interrupt Loki's fantasy, but made his perspective take a turn. He saw Thor standing there watching him from behind the crowd cheering for him. When he walked back to the camp, Thor watched him from afar. After their identities and perspectives were completely swapped, Loki suddenly had a strange feeling.

"Alright, next, bring what you did into Thor's perspective. He played many pranks on you, and then this behavior began to become increasingly malicious. Later, it was no longer limited to pranks; it began to truly frame you..."

"No..." Loki's brows furrowed deeply, "I didn't..."

"Do not deny all of this, but continue to think further. Go and see, from Thor's perspective, how would you view all of this?"

In an instant, that fantasy filled with honor and glory shattered. Loki's arms began to tremble. He pressed his teeth tightly together, and then revealed a few words: "I didn't see it."

"Didn't see what?"

Suddenly, his shoulders relaxed, and his jaw began to tremble slightly, then slowly calmed down. "I didn't see those things."

"Is that so? Do you want to see it again?"

"No." Loki refused immediately.

"Then are you sure you didn't see it?"

Loki fell silent.

He was silent for a long while, until he completely detached himself from that emotion, and then he said: "Perhaps... I saw it."

He paused for a long time again, the whole sentence filled with a somewhat hysterical breathy tone, which then turned into trembling. "But I... didn't care."

"He knew, but didn't care, right?" Loki looked up at Shiler. Shiler fiddled with the pen in his hand and said: "Actually, you should have realized that although your brother is reckless, impulsive, and stubborn, he is not truly a fool. His intelligence is normal, and one could even say he is quite gifted in certain aspects..."

"You have spent so many years together, and for a very long time, you were inseparable. You think you understand him very well, but he understands you just as well. Perhaps, he saw many things you did, but he just didn't care..."

"You wanted to avoid this answer just now because you felt that compared to exposing you to your face, or reporting you to Odin, his act of not caring made you feel even more uncomfortable."

"So now, ask yourself, of all the things you have done, do you truly want to hurt Thor, want to kill him, replace him, or is it just that you want to garner more attention?"

"I..." Loki subconsciously wanted to deny this answer, "Don't joke around. How could I possibly want to garner his attention? He doesn't have a brain at all; he has always been just a brute..."

"Is that so? Then when I asked you how you, as Thor, view Loki, why were you unwilling to say that answer?"

Loki fell silent again, but he was no longer trembling like that; he just paused in the same posture.

"He might indeed not have cared." The breathy tone in Loki's words became more pronounced, and this sentence was blended into a sigh. He revealed a somewhat self-deprecating smile and said: "At least when I was a child, those pranks of mine were not meticulous at all; I was simply messing with him."

"I remember, several times, Thor's companions saw that it was me, and because of that, they hated me even more, but Thor didn't say anything."

"I know he didn't fail to see it..." Loki's tone became somewhat puzzled: "But why was I so convinced at the time that he didn't see it?"

"Perhaps it is because you could not accept that he saw it, but simply didn't care." Shiler said.

Loki fell silent.

"Alright, now let's add some extra conditions to this situation. You are still you—that is to say, your current appearance, physique, strength, and abilities—but you are still Odin's favorite eldest son, the heir to Asgard..."

Before Shiler finished speaking, Loki said: "No, this is impossible, I..."

"Asgard would not have such an heir; my physical strength is too weak..."

"I am not Odin, and this is not the coronation ceremony, so my words don't count."

"This is just a hypothesis. Since it is a hypothesis anyway, why talk about logic?"

Loki was speechless and could only nod.

"Alright, as you said, you have various shortcomings, some of which are even fatal, such as lacking the physique that Asgardians are proud of. Odin sees these shortcomings, and the people of Asgard see them too, but you still became the heir to Asgard. Odin cares for you deeply, and no matter what trouble you cause, he is willing to clean it up for you..."

"So, in this situation, how would Thor view you?"

"He..." Loki seemed to have a complete sentence he wanted to say directly, but after the first word came out, he was choked up.

"Don't doubt what you are thinking now; Thor would certainly be jealous of you too. No matter how much, this emotion must exist."

Shiler made another gesture and said: "You might often think that Thor has so many shortcomings, that he acts without thinking, only knows how to charge head-on, and doesn't consider the consequences, making him an unreasonable fool."

"But if the identities were swapped, Thor should also think that your physique is so weak that you can't even pick up a divine artifact, that you cannot charge to the front in battle, that you cannot set an example as a general, and that you lack the heroic qualities of an Asgardian..."

"You see, this world is just like this. When you cannot become the other person and cannot do their things in their position, you will always feel that the other person is unworthy of their position."

"Some of his shortcomings will be infinitely magnified in your eyes, and then you will use these shortcomings to fantasize that if you were in that position, you would do better than him."

"But when you truly reach that position, your shortcomings will also be magnified, and whether the strengths you are proud of can handle the trouble caused by your shortcomings remains an unknown."

"So?" Loki looked at Shiler and said: "Are you trying to say that even if I were in Thor's position, I wouldn't do better than him?"

Shiler shook his head and said: "No, I am just telling you that it is very normal for you to be jealous of your brother, to resent your father for being unfair, and to feel that the Asgardians have no eye for talent. These emotions are very normal."

"If you and Thor swapped positions, these emotions would still exist. Thor might not have emotions as delicate as yours, but he absolutely could not be completely immune to these emotions."

"If you don't believe me, then think about him now. In a sense, the current situation is that your statuses have been swapped. Do you think Thor is really not jealous at all about your sudden promotion? Do you think he is really magnanimous enough to not care at all that Odin gave you the glory that originally belonged to him?"

"Since he would also be jealous and resentful, then there is actually no difference between the two of you. It is not because you are narrow-minded or mentally unstable that you have these negative emotions; this is just human nature."

"I made this hypothesis..." Shiler paused, picked up his water cup and took a sip, then continued: "... just to tell you that the tangled mess of emotions in your heart right now—including jealousy, resentment, shock, confusion, bewilderment, helplessness, etc. —is actually very common."

"So you don't need to make self-defeating inferences, such as Thor and Odin being glorious, righteous good people, while you are a dark and despicable villain who can only hide in a corner to release negative emotions, or have some more extreme thoughts of wanting to bring this pain to others..."

Shiler put down the water cup, looked into Loki's eyes, and said: "I just said you were like a dog chasing after meat scraps, but the conclusion is that if Thor were given a collar, he might chase even more happily than you." ===== CHAPTER 233 =====