Chapter 480: Fan Fiction 31: Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio Series — Lord Akai-sama

Fan Fiction 31: Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio Series — Lord Akai-sama

"The Divine Coin of the Huai River"

In the Jianyan era, a man named Zhang San in Huainan made his living by fishing.

One day, as he went downstream along the river, he encountered a fish that leaped from the water onto his boat.

The fisherman was overjoyed.

This fish was crimson all over, nine inches long, and its mouth could not close.

Inside it was a strange object — a coin.

He took it out to examine it; it shone like silver.

On one side, there was a strange symbol, inscribed with the words "People's Bank of China Yuan."

On the other side, a chrysanthemum was carved, lifelike in its detail.

The fisherman was delighted, and boasted about it to everyone he met.

As time passed, this matter reached the county magistrate, who sent someone to take it.

Greatly astonished, he sighed and said, "This is no ordinary object of the mortal world!"

It was sent as tribute to the capital, and its whereabouts became unknown.

Some said it was lost.

Some said a prince in the capital had embezzled it, after which its whereabouts were unknown.

At the end of the Song dynasty, there was a rebellion in Huainan; a man called himself "Immortal of the Divine Coin," with banners bearing the character "Yuan," and raised a revolt.

—From *Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio*, by Pu Songling

Translation of "The Divine Coin of the Huai River":

During the Jianyan era of the Song dynasty, there was a man named Zhang San in Huainan who made his living by fishing in the Huai River.

One day, as he went downstream along the river, he encountered a fish that leaped from the water onto his boat. Zhang San was ecstatic.

He went up to look and found that this fish was entirely crimson, about nine inches long, but its mouth could not close.

It turned out that there was a silver coin inside the fish's mouth.

On one side of the silver coin was a strange symbol, inscribed with the words "People's Bank of China Yuan."

On the other side, a chrysanthemum was carved, lifelike in its detail.

The fisherman was very happy, took the silver coin home, and boasted about its miraculous nature to everyone he met.

As time passed, this matter reached the county magistrate's ears.

The magistrate sent someone to demand the coin, was astonished beyond measure, and sighed, saying, "This silver coin is no object of the mortal world!"

Later, this coin became a tribute item, was sent to the capital, and its whereabouts became unknown.

Some said it was lost; some said it was embezzled by a certain commandery prince in the capital, after which its whereabouts were unknown.

At the end of the Song dynasty, there was a man in Huainan who called himself "Immortal of the Divine Coin," with the title "Yuan," and raised a revolt. Who knows what connection it had to that divine coin?

"Scholar Zhang"

In the seventeenth year of the Song Jianyan era, there was a scholar named Zhang in Jimo. After recovering from a serious illness, he asked his wife what year it was.

His wife replied, "It is now the seventeenth year of Jianyan."

Scholar Zhang asked in doubt, "Who is the Son of Heaven? Is it Gou?"

His wife was startled, and seeing no one around, she said, "How can you speak the sovereign's personal name so directly!"

Scholar Zhang asked again, "Where have the Jin people gone?"

His wife laughed and said, "Seven years ago, they were destroyed as a state and a race; now they are called Qing."

Scholar Zhang was puzzled, inquired about many matters, and was overjoyed.

He said to his wife, "The sovereign is my fellow townsman; we are about to prosper!"

He then took his wife and children to the capital, saying on the way that he and the sovereign were from the same hometown, disparaging the Song Ancestor's literary talent as mere plagiarism and his achievements as mediocre, claiming that he too could sweep the world clean.

Later, he encountered bandits and that was the end of him.

Throughout the ages, have there ever been only one such contemptible clown?

—From *Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio*, by Pu Songling

Translation of "Scholar Zhang":

In the seventeenth year of the Song Jianyan era, there was a scholar named Zhang in Jimo. After waking from a serious illness, he asked his wife what time it was.

His wife replied, "It is now the seventeenth year of Jianyan."

Scholar Zhang asked in doubt, "Who is the Son of Heaven? Is it Zhao Gou?"

His wife was startled.

Seeing no one around, she said, "How can you speak the sovereign's name directly!"

Scholar Zhang asked again, "Where have the Jin people gone?"

His wife laughed and said, "Seven years ago, they were destroyed as a state and a race; now they are called Qing."

Scholar Zhang was puzzled, went to inquire about many past events, and was overjoyed.

He said to his wife, "The sovereign is my fellow townsman; we are about to make it big."

He then took his family to Yanjing, saying on the way that he and the sovereign were from the same hometown, disparaging Song Shizu's literary talent as nothing but plagiarism and his achievements as mediocre, claiming that he too could sweep the world clean.

Later, on the road, they encountered bandits, and he met his end.

Throughout the ages, have there ever been only one such contemptible clown?

"The Cat in the Well"

In Bozhou, Huainan, there was a temple called "Mingdao Palace."

In the courtyard was a well called the "Nine-Dragon Well." Song Shizu once fell into this well and received from the Daoist Ancestor three volumes of military strategy bestowed by heaven.

In the first year of the Jianyan era, a civet cat appeared in a well, its form resembling a human, at times majestic, at times sorrowful.

The attendants, finding it strange, reported it to the Captain Yang Yizhong, who was greatly alarmed and ordered his attendants to shoot arrows.

The civet cat wrote "I am Zhao Gou" before dying, and then its corpse vanished without a trace.

In the Hongwu era, a scholar named Yang passed by and lodged at the Mingdao Temple.

That night he dreamed of a man in a red robe who shouted

"I am Zhao Gou! Yang Yizhong wronged me! Give me back my life!"

Scholar Yang woke up, dared not sleep again, and fled at dawn the next day.

—From *Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio* by Pu Songling

Translation of "The Civet Cat in the Well":

In Bozhou, Huainan, there was a temple shrine called the Mingdao Temple.

In the courtyard there was a well named the "Nine-Dragon Well," where the Song Shizu fell into the well and dreamed of the Daoist Patriarch transmitting three volumes of military strategy.

In the first year of the Jianyan era, a civet cat appeared in the well, its form very much like a human, at times majestic, at times sorrowful.

The attending guards found it strange and reported it to the Commander-in-Chief Yang Yizhong, who was greatly alarmed and ordered a volley of arrows to shoot it dead.

After the civet cat wrote "I am Zhao Gou" in the well before dying, its corpse disappeared.

During the Hongwu era of the Ming Dynasty, a scholar surnamed Yang passed by and lodged at the Mingdao Temple.

At night he dreamed of a man in a red robe who roared

"I am Zhao Gou! Yang Yizhong harmed me! Give me back my life!"

Scholar Yang woke with a start, dared not sleep again, and fled the Mingdao Temple early the next morning.

"The Three Zhao"

During the Wanli era, in Huguang there was a scholar named Yuan Zongdao, who held the office of Vice Director.

When young, Yuan admired poetry and fiction, and often said to others,

"The literary spirit of the world has never surpassed the Three Cao, the Three Su, and the Three Zhao. I wish to hold a banquet to invite the talented men of antiquity."

That night,

Yuan heard a commotion in the courtyard and ordered a servant to look, but after calling several times no servant answered, so he angrily threw on a robe and went to the courtyard to see.

He saw a banquet in the courtyard, with wine and dishes fully prepared.

Six people were seated, three on the left and three on the right.

Those on the left wore Han-dynasty clothing; the eldest among them was short in stature with narrow, long eyes, yet possessed an imperial majesty.

Those on the right wore Song-dynasty scholar's robes; the eldest among them had a dignified appearance and an elegant, literary air.

Scholar Yuan, finding this strange, stepped forward and bowed, asking,

"Your disciple Yuan Zongdao does not know the names of these several elders?"

The elder on the left stroked his beard and said with a smile,

"I am the Prince of Wei, Cao Mengde. Hearing that you, sir, were hosting a banquet, I have come specially to beg a cup of wine."

Then another man on the right was heard to say,

"I never thought that Su Shi would today encounter this shameless traitor to Han!"

The two sides began to argue.

Yuan, realizing these were the Three Cao and the Three Su, hurried forward to mediate, and then the seven of them entered the banquet together.

After the banquet,

Yuan asked curiously,

"Since all six elders have arrived, where are the Three Zhao emperors?"

Su Shi stroked his beard and replied with a smile,

"The Three Zhao are writing novels and have no time to come down to the mortal world for a banquet."

It turned out that the Heavenly Emperor had long been pressing them for their books,

and the Three Zhao emperors were writing novels day and night without rest.

Yuan sighed and said,

"Indeed, writing novels is the most bitter task in the world!"

The rest of the night passed without further words.

The next morning at dawn,

Yuan woke up lying in the courtyard, with cups and dishes scattered all around, as if a banquet had been held there the night before; his servants and maids were all astonished.

Yuan explained to them, "I entertained some revered elders as guests last night, and it was late, so I did not call you."

The servants were moved and then cleaned up.

In the middle of the Wanli era,

in Jingzhou there was a scholar named Wu,

who every night dreamed of a man in a red robe telling him *The Miscellaneous Records of the Journey to the West Subduing Demons*.

Scholar Wu, unable to bear the disturbance, revised the story and named it *Journey to the West*.

When the book was completed, the man in the red robe said to him in a dream,

"You and I have not let each other down."

Scholar Wu was startled, tears streaming down his face as he said, "This concubine has failed His Majesty!"

And this book was published throughout the land,

and everyone in the world said that this Scholar Wu was the reincarnation of Imperial Consort Wu, and that the Song Shizu, to compensate for Consort Wu not having obtained the position of Empress in life, had entrusted this dream to complete the book and win fame in the world.

The world says that the authors of *Journey to the West* and *The Journey to the West Subduing Demons* are both "Wu Chengen."

——"Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio" · Pu Songling

"Three Zhao" translation:

During the Wanli era of the Great Ming, there was a scholar named Yuan Zongdao from Huguang, who held the office of Vice Director.

In his youth, Yuan Zongdao admired poetry and fiction, and often told his friends, "The finest literary talent under heaven is none other than the Three Cao, the Three Su, and the Three Zhao. How I wish I could lay out a feast and invite these ancient masters of letters."

One night, Yuan Zongdao heard a commotion in the courtyard,

so he rose and shouted for a servant to investigate,

but after calling several times, no servant answered. Angry, he threw on his robe and went into the courtyard to see for himself.

There he saw a banquet already underway in the courtyard, with wine and dishes all laid out.

He also saw six men standing in two rows, left and right.

The three on the left wore Han dynasty attire; the eldest among them was short in stature with narrow, elongated eyes, yet he carried the imposing air of an emperor.

The three on the right wore the scholar's garb of the Song dynasty; the eldest among them stood tall and dignified, exuding an aura of culture.

Yuan was astonished at heart,

stepped forward to bow and greet them,

saying, "Your junior Yuan Zongdao pays his respects. May I ask how I should address you esteemed elders?"

The elder on the left stroked his beard and laughed heartily, saying,

"I am Cao Mengde, Prince of Wei. Hearing that you have a banquet here with an invitation, I have come specially to beg a cup of wine."

Immediately after, one of the men on the right burst out cursing,

"I never thought that I, Su, would encounter a shameless traitor to Han like you today!"

The two sides then fell into a heated argument.

Yuan Zongdao realized that the Three Cao and the Three Su had graced him with their presence. He hurried forward to mediate, reconciling both parties, and then the seven of them entered the feast together.

After the banquet ended, Yuan Zongdao asked curiously,

"Since all six of you esteemed elders have come, where are the three Zhao lords?"

Su Shi stroked his beard and smiled,

"The Three Zhao are still typing away; they have no time to descend to the mortal world for a banquet."

It turned out that the Jade Emperor was desperate for updates to his novels, so the three Zhao lords were up in heaven writing day and night without any rest.

Yuan Zongdao sighed with emotion,

"So writing fiction is truly the most arduous task in the world!"

The night passed without further words.

The next day,

Yuan Zongdao woke up to find himself sleeping in the courtyard, with cups and plates scattered all around, as if someone had held a banquet there the night before.

The servants were all astonished, and Yuan Zongdao told them,

"It was some revered elders of mine who came as guests. It was too late last night, so I didn't call you up."

The servants marveled at their master's generosity, then began to clean up.

Later, during the Wanli era,

there was a scholar surnamed Wu in Jingzhou,

who every night would dream of a man in a red robe telling him the "Miscellaneous Records of the Journey to the West and the Subjugation of Demons,"

Unable to bear this harassment, the scholar Wu altered the story within,

and named it "Journey to the West."

On the day the book was finished,

that night, the man in red said in the dream,

"Thus, you and I are now even, owing each other nothing."

The scholar Wu woke with a start, then wept without stopping, crying out,

"Your concubine has failed His Lordship!"

Afterwards, this book was published and sold throughout the nine provinces,

and everyone under heaven said that this scholar Wu was the reincarnation of Imperial Consort Wu,

and that Zhao Shizu, to make amends for Imperial Consort Wu not having obtained the position of Empress in her lifetime, had therefore appeared in a dream to have this book written, in order to salvage Lady Wu's reputation.

Later generations called both "Miscellaneous Records of the Journey to the West and the Subjugation of Demons" and "Journey to the West"

by the author "Wu Chengen."

"The Man in the Ear, Part Two"

Qu Duan, courtesy name Zhengfu, was one of the Eighteen Princes of the Jianyan era,

versed in both civil and military arts, skilled in sophistry.

When Qu Duan was young, he encountered an old Daoist and learned the art of guiding and pulling,

practicing it winter and summer without cease, which could make his ears and eyes clear and sharp,

and when trained to great completion, he could transform his ear into a person, with eyes that could see and a mouth that could speak.

Qu Duan was clever; he practiced for less than a year and had already reached great completion,

and his ear could transform into a person, chattering endlessly.

On New Year's Day of the fifth year of Jianyan,

Grand Councilor Zhang held a full-moon feast for his son and set up a banquet.

During the banquet, Qu Duan claimed not to know the affairs of Dongjing and wished to hear his colleagues discuss matters.

However, everyone heard a private muttering coming from Qu Duan's direction, as if someone else was speaking.

The crowd was astonished and asked Duan again,

"Military Governor, why do you keep disrupting the banquet without speaking?"

Duan smiled and said, "It's not me speaking—it's my ears speaking."

The crowd looked over and saw two small figures emerge from Duan's ears,

about three inches tall, their manner as arrogant as Qu Duan's usual self,

arms folded across their chests, yapping and snarling, utterly annoying.

The banquet guests all dispersed.

—From *Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio* by Pu Songling

Translation: *The Man in the Ear, Part Two*

Qu Duan, courtesy name Zhengfu,

was one of the eighteen princes of the Jianyan era, skilled in both civil and military arts, and adept at sophistry.

When Qu Duan was young, he once met an old Daoist priest,

and learned a form of qigong that he practiced winter and summer without cease,

which could sharpen his hearing and eyesight,

and when cultivated to completion, could transform his two ears into human form, with eyes to see and a mouth to speak.

Qu Duan was very clever; after less than a year of cultivation he had already reached completion, and his two ears could transform into humans, chattering endlessly.

On New Year's Day of the fifth year of Jianyan, Grand Councilor Zhang held a one-month celebration for his eldest son, inviting all the civil and military officials of the court to the banquet.

During the feast, Qu Duan claimed he was unwilling to speak much because he knew nothing of affairs in Dongjingcheng, preferring to listen to his colleagues discuss matters of state.

However, everyone heard a constant chattering coming from Qu Duan's direction, as if many people were speaking.

The crowd was astonished and asked Qu Duan again,

"Military Governor, if you're unwilling to speak, why do you keep disrupting the banquet?"

Qu Duan smiled and replied,

"It's not me speaking—it's my ears speaking."

The crowd looked over,

and saw two small figures leap out from Qu Duan's ears,

three inches tall, their manner as arrogant as Qu Duan's usual self, arms folded across their chests, yapping and snarling wildly, utterly detestable.

The banquet guests all left in displeasure.