Chapter 43: The Privilege Named

The act of "becoming a magical girl" was like a beam of light that shone into Xia Liang's original life, allowing her to find a way out for self-rescue.

So much so that she agreed without any hesitation, not even considering what she might have to give in return.

"Because for me, that was the first time in so many years I felt the sensation of being needed."

Looking at Senior Cuique, Xia Liang's eyes flickered slightly: "I was very lucky to receive your invitation, Little Lu and Little Senior, at that time. Becoming a magical girl was a delightful surprise for me, an experience like a dream."

"Then, why do you feel troubled now?" Senior Cuique nodded, maintaining her silence as she continued to ask. However, after hearing the "story" from Xia Liang's mouth, her heart was far from as calm as her appearance suggested.

The reason she did not immediately offer words of comfort was that she understood very clearly: for Xia Liang to have walked from the past to today and maintained her current character, rather than being completely swallowed by past experiences and a dark life, she must have been tempered in her mind and heart. Such a person did not need "pity."

She was telling her this story not to seek such useless emotions. In the face of personal suffering, pity is merely the most flimsy, most irresponsible cheap kindness.

If she and Xia Liang were strangers, and she had only learned of a tragic event through social news, she would have expressed her sympathy without hesitation; but she knew Xia Liang. Xia Liang was a magical girl she had selected for the future team of Fang Ting City and her daughter, a child truly existing before her, waiting for guidance, and she had to help the other person concretely.

"Why am I still troubled? To be honest, I am also very confused about my own feelings right now."

Answering along with Senior Cuique's words, Xia Liang involuntarily touched her chest lightly, her expression blank: "I am undoubtedly feeling happy; this month of life has been more meaningful than my previous year. It's just, where does this sense of emptiness come from?"

... Perhaps the essence is still "loneliness"?

Senior Cuique remained silent but made a judgment in her heart.

Putting herself in Xia Liang's position, if she were living alone in this house that simultaneously held memories of both happiness and misfortune. After ending her activities as a magical girl each day, she would still have to face loneliness upon returning. Thinking about it, she too would feel lonely.

Since that was the case, she knew what she should say.

"Xiao Jin."

After pondering and organizing her words, Senior Cuique spoke: "What are your feelings toward your mother right now?"

Undoubtedly, the person who influenced Xia Liang the most during her growth was her biological mother. However, the concept of "being a good child" instilled by her biological mother had, in turn, led to Xia Liang's current doubts about herself.

Senior Cuique believed she might not be able to eradicate the influence of this concept on Xia Liang in a few words, but at the very least, she had to tell her what was truly right.

"My mother? To be honest, I don't quite understand it either."

Pondering Senior Cuique's question, Xia Liang lowered her head in a daze: "Perhaps I still have some lingering attachment to her? That's why I kept trying to get an answer from her, but since then, no matter how many times I went to the prison, she was completely unwilling to see me."

"Then, allow me to be presumptuous."

Changing her posture to sit upright, Senior Cuique looked at Xia Liang with a solemn expression: "I believe that what your mother said is wrong."

"... Many people have said this sentence to me."

Xia Liang lifted her head and gave a dry laugh: "But no one has ever explained why. What do you think, Little Senior?"

"Because 'being well-behaved' and 'being loved' have no causal relationship." Senior Cuique's face was cold, but her tone was very serious.

This was a train of thought she had to help Xia Liang clarify, to make her clearly recognize the distinction between the two.

"Haha, that's true. Although I actually thought of this level of thing long ago."

After being stunned for a moment, Xia Liang said somewhat bitterly: "I actually knew it, but being obedient was useless. If I had stood up a bit earlier before that day, maybe I wouldn't have had to become a child without a home? To put it bluntly, back then I was just satisfying and comforting myself."

"Human hearts are inherently complex, so do not blame yourself for such things. You have already done very well."

Shaking her head, Senior Cuique interrupted her self-pity: "Besides that, what I want to say is that being well-behaved is not wrong; a good child should be praised and commended. But at the same time, actually, 'willfulness' is the privilege of a child."

"Willfulness?" Xia Liang was stunned for an instant.

"Willfulness." Senior Cuique affirmed calmly.

Her eyes widening slightly, Xia Liang asked in confusion: "But won't willfulness make adults feel annoyed and then dislike you?"

"You are imagining adults too one-sidedly."

Senior Cuique pressed down with one hand, signaling her to listen patiently: "Constant willfulness does make people dislike you, that's true, but appropriate willfulness is actually a form of pleasing. One might even say it is a way of acting spoiled."

"Eh?" Xia Liang exclaimed in shock, "Even if you say that..."

"A child who is too well-behaved, because they never act willfully and never express their desires, appears too perfect and idealized, which in turn makes rotten adults feel their own incompetence."

Lowering her eyes, Senior Cuique explained slowly: "In front of such a sensible child, one feels completely unable to feel like a competent adult; one even needs the child to coax them, as if one were the completely insensible child."

"If it were an ordinary parent, it would be fine; they would reflect on whether they had shortcomings; but if a person's heart has been completely gathered by darkness, they will only alienate, reject, and even feel annoyed by such a child."

"If I were to speculate rashly, your mother, I imagine, ended up with feelings like that. When you tried to comfort her, it actually stimulated her self-esteem."

"So you are actually not wrong; your mother was not competent enough. When you two were in the roles of mother and daughter, she failed far more than you did."

Having finished this long speech, Senior Cuique saw that Xia Liang was trying to understand, so she stopped speaking, giving her some time to digest.

Xia Liang, in her repeated thinking, discovered that she did not even know how to refute Senior Cuique.

"... In that case, what exactly should I do?"

After a long silence, she said in a low voice: "Even if I realize these things now, I can no longer make amends."

"I have already said it; this itself is not your fault, so how can there be any question of making amends?"

Feeling a bit of a headache regarding Xia Liang's obsession with this matter, Senior Cuique sighed: "If you really feel you cannot let go, then store it properly and look forward first."

Xia Liang remained silent, looking at her with some confusion.

"As I said before, how about learning to be willful first?"

Senior Cuique softened her tone and raised her index finger: "Not blindly accommodating with a smile, but learning to be a bit selfish and consider yourself."

"That sounds a bit difficult."

Xia Liang smiled along, showing a look of difficulty: "And even if I want to learn to be willful, how should I do it?"

"You can show your true feelings more to your teammates: Bai Mei and me."

Senior Cuique turned her raised index finger, pointing it at herself: "Even right now, I am here."

"What?"

"I am an adult who can accept and tolerate willfulness, so you can use me as a target to try speaking out the words you usually suppress in your heart. I will not dislike you because of such things."

Senior Cuique gave her analysis calmly: "Whether you think my teaching is strict or my attitude is too cold, say them out first. Even if I might not accept them, this will surely help us understand each other."

"Oh, how amazing!"

Hearing such words, Xia Liang showed an expression named "admiration" for the first time tonight, and even her tone rose slightly: "Little Senior, when you speak like that, you really sound like an adult!"

"There is no 'sound like'; I am originally an adult, much older than you." Senior Cuique said, lowering her eyelids.

"Then, how exactly should we begin?" Seemingly deliberately ignoring Cuique's remark, Xia Liang, having found a new target, began to ponder.

"Let's start with daily life. Whether it's school or fellow Magical Girls, do you feel any dissatisfaction?" Cuique offered her suggestion.

"I, feel..."

Xia Liang tilted her gaze upward, appearing to think very hard: "I feel... I'm being ostracized?"

"At school?"

"... No, it's within the squad." Xia Liang stole a glance at Cuique.

"The squad?"

Only after waiting several seconds did Cuique realize what Xia Liang meant; she raised an eyebrow: "Ostracized? Why do you feel that way?"

"Probably because Xiaolu is a bit biased. No, Senior Xiaolu, you are biased too?"

As if having cleared some mental hurdle, Xia Liang clapped her hands and stated affirmatively: "Yes, both of you are biased!"

"Senior Xiaolu, although you always seem cold to everyone, you always care a bit more about Xiaolu; Xiaolu is even worse, she is so enthusiastic toward Senior Xiaolu, but toward me she is always fierce!"

Xia Liang widened her eyes, her speech rate quickening: "Although I think her being like that is interesting, being treated like that occasionally makes me feel sad!"

It's precisely because you find it "interesting" to provoke her anger that you are being ostracized like this, right?

Resisting the urge to think such thoughts aloud, Cuique looked at Xia Liang with some bewilderment, weighed her words, and agreed with her idea:

"Bai Mei and I have known each other longer, so indeed we are more familiar with each other."

"I don't feel it's that kind of reason; the degree to which you and Xiaolu care for each other is absolutely not that simple."

Rarely showing an expression of dissatisfaction, Xia Liang furrowed her brow: "Xiaolu said you saved her, so she admires you very much. What about you, Senior Xiaolu? You say you are a my lord, a mature Magical Girl. Speaking of which, Xiaolu mentioned before that her father apparently plans to remarry..."

Upon saying this, Xia Liang, as if realizing something, covered her mouth in some terror.

But by this time, making such a gesture was clearly too late; Cuique had already moved three steps in two to stand before her and gave her a sharp flick on the forehead.

"It hurts!" Xia Liang cried out in agony.

"Random slander does not fall under the category of 'willfulness'; speaking recklessly requires paying a price."

Cuique sat back on the sofa, arms crossed: "This strike was a warning; I didn't use much force, but next time it might not be the same."

"I won't dare next time." Xia Liang held her forehead.

"Anyway, I admit the problem you mentioned exists. So, what do you want?"

Bringing the topic back to its original track, Cuique continued: "To learn willfulness, one must first face one's true thoughts. You feel I am biased; then how do you want me to change?"

"Let me think..."

Xia Liang pondered her answer: "When there are problems during regular lessons, ask me too? Don't only ask Xiaolu?"

"I will pay attention." Cuique nodded.

"And, when you discover a Remnant Beast, don't always notify me last!"

"... I apologize."

"During the study session just now, actually, I still didn't understand many things!"

"I will teach you."

"When I do well in my mana cultivation, praise me more, because I actually work very hard!"

"And also, and also..."

As if opening a floodgate, having thought of the first point, Xia Liang immediately proposed a string of requests that sounded quite troublesome.

Some of these requests were indeed areas where Cuique had not performed well in daily life; others were trivial trifles. If she hadn't voiced them now, Cuique would never have noticed such thoughts in her.

Although the usual Xia Liang seemed to speak her mind freely whenever she wished, it was obvious that this "freedom" was also the result of inner deliberation.

The one now listing out these small issues one by one was the true her, with her heart's door truly opened.

Xia Liang summarized thus, while Cuique occasionally offered her own comments on the side, until she had finished every item she could think of.

"And the most important item!"

Xia Liang lifted her head, the smile on her face more genuine than at any time before: "I, want to have an even better, closer relationship with Xiaolu and Senior Xiaolu!"

"Closer?"

This request made Cuique feel slightly puzzled; she then explained: "Fellow Magical Girls are originally very close comrades-in-arms. As your experiences fighting side by side increase in the future, and even your strength reaches my level, our relationship is destined to be very close."

"No, not that kind of closeness!"

Xia Liang gestured with her hands: "Clearly, fellow Magical Girls are an important relationship; it should be better than ordinary friends, right? I want that kind of more affectionate, more heart-warming..."

... more capable of making up for the "love" missing due to the shattering of her family.

Understanding the meaning she wished to convey, Cuique added a sentence for her in her heart.

Lacking love, craving love, Xia Liang, who has always been pursuing connection with others, still cannot feel "love" now. Therefore, she still feels lonely.

What she wanted to get from Cuique and Lin Xiaolu was not just comradeship, not just the bond between teacher and student, but the family affection that could replace the void of a family.

Perhaps this was already her clearest expression in her innocence: she seemed to hope that this current Magical Girl squad could become her next "home".

Having known each other for only a month yet making such an excessive request could be said to be fully "willful".

"Then, how exactly does the closeness you mention need to be manifested?"

Cuique propped herself up on the sofa, listening to Xia Liang's words.

But precisely because of Xia Liang's almost paranoid thoughts, she felt that the girl before her was a true child, with many immature thoughts still in her heart.

Hearing Cuique's question, Xia Liang paused for a moment, then clasped her hands together, revealing a sweet and obedient smile.

"I already said it before, Senior Xiaolu."

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at Cuique as if in prayer:

"Tonight, let's sleep together, shall we?"