Chapter 1: Eunuch 1 (Reincarnated as a Little Eunuch)

Eunuch 1 (Reincarnated as a Little Eunuch)

Jiang He didn't expect that he would end up reincarnated as a rootless eunuch.

To verify the situation, he deliberately reached out to feel; the emptiness in his hand finally confirmed reality, and he couldn't help but wear a sullen expression.

"System, get the hell out!" he shouted, his anger soaring, and said in a breakdown, "Where's my big treasure?"

The system sluggishly peeked its head out, confidently stating, "Host, don't hide it from me; this world has no fragments of the Lord God."

Jiang He's mind stalled for a moment, "What does this have to do with me?"

The system's two black bean‑sized eyes turned into blade‑like slices, its face full of contempt, "You want to cheat? Scumbag!"

Jiang He finally came to his senses, understanding the implication behind the system's words.

He glared impatiently at the floating sphere, "What the hell do you, an artificial idiot, know!"

The system muttered softly, "The Lord God is truly pitiful, developing genuine feelings while doing missions, only to be treated as a mission target, heartless and unfeeling. How tragic for the Lord God… Ahhh!!! If the Lord God gets a broken heart, could it trigger a massive spatial upheaval? Perhaps countless planes would explode and vanish, billions of lives would be scorched, souls turning into void…"

"In short, this is all the host's fault!" it concluded.

Jiang He ground his teeth, then slapped back, sending the system into the little dark room, adding, "Idiot."

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Jiang He pretended not to hear, and while the Sea of Knowledge was still online, he quickly took over the system's duties, browsing the world's missions.

After a while, his expression grew puzzled, "Why are the points for this mission so high?" Could it be because the mission taker is a eunuch, a compensation for the host? "Wait, has a host taken this mission before? Already failed twice?"

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The system, peeking from the little dark room, forced a smile and said, "So it's high points! This world's consciousness has already back‑tracked twice; a third back‑track would cause collapse. Host, you must succeed without failing… Hey hey hey, don't kick me, I'll go into the little dark room myself, I'm rolling in smoothly right now!"

Jiang He, unwilling to give up, reached out again for the non‑existent thing, let out a heavy sigh, and then cursed loudly in front of the little dark room.

【9】 Damn system, it can't understand a man's dignity at all!

Damn system, it doesn't understand a man's dignity at all!

The system cries on the surface while grumbling inside; it is a system, not a human, how could it grasp why a man's self‑respect must be propped up with two ounces of meat?

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Jiang He sighed and groaned for a while; he arrived too late, and the original host's treasure could no longer be saved.

Damn system, if it were a year earlier he would still be a man!

Jiang He is a top‑rated employee of the Quick‑Travel Bureau, having flawlessly completed many missions, and later met his wife—the Lord God of the Quick‑Travel Bureau—during a mission.

His wife's status is too lofty; he doesn't want to live off her, so he continues to work diligently.

Now Jiang He has become a eunuch, and this eunuch is also a mission taker in this world.

Before the age of seven, the original host was the youngest son of Marquis Dingyuan, a naive chubby boy whose mind was only about eating, from a prestigious family; his father and several uncles were heroic generals guarding the borders. As the most beloved junior among the elders, he felt no pressure—no need to practice martial arts daily or memorize scriptures; his only worry each day was his small stomach, unable to finish the abundant kitchen delicacies.

When he turned seven, the Marquis Dingyuan manor suddenly became a traitorous rebel household and was exterminated, wiping out nine clans.

In fact, the so‑called rebel traitors were merely too powerful, frightening the ruler.

A contingency left by the Jiang family allowed the original host to escape, but he hadn't expected to be betrayed.

The original host will never forget the informant cook's face; that chubby cook always wore a smile as bright as a blooming chrysanthemum, very amiable.

With no escape left, the original host had no choice but to masquerade as a beggar and become a eunuch inside the palace.

Then the original host activated the eunuch promotion mode: first he killed the Dog Emperor, installed a new emperor, but before the new ruler could settle on the dragon throne, the host slipped a poison, killing him, and then backed another… During this period the host sowed discord, harmed the loyal, and caused calamities without restraint. When the last infant emperor, still in diapers, ascended, the host was only a hundred years short of a ten‑thousand‑year reign.

In the end, Great Liang's realm was ruined by his meddling; foreign invaders poured in, and the nation fell completely cold.

Before the kingdom fell, he set himself ablaze. Reflecting on his life, he was filled with regret; in his youth he had received loyal‑to‑the‑ruler, patriotic education, dreaming of training martial arts and studying strategy like his fathers and brothers, fighting on battlefields, defending the nation. Though he always lost to delicacies, the heroes he admired most were those who defended Great Liang like his own kin…

The Dog Emperor's whole family wronged him, wronged the Jiang family, but the people of Great Liang Nation are innocent!

Yet he dragged countless innocent civilians into hell, leaving their families shattered, mountains and rivers ruined, corpses scattered in the wilderness unattended.

The original host's wish is simple: he wants revenge and a world of clear rivers and calm seas, with all nations paying tribute!

"Host, this world has already back‑tracked twice; the timed anchor points are faulty, the earliest you can revert to is the original host at eight years old," the system whispered. Many plane‑time anchors are problematic, which is why the points are so high.

If not for this, the Lord God wouldn't have entered the mission world personally, only to be pushed away by this dogged man, the host.

Jiang He chuckled at it, stubbornly thinking, though his flesh is no longer that of a man, his spirit remains immortal; he will regain double the masculine dignity through his actions!

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Winter's steps quietly recede, ice and snow melt, and the tender green grass stretching in the wind looks like a plush carpet that catches passersby's eyes.

After the grim winter, the fresh green of the grass becomes a rarity.

Within the majestic, splendid Huangong, the spring's brilliance is locked inside the greenhouse.

The greenhouse, burning charcoal, provides a comfortable environment for the delicate flowers, which bloom wildly in a riot of colors.

Jiang He's current role is a gardener tending the flowers and plants inside the Huangong; in winter, this job is far better than other departments, at least he can hide in the greenhouse to keep warm.

He watches the eunuchs outside, hunching their necks and shivering as they pass, deeply feeling the importance of his own skills.

Early spring arrives, still biting cold; the eunuchs' winter garments are still tightly wrapped, while the eager consorts are already shouting to admire the blossoms.

Spring's steps come slowly, peach buds just beginning to swell; the palace's consorts are even more enthusiastic about outings, donning bright, light spring attire in groups of three or five, while Yuhuayuan fills with warbler songs and swallow chatter—quite lively.

Unfortunately, Xiao Hezi has been targeted by Song Gonggong, and will probably become his forbidden meat.

The Jiang family's first requirement for marrying a daughter‑in‑law is that she runs fast!

The original host's looks are less handsome than beautiful—a gender‑ambiguous beauty, especially after losing the most vital male attribute; the drop in testosterone made his appearance even more stunningly unique.

Before seven, he was a chubby kid with eyes squinting into a slit and a triple chin; the Jiang family, being warriors, were all broad‑shouldered and strong, and their wives were tall and fit. Even if they weren't wielding swords on the battlefield, at least when the Hu people arrived, they could calmly finish their rituals, grab their children, and flee on horseback.

When these gardeners returned to work, their tasks suddenly increased because several consorts started fighting on the spot, damaging many plants.

These days, the elder men moving the flowers have the scent of medicinal wine on their arms, and the wood elder with a long donkey face furrows his brows.

She can drive away eunuchs, but she lacks the courage to expel concubines of equal or higher rank; she can only suppress her displeasure, gaze coldly at the lake, and pose as a lofty talented lady.

Outside the hall, the plants have just sprouted green, and the only place to view flowers is the tiny greenhouse, which is too small for all the consorts to make their grand entrances; even if they each take a turn, they can't finish.

This is also one reason the emperor cannot recognize him as the youngest son of Marquis Dingyuan.

The older elders remain silent; this Ning Cai Ren's behavior will certainly not go far!

Jiang He touched his own face; a face too beautiful was a trouble in the palace.

If the Jiang family were still alive, they would surely take Jiang He, whose looks differed from the Jiang family's style, as the family's face; who would have thought that a family all burly would produce a pretty boy like him!

The little eunuch sharing his room was annoyed, "This appearance still calls itself a cai ren? It doesn't even match half of Xiao Hezi's!"

Several eunuchs in the room looked at Song Gonggong with disgust, but no one dared to speak, for Song Gonggong's rank was higher than theirs, and he had even taken Huo Gonggong of the Kitchen Bureau as his foster father.

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Don't think eunuchs can't get things done without that bit of meat; often the most numerous and most perverse methods are still eunuchs'.

The original owner loathed his own appearance; to him, not being able to be a man was already a great shame, and his increasingly feminine face constantly reminded him of what price he had paid for revenge.

Therefore, following past custom, Yuhuayuan remained the default stage.

"Who knows? With that face of his, even being a eunuch wouldn't be a problem..."

The eunuchs moving the flowers knew that Mugonggong meant no harm; if any lady caught a whiff of their scent and it spoiled her flower‑viewing mood, the unlucky ones could only be them.

"You filthy, rootless scum, get lost, don't spoil Ning Cai Ren's flower‑viewing mood!"

Damn, there are so many women in the palace; nowhere is peaceful!

Jiang He lowered his gaze, attracted no attention, and quietly retreated to the shade by the road, hiding himself.

Feeling several hostile glances, he lowered his eyelids—what grudge, what feud? He kept being dragged into enmity!

Ning Cai Ren's lovely wish to enjoy Yuhuayuan's beautiful spring scenery alone, to lament spring and mourn autumn, was quickly shattered.

Under these circumstances, the babies born are all burly, each a reserve military officer.

But Emperor Liang Kang, being old like many aged emperors, had grown suspicious, decadent, and fond of pleasure; merely seeing the countless beauties that filled this vast Huangong shows he indulges in women, lacking the vigor of his youth.

He is only eight years old, so calling him a child is correct.

The gardeners placed pot after pot of brightly blooming flowers along both sides of the paths in Yuhuayuan; spring is exactly the season when myriad flowers blossom, and pot after pot of purple and red blooms make one feel delighted just looking at them.

The current Emperor of Great Liang—Liang Kang, now in his early fifties, was skilled and adept at balancing forces in his youth; anyone who upset the balance he eliminated, for example, by crushing the border barbarians and destroying the Jiang family, whose great power threatened the throne.

Working until the sun was about to set, Jiang He dragged his heavy steps back to the eunuchs' quarters in the Grand Dormitory.

"Look at Xiao Hezi, getting all smug again," whispered the two flower‑gardener eunuchs to each other.

Deep within the layered palace gates, in the crude eunuch's room, Jiang He glanced at his reflection in the water basin by the last light.

The eunuchs moved the flowers out of the greenhouse early in the morning and brought them back at night; the workload was heavy, so not only did those delicate flowers endure freezing and scorching, but the people did as well.

They were used to this; the emperor's favor was like a shooting star, and the beauties in the palace were like spring chives—each batch couldn't last a season.

Pointed chin, amorous peach‑blossom eyes, bright red lips…

A palace maid, nose in the air, drove the surrounding eunuchs away.

When he raised his head again to look at people, he broke into a pure, innocent smile, as if he were an oblivious child.

Jiang He lowered his eyelids, lest anyone notice the cold glint in his eyes.

The wives of the Jiang family basically came from military households, even including martial‑arts heroines; in short, their style differed greatly from that of the capital's beauties.

"Forget it; even if Xiao Hezi were a woman, she wouldn't get far," said Yang Gonggong, whose appearance was extremely masculine and untainted by any powder or perfume, and who would never be mistaken for a eunuch if you didn't know him, snorting coldly, "His nasty temper makes it seem as if everyone owes him money—just looking at him puts me in a bad mood."

In the palace, beauty is the foremost passport; with just a bit of wit, advancing one's prospects is not hard.

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"You must not have any scent on you when you're on duty tomorrow!" Mugonggong elongated his face, drooped his eyelids, and gave a cold glance to several burly eunuchs, "Learn from Xiao Hezi—fresh, pleasing to the eye, and clean."

Jiang He inopportunely recalled a crowded scenic spot.

"Don't linger too long in the greenhouse; your stench is fouling the orchids."

Song Gonggong's eyes seemed to want to strip Jiang He of his clothes as they fixed on his waist.

"I say, Xiao Hezi, even if you're as beautiful as a celestial maiden, without that bit of meat you're useless whether you're a woman or not," said Song Gonggong, who had a square face and ordinary features, mocking, "If you were a woman, we'd surely put you on an altar, but that face of yours is prettier than many consorts."

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