Chapter 42: The Good Child

Once, Xia Liang had always remembered one phrase: only good children are loved.

It came from when she was young, when her parents still loved each other and life was still happy—her mother had said to her: "Is our little puppy good? Only good children are loved, and Mommy loves good children."

"Little puppy" was her nickname back then, because whenever she got angry, she liked to bite people; so whenever she opened her mouth, her parents would laugh and say, "The little puppy's biting again."

Xia Liang felt she wasn't a puppy, and that she could be very good; from then on, she rarely bit people when angry.

She became the good child in the eyes of her parents and relatives.

At home, she was well-behaved and affectionate; her sweet smile made her parents dote on her; in social settings, she was sensible and graceful, and elders always praised her; at school, she was obedient and diligent, the example teachers told other students to follow.

The more she strove to be well-behaved and sensible, the more her life seemed full and happy, and Xia Liang gradually grew accustomed to it. But everything changed years later.

She didn't know whether the cause was her father's words about "finding another job" or her mother's talk of "being swindled out of a large sum of money," but from then on, she rarely saw smiles on her parents' faces.

Her father would always come home with a gloomy expression, her mother would constantly sigh and become angrier more often.

Whenever this happened, Xia Liang would step forward, trying to make them happy, to make them smile.

At first, this method worked a little; when she acted sweet and well-behaved, her parents would muster the energy to smile along with her. But over time, no matter how hard she tried, it became useless.

She found it strange—was it because she wasn't good enough, that she couldn't make her parents happy anymore?

Then one day, she discovered her mother had started taking money out of the house.

Her mother said she could earn money back, but aside from the first few times when she brought money home, the money she took away never returned.

Her father began coming home less and less; even when he did, he argued with her mother, shouting that she was a "gambling ruin," while she accused him of being "unemployed and having an affair."

At that time, Xia Liang didn't fully understand these words; she knew gambling and affairs were bad things, but she'd never imagined they'd happen in her own home.

She gathered her courage and decided, for the first time, not to be a good child—she resolved to oppose her parents, to plead with them not to fight, because constant fighting would ruin their relationship.

But this attempt failed; her parents ignored her, only scolding her to "go away."

So Xia Liang became a good child again. No matter how much they argued, she no longer tried to stop them; she simply kept showing them her smile.

She continued studying hard at school, bringing home many awards, hoping her good behavior would make her parents a little happier. But these awards were eventually thrown on the table like trash.

Then one day, as her parents' argument escalated into a physical fight, the awards were soaked by spilled boiling water, the writing on them completely blurred.

Later, her father began hitting her mother, then demanded divorce.

He said he was done with a woman like her, that he had new love, that he would choose his own happiness.

Her mother unquestionably refused, because she hadn't yet proven she was the pillar of this family, hadn't yet recovered the money she'd lost; she believed her father bore equal responsibility.

Household items were sold off, the parents' disputes grew fiercer, and Xia Liang could only watch them fight from behind the door crack, then return to finish her homework.

—She had to be a good child, because only good children are loved.

Later, one night, she heard her father roaring.

He said: "Why are you touching my private money? I'll beat you to death, you bitch!"

Her mother screamed back: "If you've got the guts, try hitting me!"

And then they really did. With the dull thuds, roars, and screams, when Xia Liang cautiously peered out from the door, she saw only her mother standing there, knife in hand, drenched in blood, while her father lay motionless at her feet.

"Come here."

These were the first words her mother said upon seeing Xia Liang.

Xia Liang felt fear. Because her mother's voice held no warmth, and the knife in her hand was gripped tightly.

But she was a good child, and her mother loved good children, so she had to obey.

She walked over.

Her mother stabbed her with the knife.

It hurt terribly, it was unbearable, but Xia Liang still remembered she had to be a good child, so though she cried out in pain, she held back her tears.

Police who broke in took her mother away, and also took Xia Liang, barely alive.

In the end, as she watched her mother being led away, she struggled to show her mother the same ingratiating smile she'd always worn.

—"Stop smiling like such a fool."

Her mother said: "It's disgusting."

In that moment, something inside Xia Liang seemed to shatter, leaving only a black, bottomless void.

Thus, she lost her parents.

No relatives wanted to raise her; somehow, relatives who once frequently visited her home had stopped all contact with the family.

Xia Liang became a child no one wanted.

She didn't want to leave home, but no one was willing to raise her, so she lived alone in that house, surviving on city government subsidies.

At school, classmates who had already disliked and shunned her for being "other people's good child" somehow learned the rumor; they loudly shouted that her mother was a murderer, turned it into a rhyme, and chanted it whenever they saw Xia Liang.

The school teachers were powerless; no matter how much they scolded in class, they couldn't control the children's private behavior—until the day elementary school ended and all the children graduated, when the teacher spoke to Xia Liang with a tone of frustrated disappointment:

"They're all like this—why are you still smiling, you silly child?"

Why was she still smiling? Xia Liang herself didn't know.

Rather, had she even been smiling all along?

There was no one left to show her smile to, and no matter how hard she tried to be good, it meant nothing—but she still did it unconsciously.

Thus, when she entered middle school, because of the rumors from elementary school, no one wanted to be her friend.

No matter how hard Xia Liang flattered or tried to please, everyone only avoided her in fear.

The only ones willing to accept her were the others' so-called "bad girls" and "delinquents"; they thought it was cool that her mother had killed someone and gone to prison.

"But you look so uncool."

They said: "If you want to join us, first fix yourself up?"

So Xia Liang learned to wear makeup.

If dressing well would make them accept her, she dressed; if acting frivolously matched their ideas, she imitated; if money was needed for them to take her seriously, she gave it to them.

She wanted to be accepted, to receive care, to hear comfort, to have intimate relationships, to have "love."

The void within her heart could not be filled; like a dying person clutching at straw, she followed the footsteps of these "friends," only begging them to look back at her once.

Until she reached the edge of the mire, where she saw her friends standing within it, waving to her.

She began to want to refuse, to retreat, yet she was firmly entangled, some unknown force pushing her, wanting to shove her into it.

There was no way back.

Just as she had given up, deciding to calmly accept that future, another force from behind her firmly pulled her.

Then, someone grabbed her wrist and pulled her from the boundless darkness up into the azure sky.

That brilliant blue was the color of the sky, as clear as the pair of eyes facing her.

She asked herself thus:

"Do you want to be a Magical Girl?"